Hey All! My name is Missie and I'm new here. I'm 27 and 260lbs. I am happily married as of October 16th and since meeting my husband I have gained 80 lbs (that's over the course of 3 years) Back in 2012 I was 270lbs, and i had been engaged to my high school sweetheart for 3 years (together for7). He decided grass must be greener on the other (skinnier then i was) side and left. I was depressed and determined to lose weight to make him want me back. (but only so i could turn him down, and eventually it did end up being that way) So, after he left I took about a year getting the famous revenge body and got down to 180lbs, which was a size 10 on my body. I looked and felt great, i went on dates and met my husband, (who has never minded my weight gain, bless his soul). I'm happy with life now and i find myself struggling to stay motivated to go to the gym and eat right. Here's the cycle... See a bad photo of me or see the girl my ex left me for and get motivated...go hard for 3 weeks...skip a day for whatever reason...tell myself ill go back monday..never go back until i see photo or girl again.
I know how to eat to lose weight i know all about clean eating, lean proteins, complex carbs, eating for fuel and not to feel the pleasure of it. I am good at cardio, my body responds quickly gaining stamina and losing inches...but no matter what i just cannot stay motivated like before. I have a motivation board, with photos of the thinner me vs now. As well as a list of areas of my life that will improve when i do lose weight on my fridge. i just struggle. I go through phase addictions to soda or chocolate, or bread. I don't know how to make my head snap into it like i did after my bad breakup. I appreciate any ideas or words of wisdom. Thank you so much for listening!!
I'm sorry there haven't been a lot of responses, but there isn't a single answer to your situation. It sounds like the diet-and-exercise stuff you do to lose weight is not a sustainable lifestyle. If it were, then skipping a day wouldn't lead to your abandoning it. I think you would be better off figuring out a sustainable lifetstyle that allows you to manage your weight rather than trying to figure out a way to motivate yourself to stick with your program. Let's hope you don't ever have as major a motivation as you did the first time, so maybe instead you can find a lifestyle you truly enjoy that results in a stable weight.
It took me decades to find one that works for me, and it's not the typical routine.
I think most people struggle with finding a lifestyle that works for them. I think different things just "click" for different people, both in terms of activity and eating. In terms of activity, some people fall in love with the gym or running and embrace lifting or HIIT. At the other end of the spectrum, some people manage to control their eating well enough that they don't need much activity. I think that many people are successful because they find an activity they enjoy. Some people get a dog and go for long walks. My husband fell in love with fencing. I set up a treadmill with a plank I can set my computer on, and I browse the web while I walk (so convenient! and I don't mind walking while I browse; I'm doing it now!).
Regarding eating, again I think it's a matter of what works as a lifestyle for each individual. Some people can adopt a very low-carb lifestyle and never look back. Some people go vegan or raw foods or super clean eating. Some people become "foodies," in the sense of researching the nutrition of different foods and get excited about veggies and EVOO other natural "super foods." Some people have success with intuitive eating. Some people can manage routinely calorie counting as a way of life. I ended up with an approach build around intermittent fasting (IF), in particular eating only one meal a day (OMAD), which in my case is dinner (compatible with eating dinner out once in a while). I have lots of add-on aspects to that (a little volumetrics, almost always starting with a soup, a little low-carbish, keeping the starchy stuff to a small serving, a little on the unprocessed/natural side at least for entree, but I actually freely eat SF jello and drink diet Dr Pepper so it's not an ideological thing with me). I also drink as much coffee with NF milk latte throughout the day, so I'm not sure all IF purist would think I'm doing it right, but what I care about is what works for me, not about any defined program or approach.
I hope you find something that works for you. I think you might also consider approaches that are compatible with your husband's interests, at least in terms of activity. Good luck!
Honestly, motivation is overrated. What you need is discipline. Use baby steps, just change one little thing at a time, and do that thing ever day (skip dessert, walk a mile, etc). Slowly change your life to what you want it to look like. The thing is you basically have to find a "diet" that you can look at and say, "yes, I can do this the rest of my life". Otherwise what is the point? Maybe you put a little extra oomph in it while losing, but the basic reality should be the same long term.
I know this is easier said then done, but you can't necessarily control your motivation, but you can control your actions. Just do it! LOL
Hi Missie, great input and suggestions from everyone. I can't tell you how many countless times I did that in the past, say, "ok I will start Monday again" The longer I waited of course the harder it would be to get back on track. I am doing a lot of things differently this journey but it rang a bell when you said that. I am on a schedule and have my meals planned but also am cooking and making some delicious meals which I enjoy! feel so much better and I don't even really feel like I am on a diet because I never let myself get too hungry. I am sidetracking, what I want to say is that I noticed that if I sidetrack, and yes I have, instead of now saying "ok I screwed up the day, might as well eat whatever now" or having the mentality, "starting again on Monday" I go right back on plan for the next very meal. Basically, I am forgiving myself and instead of the awful depressed feelings which can surely follow, I say ok a sidetrack...what's done is done..habits are not easy to change and takes practice, get back to it the next meal! (and the wonderful people I met here really help with that, we help each other). It really is working for me right now but I also always need to remind myself and work on my head...redirecting my energy and focus into fuel!!!!
The ladies here wrote some very insightful things and it gets me thinking...first, this x guy sounds like he just wasn't the right guy for you and it wasn't meant to be......maybe make him and the photo of "the girl" history!!! If I may offer a suggestion, try to replace it with something, something new! something for you! something for you and DH (husband) or any other approach that will work and click withyou! Your DH sounds like he has been great, how about something like......oh I have an idea, like planning a future goal, maybe a night out at a hotel or special lingerie, a special night for you and your supportive DH Just a thought! lol
Whatever you do and however you do it, I wish you the utmost success! You go girl!
Thank you all so much for the input! I have read and re-read the responses here and I will get to work on implementing them into my journey. I definitely agree I am one of those all in or not at all and that is not sustainable. Thank you again, I truly take the help to heart. Thank you for the encouragement!
Keep notes. Love yourself and enjoy your "me" time. Your lucky that you know that you respond to exercises. Not everyone does. I hope you just like Yoyoma find ways to enjoy it either in a gym, as a team sport or in your own way.
Also. Are you able to accurately count your calories? Not everyone does. It can go a long way in teaching us where the high caloric meals are in our menus, and decide if they are worth keeping vs having to exercise more often just for those meals. IE cereals and breads
It's hard to change when you're happy
(that's over the course of 3 years) Back in 2012 I was 270lbs, and i had been engaged to my high school sweetheart for 3 years (together for7). He decided grass must be greener on the other (skinnier then i was) side and left. I was depressed and determined to lose weight to make him want me back. (but only so i could turn him down, and eventually it did end up being that way) So, after he left I took about a year getting the famous revenge body and got down to 180lbs, which was a size 10 on my body. I looked and felt great, i went on dates and met my husband, (who has never minded my weight gain, bless his soul). I'm happy with life now and i find myself struggling to stay motivated to go to the gym and eat right. Here's the cycle... See a bad photo of me or see the girl my ex left me for and get motivated...go hard for 3 weeks...skip a day for whatever reason...tell myself ill go back monday..never go back until i see photo or girl again. 
Just a thought! lol
