[fishinaround1]

Hey. So this is my first time posting something on a site like this ever, but I figured I may as well try and see if it could help me a little bit. I am a 19 year old girl who has just started her second year of university, and can unfortunately and regrettably say, she has gained the Freshman 15. Before starting university, I had struggled a lot with my self-image and was pretty much always unhappy with my body. I've always had thicker thighs and bigger hips, but my stomach was still flat and I was involved with sports. It was fine.
Now that I am into my second year, I have gained a lot of weight and it is noticeable, at least for me. I can't wear a lot of the jeans and shorts that I used to because my hips overflow the waistline ridiculously, and my stomach has grown a pooch. My legs are a bit bigger, as are my upper arms.
I don't really know how to cook, and I don't spend time at home during the days which means I have to get lunch out all the time - usually supermarket foods. I snack a lot, and munch on many unhealthy things when it gets later at night. I'm not involved in any physical exercise because I don't have time due to my studies, and I feel like absolute ****. I can't look at myself unless I'm fully clothed, I suck in my gut 24/7, and I don't like my boyfriend seeing me in daylight without clothes on. If I am not standing or lying flat, all different parts of me get bunched up and the fat just scrunches up and makes me look even bigger.

I know I am not struggling with the same kinds of things as many others as I am at a starting weight quite lower, but the fact that I have changed so much in a short amount of time has shocked and scared me. I am really uncomfortable and I don't know what to do. My self-control is lacking in terms of cutting out bad food, I'm self-conscious to begin cooking because all of my flatmates have made it into a running joke that I can't cook and just laugh when I try to, and I don't have time to immerse myself into a team sport, which is the only way I enjoy exercise. What am I going to do? I am spiralling down so quickly and I want to feel happy again.

[daveyt]

Hey fishinaround1,

University can be tough when it comes to finding time to do stuff around your studies. Been there!

There are a few issues here but it sounds like the main one stems from not being able to cook.

Anytime we start something new there's a few things that happens:
One, we all suck at it.
Two, we KNOW that we suck at it.
And three we are embarrassed that we suck at it.

If you are able to begin learning to cook, you will be able to sort a good healthy meal out in the evening and maybe make leftovers for lunch the next day. Or at least knock something else up together you can wrap up and eat whilst you are out and about.

Now, I get it. If you've built this self image up that you can't cook and that it is a running joke with your friends, this is difficult. So, here's a story:

The first time I ever went to the gym, I went with a few of my friends. And I didn't want to seem like I didn't know what I was doing. So I loaded up a barbell with a few weights, tried to pick it up - realised too late that I hadn't put the clips on either end of the barbell and every single weight fell off one side to a huge crash.

I looked around embarrassingly, hoping no one had heard. Except 40 eyes around the room were locked on me and my mates were in fits of hysterics. I quickly left.

But I went back the next day. At that point I figured things couldn't really get any worse. And although I started off my journey as the dufus who had dropped the weights in the gym, every day I got a little bit better and my mates perception of me changed over time.

Here's the key. No one really cares what you've done before. They only care what you are doing now.

If you work to change those perceptions then your friends will get on board, stop joking around with you. You can get them on board quickly too.

If any of them know how to cook, ask them to show you how. In general, people LOVE to be asked their opinion on stuff, as then they get to show off what they know. Once they realise you are serious about it, the jokes will stop pretty quickly and they will love showing you new tips and recipes.

Alternatively, if none of them can cook either or aren't able to teach you for whatever reason, offer to cook one of them a meal. This forces you to put in a lot of effort to make it good. Say that you are trying to learn and would love to get their opinion on it. Ask whether it is good or bad - be prepared to take the bad but learn from it and find out how to improve.

In the meantime, here's something you can say to deflect the jokes back whilst you continue to learn: "I know, I can't cook. That's why I want to."

About the only response anyone can give to that is: "Fair enough." Unless they are a dick. And then you know that they are a dick and now their opinion is irrelevant.

[aliisa]

Hey Finisharound1 - I've been where you are. My freshman and sophomore years of college I gained probably 30+ pounds, don't know for sure because I never weighed myself. But I do know that all of my clothes fit way too tight, if they even fit at all. I gained in my stomach, legs, and face. It was not cute...at all. Then my senior year I said F**K this and started dieting and working out religiously. I can say this because I've done it --- you DO have time. You CAN make time. It's all in how you CHOOSE to spend your time. I took 15 hours each semester and worked 30 hours a week and still made time for my homework, studying, AND working out and eating right. Then in grad school I worked full time (40+) hours a week, maintained a relationship, took full time graduate classes, and still had time for homework and studying AND a social life. It's all about how you manage your time. Wake up an hour early if you have to, join a gym that's open 24/7 if you have to. I used to wake up at 6am, go sit at a cafe and eat a healthy breakfast while I did my reading for class or made paper outlines so that I could be at the gym the second it opened on campus, and then go to class after that. I served tables through college so some semesters I would get off work at 11 or 12 at night, go bust out an hour at the gym after that, then spend 2 hours doing homework and go to bed at 3am. The glory of college is that your schedule is so flexible, it's okay to stay up late or wake up early. Just squeeze it in when you can, where you can.

Now as it pertains to the HOW. I am a terrible cook. I am 27 now, have been in a committed relationship for 4 years, live with my girlfriend (I'm gay), and STILL am a terrible cook. But there are simple things you can cook that are so easy its like impossible to screw up lol. I used to live off of eggs because they're quick, easy, taste good, high in protein, low in calories, and just fuel your body. Scramble up 2 eggs (no cheese, no salt, no pepper, just plain), eat an apple & BAM...there's lunch or dinner. Buy some peanuts or almonds and portion some out, carry them in your backpack, and BAM...snacks throughout the day while you're on campus. Carry a big bottle of water and refill it when its empty instead of grabbing a coffee on campus or a soda. Another one of my old favorite meal preps was to get canned chicken (yes I know it sounds gross, but its actually pretty good.) I forget the brand I got because its been so long, but I think it was on the rice isle of the grocery store. Get some of that, get some microwaveable brown rice, and get a package of steamable veggies. Cook the chicken in a pan, heat up the rice and veggies, and portion it out in a few tupperware containers. Take that on campus with you and heat it up in a microwave for lunch. The possibilities are endless, but you don't have to be a great cook to eat healthy -- because I've been doing it for the past 6 years.

Rereading this it sounds a little harsh, and I promise I don't mean it that way. I am just so passionate about this stuff and I KNOW it can be done, because I've been where you are and have juggled school, social life, relationships, and healthy living along with working. If you have any questions or want some of my go-to snacks or meals on the go, let me know. I'm more than happy to share. Also -- lean cuisines. I eat them every day. I take one to work with me and eat it for lunch. Tastes great, and all you need is a microwave.

Let me know if you want more details -- I'm happy to share.

Good luck in school, and you got this, you can do this