Weight Loss Support - Is there anyone else who feels addicted to food?




doIlookfat?
10-12-2003, 05:46 PM
Hello everyone!

My name is Heidi and I am a food addict.

I know why I am overweight. I eat too much. I know how to lose the weight. Eat less and move more. Simple? Ya right!

Whenever I try to lose the weight by eating less or avoiding high calorie foods, I always fall off the wagon. But it isn't a matter of willpower. An incredible urge to eat comes over me and I literally can't control my eating. I figured out that this feeling is what smokers feel when they try to quit smoking, or alcoholics feel when they try to quit too. I am an addict as well. Food is my drug of choice because it gives me that quick fix and sooths that feeling of urgency I feel.

I am now treating my "weightloss journey" and the rest of my life as if I was addicted to a drug. I have to eat, but I don't have to eat so much. (like eating between meals or night snacking) Instead of beating myself down for having no willpower, I've decided to attack the addiction. I don't want to be addicted to food anymore. Just like drugs, eating too much food can have harmful effects. Heart disease, diabetes, so many things I can't name them all here.

When I feel that overwhelming urge to eat too much, I have started to talk to myself as if I was about to grab a cigarette. Just like a smoker and cigarettes, I can't eat just one ho ho or ding dong. I am trying to walk away from my temptations and kick this bad habit once and for all. I know it won't be easy and I'm going to hit some major withdrawls, but it's something I have to do. It's this or fall off the wagon and stay off forever. I want to be at a healthy weight more than anything else in the whole world. I just have to keep reminding myself I want it more than a bag of Chips Ahoy!

Heidi


Sandybrat
10-12-2003, 07:17 PM
Well Heidi... u c ertainly have the right attitude about this... I use this place as my urge fighter as well... i find that be being accountable to someone other than myself is a good thing for me. If i can help in anyway just ask... its a long and hard journey but with help and support from friends we can do this!

Sandy:dance: :flow1:

PS... i would suggest u check out 'time for serious fun' its a great thread and the women there are FABULOUS!!!!

storylady
10-12-2003, 07:21 PM
Heidi, I can so relate to what you said. I realized several years ago that I have a food addiction, particularly to sweets, but I'll 'overdose' on just about any carb in the right set of circumstances. In trying to figure out the why of how I got here, I took a look at my family when I was a child and it's clear to me that we all had our addictions (learned, perhaps, from an alcoholic father who refused help for decades, only to become and stay sober the last 10 years of his life?). I have brothers who are similarly addicted to alcohol, prescription drugs, work. My sisters and I have turned to food to medicate ourselves since we were young. It has really helped me in my struggle to lose weight to liken it to alcoholism: if I have one cupcake, or scoop of ice cream, I can't stop, I have to have more and more and more until, sometimes I am literally stuffed, painfully. And as sad as this sounds, there were times (not that long ago) when it was that overfull, stuffed oh-gosh-I-can't-move feeling from overeating that I was after! It's like I wasn't happy until I'd made myself miserable! So for me the answer, for now, is to not have one cookie or piece of cake unless I feel absolutely sure I can control the urge to binge on it. That sureness is gradually coming back to me, I feel stronger the longer I stay on program. And having lost 25 lbs so far I finally can think about all the hard work I've done and tell myself I've come too far, worked too hard to blow it now. And there are still days when I feel confident, go ahead and have the cake or whatever, only to find myself in misery 2 hours later, fighting off the cravings triggered by it. Physically triggered, or mentally? Sometimes I'm not sure. All I know is it's never worth the mental anguish I put myself through either fighting off the craving for more, giving in and eating the whole darn thing, or something else as a substitute, but still wanting more of IT, whatever it was.

As you can see by my ramblings this really touched a nerve! I applaud you for recognizing your 'addiction' and for coming up with strategies for dealing with it. The only advice I would dare offer is to not give up! Keep getting back on the wagon, there will come a time when you won't fall off, you'll hang on and win the battle. We're all here to give you the boost up, or the hand to hold if you feel yourself slipping. Alot of times when I feel that shakey must-have-sugar feeling, I come here and read and feel understood and supported.
storylady


Skinny4baby
10-13-2003, 01:30 PM
Please count me sooo in on this thread!!!..I find myself in such a battle with my inner-self over this?..I know that I need to lose weight...I know that I am sooo unhealthy...I know that I would feel sooo much betther if I lost the weight...I know that I could do sooo many more things if I lost the weight...I know that I would be happier!!....So

Why?..do I continue to overeat?...I am so frustrated?..I feel EXACTLY the way you all describe. I get up in the morning..I have a plan, I have done everything I need to do the night before, I have mentally "talked" to myself...But then when I wake up this AWFUL feeling of dread comes over me..almost like I am losing my best friend...I feel such an incredible PULL to food. I actually have little panic attacks!!..and I also feel like I could literally EAT the bathtub?..gross I know!!

I have often wondered to people of a "normal" size feel this extreme urge to eat food?...I have said quite a few times that if I could just not "face the food"..it would be better for me (the way a person who stops smoking does)..then I may do better?..BUT we can't stop eating!!!..I HATE to make food choices because I feel sooooo overwhelmed...

I have not mustered up the COURAGE or what ever the **ll I need like Heidi and Storybook?...I feel sooo LOST....sorry I am having a really BAD weight loss motivation day!!! All I know is that from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep ...FOOD is an issue with me...When am I going to get to eat again...How much am I going to eat?......It is such a sick cycle!...I feel like I am in pain from this addiction to food?..Does anyone else feel pain from this?....:?:

Southern Butterfly
10-13-2003, 05:48 PM
I too am addicted to food. It gets so frustrating sometimes to have food on my mind all the time. To control what I eat, I have to have a plan at all times. I can never just say, "oh, we'll figure out what to have for dinner later." I have to know so that I won't "freak out" and eat everything. I have to stay away from sweets because when I think I'll have just one, it turns into hours, days, sometimes months of bad eating. The past couple of weeks I've wanted a doughnut. However, I know that if I allow myself one, it will turn into one dozen. My mind seems to go into a state of non-being when I eat sweets. I don't even remember what they taste like after I've finished. After these binges, I feel stupid, weak, angry, frustrated, lonely... I've never been able to talk about this to anyone before because I've felt like they would think I was "weird".

Skinny4baby
10-13-2003, 06:13 PM
oh my god!...MY MIND SEEMS TO GO INTO A STATE OF NON-BEING! This describes how I feel exactly. It is sooo much mental work/effort for me not to eat...that when I even slip in the slightest way I feel like my mind is well....in non-being mode!!

How in the world do we stop this?....All I really want to do is climb to the tallest mountain and shout.....snap out of it!..It's only food!!...I too feel so incredibly STUPID and weird. I actually feel numb to food. I have been trying to work myself up for about two months to finally get on the right track. I have read sooo many books!...and some have helped me a little..but I think I have failed so many times..I don't know what to do with all these emotions and confusion I am feeling?...I have only read the first chapter in Dr. Phil's book..I think because I am scared that he does have the answers BUT DO I HAVE THE COURAGE TO WORK THRU THE ANSWER TO MAKE ME STOP EATING?

Maybe in this forum (SUPPORT) we can find a way to help eachother?:cry:

storylady
10-13-2003, 10:05 PM
Skinny4baby and Southern Butterfly (I love that!) I feel exactly as you describe, have felt it all and can so relate. The thought of food is with me almost constantly, even now, when I feel like I'm finally getting some control over my addiction. I do WW so for me it's points constantly, how many should I have for breakfast, will it hold me until lunchtime so I'm not starving because I know that once hunger sets in, true hunger, I am so apt to lose control and eat anything that doesn't get me first. The amount of points I have left at any time during in the day is a number that is always in my mind, like a flashing neon light, and the higher I can keep that number, for as long in the day as I can, the better, more in control I feel, as though I've won. I do NOT want to feel like this forever, I am hoping with all I have that I can get past it, but it is a struggle. I'm trying to change my attitude toward food, from a treasured friend to a tool, one I use to fuel my body and keep going, nothing more. It's tough, no doubt about it, because I do love food. Your doughnut story, my life! I can remember when my kids were babies polishing off an entire box of doughnuts (bought 'for the kids' :^: ) and thinking "where did they go?"

I think, Skinny, that you are on the right track with Dr Phil's book. I know the work you have to do with it is hard, I've heard and read some about it and it's scary stuff, to confront those things deep inside you. If you don't think you can face it all at once, try baby steps, a section at a time, an exercise at at time, think it over for a few days or a week, give yourself time to get a handle on it. Don't rush yourself. And in the meantime, give yourself a break, you too Southern Butterfly. As they told me in the few meetings of AlAnon I went to: you've taken the first step in recogizing that you have a problem, and can't deal with it alone anymore. You definitely are not alone. Is it too Bill Clinton corny to say I feel you pain? Forgive me but I do! We can do this, ladies, for ourselves and with help from each other.
story

doIlookfat?
10-13-2003, 10:19 PM
You know, I have this all figured out...to a point. I know WHY I can't stop doing this, but actually stopping is another story.

Don't you hate it when people think "well, then just eat less" like it's a decision to be made just like that *snapping fingers*. They just don't get the pull food has with us, like a DRUG. It's easy to tell a drug addict "just stop taking drugs!". But can they stop that easy, or at all? Not AT ALL! I think, and I hope you guys agree with me, that food can be a drug too. And the worst part is it isn't as if we can just stop eating food. Oh, no, if only it was just that easy. I have to eat all freakin day long! You would never tell an alcoholic to just have one light beer, 3 times a day, and don't even THINK about finishing that beer! Drink it in moderation. Now, what raging alcoholic, who has never been able to control his/her drinking before, is going to be able to do that, or be expected to? Yet WE are expected to do just that with food, OUR addiction.

I wish there was some magic wand I could wave over all of us to make this all go away. I wish people would stop making us out to be weak and spinless, who COULD control their eating "if they really wanted to bad enough". It just isn't fair we are protraid this way. It just isn't fair.

Heidi
(who is wanting to eat a lot tonight; I'm depressed and want pie, but I don't HAVE PIE! GRRRRR!!! I don't know what I'm more upset about. Wanting pie or not having pie? Or both? Please tell me somebody out there understands!)

Skinny4baby
10-14-2003, 12:16 AM
oh! I understand!!! ...I more than understand!..I am the poster child for your complete upmost understanding!!!..I actually bought a banana cream pie last week...and it went right in the fridge (after I ate a big piece of course) beside the homemade banana pudding I made!..To make things worse for me I love to cook..I love to look at food, I love the colors, I love the smells!!! I love to watch the cooking channel.

Yes, it would be sooo nice if we could just say ok world...no more food for us!...I admit I am addicted to food...let me go to my meeting every week...and tell everyone to hind the food (like they hide booze) whenever I come over..Because I have an addiction and I can not eat??????.....:mad: :mad: :mad:

And what I know for sure...if I do not get a control over my problem ....I will die from it?

Skinny4baby
10-14-2003, 12:17 AM
I mean HIDE...HIDE the food :(

Southern Butterfly
10-14-2003, 11:39 AM
Storylady, I know about the "number always in my head". I can tell you how many calories & grams of fat I've had and where they came from. I usually can spit off the top of my head how many cals are in what food/serving. I alot my cals/fat throughout the day. That way, I can say, "No, I can't have that ____ because I have to save those cals for dinner." Food has become numbers for me. That scares me because I read a story about a girl who became so addicted to the numbers of food that she eventually turned aneroxic.

DoIlookfat - you're right, they expect us to just go cold turkey. If it were that easy, I would have kept off the weight I lost 11 years ago instead of gaining and losing, gaining and losing.

Skinny4baby - I totally agree. They should hide the food. Instead, they bring it out. They shove it under our noses. Then they act insulted when we try and not eat it. You wouldn't tell an alcoholic, "Oh, just one gin and tonic. You're going to hurt my feelings if you don't at least try one. I made it just for you." So why do they do this with food?

doIlookfat?
10-14-2003, 06:15 PM
It is so comforting to know I am not alone in this, that I'm not crazy.

I've been listening to Dr. Phil and he does make sense. The only thing though is I don't have a major thing happen in my life that made me this way. It's my life now, not a past experience. I am a mother to 2. Bethany is 6 and Richie is 3. I do love them very much, but some days I feel trapped. The stress they cause me is unbearable most days. My oldest has been off track from school for 3 weeks and won't go back for 2 more. The two of them together is driving me nuts! I do have breaks (ds goes to preschool 2 mornings a week while I help my mom in her kindergarten class. I use to be a teacher), but it is never enough. We can't go out, they just take their fights out there where there is witnesses to see it all. I am all stressed out! Hubby does give me breaks too, but only at night to the store and back. I always have to come back. This is where the stress is and why I overeat. My kids will always be my kids and I know I made my bed, now I must lie in it. I miss my freedom, though. I really, really miss it.

Dr. Phil also said there needs to be a huge lifestyle change in my life if I am ever to lose weight. "You can't be fat unless you have a lifestyle to support it", he says. Yet here is my life, how can I change it? I don't want to go back to work and put my son in all day daycare again. This just causes me more stress. There doesn't seem like a way I can change things. My kids are my kids and they aren't going to change anytime soon. I have no money, no energy, and a lot of time on my hands to eat. It's the only thing that calms the nerves when I feel the most tense and stressed, which is almost all the time, unfortunately.

I hate blaming the kids like this. This just makes me even more of a terrible mother. I want to be able to leave the house whenever I feel like it, take a walk in the middle of the day by myself. I want them to stop screaming at each other for every little thing, and stop fighting with me when they think I'm not being "fair'. I want to relax, de-stress, and not medicate myself with food. There is nothing else out there that is so handy and so goooooood. Why why why??!!??!!

I drank a slim fast shake for breakfast. I ate a whole bag of corn nuts and 4 sugar cookies for lunch. Dinner is only going to be worse. I always go downhill from here. Maybe I need to start smoking. UUGGHH!! Please talk me out of that!

Heidi

storylady
10-14-2003, 07:46 PM
Heidi, DON'T DO IT!!! Smoking will only make you feel worse, physically and mentally. But you know that. I so sympathize with and the kids. My 2 are 15 months apart. When they were little I felt very much the same, trapped. It seemed as though the years before they would ever go to school would last an eternity. I got really heavy during those years. I ate out of frustration, boredom, to relieve the stress, because I was mad at DH for not helping me, to reward myself for making it through the day sane or something like it. I ate because I wanted to, I loved to (still do) and because dammit I was grown and nobody could tell me not to anymore. I know it's only a bandaid for you and no real help at all but the years will pass and you'll look back thinking where did the time go. Your life will be yours again, to an extent. And the kids fighting? Man. My 12 and 14 year old would still fight over the same breath of air, especially if they knew I would be there to see it. They do it force me to take sides, to choose who I love best, I guess. Some days I can blow it off and ignore it, others I end up screaming right back at them to stop it. Think awhile longer on the lifestyle changes you could make. Don't close the door on that yet. Really give it some thought about what you want, how you live (if you are like me you do all the shopping, cooking, planning on eating out where and when). If so, you have a tremendous amount of control over what you bring into the house, how it is prepared and the what where and how much of when you go out to eat. Think about it. My guess is the kids may have only a couple of favorite treats that they "can't" do without, the rest they won't miss if you subsitute something else healthier, that you can have right along with them. Think about this again, okay?

Skinny4baby--I could have written your post! I buy way too many magazines because of the pictures of food, so delicious looking! I watch way to much Food TV (love Rachel Ray and Tyler Florence). I too love to look at food, smell it, work with it, I love to cook, especially bake. I used to be a cake decorator before my hands gave out, that's a whole other weight related saga right there!

I think what we all have to remember that no matter what we may think others are thinking, it's what we think that matters most. And no, we probably cannot go cold turkey and turn our food issues around in a snap. But we can take baby steps, one thing at a time. The most important thing I learned through WW is the Positive Self Talk. The messages we have running through our heads all day are so powerful: "I'm a rotten mother" "I can't control my eating" " I hate the way I look, feel" "I have no control" Those messages are so powerful that after 'hearing' them for so long we truly begin to believe them, and in doing so believe that that is it for us, we have no hope of ever being different. We have to change that dialogue in our minds. One thing a day. Just one. Focus on changing one negative for one positive. "I have no control" to "I may not have complete control all day, but I have control RIGHT NOW" "I'm a rotten mother" becomes "I'm devoted and loving, and yes overwhelmed and stressed!!! But I do the best I can, and right now that means loving myself too, without food."

There is no magic wand to wave ladies, we have to do this hard work ourselves. And no, it's not easy. Lately my hair has been falling out and my skin so dry it's horrible. I bought some peanuts to help get in some "good fat" . Have I managed to limit myself to one serving of peanuts yet? Is the Pope Baptist? Nope ain't done it. And if I don't get a handle on this, I'll not only not lose this week, I'll very likely gain. More guilt, more self loathing. I have to stop NOW, not after the can is empty. We are all in this together.
I hope I'm not preachy, please forgive me if I am. I feel very passionately that we can over come this, I have and I am. We all can.
story

Skinny4baby
10-14-2003, 08:08 PM
Heidi...YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE MOTHER!...you have enough courage and love for them to admit that you have a problem. I think it is kinda ironic that me and you have opposite problems. I spend alot of my waking hours wishing and dreaming of when I will have a baby! I feel I have waaay to much time on my hands.

It is very eye-opening for me to see the other side!..I hear you!..I have three thoughts here for you..#1..Try to find someone ..either a family member you would trust..maybe a distant cousin?...or an older person who could keep your son..only while your daughter is in school..OR even a different daycare?..check around to several daycares..do random drop-bys..ask friends where they take their kids?..then find a job that is during school hours only...Yes..I know that it will be hard..BUT..it is worth a try?...Even if it a job that you really think you may be over qualified for...at least it would get you out of the house and connecting with ADULTS! #2..You must find a way to get some ALONE time..this is so crucial to everyone!!!...If it means dh has to keep the kids while you sit in the back yard with a good book in the sunshine or maybe your mom could babysit more..Do you have any nieces that could babysit...Maybe for exchange of a purse you never use or a promise to take her to the state fair?..these are just random examples.. #3..Have you tried to have more "structure" in you day..I know that last year when I was doing sooo good on my eating plan..Every morning I took a pen and paper and planned my day. With you being responsible for two children...shaping who they are everyday of your life...with every word you speak to them...making good memories with them...setting boundaries when needed...I believe that parenting requires setting goals for the day or the week...discussing them with your children ..and then working toward it...I think it helps create a less stressed out environment for YOU and them!..I think I will begin to take my own advice here..who knows?..maybe I will get back on plan..by the way ...I lost 47 pounds in eight months doing this...Just making goals everyday..making plans so I did not get bored...and making myself stick to them!..Was it hard...YES!...but we are worth...your children are worth it!

I know that our compulsion to eat is all MENTAL...here's hoping we all can conquer this demon one day soon!!!

doIlookfat?
10-15-2003, 01:54 PM
Storylady- What you said is what I say to myself all the time. "I'm grown up and no body can tell me I can't eat what I want!" Does motherhood get much easier, or is this the easy part? A lot of people tell me I need to enjoy this part (when they are young), but I am miserable. I know I will look back and regret something I didn't do or say, but that will come later. Right now I must suffer through it the best I can. Thanks for all the help and advice.



Skinny- I have listed every thing you said in my to do list, and hopefully I can fight this. Thanks!

Heidi

lissamev
10-15-2003, 08:02 PM
Heidi,
I am new here, but I am also reading the Dr Phil book. I know he said there needs to be a life style change, but also that it wouldn't happen over night. Take it one hour at a time. He also said when you want to eat find something else to do. I pop some gum in my mouth, I have been making necklaces, crocheting anything instead of eat. You could do something fun with your kids, playdo or something that uses your hands so you can't use them for food.

I am also doing my best not to keep crap in my house. My skinny husband love little debbie snack cakes and chips and other stuff. I asked him to either cut back on that stuff or to keep it somewhere I can't see it. That way I can't find it and eat it.
I know the kids are hard but make sure to take the time to enjoy them but still make time for yourself. You will be better for them when you are better for yourself.

Hang in there, it will work.

doIlookfat?
10-15-2003, 09:40 PM
Lissamev- I'm working on keeping busy. I'm hoping when my daughter goes back to school, things will get less hectic around here. Maybe I can even take my 3 year old for a walk during the day!

I'm taking it one day at a time, but not doing well. I'm stuck in the same habits, day after day. No two days are alike, so getting into a schedule is not easy at all. I work every other day, and dh goes out at night sporatically throughout the week. I'll be all hyped to take a walk one night, and then find out dh has plans he can't get out of. Then I just sit there all night, bummed and bloated. Our treadmill broke and we can't afford a new one, or else I would be walking away.

The main reason I want to lose the weight is because of my relatives. I use to be thin before I had kids, and now I'm just getting fatter and fatter. My cousin gained a lot of college weight and I can hear what they say about her. I'm dreading the holidays only because I know what they will be saying about me too. I don't care what strangers think of my weight, but when it comes to my family, their feelings really can affect me. My sister diets and is very thin. Kuddos to her, but it just isn't fair she isn't obsessed about food like I am. We are very close in age and look alike, so my weight realy stands out when I'm with her. This is all so very depressing. I just wish I could get some control.

Heidi

storylady
10-15-2003, 10:27 PM
Heidi, you sound so down. You've got to find a positive anchor to help lift you up. Believe me I understand the sameness to the days with little ones, and that at the same time no two days are the same. Does it get easier? Yes and no. It gets different, when they go to school there is more time for you unless you go straight to work. I didn't, I played PTA mom for 7 years and loved it. (hated it too at times!) But I decided to do it and when to stop doing it, I finally had choices as to how to spend my days, very liberating. As for the no, they get older and more self-sufficient they still need you, in different ways and they will probably always fuss and argue, that's what siblings do. And if they see a reaction out of you as a result of it, all the better! I strongly agree with Skinny's advice and urge you to journal. It may be hard at first, only a sentence or two. And until you give it a chance and let your thoughts flow it may feel silly. But try it. It will open up worlds of thoughts and possibilities for you. But most of all, give yourself a break. And stop beating yourself up over not being the World's Greatest Mom. She doesn't exist. She's a myth. We all get tired, tired of the kids we love more than life itself, tired of the caretaking, the nurturing, the day to day tedium. It's the hardest job there is, but it won't last forever. No matter what you do or say or how often you tell them you love them, you will still look back with something to regret, that's human nature. And you sound as though your standards are so high, you can't relax your own expectations of what kind of mother you think you ought to be. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it! And the "I can eat what I want now, nobody can tell me I can't" part?... That was my one and only way of exerting any kind of control over my life. At least that's how I felt at the time--powerless, no options, no control, no choices. Is that you? Think about it, see if there are other areas you can control.

Greetings to everyone else, lots of good dialogue here. I find myself thinking about you guys during the day, wondering how you are. That's our struggle, minute to minute, hour to hour.
story

Southern Butterfly
10-16-2003, 11:43 AM
Heidi, loosing weight for others is one of the hardest things to do. It has to be something that you want for you. Nobody or nothing else can make you want it enough but you.

I went through a horrible cycle of gaining and loosing when I was married. My ex believed that people should all look aneorexic like him. When he pressured me to loose, I'd gain. When he'd leave me alone, I'd loose because I wanted to loose. As soon as he made a comment, I'd gain it back. It was a way to try and believe that I had control over my life. The cycle of gaining and loosing has not stopped for me because I can't control what I eat. The years I spent playing with my health because of the ex and being obese as a child are still affecting my life. I was brought up that food cures all ailes(sp?), food represents joy and happiness.

Just remember, this is our lives. Not their's. This is our health. These are our bodies. I once read something that I try and live by, "Only I am responsible for my happiness. Only I can decide if I will be happy." When I find myself getting down, I try and remember this.

Marti
10-16-2003, 11:57 AM
Hello there, I saw the title of this thread and had to post. I don't have much time to read through all the post, but I plan to later after school.....

Anyone here addicted to Pasta??? I can't get enough of it when it's made!! I can go on for days, even weeks without eating it, but then out of the blue I make a "huge" pasta salad that should last a few days.... and then I tend to eat it for every meal!!! It's like a drug of some sort!! Drives me crazy. I don't want to take pasta out of my life forever, but I sure would like to figure out how to "tone it down a little".

Olive Garden is the worst place to take me to for dinner!! So I just don't go.

So... if anyone has issues with just one little item that they can't seem to get enough of.... feel free to share with me! I'd like to know what you've done to cure yourself.:lol:

I will read all the post later to see if someone has already mentioned something like this.

Take Care
Marti

Skinny4baby
10-16-2003, 12:07 PM
Story..for me the minute to minute, hour to hour is what is so darn energy draining!!..If I could just for one day...be or FEEL NORMAL over eating.....just exist in the day without thinking about food?..What could I be?..I feel I could be sooo much more...I could be dynamic..all this energy work, mind work, mental trash sucks precious energy that could be put to better use.

I do consider myself to be somewhat of a high-achiever..BUT..only because I have to try sooo hard to keep up..I have to talk and talk and try to show more intelligence to others, I have to dress perfect, my house in my mind must be immaculate... to feel accepted because of my weight. If the weight was gone?..the barrier would be down..and the real me would be FREE?..and I would be awesome?..those were the words my best friend of 16 yrs said to me in general conversation about two weeks ago?..Sooo others see that my weight is holding me back. Such a sick compulsion FOOD..something that the good lord above intended for us to use as common sense FUEL for our bodies..I abuse?..I feel sad:cry: :cry: I think this is what Dr. Phil said I needed to get out? Boy..it sure does not feel good?

In a way I feel a little like Heidi...If I were to have a child?..Would I really be the best mom I could be?....hidden in all this FAT?

lissamev
10-16-2003, 02:37 PM
Heidi,
I know it is so hard, for most of this year I was stuck in the same rut, over and over, knowing the things I was doing were not going to work for me but doing them anyway. It took me 29 years to get this way and learn these habits one by one, I am not going to change every one of them over night. And to think I can do that only sets me up for failure. So, I am changing one or two things at a time. I started by reading Dr Phils book. I can't even do all of the things in it at once, but I read the whole thing. I am starting by changing the things I eat, not necessarily how much or when, but the things, and then the rest will follow. I have had more success with that than I ever thought possible. I am not keeping crap in the house and that is a huge start for me, and if my DH misses it? Well he knows where the store is. He is actually very supportive.

I am trying to walk more just in my every day life. I used to wait until I had more than one reason to get up from my desk at work, but now I don't save everything for one trip, the same is true at home. The other night I was really wanting to just munch down on what ever was in the kitche, but I went up and down the stairs a couple of times and that held me through that instant craving. Sounds stupid, but it worked.
Exercise is hard for me, I am not so motivated. So right now I have only two things I am working on.
1- Planning my meals and snacks so that I am only eating the right thins
2- Finding something else to do when I want to eat crap.
So far I have managed to be successful at these things except once in the last couple of weeks. AMAZING FOR ME.

As far as loosing weight for your family? Well if they really care about you it won't matter what you weigh. I know my mom is concerned because I am heavy, but only for my health. She loves me either way. And I am sure my step son wishes his friends didn't see me when I am so huge, but he is one of the first to tell me I am beautiful. Please focus on what is right for you and the rest will follow. That is the ONLY thing that will make you happy and successful!

storylady
10-18-2003, 08:25 AM
I agree with lissamev that if your family cares about you it won't matter to them what you weigh. When I was at my heaviest my family told me everyday I was beautiful. I would usually toss it back in their face by saying 'yeah right, so is a blue whale'! In their eyes I am beautiful no matter what size I am. It matters to me, though. It's the biggest thing in my life (no pun intended).

I've had a pretty bad week food wise. Three really bad days, not so much over eating as really poor choices. And when I get a taste of certain things, sweets especially, I'm like an alcoholic, I can't quit. I can feel the result of it today too, tired, no energy and it's only 6 a.m.!

Skinny, yes what I said about minute to minute and hour to hour, it is draining at times. I too want to shut off my mind and not think about food, just for a little while! When I let myself get into a pattern like I did this week it becomes all that much harder. I know how frustrating it is, for me it does get easier. Getting back on program, staying on program, the longer I can go, the easier it gets. Now to figure out why I got off program to begin with and do what I need to to keep from doing that again! Yes it's hard, and often it hurts. But I have to do something to overcome this so for me that means keeping on thinking about it all the time at least for now. Otherwise, I've given up and I can't do that.

story

doIlookfat?
10-18-2003, 06:52 PM
Thanks, guys, for the kind words. I know my family will love me no matter what, but it's not easy walking into a room to see shocked faces. They remember me when I was about 40 lbs lighter, so they are a bit taken back everytime I come to a family gathering a little bit bigger. Especially when my almost twin looks so much better than I do. They have something to compare it to.

Do any of you feel drawn to food, like one thought of something yummy makes you crazy till you eat it? When I try to tell myself that I can't or shouldn't eat something, That's when I feel the most out of control. Like if I don't eat it, I'm messing with fate. It's a weird feeling I can't really put my finger on. I'm so messed in the head it's unreal!

What can I do forever? I can't even imagine never having something sugary, like a chocolate chip cookie, ever again. Then I try to plan what I'm going to eat or not eat, every second of the day, and that works until I get angry or depressed and I eat whatever I want whenever I want "because I can, d... it!" And then I just can't stop eating! It feels so good. It's going to happen. I will get stessed out again, and when I do, nothing helps as well has something with chocolate. I get stressed a lot.

I don't think this ever will end with me. I can't get past this point and gain some control like others can. *heavy sigh*.

Heidi

Skinny4baby
10-19-2003, 02:50 PM
I feel this way alot!...Especially when I am "suppose to be on a diet"...I get up all positive..everything is planned out..the walking shoes are layed out...the pantry is cleaned out...I have bought fruits and veggies...I have weighed and measured...Everything is perfect for me to NOT FAIL...the wham...that enormous overwhelming thought of some kind of food...something like fried chicken or lasagna?...I will think about this food for hours...and eventually end up giving in to it?..now if I had not woke up and planned and tried sooo darn hard to do good on a given day...I probably would have never thought about fried chicken or lasagna that day?...

Maybe in our minds we kind of panic?...Like we will NEVER be able to eat again?...I don't know?...It feels like tourture for me. I think the key is having TOTAL CONTROL over your thought patterns in your mind...and Dr. Phil's book faces this for us...Critical thinking patterns .....Internal dialogue...

I have not really given his book a fair chance yet...What am I waiting for?....I have bought the CD's and lishened to three of them....

Is there anyone interested in forming a Accountability group for us? We could come here to post of our daily goals and accomplishment and maybe discuss some helpful books and articles and even discuss food/diets?...Is there anyone who would be interested in something like this in this support forum..I know that they have the challenge thread..which is great...Maybe one that is more "mental work"..for those of us who feel more addicted to food...If there is such a thing?...

How about some suggestions?

doIlookfat?
10-20-2003, 02:17 AM
I like your idea, Skinny, about an accountability group for us "mentally challenged" when it comes to food. I'm not a good candidate to start one, though. I'm not a cheerleader for a group like me. I NEED a cheerleader!:lol:

I want to get in more exercise. I'm hoping my son and I can go out strolling more after my daughter goes back to school next week. Walking is so much fun. It's the only form of exercise I'll actually stick with. (if I could get out of this house!) The weather is getting cooler just in the nick of time.

Talk to ya later!
Heidi

Skinny4baby
10-20-2003, 11:39 AM
OK then we will do it together...I don't think that I am the best person to lead either..since I am so down on myself most of the time...and overeat basicly on a daily basis lately. BUT ....what if we all are "cheerleaders for eachother"?...We can all post our daily or weekly goals maybe...and then come back daily or every other day to log our progress. What we accomplished..what we ate...maybe questions that someone else maybe able to help up with.

Hey...what do you think story, lissamev, M.N.J., southern butterfly?..any suggestions? for us beautiful, smart food-aholics?

lissamev
10-20-2003, 04:53 PM
Skinny,
I saw you said this in your post.
I will think about this food for hours...and eventually end up giving in to it?..
I know it is hard. I think about foods all the time, sometimes I can even taste what ever it is. I'll tell you what I do sometimes. I go ahead and have some of what ever it is. I make sure that I don't have a ton of it, or large size or what ever. There is a custard palce in my home town and I CRAVE it like you would not belive sometimes. Well I would normally get a jumbo size with extra whipped cream. Well the last time I went I got a small sunde and I was just as satisfied but I wasn't feeling so crappy. And I was proud of my self, that I managed to not go over board.

For me it is so not about TOTAL control. Because as soon as something is total I fail instantly. I have to be flexible with myself. Just because I have something that isn't totally healthy doesn't mean I am a failure. And I have to remember that, we all have to remember that.

I would love a place to be accountable, that gives me more success than anything else. Count me in.

Skinny4baby
10-20-2003, 06:28 PM
I know, I know!!!...this is really my main problem..I am such a perfectionist...I am sooo guilty of the all or nothing formula.

I need to learn so bad..that I will not be perfect every day!...I am so incredibly hard on myself over food. Accountability in this forum is what I need.

It is so easy to say..well you ate good at lunch..you are on plan..then I may eat a few cookies...and something in my mind..just goes be-zerk!..It is really hard to explain?..and I have struggled with this my whole life.

OR..maybe sometimes I think (this is hard for me to admit) that I am so addicted to food that when I eat something that is not on my plan such as a cookie?..I can't stop eating!..I start thinking about What else would be good?...and I end up eating an enormous amount of calories in a day that was intended to be the beginning of a new lifestyle of eating. If I am not on plan in my mind...I may not overeat for a couple of days...It is actually quite strange. Does anyone else feel this?:?:

storylady
10-20-2003, 06:32 PM
Ladies, what a great idea! I definitely think we should have a thread to hold ourselves accountable. We can call ourselves whatever you guys like, I'm fresh out of original thought, teaching does that to me, by 3 by brain is fried!!

As for goals, I'll start: I want to increase my activity by 20 minutes a day. I currently do 40 to 60 minutes but I want to up that to a solid hour 6 days a week. I count time spent playing soccer with my kids, riding my bike or aerobics. The weather is great for getting outside now so I'm hounding my kids into playing with me!

#2: Stop raiding the candy jar at work!!! I've done so much better than in the past so I'll take credit for improvement, but still need to stop visiting the chocolate jar every day, maybe 2 or 3 times a week to start. That taste of chocolate sets me up some days for cravings that I have a hard time controlling.

Let's go girls! I'll be your cheerleader until you're ready to cheer for yourselves!:cb: :cb: :cb: :cb: :cb:
story

lissamev
10-21-2003, 12:27 AM
I so know what you mean by all or nothing. I all or nothing'd my way to almost 300 pounds :( I never thought I would get here, but everytime I would mess up or get off the "plan" I would go crazy. So I don't have a plan any more. I have read the Dr Phil book once and will read it again, I am going to take what I like and leave the rest. One of the things I got out of it, is to eat foods as close to their natural state as possible! And just in doing that I have eliminated so much crap from my life, but it also lets me eat some yummy things. I have also decided that every night after a great and healthy dinner, I am going to have 1 piece of dove chocolate, then I am not totally deprived. Let me tell you how delicious that chocolate is. :sumg: And not once have I tried to eat more than the one piece. Except when I skipped it the day before. I can't explain it, but it works.
Also I dont' have have a plan, because this is [B][SIZE=3] FOREVER Not just until I loose so many pounds. I want to be able to eat healthy forever!

My goals this week? Eat what I have planned in advance, Drink all my water, be accountable here to you, and to be accepting of my self when I am not perfect.

So that's it. Maybe I won't loose weight fast, but it isn't about fast, it is about me and being happier. If I was happy at my weight today, I wouldn't have to change anything, but I need to change the things that are making me unhappy.

doIlookfat?
10-21-2003, 01:43 AM
Hi again! I'm back for some more babbling about my problems! Beware and be warned!

My biggest problem is consistency. No two days are alike around here! I quit teaching last year to stay home with my kids, thinking life can't get better than that! Well, it ain't all it's cracked up to be. I never want to go back to the classroom, not until the No Child Left Behind act is abolished (that's a whole other story). My stress has definetely been cut in half this year by leaving the profession. What do you teach, Storylady? I taught first for 6 years and fourth for 1.

Since no 2 days are the same, I can't get meals planned. My kids are VERY picky, my son has had a milk and egg allergy most of his life and will only eat certain foods now, and My daughter won't eat anything without cheese all over it. My husband hates my cooking. It's true! Actually, I don't care for it much either. I am NOT a cook. I ruin Rice-a-Roni. My meals consist of easy, cheap (no money anymore!), and plain. We love to go out to eat, so I try to plan very cheap meals often, like mac n cheese and hot dogs, so we can afford a meal out more. We don't eat around the table at home, so it's also nice to have the whole family at one table a few times a week. It makes our family happier, so we do it.

So healthy eating is not happening often. I like elbow noodles and tomato juice, slim fast shakes for breakfast (got hooked while teaching. Very fast and easy), Cream of Wheat, soups, and dry cereal. So trying to cook meals at home is not possible, if I intend to make EVERYONE happy. They like fatty, big meals. So I cook the mac n cheese and eat it too! Heck, I'm tired, hungry, and it smells good.

Another one of my obtacles is I can't eat fruit (bad for my stomach) and can't stand raw vegetables. I can eat cook veggies, but they don't satisfy my snack cravings. Eating a bowl of green beans when what I really want is a candy bar just doesn't cut it. I WISH I could eat fruits and veggies, that would help me BIG time to fight this battle of the Bulge. Instead, I try to find creative ways to satisfy my cravings at the time, either it be sweet, crunchy, salty, or all one right after another! This is what I need help with the most. What can I eat that will make my tongue happy, yet not make my stomach bigger??? Any suggestions from my cheerleaders?

Have a good one!
Heidi

PS how about some suggestions for a new group name for us?

I thought of one: "Gonna have to face it...We're addicted to food!" (instead of addicted to love!)

lissamev
10-21-2003, 12:13 PM
Heidi,
Wow you have a lot of obstacles. I know it's hard to change things especially when it involves other people. How old are your kids? I have two step kids who insist that I never cook anything they like, but they never starve when they are with us, and usually ask for seconds! I remember the first time one of them refused to eat something and we told that that was the only choice! He sat there for 30 min, but ended up eating 3 bowls of what ever it was!
Maybe start by changing one thing. Just one change. I know for me the first thing I started working on was eliminating white flour. I didn't realize how much of it I ate all the time! I forgot we eat TONS of pasta. Well I got some whole wheat flour and thought it was going to put us in the poor house, well we only ate about 1/2 as much as we usually do, it was more filling and it stayed with me longer. I am the queen of stretching the dollar sometimes so I was really glad about that!
I also have found that if I put more flavor in the foods I eat I am more satisfied. garlic, salt, wostershire sauce, soy sauce and the list goes on. I used horse radish the other day instead of mayo on my sandwich and I liked it better! it is the little changes that will make it work for you.

There are nights that my hubby wants something that I know isn't healthy for me, so I eat something else. I would rather cook twice and be healthy, than eat something that will make me regret it tomorrow.

For me the most important thing so far, is that I haven't put anything on a "don't" list. That sets me up to totally pig out on it. Like chocolate, one small piece every night and I don't feel deprived. If I want something else, I get the smallest serving of it and make sure to recognize the success of choosing a small serving, not look at it as a failure for eating it. It is all in attitude!

xDas7x
10-21-2003, 06:44 PM
I personally think that people CAN be addicted to food. Much like a drug addict is addicted to drugs, or smokers are addicted to ciggarettes. Food can yield addiction. And its sad when people say its your own fault for being overweight, or your simply born that way. I do believe that sometimes being overweight is hereditary but I hate how people say its your own fault, because a lot of times it isn't. Sure we all are a fault for overeating, but food is like a drug and sometimes people can't help it because its an addiction. And instead of being shunned, we should help eachother out... get a friend to help and say you know what, you don't need that extra slice of pizza, or get them to diet with you or something.. you know? I just hate how society treats people who are over weight. The butt of every joke, especially if you were overweight as a child.. anyone thats been there knows how hard it is and how CRUEL kids can be.

I really mean that yes food can be an addiction and I really think we need to start looking at it as that, and offering help to those instead of blaming them because it may be something beyond their control.

I know personally that I might have been or am addicted to food. I do have willpower but sometimes I can't resist that Buffalo Chicken Sandwitch or that bite of a chocolate bar. But ever since I've been seriously dieting I've been trying my hardest to cut it all down. And it hasn't been that difficult accept for when I get hungry at odd hours, or I'm still hungry after eating a sandwich or a full meal. But I think supressing that all comes with time.

My problem is that I EAT WHEN I AM BORED. If I'm toolin around on the computer and I'm just sitting around.. I'll run to the kitchen and look in the fridge.. or whatever. And I've been trying to snap out of that and so far its working.. I'll just go to the fridge and look rather than grabbing a candy bar or something. But sometimes its hard because I used to do that all the time, especially with soda. It would always be there and so I'd just drink it. I'd go through maybe 4-5 a day, and then whatever snacks I could find in the house would go along with it. But I've stopped drinking soda for the most part and only allow myself a small amount sweets (like a bite of a hershey bar) and thats it.. but its a constant battle..

lissamev
10-21-2003, 07:29 PM
I can totally relate to you saying you eat when you are bored. Name an emotion and it makes me eat. Happy, sad, nervous, excited, bored, sleepy on, and on and on.

I am doing my best to eat only at meals and if I have to have something between them I am only keeping healthy things around my house. I am also doing something else when I get the urge to eat. Lots of different things, that don't go with eating, chew gum, go for a walk, take a shower, crochet. Something that keeps my hands busy. It is working. And if I am eating healthier at meals I am not nearly as hungry.

I read in Dr Phil's book, you don't need will power 24 hours a day, you only need it for those critical times in your day. And that is when you do something different! So far it is working for me. I am not keeping track of weight or anything but I am feeling better emotionally and physically!

storylady
10-21-2003, 08:35 PM
I like the name for or group "Gonna have to face it..." I love that song!

Lissamev, lots of great suggestions in your post, I agree with everything. Start small, one change, and don't deprive yourself anything altogether. Realizing you can have it, whatever it is, sometimes makes it easier to resist. It's the knowing you can't that sometimes makes you want it more. The thing I'm still working on is just one bite of chocolate. One taste and I'm gone, it's sets me up for cravings that are physical, not in my head. So I have to be very very careful.

Heidi, I teach in an elementary school, in the library so I see all grades, Pre-K through 6th grade. I have first and second grade every day for an hour though and they're 'my' kids. Days like today I wanted to head for the chocolate jar desperately after first grade left!! :dizzy: Don't think that because you can't snack on fruit or veggies that snacks are out of the question for you. What about nuts? Popcorn? Crackers? Can you have fruit if it's blended in a smoothie? Satisfies a sweet craving, is good for you, and filling too. Slim fast snack bars are as good as any candy bar and are only 120 calories (2 WW points), a very good snack I always have on hand. Breakfast bars like Nutrigrain bars are good and filling, string cheese, 6 slices of Deli Select Ham only 60 calories, yogurt, ff, sf pudding cups, (love to top with a dab of cool whip lite--yum!). Can you tell I am the Snack Queen! :queen:

xDas7x, good for you on cutting back on the sodas. Like Lissamev says, make one small change at a time. The success you feel is empowering and motivates you to keep going. And, sometimes the 'fake it til you make it' mentality helps get us going!

Great day all, Happy Humpday tomorrow
story, :queen: of Snacks

Skinny4baby
10-22-2003, 10:30 AM
I like "Gonna have to face"...we're addicted to food...that is very cute. My suggestion.............

Accountability..."one moment at a time." Any more suggestions?

Skinny4baby
10-22-2003, 01:22 PM
Hey beautiful ladies....Check out Chunktohunk.com under JOURNAL dated October 13......He really steps on our toes...Ouch!!..Very interesting? I ordered the book...his journal entry made me go huuuummm..so maybe his book will help..not to mention I am a true book-aholic too!

Southern Butterfly
10-22-2003, 01:37 PM
Skinny - let me know how the book is. That journal entry really did step on our toes. I went in thining this was going to be one of those know-it-all types, but it wasn't. Thanks!

lissamev
10-22-2003, 02:38 PM
I like one moment in time, helps us remember that it really is only one moment!!

So I was doing some thinking last night. my mom and sister are in 12 step programs for their addictions and I went to several meetings of a food addicts group. The reason I didn't stay was because it was more about cutting things totally out of my life and how to deal with avoiding them forever, rather than dealing with what makes me compulsive and feel addicted to them in the first pace. My sister has struggled for a long time with her addiction and their group places as much focus on the why as the what and I think that is what we need to keep in the front of our head. If I am eating because I am bored, well why am I bored? Sounds simple, but if I make sure to have something to do I won't be bored and I won't eat. If I eat because I am anxious, well what else can I do? I can call someone and talk about the problem. That solves two problems. I don't eat and I work out my anxiety. I am not saying I do this all the time by any stretch of the imagination, but I just was thinking about life in general last night and realizing that I need to spend as much time figuring out what is making me eat as making sure I am eating the right things in the right quantites.
Change has to be change all around not just in my kitchen. Am I making any sense? That is why I like the one moment thing, because if I take it one moment at a time it is not so overwhelming to me. and when I do that with the other things in my life, not just my food it works.

I have a lot of things going on, my husband and I are at the end of some serious therapy, and we have learned a lot about each other and we are going to be just fine, my sister is waiting to hear if she has cancer, we are trying to make all the mom's happy around the holidays, my step son is having some trouble, and the list goes on. My first reaction to all of this stuff? Ben and Jerrys :dizzy: but that won't work. So I am talking, for the first time in a long time, about that stuff I normally hold way deep inside, and you know what it is working.

Anyway, this seems like it is long and rambling, so I am going to stop, but if there is anyone who needs to talk or what ever I am heare, because I know how much it really works, you can e-mail, private message, or call, I'll give you my number. We have to have people in our lives who know what we are going through. I know we all have lots of friends who are there for us, but just don't get it, you know the size six who has gained 2 pounds just doesn't know what it is like!!! :lol:

Anyway, my vote is one moment at a time. Hope everyone is good.

doIlookfat?
10-23-2003, 08:40 PM
I'm writing here to you guys to say good bye. The support you've been giving me was GREAT, but I've made up my mind that losing weight on my own is just not going to happen. My addiction is just too big to conquer, and I'm getting heavier and heavier. I'm sorry to say that I'm going back to my medication prescribed to me last year. It's called Adipex and it's a phen. A lot of people frown big time on my using a diet aid like this, but it's the only thing that has helped me lose weight in the past.

Last November, I started taking Adipex from the advice of my MIL and SIL, both of which lost 30 and 40 lbs respectively. I was scared, but wanted to try something that just may work. Nothing else did, and I was very depressed/chunky/obsessed with food, you know the drill. Even after just one day taking the medication, I felt a huge difference on how I thought about food. I was no longer fighting myself to stop eating. Food was hardly on my mind at all, and I ate less. It was so fantastic that after all those years, I had control over my mind and my HUGE cravings. I could eat or not eat, and I actually ate when I was hungry! And I was actually hungry! Wow, what a feeling! (and I never once felt jittery. That was a plus)

I took the medication till May, and went from 162 lbs to 139 lbs. There were several reasons why I had to stop. One was because I just quit my teaching job and our income was slashed by more than half. We had to cut back in all areas of spending. Another reason was sleep. I had to keep taking sleeping pills everynight and I was afraid it was harming me. The last reason was because I totally forgot how it felt before I started taking the medication. I thought I had it all under control and I could maintain the weight loss on my own. I was home and able to work out more.

5 months later, and I'm out of control again. I'm up to about 160 lbs, and gaining quickly. I eat uncontrollably, mainly because I'm obsessed with dieting and everything. I'm disgusted in myself and how I let things go. I haven't exercised (didn't take in consideration my 3 year old and 6 year old. They make daily exercise a major challange. They are very clingy and possessive with me.). My MIL told me to start taking Melatonin for my sleeping problems, and it's been working out very well for me. Because of all of this, I've decided to give my medication another try. The doctor says I can take half a pill a day, so this will be cheaper for me. I want to feel that "in control" feeling again. I want to feel normal and eat when I'm hungry.

Thank you for letting me join your group. You are all very special people to me. I don't want to offend anyone here by talking about my weight loss using "diet pills", so I'm not going to say anything about it here. I wish everyone a huge GOOD LUCK, and I hope you can conquer your addiction to food one day at a time. You all deserve the best!

Thank you,
Heidi

Skinny4baby
10-23-2003, 10:41 PM
:cry: :cry: Heidi...I 100% sympathize with you. To be able to conquer the "out of control" overwhelming feeling pull that food has over us has got to be wonderful; whether it be on your on or with medication help?...I wish you all the best!..Please come back and post sometimes to let us know how you are doing. Thank-you for being so blantently HONEST.