Lighten Up! - Embarrassing things I've done....




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Trixi
03-06-2004, 01:27 PM
I am starting this thread hoping that I am not the only one who has ever done something soooooo embarrassing that you stopped and thought to yourself.....I think I shouldn't be left alone ever!!!

This is my story (and it's true)

Last week I walking the four blocks to my bus stop. I have to cross a major intersection and I stopped to wait for the light to change (which can take forever) I started singing this song in my head that I really like. It's one of those songs that you can't get rid of. ( the song is by Ozzy and Kelly Ozbourne, called "Changes") Anyway there I was standing at the light singing this song in my head 'I'm going through changes....'and without looking I figured the light had changed (stupid me) I started to cross and all of the sudden there's this hugh streetch of tires and honking. The light had not changed yet and a car stopped about a foot from hitting me. It doesn't seem funny at this pont but read on.... I looked at the frightened driver (who's window was open) I said "I am soooooo sorry, I am a dumba$% and thank you for not killing me" I think he said something not very nice but I was in the wrong and don't hold that against him. Shaken up I walked the rest of the way to the bus stop.....Later that day on my way home I got off the subway and my fiance was to pick me up at the "kiss n ride" and getting off the subway I was thinking about telling him what had happened earlier that day and I started to sing the song in my head again....wakling down the stairs from the subway I turned and walked myself to the bus platform and was just about to get on the bus when I remembered that he was picking me up on the other side of the station (even though I had just been thinking how I was going to tell him the story when I got to the car). Now everytime that song gets in my head I stop everything I am doing and say to myself..."where were you going and have you gotten there yet?"

Sometimes I think I need a guide dog to get me places.....

Please let me not be the only one :o who's done something so silly.


DonnaD
03-06-2004, 08:12 PM
a little scary but funny :rofl:
I can get very distracted when something is in my head. At least you were on foot and not driving. :lol:

Kiwonk
03-06-2004, 11:31 PM
I feel sure you can blame that on Ozzie and Kelly, Trixi!! I've got a story I can't blame on anyone but me. This made my DD howl with laughter when I told her, although frankly it was darn scary for me.

I was volunteering at an event at school the other night, sitting in a room at a conference table with a few other women. We were wasting time while we waited for some results we were going to tabulate, just shooting the breeze. Someone brought up the show ER and how much they liked it. I had a (very sharp) pencil in my hand and was just saying "how'd you like that episide where the helicopter falls on the doctor?" when I made a little dropping gesture with my hand, and dropped the pencil on the table at the same time. Well, the darn thing bounced on its eraser back into my hand which was kind of on its way back up from this gesture and I poked myself almost right in my eye with it!

I was really lucky to only end up with a little scratch about 1/2" from my eye, so it freaked me out pretty well. But for some reason whenever I tell this to people, they laugh hysterically. :shrug:


Trixi
03-07-2004, 11:48 AM
That's cause it didn't happen to them!!! I feel for you but got to admit I giggled. Just like eveyone I told my mishap to...now whenever my fiance is to pick me up he reminds me not to take the bus cause I might beat him home!

Gee.....I am glad I am not the only one :lol:

JessIsOK
03-08-2004, 12:02 PM
It seems like every day that I post something stupid that I've done... Here are a couple that come to mind.

This first one happened this fall. I was driving back to work from my lunch break. I work at a nuclear power plant, so I had to stop at the security booth and show my ID. The security guy put up the guard arm, so I proceeded slowly forward. I wasn't even close to being through when he accidentally put it down. I didn't know what to do--I screamed (my window was still down), and accidentally floored it. My tires on my little Sunfire squealed and I nearly tore that guard arm right off with my car. Luckily no damage was done, besides the irreparable to my pride... :lol:

The second happened this winter. I was coming down the hill to work and it's kind of a curvy road. It was slick out, but I had just been bragging the day before about how good the Sunfire gets around in the snow and ice. Of course, I slid right into a great big pile of snow... I had to have two guys I work with push me out and I'm still getting heckled for it.

Don't worry, you're not alone!

JessIsOK
03-08-2004, 12:02 PM
Oh, and here's another incident--my first day at the Y, I'm on the treadmill, talking to my walking buddy and I trip and nearly fall right off the back! It's a miracle I ever went to the Y again! :D

2BThinner
04-06-2004, 10:02 PM
LOL! My embarrassing story is about my chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease. I was driving home from work in the middle of summer in the South. It was blazing hot outside & my A/C wasn't working. Stopped on a 2 lane one-way street at a red light behind a Cadillac being driven by an old man. I'm trying to fan myself w/whatever I could find while the car got hotter. Finally, the light turns green but the old man & his Caddy just sit there while traffic from the lane to our right continues to pull out in front of him. I can't get into the "passing lane" because of rush-hour traffic so I'm stuck behind the Caddy. Well, this goes on thru 2 more light changes. By then, I am soaked with sweat & furious so when the light turns green again I blow my horn & make "are you stupid?" gestures to the old man who is by now watching me intently in his rear-view mirror. Light turns red again. I say "screw this!" , take a chance and pull out into the lane beside him deciding that, by golly, when the light turns green this time, I'm going. Suddenly the old man honks his horn & rolls down his window. Sitting beside him at the red light, I realize that he is wearing a Clergyman's collar! He points to the traffic still pulling out in front of us from the right and says "It's a funeral procession, honey."
Talk about feeling like a jackazz-HEE HAW!

Suzanne 3FC
04-07-2004, 12:10 AM
:lol: :lol:

I should probably post these under an anonymous username, lol.

I once walked to a food shop several blocks away, and was walking home carrying a heavy bag in each hand. I was wearing a loose fitting casual dress that buttoned all the way down. My hands were down at my sides barely holding onto the heavy bags, and I was counting down the blocks intently as I walked... Just 3 more blocks.. Just 2 more blocks.. I was oblivious to everything else around me. I passed by a man with a large grin on his face, and he said "Nice day for it". I assumed he meant nice day for a walk, and I smiled and went on. It was very warm out, but the breeze floated through my dress and kept me cool. As I approached my doorstep and leaned over to put the bags down, I saw that my dress was unbuttoned from the second button down to my hips. No wonder I was cool. I had provided everyone with a peep show!

I seem to have a lot of "accidentally naked or near naked" stories. There are more, but they just get worse and more stupid :o

Kiwonk
04-08-2004, 02:52 PM
That's a riot, Suzanne! Rest assured that you at least gave someone else a thrill that day!

Kiwi

Jack-150
04-09-2004, 09:55 AM
Oh- Was that you? :o

blugirrl1
04-18-2004, 09:51 AM
well this week has just been the week for brain farts. i drove a friend to her hubby's work to visit him on his break. sitting in car. me: oh look that car looks like yours is it the same make and model? silence she just looks at me. heather it is mine. duh!
that same night i thought i called my FIL instead i called friends house from above hubby answers phone. me"who is this?" him who is this back and forth i start getting irate wondering who is answering my fil phone. finally he goes heather it is me amrion. oh i dialed wrong number. tina told me next day after he hung up he just looked at her and said that was heather, she ain't all there is she? lol dumb brain week, it has been like that all week for me.

2Bthinner : i laughed my *** off on your story, could just see the clergy "honey,...." hehehe

Suzanne : the closet exhibitionist. :p

Goddess Jessica
04-23-2004, 01:09 AM
At a costume party, I was dressed in my father's old airforce dress blues (except, I decided to go with a super short mini skirt) and I'm flirting as the "military spy." I'm standing in a big group of people, being the center of attention with my little, "we hav ways of making you talk" act and my entire skirt spontaneous falls to the floor!!!

OMG... I thought I would die.

tikanique
04-23-2004, 11:12 AM
Ooohh Me Me I got One!!!

I took the crew (son and daughter) to get their dads' Christmas gifts. We went to Old Navy which is ALWAYS crowded around the holidays. DS' dad is tall and slim, DD's dad is shorter and has an athletic build. They both need an X-large in hooded sweatshirts. DS didn't agree. He thought that since his dad was slimmer, he would need a smaller shirt. I kept trying to explain to him that his dad had longer arms, wider shoulders and would need an X-large. Finally DD (who doesn't know the meaning of talking quiet) got tired of this and responded "Adonis, get the X-large. Mom slept with both of them so she oughtta know what size they wear!"

blugirrl1
04-24-2004, 11:24 AM
tiki :rofl: out of the mouth of babes

ellisdeekat
06-03-2004, 05:30 PM
2BThinner, you could submit that story to Reader's Digest... I bet you would win money.

Oh, how many hundreds of stupid things have I done... I really don't get embaressed very often. I so embarass my friends a lot. But most of them wouldn't be appropriate here! (for easily offended people)

anyway.. here's a few:
It was my second day at a brand new job and I was supposed to get a bunch of files out of a very large file cabinet and sort them. Well, I had just about every drawer in this file cabinet open and the whole thing tipped over because it had become top heavy. Files were EVERYWHERE. it was horrible... luckily I got to keep the job.

One rainy day as I was walking with my best friend to class in High school I slipped and fell into a mud puddle. there were at least a hundred people hanging out in the quad who saw it.. it was pretty bad. I was covered in mud. My friends and I are the type of people who make fun of eachother every chance we get, but Jon didn't that time. He stiffled his laughter for me that one time. I wore my gym clothes for the rest of that day. this was almost 10 years ago and Jon and I still laugh about it.

My senior year of college was a crazy year, and my friends and I decided we were going to the lake to relax and cool off after our mid-terms were over. We were all out on the boat or floating on wet noodles, drinking beer all day long. At the end of the day, I was climbing back onto the boat from my wet noodle and was a little wobbly from all the beer. My friend Matt came over to help me and snapped my bikini top for fun. But his snap actually broke the clasp on it, and it fell off into the water. So I was left without a top because we couldn't fix it. I ended up borowing Matt's t-shirt for the ride home, but it was white so it didn't help much.

JanetG
06-14-2004, 06:55 PM
I've done so many embarrassing things it's hard to narrow them down...needless to say, there are always lots of witnesses! One of the worse was when I was in college. My brother, who is one year older than me, and I both lived at home and commuted to the nearby University of Minnesota. We get along great, but have always been somewhat competitive with each other. We both had early classes and were often in competition for the bathroom in the morning. One morning he got in first and took FOREVER. Because of this, I ended up having to rush and looked like something the cat refused to drag in. I was late to my first class and was in a generally rotten mood. Later that day, I was in one of the huge study rooms in the library, and I saw him sitting at one of the tables with his perfectly groomed hair flirting with some little co-ed. My hair looked like, well, like I didn't get enough time in the bathroomthat morning. Not letting by-gones be bygones, I snuck up behind him and messed up his perfect hair. It would have been great only - it wasn't him. I was so embarrassed, I didn't go back to that library the rest of the quarter.

blugirrl1
06-14-2004, 09:24 PM
Janet, i couldn't stop giggling thinking about that poor guy whose hair you messed up, bet he was like what the??

mette
07-05-2004, 06:12 AM
Janet - I agree totally with blugirrl1: I'm still giggling too! Just thinking about that boy sitting in the library flirting - when suddenly! Out of nowhere! Somebody snuck up on him from behind, messed up his hair and ran off!!!
That's too funny!!! :lol:

aphil
07-12-2004, 11:06 AM
Okay...let's see what I can add to this thread. :lol:

Okay...in high school my best friend and I were slim...but we were both "hourglass figures" with a little "junk in the trunk" amongst all the reed thin girls with no shape whatesoever. In our high school there was a physically and mentally handicapped young man there...who was too advanced for the special education classes...so he went along with the rest of us. (I would compare him intelligence-wise to Forrest Gump.) Well...my friend and I were walking down the hallway...and we heard Derek coming down the hall behind us. (He was VERY loud...and talked to EVERYONE he saw.) Well, we were going along to our class talking...and we hear Derek yell "I SEE TWO BIG BUTTS!!!!"
Okay...nothing unusual coming from Derek. We continue to take a few more steps. Then we hear "AND THERE THEY ARE!!!" We turn around naturally...and OF COURSE...Derek is pointing directly at US. We about died. :lol: Every guy in the hallway that day about cried with laughter.

Aphil

a broad abroad
07-13-2004, 04:58 PM
OK I've got one. It's early on a Sunday morning last fall, the morning after I attended a college football home game with tailgating and all the trimmings. We go to Wal Mart and I am not totally awake yet and really need to visit the bathroom. As soon as we walk in the store I run to the facilities and go about my business. Soon someone else enters and goes about their business and then I realize I am in the mens room. I put my hand over my face, apologized and RAN out, red-faced :o and never told anyone.

tikanique
07-14-2004, 05:31 PM
You are too polite. I use the men's facilities all the time, especially if the ladies line is too long and I really gotta go.

Tiki.

iwannabequeen
07-28-2004, 09:12 PM
Oh my, I was teenager and had gone into a local pub with my dad and some friends. He was really making me mad (as parents are wont to do to teens who know everything) and I decided I was storming out of there. Would have been a great exit EXCEPT, I not only stormed into the restroom, but stormed into the MENS restroom at that. I was mortified to face the men in there, and even more humiliated to have to go back out and face all the hysterical laughter. Ugh!

rochemist
07-28-2004, 10:00 PM
Almost everyone has seen me at one point or another naked. The most embarrasing is I am a bit of a heavy sleeper. At this current juncture in my life my DH, son, and I were living upstairs with my BIL while my FIL refurbished the basement to make an apartment for us while I went to college. I was working nights at a nursing home and my son was about 6-7 months old. Well I had just gotten to sleep, and the baby is making all this noise. I get up to see whats wrong and I see someone in the corner ironing and assuming it my husband I am standing there naked yelling at him for not taking care of the baby. And I fall right back down asleep. Two days later I found out it was my BIL. If I would have thought about it, DH ironing, :lol: !

Another one of my husbands friends learned a good lesson about knocking. I am hanging out in the living room watching TV in the buff. He just walks in, we both scream. He started to knock. :rofl:

The naked thing, I get that from my mother. Who also has been seen naked a few inappropriate times. My dad built her a privacy fence after the contractors next store were checking her out in the bathroom. :lol3:

Chris

aphil
07-29-2004, 10:14 AM
OMG...my husband and son love to be naked. :lol: I however...am always clothed unless I am showering or doing something naughty. :devil:

My son is 3...and when I strip him down to get a bath...he has to run through the house streaking a few rounds before he gets in. :lol:

Idealperson
08-04-2004, 12:57 PM
My most embarrassing moment was when I worked in a nursing home. I had to give this really nice, old man a bath. The place had a hydrolic tub that you could adjust the depth of the water and he was sitting in an open bottomed, hydrolic chair so you could pump it up to get over and into the tub. Well, I pumped him into the tub and brought the tub up at the same time. The man had had a stroke a few months before and couldn't talk, but he was making these awful sounds. So I am panicing thinking...it the water too cold? hot? etc... then some one comes in and says..."I think you have his balls smashed between the tub and the chair!" Oh my God...I lowered the tub and the man sighed..."AAAGGHHHH". I couldn't look at him again!

tikanique
08-05-2004, 05:20 PM
ROTFLMAO! TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!! I bet he didn't want to look at you anymore either!

Emerald
08-05-2004, 06:19 PM
YIKES!!!! That poor man!! That poor you!! Forgive me for LMAO!!!!

vibrantecho
08-28-2004, 09:44 PM
I know I do embarrassing things, but I seem to block them out almost immediately. I am, however, famous for the messed-up things that come out of my mouth unexpectedly. Here are some of the winners, that nobody will ever, ever, EVER let go...

Me, wearing new socks with stars on them: "Hey everybody look! I've even got socks on the bottom of my feet!"

Me, literally in the middle of a five-person bear hug: "Oh my god you guys, you're squeezing all the brains in my body into my head!"

Me, after being asked to duplicate some random noise that someone immediately dubbed "that Fiona noise": "What are you talking about? Every noise that comes out of a Fiona is a Fiona noise...."

Me, talking to DH's female friend nicknamed "George": "So, do you LIKE being called George? Cause that's what you go by..." I think everyone in the room did a double-take at that one and then fell off the furniture laughing. I blame THAT one on alcohol, but the rest were just my mind working in its own special way.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Fiona

KCJay
10-19-2004, 11:21 PM
I had one happen just yesterday!!!

My workout buddy and I were trying to find a way to spice up our workouts at the gym, so we learned raquetball recently. We're not very good at it, but we try. Well, she's as clumsy as I am and fell when trying to hit a ball. She managed to get the hit. I was laughing at her clumsiness and running to hit it back when I smacked into the wall, full force, bounced off, and wound up spread eagle, face-first on the floor.

Another one that happened recently...

I was getting ready for work and I was kind of in a hurry. Well, I go to put on my pants and I'm hopping around putting one foot in at a time and I smack head first into the wall and fall on the floor. So much for getting ready quickly.

KCJay
10-19-2004, 11:54 PM
Oh wait! One more!

I have a tendency to fall...a lot. Well, one time I was goofing around at a bar with a friend of mine and the bar is full of people, we're at a table and he points his cell phone antenna at me and quotes a spell from a certain children's book. "Expelliarmus" which is often used in the story to disarm an opponent and knock them on the ground, in the story...we're not dillusional. Well, I pretend to start to fall off the chair and actually do fall off the chair backwards and I land on my head, with my feet sticking up in the air. And everyone in the bar stopped, looked, and laughed out loud.

chaoticfish
11-11-2004, 12:41 PM
I work at a call center where we take orders for a lot of different catalog companies. About last Christmas we also started taking orders for sales type companies. Usually at the begining of those calls we ask for a first name so we can call the person by their name which is apparently supposed to be more personal and make them feel at ease. I just couldn't do this though because the entire time I'd worked there we were NEVER supposed to call anyone anything but ma'am or sir. So it just felt rude to do it. A lot of people were having success with their sales though so I thought one day OK, I'm gonna just try it! So I got the call and I said:

"May I have your first name please?"

"Chief", he told me.

Odd name, I thought, but didn't think anything of it because I've had odder names than that and it's most likely a nickname. So throughout the call I Chiefed him to death. CHIEF this and CHIEF that. Here a CHIEF there a CHIEF everywhere a CHIEF CHIEF. How about this CHIEF? Is that right CHIEF You don't say CHIEF!!! He decided to place the order.

"Is Chief the first name on the credit card?" I ask as I start to get his billing information?

There was a moment of silence and then he laughed... "It's KEITH, he said to me. My name is Keith." and then he laughed and laughed and it took forever to get his info because everytime he tried to talk he laughed hysterically. I told him I was soooo sorry and he laughed and told me it was ok. Then he laughed some more, heh.

HE COULDA TOLD ME AT THE BEGINING THAT I'D HEARD HIM WRONG, lol :p

I haven't called someone by their name since then :rofl:

a broad abroad
11-11-2004, 01:19 PM
ROFLMAO - hahahah That makes me laugh just reading it. Ican't even type wright

Sashenka
04-22-2005, 08:21 PM
I think I have to share mine. When my now big DD was in grade 1, we lived in Austria, and she was in catholic private school (mainly due to the fact that her Mom was too busy to enroll her in public on time and there was no space left LOL). So here we are two atheists, and she is in Catholic school with 100 years history. After about 1 year they said that she HAS to be baptized as they never presented any certificates to students who do not have any religion. So here I am going to become catholic (we are in Austria after all and I c ould not baptize a child without beeing baptized myself). After 5 sessions on bible study we finally graduated to beeing baptized and I call the priest to pick up our baptize papers. Of course as goof as I am instead of dialing 9-and number as I call from work (employer has about 1000 people working), I forgot 9 in front and ended up in internal number... So here it goes - guy picks up and says:

- Hi (and in Austria Hi is actually translated - God with you - the same you would say if you are very relizgious), Bishop speaking!

Here I am thinking - Gosh, how do I talk to Bishop, it was supposed to be just priest! So I say:
- Your eminence, my name is such and such and I am calling about my baptizing papers which I am supposed to pick up today...

He is getting a bit agitated:
- What papers - is it a joke?

I become more agitated:
- Sorry to bother you, but I and my daughter got baptized and we are supposed to pick up papers today, and Father such and such said...

He finally schreams at me:
- If it is a joke - it is a very silly one!
And hangs up...

When I was dialing number again I realized I forgot to dial 9 in front of the number and ended up beeing connected to fellow coworker with family name Bishop...

I think -

mauvaisroux
04-27-2005, 03:41 PM
:rofl:

When I was 7 years old I attended an Italian Catholic School on Saturday mornings. My friends and I were waiting in the nearby Catholic Church for our ride home as it was raining. Being a protestant and a kid I was wandering about the church fascinated.

When I got home I excitedly told my mum about being inside the church and all the neat stuff and that the priest came over and talked to us. My mum asked if the priest had blessed my and I quite innocently told her "No, I didn't sneeze"....It took her a few seconds to figure that one out :D Not embarrassing but it was funny :lol:

Other church related item....When I was about 6 years old I embarrassed my mum by getting into a big argument with the Sunday school teacher over whether the cartoon Jesus in the story we were reading was really Jesus if no one had seen him and no one alive could prove that was what he really looked like :rolleyes: Mum was mortified and I'm suprised they let me stay in the class after that :lol:

tikanique
04-27-2005, 10:25 PM
I have two of them. My eldest brother and my second eldest brother got into a HUGE argument in Sunday school. B2 was convinced that our Mom was a virgin and B1 was trying to explain that she wasn't. B2 said "Yes she is a virgin, cause she was born in August!"

Second one - my son got hit in the head with a shovel during Hannukah and I took him to the closest hospital - Sinai. As we were leaving my daughter (3 yrs old at the time) ran up to a Menorrah (sp?), yelled Happy Birthday and blew out the candles!

Tiki.

deerod
04-28-2005, 06:02 PM
I cant believe I'm sharing this.. Well years ago, when I was alot smaller, I was trying to dance sexy for my ex-boyfriend.. well I'm trying to throw in some stripper moves and holding on to the counter for support, but when I tryed to squat down and lean backwards, my hands must have gotten sweaty and I lost grip and fell backwards spread eagle on the floor right infront of him :o .. needless to say it ruined the moment and I never danced for him again.. ha ha.. it was the funniest thing.. I can laugh about it now.. just imagining what he saw.. and then hearing the "plop" as I hit the ground.. real smooth huh?? :lol:

Sashenka
05-04-2005, 06:27 PM
Another one from early days. My DD who is about 4 and I were taking a train daily in Vienna. Often we would return home late and would see some weird people on the train - like poeple taking drugs or people drunk, etc. She often would comment on them right there, so I taught her a lesson that we do not discuss people in front of them, if she has any questions, she should ask me later. SUre enough, next day a we have prostitute sitting right across from us - she is visible under-dressed and has just way too much makeup. Plus she is definitely on drugs as she smiles to everybody. All of a sudden, my daughter announces loudly for the whole train:
- Mom, we will discuss this lady later, OK?

tikanique
05-05-2005, 10:36 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And just how red did your face turn?


Tiki

TaraJW
05-07-2005, 01:03 AM
I just had a fun experience recently at the gym. At my gym they have these nice little personal tv/cd players at each bike, treadmill etc. So Im on the treadmill, walking pretty fast, watching Malcom in the Middle. All of a sudden something hilarious happens and I just start cracking up! I mean laughing hysterically and I trip and almost bust my butt on this thing! I mean it takes me like 10 seconds to really get my balance back and Im just sitting there stumbling, laughing, and trying not to get too far away from the tv so the ear buds of my headphones dont get violently ripped from my ears. Finally I straighten back up and look over and theres this guy (gorgeous, muscular, very very cute.......of course) and hes mid stretch just paused and staring at me. He says "you ok?" and gives me this look like "you idiot." I just smile and kinda whisper "yeah..........funny show" and gesture lamely towards the tv. Needless to say the workout abruptly ended and I had to hide out in the locker room until my face returned back to the normal color. But hey, at least I didnt fall off!!! It could have been worse!

tahiti
05-26-2005, 12:47 AM
OK first what does FIL, BIL, DH, DD etc. mean... i read all these posts and am totally lost as to who you guys are talking about :o

Mine...
I lived in CO w/ my aunt the summer between my 4th and 5th grade year. I was there for one day and my aunt wanted me to start chores. We rounded up the cows and she was leading them into the barn. I was walking at the back of the pack. All the sudden the cow infront of me lifts its tail and pees... all over me. followed immediatly by some poo. Well needless to say i was pretty well covered. I ran to the house screaming and crying like a little baby. My mom and dad and uncle were up in the house. When I got there they were all laughing hysterically. I was mortified and screamed at them and ran crying to my room. I laugh at it now but at that point it was the most embarrassing horrible thing that could have ever happend to me :lol:

aphil
05-26-2005, 10:15 AM
MIL-Mother In Law
FIL-Father IN Law
BIL-Brother In Law
SIL-Sister In Law
OP-On Plan
DH-Darling Husband/Dear Husband, etc.
DD-" Daughter
DS- " Son
TOM-Time of the Month

Hope that helped! :lol:

tahiti
05-26-2005, 05:52 PM
lol yes lots

shortiemetoo
08-17-2005, 01:49 AM
Wow...where do I start??
Well lets see...one labor day we were having a huge bbq...I went to bring a potato salad out on the patio...doh....it would have helped to open the sliding glass door!! :(
I was at work...in OR... we were a small OR, so even though I was the OR manager we all pitched in to clean...weeelllll....I had helped mop the floor. I mean I helped do it...so knew it was wet...
I went into my office to do paperwork...had to ask one of the other nurses a question so go walking into the workroom and slide/fall/bang into everything on my way down to the floor...where I ended up doing the splits...now the last time I did the splits was about 30 years prior to this...so I had to have HELP getting up...talk about embarrassing!! :o
Or maybe it was the time I locked my keys in the car...they were in plain site, right on the seat...I call AAA, they come and open up the car door and doh (again!), they are my work keys...my car/house key ring was in my hand!

Ok that is all I will admit to right now...but I have found that when my stress increases...my stupidity does also! :dizzy:

LovesBassets
08-17-2005, 06:23 PM
I was at Heathrow Airport early last week, and (obviously) there's lots of extra security and armed police around due to the 7/7 and 7/21 attacks. Now, I've been stopped before (also at Heathrow) with the random "Hello, miss, may I see your boarding card and passport" thing...so it was no big deal to me when this big (handsome) police officer stopped me and said, "Excuse me, miss, do you live in the UK?"

To which I responded, "No, I'm British." Which I'm not.

Yikes. :dizzy:

JuliaTN
08-17-2005, 10:36 PM
To which I responded, "No, I'm British." Which I'm not. I can relate:

I work in an office with another person 3 ft from me. Both lines rang at the same time, other person picks up first: "Hello, this is Kristen" I pick up about the same time she gets through her hello and I say "Hello, this is Kristen". I guess just because it was almost at the same time and I said what I had just heard. The other person says, "I'd like to speak to Julia" at which point I think "Should I put them on hold and then pick up and pretend to be a different person with a wacky accent?" But no, instead I bust out laughing and then have to 'fess up to not knowing my own name.

mezmerize
08-18-2005, 12:48 AM
I had just given birth to my son. I was going to have my tubes tied the next day. So I asked the nurse if it was ok if I took of my bra. My breast were really swollen the bra was tight. Well I wake in the recovery room and there's my girls basking under the florescent light I think what the heck ??? Then I turn and there is a 70+ old man staring at them!!! I can bearly speak/move and point at him and say he's looking at me!!! lol Now why didn't that nurse see that from her desk??

fozziewaca
08-19-2005, 10:09 AM
I have so many...
I was driving across a Target parking lot and for some reason I just roll into a lamp post (not hard just a little tap--but I saw it "coming" :dizzy: ). So I just bust out :lol: at myself and when I look up there's a cop sitting in his car just watching me. I put my car into reverse, drive past the officer with a little wave and go home. Thankfully, he didn't pull me over, he just looked puzzled!!

Another time, when my dad was teaching me how to drive, I was parked in our church lot, just started the car and I slam on the brakes. My dad asks whats the matter and I realize I thought we were going forward but the car beside us was just going in reverse :o . (Mind you our car is still in park!) Needless to say I didn't drive home.

Lastly, and this should have been the big clue to my motor skills (so to speak), when I was a kid I could NOT, for the life of me, turn a corner on my bike w/o falling off. It's something I got used to--here comes a corner, time to fall!! :bike:

chick_in_the_hat
09-10-2005, 03:33 PM
There should be a warning at the top of this thread....go to the bathroom first....LMAO & ROFL... :lol: :encore: :rofl: :yikes: :censored:

cadwell125
10-07-2005, 08:55 AM
one day my dh and i were at a coffeehouse waiting for his sister when i started coughing uncontrollably. i had bronchitus at the time. this must have upset my stomach, although i did not feel any nausea. all of a sudden, i vomited right there on the sidewalk. we couldn't call my sil on her cell, so i had to just sit there until she arrived. i try to avoid that place these days.

Donna Thompson
11-03-2005, 10:32 AM
Im an intruder here, but I had to get in on this one. My husband and I had just moved to a new town and I had been working all day cleaning the new house and washing and polishing everything. I had earned a good bath; soooo I took one washed my hair and put it up in rollers.

My husband decided at this time that he would like some ice cream and began to try to talk me into going to the store for some. At first, I said no, because I had my hair up in rollers and I never went out in public like that. He told me to just put a scarf over the rollers and go on. He said think of it this way. No one in this town knows you, and if they ever see you again, you will be all fixed up and they wont remember that they ever saw you. This seemed to make sense, so I agreed.

I hadnt been in the store five minutes, when I heard my name called over the loud speaker. It kept saying my name and for me to please come to the office. I thought isnt that interesting. Someone working here has the same name as I do. I went on doing my shopping and the announcement kept saying come to the office. Finally, my curiosity got the better of me, and I thought, I would just go over to the office and see the woman who has the same name as mine. Here I go pushing my cart toward the office, there is a whole line of people standing in front of the office, and when they saw me, they busted out laughing. I could feel my face get redder and redder as I walked up to the window. The guy behind the window, who was also laughing asked me. Are you Donna Thompson?
I shook my head yes, and he handed me the phone. I knew who it was so I didnt say hello to him. I said what did you say to these people? He said to me. I just told the guy who answered the phone, if he saw a little fat red head with rollers in her hair wandering around the store, to ask her to bring home some lunch meat and bread. I said you are dead meat. turned and hurried away.

timmyshawn
11-03-2005, 11:14 AM
ok here's one of a list of many. i was doing the shopping(with all 3 kids) and the store was really crowded. Well I started to get a belly ache, a really bad one! The girls noticed I was uncomfortable and asked if I was ok, so I told them mommy has a tummy ache. My 4 yo said mommy do you need to fluff or potty? I said both and shushed her. I decided to just finish and get home that I should be ok. Well as we rounded the corner to the next aisle which was very crowded, my stomach wouldn't hold. I get about 3 steps into the aisle and cut one. It wasn't loud but there was a smell, so I decided to try and blame it on my 9yo DD. Honey, you should pardon yourself if you make a fluff. TO which my 4yo DD says in her loudest possible voice...mommy Sissy didn't make that stinky you did, are you going to go potty now? Everyone turned around and laughed their heads off at me. I grabbed the cart went to the checkout and went home. I had DH pick up the rest of the groceries on his way home that evening.

timmyshawn
11-03-2005, 11:20 AM
oh had to post this one too. I called Dh at work one day to, you know, let him know I was in the mood. Well the phone is anwered and I am trying to get in the privacy of the bedroom and get the kids to go watch TV so I didn't notice the voice that said hello(I assumed it would be Dh since it's his private line). I begin to describe what I plan to do and have done that evening (if ya'll get my drift) and after about 2 min the voice on the other end says ummm I think you want your husband this is Jon, his boss and he's away from his desk right now, but I'll be happy to tell him to call you, or if you like I can just send him home right now. I was mortified! Needless to say when the boss told DH what happened they both got a good laugh at my expense.

sarahyu
11-03-2005, 11:57 AM
One time I had an underwire bra, towards the end of it's life the wire was poking through the fabric of the bra, so I put a couple stiches in it just to hold it in. One day at work, a young male coworker kept looking at my chest.

Finally I said, "What is so interesting about my chest?"

He looked at me and said, "What is that coming out of your shirt?"

I looked down the the wire from my underwire bra was dancing in the wind between the buttons of my shirt. My face got really red and I walked away listening to the coworker asking my female coworkers "really, what was it?" The ladies were all laughing, trying to explain. He never looked at my chest again.

Sarah

pamintx
11-07-2005, 04:07 AM
okay, after reading these and snickering and giggling and sharing with the girls at work....here's mine.
Ex husband was a long distance truck driver and when he came home he had to park his truck at the company lot, which was about 3 hours from where we lived so I would go get him. He always had a fantasy of being picked up with me dressed like a hooker. Well, trying to put some spice in the marriage and letting him know that I missed him, I went out of my way trying to find what I thought was the perfect "hooker" clothes, you know, tube top, mini mini skirt, fish net stockings, stilettos and big hair, dark red lipstick. I thought I looked good and trashy and figured it would be harmless, no one would be able to see me driving so they wouldn't know what I had on.

Well, for whatever reason ( I still don't remember to this day) I pulled into a rest area at the side of the road and got out leaving the car running, got out quickly and hurried back to the car. Lo and behold, I locked the door when I got out. There I am standing there in broad daylight looking like a hooker. Of course, this was the days before cell phones and I couldn't see the pay phone that happened to be a little towards the end of the rest area. I'm standing there fretting trying to figure out if it would be worth finding something to bust the window, when this man and little old lady came walking up to me. The man looks at my situation and then says, Why don't you just go knock on one of the truckers doors and see if they have a slimjim you can use, you ought to be used to it anyways.

I tried telling him why I was dressed like that but he wouldn't believe me. His mom said to me, honey, you need to pin a spare key to your bra, then she looked at my top and then said oh maybe you could pin it to your skirt or something. My face was so red by the time I spotted the pay phone. I had to pay for a towing company to come unlock my door and when I got to my ex's workplace, I was in no mood for his excitement when he saw me!

bnbsmommy1
11-07-2005, 09:46 AM
Even though I don't belong I have to share one of my stories since I read and laughed at all y'alls

When I was married to my first husband, I read in cosmo that you should put a nasty note in your husbands lunch and that he'd think about it all day. SOOOO I write an extremely nasty sentence of what I want to do to him when he comes home and I stick it inside the saran wrap of his sandwich.

He then comes home and is LAUGHING so hard that he can't talk and of course I have forgotten the sandwich trick because I did it the day before when making his lunch. Anyway, come to find out, he swapped sandwiches with an old guy at work and the note travelled around all of his co-workers before he found out what happened. I never did go back to his work place after that. It was just too humiliating :o

Kiwonk
11-07-2005, 03:22 PM
Just wanted everyone to know -- you don't have to be a member of this forum to post -- everyone is welcome. In fact, the more, the merrier, literally!

icmethinner
11-16-2005, 12:56 PM
I was driving through the bank about an hour ago to make a deposit. The teller (a young handsome guy, nonetheless) returns the canister to me with my receipt. I went to get the canister and dropped it! It rolled underneath the car. The car was parked too close to the barrier poles so I had to pull up so I could get out. The canister had gone directly to the center underneath my vehicle. I had to lay down on my belly in the bank drive-through lane, with the teller and other customers watching and retrieve the darn thing! To make matters worse my pants were too tight anyway, so I really didn't want to be laying on the asphalt with my back end showing, but I had to do it....

Or did I? I called my sister and she laughed and then said, "why didn't you just pull your car up?" :o :dizzy: :?:

chick_in_the_hat
11-16-2005, 02:30 PM
Hind (no pun intended) sight is 20/20.... :D

Kiwonk
11-16-2005, 04:03 PM
:lol: Oh dear, that sounds like something I'd do!

gcstod
11-16-2005, 09:27 PM
That is too funny and something that I would do~!!

MikiG
11-19-2005, 01:59 AM
Kids are both out tonight and DH has gone to bed. I was just surfin thru 3FC when I came across this thread. Some of the posts had me hysterical! I keep expecting him to get up and come in to ask what the heck I'm doing..LOL

Anyway, thought I'd share also.

In college, a friend asked me to go to the State Fair with her which was a two hour drive away. We decided last minute to go. It was well after dark already when we started out. About 45 minutes into the trip, the bottom just falls out... I mean the hardest downpour of rain EVER! We could barely see. As we're going down the interstate, the windshield wipers just stop. We pull over thinking the rain would slack up. Nope. Just kept getting harder. So here we are, sitting on an interstate in the middle of nowhere at night and nobody else knows where we are. This was way before the cellphone craze. lol. It is obvious that this isnt going away any time soon. Finally, we decide there's only one thing to do. We start back down the highway as I roll down my window, hanging out of it, reaching around to manually move the wipers!!! I dont know how many truck drivers passed by laughing and waving at us. I looked like an idiot I know. I literally had to come back inside every couple minutes to wipe my face with my shirt because I was drowning out there!! :lol: Anyway, instead of turning around to head back to college, we went on to the fair, me looking so nice and all...How smart is that? :dizzy: We had just walked up and I hear this guy say to another guy"Hey are they having a wet t-shirt contest here tonight?" :o I was sooo embarrassed!

Kiwonk
11-21-2005, 11:57 AM
Oh, that's a riot! I'm sure it didn't seem very funny at the time, though!

alteaon
11-27-2005, 12:42 AM
Back in high school, I was friends w/ a guy who I had a crush on...I was at his house with some other friends, and we were standing around on a dock. We get to goofing off, and I end up in the lake...ha ha . hee hee..but I had my period. I was 15 and didn't have any back up pads with me...plus, it's not sexy to say " i have my period and you have pushed me in the water...", so we go inside, and I search out the bathroom for a pad ( I cannot use tampons)-- no dice. So, I "make" a pad with toilet paper..fine.

What wasn't fine is that as we were all sitting around talking on the stairs, I had leaked through my shorts onto my friend's white carpet! Of course, it's the hallway everyone must use.

12 yrs later, I still get razzed about it, and I still cannot look his mom in the eye.

Last weekend, I was walking down the stairs to my basement. There is a portion of "house" that juts out. I looked at it and very clearly thought, " I am going to move around that. If I hit my head, it will hurt a lot.", so I avoided it. As I was turning the knob to get inside, I thought, " Now that I am older, I rarely cry from pain. It's usually always emotional', so I check the laundry, turn around and ram myself into a huge pipe. &*$@ did that hurt! Yes, I cried!

I've done a lot of wierd things, like "crashing" a parade with my car and some friends. We just ended up on a parade route with out realizing it, so we went with it. We were behind some foreign exchange kids who helped us out..that wasn't embarassing because we entered into it on our own accord.

TBJ333
12-01-2005, 05:28 PM
Last night, I had just finished jujitsu class. Class involved some pain, because I was practicing joint locks. I had some red marks around my wrist. It was kind of late when class ended, but I was high on endorphins. Since I had so much energy, I decided to go to the grocery store.

Picture this: A woman walks into the grocery store. She has several tattoos. She is wearing all black. On her forearms, there are several red blotches. She is walking around with a somewhat loopy expression, and she looks a little high. Plus, she is covered in sweat, and she smells awful.

Wouldn't you pull your children away? :lol3:

upswife
12-19-2005, 11:52 PM
I have a couple

When I was first learning to drive(I think it was my first lesson) my dad parkied in a small parking lot off of a side street. I protested that I was not ready to pull out froma driveway, but he insisted that I do it. I get in, back out of the space and get to the end of the driveway looked for cars made the turn and forgot to unturn the wheel after I was done making the turn. Long story short I ended up back in the parking lot having run over mainly grass, but I did go squarely over a no parking sign. To this day my dad and brother(who was in the car) tease me about "killing a no parking sign"

One night I was sitting at home with the rest of my family. My youngest brother (1.5 or 2at the time)was playing with a toy drill. He kept going between the play workshop and the table next to me pretending to drill the table. In the middle of a sentance he comes up to me and starts drilling on my leg and I couldn't finish what I was talking about so I said "peter go over there and screw the table" My whole family just stops and looks at me. then of course I realize the way it sounded and started laughing too. But I will never live those two things down.

trixie-o
12-20-2005, 05:32 AM
Have to respond:
Jess: Thought I would die laughing--doesn't get much funnier than that!!

Tiki--out of the mouths of babes right!! by the way where are you from. You sound like a very fun person to know.

Idealperson--It's all about pt care. I work in the hospital and my biggest fear is that I am going to pull a catheter out. I am an xray tech and have to wheel in a portable and the bag is always on the side i am on. Anyway very funny!!

Okay so now I will share one or two!!
My kids are a constant source of amusement.
We are shopping at walmart, i am checking out and my dd says she need to go to the bathroom. She comes and back and loudly proclaims "I was going to wash my hands but i couldn't because they have started charging for papertowels!!" I am thinking what are you talking about and I say "are you sure?" She says again not in her inside voice " Yep there is a big "thingy" and it says "Napkins 25cents". The cashier is laughing her a off and I am standing there thinking what?? It finally sinks in as my son says "I am going to see what she is talking about" feminine hygiene

I frequently tell my son when he asks for an outrageous or extravagant item that we don't have the money for that. So I am shopping for jeans for him and we get to the check out counter and he says loudly in front of the cashier "I thought you didn't have any money in you check book!!" I know that I did this to my mother I guess the I don't have the money excuse is not working anymore just say no right!!

Last note: Thread started by trixi love your name, is there a story behind it??
trixie-o

SmartButt
12-28-2005, 12:26 PM
These are all hysterical!

I have a "duh" moment to add... but it wasn't public humiliation, more of a small private face-reddening.

I was 26 when I bought my first bottle of vitamin supplement pills. I hadn't taken vitamins since I was a child, and I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to do. I was standing in my kitchen, looking all over the bottle for directions and getting more and more frustrated at myself for not being able to see any. My friend who was over at my place came into the kitchen and asked what I was doing. I said with exasperation "I can't figure out the damn DOSAGE on these!!" My friend, without hesitation, responded "Laura...the brand name is "One-A-Day"...." DOH! :^:

Stupid vitamins!

charliekay
12-28-2005, 12:33 PM
i do stupid stuff alllll the time,i blame it on being blonde :) but no your not alone

ChellS20
02-03-2006, 07:13 PM
My mom was on her second husband, who had two kids. The boy had a cat and the girl had a dog. I was the baby and I wanted a pet too. I was 7. Finally, I wore my mom down and she said this weekend we would go get me a new pet. I'm all excited the whole way in the car and don't even notice when we pull into a lawn and garden store. My new pet??? A cement pelican to stand by the pool! Not too embarassing, right? Flash forward to my annual end-of-school party when I'm 15. All my friends are there and my mom walks out and says "When was the last time you watered your pelican?" Then she proceeds to tell all my friends the story and about how she makes me "feed" the darn thing with water and give it baths. I was mortified! Although it's pretty funny now.:tantrum:

Misti in Seattle
03-12-2006, 06:54 PM
I can relate:

almost at the same time and I said what I had just heard. The other person says, "I'd like to speak to Julia" at which point I think "Should I put them on hold and then pick up and pretend to be a different person with a wacky accent?" But no, instead I bust out laughing and then have to 'fess up to not knowing my own name.

LOL I did the SAME thing one time at work. My desk was facing another woman and I started to say something when my phone rang. I picked it up and said "This is Sandy." LOL of COURSE the call was for Sandy!!!

At this same company... Consolidated Freightways... I was helping on the main switchboard and my co-worker and I were talking about strawberries. I grabbed up a line and said "Consolidated Strawberries." My co-worker was in hysterical laughter and I was trying to hold it together... fortunately the caller apparently never realized what I had said!!

One day another operator answered the phone and the guy said "This is Sonny Burbank." Forgetting that Sonny Burbank was the name of one the company bigwigs in the head office in California, she thought the guy was joking around so she said, "Well, THIS is foggy rainy northwest Portland!" Fortunately the guy had a great sense of humor!

almostheaven
03-12-2006, 08:27 PM
I usually look to my mom for embarrassment. Like when she was in a dress running for the elevator at work and slipped on the floor, landed on her bottom and her legs spread wide, facing the elevator...which was full of men.

Or when she was admiring the new car she'd bought after we'd all gone inside and we sent my daughter out to check on her when she never came in. Daughter came back yelling "mamaw fell outta the car!" She got her high heel stuck in the door pocket (this was when they'd first started putting those in cars), and scraped up both her knees in the driveway.

Or when she was coming into the kitchen and stepped over the baby gate and lost her balance. Everyone jumps from the couch and she catches her balance...so we sit back down. She lifts her leg over the gate again and loses her balance. We jump up, she catches her balance, we sit. Round three...she lifts, loses balance, we jump....too late...SPLAT!

About the worst thing I think for me was when I went out to start my car one morning. It wouldn't run unless I warmed it up 10 minutes. And the emergency brake was out...standard. So I put a cinderblock behind the tire when I left it to warm up. Well...my block was gone. Fracking thieves. Anyway, the driveway was level, so I started it, and it sat fine, I went back in and stood in the door watching it. It was freeeeeeezing out. My daughter asked me something, I turned to speak to her, turned back...car's gone. You should've seen me running down the heel in high heels chasing it...like I was really gonna catch it before it ran through Mike's bathroom. :D

almostheaven
03-12-2006, 08:31 PM
Ooooh, a good company SNAFU. I used to work for a local Society of CPAs. Our office once sent out 2000 brochures. I don't know if it's a good thing, or goes to show how many people truly don't read what they receive, that only one of the 2000 members noticed this and called us. It said "Society of Certified Pubic Accountants".

Misti in Seattle
03-13-2006, 12:13 AM
One of my friends had her toddler son in a department store with her and they were in the section that sold bathroom fixtures. Something caught her attention for a moment and when she looked back around there sat her son with his pants down on one of the display toilets. Too late.. he had done a big jobbie right there in the toilet! She grabbed him up, jerked up his pants and took off... the kid is an adult now and I don't think she has STILL ever been back in that store!