100 lb. Club - This is hilarious, and relevant so I had to post this....




Monkeybabies
02-10-2004, 12:47 PM
This is Hilarious......please do not be offended to the religious content!!!!

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.
Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they
watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the
wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation
and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside.
He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine
silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.

A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will
be your home now."

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in
Heaven."

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship
golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth.

"What are the greens fees?", grumbled the old man.

"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day."


Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with
every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to
exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.

"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all
free for you to enjoy."

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the
decaffeinated tea?" he asked.

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as
sick.
This is Heaven!"

The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?"

"Not unless you want to," was the answer.

"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..." "Never again. All you do
here is enjoy yourself."

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your damn bran
muffins, we could have been here ten years ago! "


KnCmamma
02-10-2004, 01:43 PM
OMG...that is way too funny...thanx for sharing and making me laugh...I have to share that with some others.

Sandi
02-10-2004, 01:43 PM
Cute!!


Charbar
02-10-2004, 03:17 PM
very cute Gina! thanks for the smile :D

glynne
02-10-2004, 07:45 PM
That was cute. Thanks for the smile.

Gayle

Jo_Pointer
02-10-2004, 09:08 PM
:rofl:

I LOVE IT! Thank you!

Jo

Step
02-10-2004, 10:59 PM
Too funny!!!

missaprylj
02-10-2004, 11:27 PM
Lmao!

SuchAPrettyFace
02-11-2004, 02:28 PM
I thought I would put this in Gina's thread instead of starting a new one, since it's similar in tone. Please don't be offended, I just thought it was cute.

The Truth Is Spoken!!

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower,and spinach, green, yellow, and red vegetables of all kinds; so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said, "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 10.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats and added copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and Man replied, "Yes! And super size' em!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.

Amen