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Old 08-10-2017, 02:56 PM   #1  
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Angry Work drama...frustrated

So a co-worker of mine has been having some family issues which everyone here understands, but on several occasions (yesterday being most recent) he just doesn't come in, and doesn't call or text or email to let us know he won't be in.

Everyone is fed up with it and wants him to start acting professional and courteous to the rest of us and let us know if he can't be here. So this morning I went in to talk to him (after he showed up more than 20 minutes late) and told him that while we understand family has to come first, he owes us the courtesy and professionalism of letting us know when he won't be in.

And he just exploded. Started screaming at me, told me how this is so "junior high" and started threatening to quit and saying he wouldn't be around long and blah-blah-blah. Total over-reaction. I think he was expecting me to back off, because normally if he's in a bad mood I give him a lot of space, but this time the "junior high" comment ticked me off and I told him there's nothing "junior high" about expecting him to let us know when he won't be in and that every company I know of has that requirement.

About 10 minutes later he apologized and gave he an awkward one-armed hug but I'm pretty irritated. This seemed like a safe place to vent.
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Old 08-10-2017, 03:39 PM   #2  
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Wow.. isn't that unprofessional! I appreciate that you took the initiative to go talk to him. Looks like you were also very polite about conveying how his erratic show-ups at work are inconveniencing everyone.

While I can empathize with how he must be feeling due to all the stress at home, I see no reason why he should be acting like that. I myself haven't dealt with difficult co-workers specifically; but in general I feel like many grown-ups surprisingly lack basic social etiquette (saying things like 'junior-high'). Probably the apology hardly makes any difference to the way you're feeling right now.

We tend to take maturity for granted and expect everyone out there to handle/react maturely, but I've met a surprising number of adults outside of work (older than me) who lack it completely!

On the flip side, you should feel so great about yourself for taking responsibility, being polite and conveying your message across without throwing a tantrum
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Old 08-10-2017, 03:51 PM   #3  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iScreamSandwich View Post
On the flip side, you should feel so great about yourself for taking responsibility, being polite and conveying your message across without throwing a tantrum
Aw, thanks.

The bizarre thing, to me, is that he's 33 years old. Way too old to be having a tantrum.
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Old 08-10-2017, 04:06 PM   #4  
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Wow that is pretty immature. I am sure many of us have gone through major upheavals. Took time from work, but managed to hold it enough together to let folks know when they could not come in etc.

You worry about workplace violence when someone is that unhinged. Does he have any friends at work and an EAP that might help him 'deal'. (Friends being someone who could suggest he get some help)

Get the "venting" though .
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:38 PM   #5  
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Not to be the Dr Phil here, but that comment me made about "not being around long enough" sounds like a big red flag. My agency has one of the highest suicide rates in this country...so we get lots of suicide training. It sounds a lot like he's going through marital problems...and I have had some coworkers go through the same. Everyone copes differently, some you'd never know.....on the opposite the others wear it on their shoulders. Sounds like he wears his problems from home all day everywhere. I would suggest going up the chain of command and seeing about some counseling. It can't hurt, especially if it is a marital or financial problem.
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Old 08-10-2017, 07:26 PM   #6  
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Well, huh. I never thought about that. He is having marital issues right now, primarily related to stress from having 4 kids. One recently born and one recently injured in a fall. He's angry with his wife over the one that was injured, even though he knows it could have happened to anyone and that he's not being reasonable.

I'm his friend (usually) in the office and can generally talk to him about most stuff. He has apologized- twice- today for what he said this morning. I had taken his comment to be more of a threat of leaving the company but it never even occurred to me that it could be a threat about suicide. I will see if there is a way to probe him a little about that.
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Old 08-11-2017, 04:17 AM   #7  
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Yeah that scenario sounds really familiar. What he said is definitely sounding more towards suicide then leaving the company unless he's expressed leaving the company at some recent point on time. Since he apologized several times I think he realized he was out of line. It sounds like the stress from home is taking its toll for sure. Something simple just asking him how things are at home and if there's something you or the company can do to help may have him open up a bit. If he refuses to open up I wouldn't leave it alone I would take it to upper management and see if they can get professional help for him. Either way it's probably best for him to get some professional help. Good luck!
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