Weight Loss Support - I Am So Tired Of Trying!!!!!!!




View Full Version : I Am So Tired Of Trying!!!!!!!


baby
02-18-2004, 12:57 PM
Need support. I have not posted anything in a while.
I am so tired of trying. I have been on diets since I was 8 years old. I remember going back to the doctor and getting weighed a week after the doctor put in some diet. I weighed more than when my first visit. I think that's where it all started. From then I have been in every program, every pill, every shake, every meeting you can name. I have been very successful at times. Loosing from 50 to 80 pounds each time but every time I gain some or all back but what a high when I loose. Everyone tells me how great I look, I can shop so much easier, I feel better and I can even take pictures without destroying them when they are developed. I know I am not alone. I know it happens to many people. They say it has to be a change in lifestyle. December of 2002 I had lost 80 pounds after a year of working out and eating right.Thought this was the last time. I swore would stick to my new lifestyle but I once again ended up gaining much of the weight this year. I thought I had it so together. I swore I would never go back to feeling awful again, I even believed it myself for a while. Something happens that makes me go back to my terrible eating habits. No matter how much people tell me they get use to doing without so many goodies. I still don't know how they do it. Life is so hard, between working in or out of the home and taking care of a family. Therefore I find it hard to give up those small pleasures in life like a chocolate bar or a pastries. I know what you guys are going to say you can half of one or you may have a weight watchers sweet but it does not work like this for me. If I start I don't know when to stop. Not to mention how hard it is to go to all the different functions throughout the year which revolve around foor.

I have started once again on my own, it has been about 2 and a half weeks. I feel better already but I don't trust myself. Every time it becomes harder and harder. I want to be and feel healthy, but I think that it is not fair that so many people eat all day long whatever they like, not even giving a darn how many calories is in foods and are thin as could be. Would like to hear if any of you guys feel this way and sometimes just want to give up, or are you going to fight till the end and if so do you think it is worth battle?

I want to find the secret to maintaining when I loose :( !!!!!!


StarPrincess
02-18-2004, 01:16 PM
Hey there! I can't speak for everyone, but I'll speak for myself. For me, it's about perspective. There's a poem (I think it's Stephen Covey) that goes:

If it's the view from where you sit that makes you fear defeat,
Life is full of many aisles. So get up and change your seat!

Yes, it's unfair that some people never have to think about what they eat. It's also unfair that innocent people are killed every day. And there's nothing I can do about either injustice.

So I've changed my perspective. I'm controlling what I can and letting go of the things I can't control. It's always going to be work, but I struggle daily to stay in control of my body and not the other way around.

I've chosen to focus more on all the things I can have instead of all the things I can't. I try a new recipe every week just to reinforce the "look at all the things you can have" concept.

I've been working to move my focus away from food and I'm finding all sorts of good things that don't involve food at all. Riding bikes, playing with my dogs, trying to keep up with my brother's children, working in the garden. Finding things that are fun to do keep me away from the food and are becoming gratifying in a way that food never was.

I don't know if this helps or not. You may want to check out the Maintainer's forum since they're more expert on this. Don't give up!

jiffypop
02-18-2004, 01:43 PM
oh baby... we ALL feel your pain!!!! and we've all been in your shoes. and in fact, WE STILL ARE!!!! obviously, you've found a combination of food and exercise that helps you lose the weight, but there's also that 'how to break old patterns and urges' outlook that gets ALL OF US everytime...

there's lots of wisdom around these boards... check out the 100 pound club for 'how do i cope with the urge to binge' topics... as well as the maintainers. and the low carb ladies for cravings...

and post more!!!! you CAN work through this... it'll take time and effort, but you CAN DO IT!!!


Khewes
02-18-2004, 03:13 PM
I'm a newbie here, but I can oh so feel your pain. We definitely have all been there, and like you, are there now. I lost 65 pounds last year and whoops. Here they are again. I have so lost interest in food that I don't even care what I eat anymore. I even entertained the idea of surgery just so I didn't have to think about food. My sister is scheduled for the surgery too. However, we have a family friend who had the surgery 3 weeks ago. One week later developed a huge hernia. Had it repaired. Has yet to wake up. Two weeks in a coma, on dialysis.. it's looking bad.

So here I am again, looking for support and looking to give support. The one key that I found helped me most of all last year was giving as much as I was taking in the support area. I'm a real message board veteran. They can be an absolute lifeline when you feel like you are about to go down for the final count.

Keep coming here, keep posting, keep asking for someone to lift you up.
We're all in it together.

((Hugs))

Kim

vmelo
02-18-2004, 04:41 PM
Hi, baby. First, as the others have said, there are probably very few on this board who cannot relate to what you're going through. I must say that I especially liked the advice that StarPrincess gave you. It's all about finally accepting reality (i.e., not all things in life are fair) and empowering yourself by doing so (i.e., focus on the things in life you can control). I know it seems unfair that some people seem to be able to eat whatever they want without thinking about it and still stay thin. However, if you really observe such people you’ll find that most of the time these people really aren’t consuming as much as you think. For example, my husband is “naturally” thin and always has been. However, I notice that many times he’ll come home from work in the afternoon and ask if we can have dinner early because he forgot to eat lunch (sometimes breakfast too). Now, I don’t know about you, but I never forget to eat lunch. I think the reality of it is that “naturally” thin people are not as focused on food as dieters are. Our society is partly to blame. The magazines and movies show us that we’re all supposed to be thin to be beautiful. A different diet is shoved down our throats every week. As a society, how could we not become diet addicts and, subsequently, obsessed with food? We’ve lost our natural relationship with food.

Okay, enough of that and on to suggestions. I’d like to suggest 3 books: 1) Intuitive Eating; 2) Seven Secrets of Slim People (they also have a web site where they give you an 800 number to call for support); 3) Overcoming Overeating. I can’t remember the authors for these, but you should be able to find them if you search on Amazon. What I like about these books is that they all propound getting rid of the dieting mentality and eating according to hunger, i.e., listening to our bodies. I think, ultimately, this type of thinking is the only way to get free of the dieting mentality and food obsession. Am I following the advice in these books? Sadly, no. I tried, but I found that my dieting mentality has become so entrenched after years of dieting that I just wasn’t ready for the drastic step of just trusting my body to tell me when to eat (I’m not ruling out that I will be ready someday). Perhaps you are. If you read the reviews of these books on Amazon, you’ll find a lot of success stories, though.

I hope this helps, baby.

lorriann
02-18-2004, 05:04 PM
Stop Feeling So Sorry For Your Self And Get Up And Change Your Life.you Have All The Power As To What You Put In To Your Body.you Have To Think Of It As A Do Ar Die Situation.you Have To Eat,sleep And Think A Whole Different Eating Lifestyle That's Going To Make You Healthy.key Word Health.hence If You Look At It As Losing Weight To Be Healthy Then You Can nOT Go Wrong.slim People Can Eat What Ever They Want And Still Be Able To Maintain ThIER Body Weight But That Doesn't Mean That They Are Heathy OR In Any Way Better Then OverWeight People.The Same RuleS Apply To Them Also AND THEY ARE Never Over Eat And ALWAYS Excersise .THE NUMBER One Rule Is You Have To Learn To Change Your Attitude About Eating And Losing The Weight, And Then Actually Doing It Each Day.it All About Your Mind,learn To Think DifferentLY And You WILL Lose The Weight And Be Healthy For The Rest Of Your Life.If You Have To See A Therpist To Help You Then It Will Be Worth It.i Am Here For You And I Hope You Recieved Some Insight FROM My RumblingS :judge: . Stay Positive And You Will Find The Will Power To Do It. One Love

SeekInnerThinChick
02-18-2004, 05:37 PM
Life is so hard, between working in or out of the home and taking care of a family. Therefore I find it hard to give up those small pleasures in life like a chocolate bar or a pastries. I know what you guys are going to say you can half of one or you may have a weight watchers sweet but it does not work like this for me. If I start I don't know when to stop.

When I read that it struck me as the central issue. I've been obsessive/compulsive myself, not about food, but other stuff. One thing I learned from therapy: the obsession proves something we NEED, something we can't get in our lives any other way. And we need that something so badly, we'll do literally anything to get it, no matter how strongly we want to resist in our conscious mind. A really strong obsession takes on a life of it's own, it's almost like a person who lives in your head urging you to do something. It's a tremendous power, and reason just isn't enough to defeat it.

The first thing I would do, if I were in your shoes, is to get at the root of the obsession so you can find out what "function" it plays for you. Why is your life so hard? Why are you doing all that career/housework/childcare? What can you do to make your life less stressful, less burdened? Why has food become your primary comfort, your "small pleasure" that makes life bearable?

Personally, I find getting to the bottom of my own neuroses is an ongoing effort that pays off tremendous dividends. It may not make me absolutely giddy with happiness, but I'm certainly not miserable. And I feel like I'm in control, pretty much. That's quite a relief. Good Luck.

rochemist
02-18-2004, 06:09 PM
Baby- I know exactly how you feel. I lost over 100 lbs about 8 years ago hoping that it would be forever. Instead I gained it back plus 50 lbs putting me at an all time high of 265 lbs. After that I got on the hamster wheel of dieting and purging my binges with excercise. To say my best thinking yielded me nothing is an understatement, the best I could seem to do is get down in the 220-230 range.

Though I am sure Lorriann means well I have always found the idea of restrictive eating and excercise overwhelming especially in terms of forever.

So I quit thinking that and truly have begun to live in this moment, this space and time, taking each day one day at a time. I have turned all that fear over to a power greater than myself, and found the truth in weightloss for me is that it is a 3 legged stool of physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery.

Currently I have a good deal of physical recovery down from 221 lbs into the 170's. I work on the rest everyday. These ladies bring valuable insight, keeping looking around when you are ready you may forge your own path.

Believe me this weightloss thing is hard and you are not alone. :grouphug: Keep reaching out, your path is out there.
Miss Chris :yes:

lorriann
02-18-2004, 08:39 PM
:) Baby- I know exactly how you feel. I lost over 100 lbs about 8 years ago hoping that it would be forever. Instead I gained it back plus 50 lbs putting me at an all time high of 265 lbs. After that I got on the hamster wheel of dieting and purging my binges with excercise. To say my best thinking yielded me nothing is an understatement, the best I could seem to do is get down in the 220-230 range.

Though I am sure Lorriann means well I have always found the idea of restrictive eating and excercise overwhelming especially in terms of forever.

So I quit thinking that and truly have begun to live in this moment, this space and time, taking each day one day at a time. I have turned all that fear over to a power greater than myself, and found the truth in weightloss for me is that it is a 3 legged stool of physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery.

Currently I have a good deal of physical recovery down from 221 lbs into the 170's. I work on the rest everyday. These ladies bring valuable insight, keeping looking around when you are ready you may forge your own path.

Believe me this weightloss thing is hard and you are not alone. :grouphug: Keep reaching out, your path is out there.
Miss Chris :yes:
i never said restrictive eating. i said DONOT over eat and excercise. BIG DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!! I ALSO AGREE WITH TAKING EACH DAY ONE AT A TIME.NO HARD FEELINGS KEEP LOSING POUNDS AND STAYING POSITIVE

baby
02-19-2004, 10:37 AM
Thanks for all the great advice. I really appreciate it. I like the idea of living day to day. I think that makes sense. Worrying too much about the future or about the past can only get in the way of my success. As far as feeling sorry for myself, yes I am. I have had a very long road of ups and downs that has gotten me this way, so darn exhaused of putting up a fight. As far as therapy, I have thought about it, but to tell you the truth I am not a great believer. I have friends at work which go to therapy and their problems seem to have gotten larger and they end up taking all kinds of sedatives. I guess the answer is inside each individual. Many times I have found myself feeling like some of you feel. I have felt I had succeeded, that I knew what to eat and how to stay fit and I even thought of taking a class to that I could teach others because I practically knew it all and could not believe others did not get it. Then something happens, I remind myself a lot of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde(sp). :lol: I start eating like I am in some kind of contest of how much food I can consume in day or an animal that has not eaten in days. I just think that no matter how you dress up those foods that are good to eat they are boring and at some point I just can't stand it any more and crack.
Well, sorry to ramble so much. Thanks again for all your help. The good news is that I am hanging in there and my family is helping and so are you guys. Group hug to all :grouphug:

lorriann
02-19-2004, 03:39 PM
:) Thanks for all the great advice. I really appreciate it. I like the idea of living day to day. I think that makes sense. Worrying too much about the future or about the past can only get in the way of my success. As far as feeling sorry for myself, yes I am. I have had a very long road of ups and downs that has gotten me this way, so darn exhaused of putting up a fight. As far as therapy, I have thought about it, but to tell you the truth I am not a great believer. I have friends at work which go to therapy and their problems seem to have gotten larger and they end up taking all kinds of sedatives. I guess the answer is inside each individual. Many times I have found myself feeling like some of you feel. I have felt I had succeeded, that I knew what to eat and how to stay fit and I even thought of taking a class to that I could teach others because I practically knew it all and could not believe others did not get it. Then something happens, I remind myself a lot of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde(sp). :lol: I start eating like I am in some kind of contest of how much food I can consume in day or an animal that has not eaten in days. I just think that no matter how you dress up those foods that are good to eat they are boring and at some point I just can't stand it any more and crack.
Well, sorry to ramble so much. Thanks again for all your help. The good news is that I am hanging in there and my family is helping and so are you guys. Group hug to all :grouphug:
check this site out www.soyouwanna.com.i strongly believe you are going to change your life.

toothfairee
02-20-2004, 10:11 AM
Hi Everyone,

Some great stuff in this thread, thanks so much. I had a little slip the last two days and am trying to not get discouraged and get back on it.

Loriann, I looked for that website you recommended and it's not there, do you have another address for it.

thanks
Tracy

toothfairee
02-20-2004, 10:32 AM
Hello

me again. I like this support group and need to come here more often. Jiffypop you mentioned there is a topic, How to cope with the urge to binge, how can I find that? That is what I need the most help with. I was going along fine on the SBD, a month and a half and ten pounds lighter and then Ben and Jerry came to visit. Actually, I bought a tub for my daughter and then she made a cake. I was reading a book and I had the thought, I'll have a little bite of her ice cream, I didn't even try to resist...it was more than a bite and I ate half the cake within the last few days. Yikes.

I refuse to beat myself up, believe me this takes effort, but it is so very counterproductive, the guilt thing. I want to remember all the good stuff I have been doing and not take this as a total failure. I appreciate everyone's input. PERSPECTIVE is huge, thanks for that too.

So I'm just interested in how to fight those thoughts that just pop in and I don't resist. It just took me over :)

Loriann, I did find the website you recommended afterall, I haven't checked it out yet but thanks.

Tracy

jiffypop
02-20-2004, 04:59 PM
http://3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=36819

the thread on coping with bingeing.

hope it helps!!!

DonnaD
02-21-2004, 11:32 AM
Hi Baby, I like so many others, know how you feel. When your battling weight
for so much of your life, it seems to take over what life you have. That's why like others have said, it's important to find other things in your life. If all I do is think about what I should & shouldn't eat, then I'm so preoccupied with food it becomes an obsession. Now I'm not saying don't plan. That's a must, but plan other things as well. You have to fit in fun, fitness and all other responsibilities. That calls for a pretty busy day. I try to work it out so I have down time(like now) and that specific jobs to do around the house(when not at work) and simplify as much as possible. If you have to put too much thought into it it's easier to find failure. Make it possible. It takes discipline. We all must work on that. It aint' easy. But for everyday you do, it's one day you don't. Remember, good habits are hard to make and easy to break but well worth it. Stop and notice how good YOU feel when you take control. And yes, we all lose control at times, but get up, dust off and keep going. Also, come here. The last 3 wks have been so much easier for me because of the wonderful people I've encountered here. So, keep your head up. (I have many health issues related to my weight and got very depressed and made matters worse. Then I realized, I don't want to feel like this. I liked it so much better feeling good. Who wouldn't)
WE CAN DO THIS, ONE DAY AT A TIME :high:
DonnaDonna

toothfairee
02-21-2004, 11:49 AM
Thanks, Jiffypop.
Tracy