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07-11-2015, 08:19 AM
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#1
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,862
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Only eating when hungry is A LOT harder than I thought!!
So in my final weight loss journey, I have decided to use this setback as an opportunity to address some other issues that I have with food. Issues I might otherwise ignore if I had just stay at my weight loss. I am *trying* to lose the baby weight but like my previous times, not much is budging while BFing, and of course with a new baby, I'm not exercising as often right now.
I decided to look at how often I eat when I'm not hungry and this morning decided I would only eat when I'm physically hungry. Sounds simple enough... Nope.
I realized that I rarely eat when I'm hungry. Yesterday I was only really hungry 2 times when I ate, breakfast, and something on the way home from our county fair.
I mostly ate because it was time to eat, everyone else was eating, or something looked good, or I was bored...yeah wow...
I realized a few things. First I no longer want to just eat whatever to satisfy hunger. That happened on the road yesterday. We left the fair and I stopped and got a breakfast wrap (it was after lunch though) because I was really hungry. But then I realize it was kind of gross and unsatisfying...but now my hunger was gone...If I was only going to eat when hungry, I didn't want it to be any old crap...
I also realized that means sometimes waiting to eat so I can be hungry at meal time to eat with my family. I had a snack around 4p and I wasn't really even that hungry, I totally could have waited...apple and PB and an hour later DH was antsy for dinner as were the kids...but I wasn't hungry.
It was really eye opening yesterday...I know there will be occasions I will eat when not hungry like maybe a bday (have some cake) but 99% of the time I'm just living my regular life and there's no reason to eat unless I'm hungry. Its weird but so many years of dieting and I had just become accustom to eating for other reasons besides hunger or not eating when I am hungry...I really at to the clock (is it meal time?)
Oddly one of the suggestions / treatments for my ED was to eat at assigned times whether I'm hungry or not...but I've going to try something new here.
The only downfall is that I do have a history of binging and I worry that waitin until I'm excessively hungry could trigger a binge.
With kids, if I don't eat when I can (say when they are settled or napping ) I might not get the chance to eat when I am actually hungry. So telling me not to wait until I am very hungry is not an option sometimes.
Like now, I am not hungry. But I will be shortly I know because I haven't eaten yet today. But I should have been eating now since the kids were all playing nicely and baby was swinging and calm. I can hear her starting to get a little fussy, so likely when I start to get hungry now I will be tending to her. So by the time I do eat I will likely be quite hungry, so the challenge is to bo ok with feeling hungry for awhile and not to binge when I finally do eat.
I never gave this a try so lets see how it goes.
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07-11-2015, 12:55 PM
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#2
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
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You're way ahead of the game here. When I first started IE (not saying you're starting IE but what you describe is like the hard and fast essence of IE) I had no clue what hunger was. I was eating for every reason under the sun except I was so out of touch with hunger/fullness that I was really lost. In fact I had to spend some time making myself starve for several hours so that I actually feel physically what hunger was and how it affected me. And since hunger was such a fear of mine it was like immersion therapy to feel hunger and know that nothing bad was going to happen. But you're right, for those of us who have an ED and have tortured ourselves with countless diets we outsource our inner logic and eat for reasons other than what our body is asking for, like it's dinner time, it's a party, my dietician told me to eat every 3 hours, my other dietician told me to fast for 18hrs and so on. It takes years of training but we learn how to disassociate ourselves with our inner biological workings. That's why I was always amazed at naturally thin people who skipped meals and then suddenly were eating ice cream in the middle of the day. Turns out they were just not forcing themselves to eat when they were hungry and giving their body what it asked for when it asked for it.
But you seem to already be in touch with your hunger if you can recognize it so easily. I foresee good things coming from this. The questions you're pondering such as prolonging hunger to eat with your family are all questions we IEers battle too. The start was hard for sure (for me), I would sit with my family for dinner but not eat simply because I was being diligent about following hunger/fulness rules. I would eat at odd times of day. Over time these became less and less strange and I started to conform into a "normal" schedule. I know exactly how much snack I need to hold me until dinner for example. I am not swayed by other's eating schedules. If I sit at breakfast with friends and they're all eating oatmeal I do not hesitate to address my own needs even if that means bacon and eggs. Hunger directed eating makes a lot of sense.
Last edited by Palestrina; 07-11-2015 at 12:55 PM.
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07-11-2015, 01:32 PM
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#3
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 977
Height: 5' 2"
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Palestrina "Hunger directed eating makes a lot of sense." I'm also trying to eat when I'm hungry and have to agree with GG827 I seem to be hungry when the others in the household are not hungry.
We keep a fruit bowl handy on the table and fruit and a spoon of peanutbutter or almond butter is a satisfactory and healthy snack.
DH does the major cooking now and we eat at 6:00 pm, Most days. I can judge what to eat if he is on schedule.
Never occurred to me to sit with family and not eat.
Even tho I've been around for many, many decades, didn't learn to ask myself what I NEED until fairly recently. Sounds impossible, but part of it was training by Mom to consider others first, always.
With babies coming fast, 3 by 4th Wedding anniversary, didn't have much time to think about myself. Another child later and Mom moving in with us. meant still less time to consider my needs. Then Family business took the rest of time including time that should be sleeping.
Not too old to learn new tricks.
Last edited by love2garden; 07-11-2015 at 01:33 PM.
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07-11-2015, 04:57 PM
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#4
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Senior Member
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I think a lot of women learn something similar from our Mothers, to take care of everyone else first. I'm learning that taking care of my needs doesn't come at the expense of others. Like sitting with my family but not eating. Though that doesn't happen much anymore when I first started hunger directed eating it happened a lot. Thankfully my hubby was very understanding about this process. And I sat with my family through the meal which was great because I didn't miss out on anything and neither did they. And then later when I did get hungry my husband would sit with me while I ate so I got 2 lovely dinners kind of. Food is always present but it's not the binding glue for love as we might have thought. I'm just super lucky that I have a husband who is understanding and doesn't feel threatened by how I eat or don't eat.
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07-11-2015, 05:09 PM
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#5
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 554
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Glamour girl I really relate to what you are saying. I felt pretty much exactly the same way when I first started trying to eat only when I was hungry. I was never hungry for dinner and it really bugged me to not be able to sit with the family and eat. After all, I made the food and part of me wanted it now when it was fresh and hot and everyone was sitting down.
I did finally figure out that when I listen to my hunger, Im actually not hungry in the morning, I eat breakfast around 10 30 or 11, lunch around 2, and then we eat at 5. So that is perfect for me. Im hungry for dinner but not so hungry that I feel starving or have to eat a snack which then ruins dinner for me. That is not a hard and fast rule, just an eating pattern I have noticed when I listen to my hunger. It's different for everyone.
As for what you said about waiting until you are excessively hungry, I used to do that too. Still do sometimes. What helps me is to have an idea of what I want to eat when I do get hungry. It's a little different than tuning in at the moment of hunger and eating the perfect meal but my life doesn't really allow for that. Sometimes when I get close to being fairly hungry I realize I don't want what I had planned but in that case, I usually want something different and very specific so its no problem to make it/get it and have it ready when Im hungry enough to eat.
Also, can really relate to the little one napping and feeling like I need to eat now quick while I can. I think that was a big part of not losing the post pregnancy weight for a long time. Eating a lot of food when I wasn't hungry when I could so I wouldn't risk being too hungry later. I discovered that keeping a little snack on me was really helpful. Even if I didn't end up eating it, I felt better just knowing it was there if I DID get hungry.
Anyway, its a total learning process and the important thing I think is to recognize that and to be gentle with yourself as you re learn this skill.
Last edited by Pinkhippie; 07-11-2015 at 05:13 PM.
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07-12-2015, 07:10 AM
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#6
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Palestrina
And since hunger was such a fear of mine it was like immersion therapy to feel hunger and know that nothing bad was going to happen.
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This is so true. I started to let myself experience this yesterday. And I think it will be something I need to do for many days. I think my worst fear was that I would binge. But that didn't happen yesterday. But for some reason I have a fear of being hungry...It might be related to growing up poor, there were times we didn't have a lot of food, but there was something. I didn't go hungry, if anything I was obese because any time I had a chance to eat, I did. We so rarely had "good food" though. Nutritious well cooked good tasting food, so when I came across food like that, I made sure to eat it all because I didn't know when the next time would be that I would get food like that. Mostly growing up we ate crappy food like boxed mashed potatoes, or canned veggies....
Only now ALL out food is good! Because I am the shopper and chef...but I still feel like I need to eat it all...
Yesterday I ended up eating much less than I do when eating "regularly". I am still doing weight watchers so I could see it with the points. I in no way felt deprived. It was so obvious that it felt silly to never see it before. I just waited until my stomach was physically hungry, and ate what I wanted and as much. The meals were bigger because I wasn't stretching out X amount of points over like 6-7 eating times. I am fortunate that I am really a healthy eater. I don't like processed food for my meals, I like fresh whole foods. I love veggies. My biggest issue was HOW MUCH I was eating, but it seems a lot was when I wasn't hungry.
Now last night before bed I did make a snack, I wasn't hungry, but I really like relaxing with a snack and tv. Bad habit I know but right now its one of my only things that I do to relax. But I made banana ice cream (1 frozen banana and 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk). Even after all that I still had 7 points left over. I was torn because I'm supposed to eat them all...but I really didn't need to. I really wasn't hungry, and I did not starve myself at all yesterday.
I also realized that if I want ot eat with my family I can also skip a snack, and like Palestrina said, nothing bad will happen if I'm hungry for a little while (I wouldn't want to wait hours) but you know like an hour I'd wait rather than try to find a small snack.
I just told myself yesterday, "you can have what you want and as much as you need as long as you are actually hungry." And it worked. I'm hoping today goes as well.
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07-12-2015, 07:24 AM
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#7
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
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Progress, not perfection. Also realize that although you may not have eaten all your points today there may be a day or several days that you will eat over your points. Some days you will be hungrier than others, this can be difficult for people to accept sometimes because they're used to corraling their hunger rather than letting it lead. The key is not to be mentally devastated by it, just keep your cool.
Making a snack when you weren't hungry is not a bad thing, it happens. But if you see that it happens too often and in a way that you feel is undermining your health then you can look into tweaking that down the road. When I find myself snacking just to comfort myself too often I find that I'm doing it because I can't find a good enough solution to that problem and food hits the spot. So I ask myself, why do I feel the need to take care of myself like this, is there something else I could do that would meet that need more appropriately and effectively and that I could do with regularity? In the end I swapped out my late night snack attacks with a leisurely walk while listening to my favorite podcast. Just put my little one to bed and off I go. It does not destroy my need to eat to comfort myself 100% of the time but it does fulfill the need enough so that my comfort eating is in its rightful place ---> in moderation!
It's a learning process, there are ups and downs. Another good thing that hunger directed eating did for me was that it stopped me from constantly snacking. While dieting I was under the impression that I needed to eat throughout the day to keep my blood sugar even and keep from getting hungry and blah blah blah. I think that just made me crazy and kept me thinking about food all day long which had the opposite effect on me, it kept me hungry all day. I stopped scheduling my eating and it helped me relax and keep my mind on the important things I had to do during the day.
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07-12-2015, 07:53 AM
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#8
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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Thank you. Unfortunately leaving the house is not an option for me right now. My dh is not always home (work) and even if he is, after the old ones are in bed, I bf my littlest one while she dozes off. Most nights she wakes when I put her in the crib, so I usually do that a few times to no success, then just co sleep with her when I go to bed. I'm not worried about it. Like everything else, it passes. But my choices are limited right now. I thought about reading but I just want something mindless after my days lol...the night time eating is a problem, and it can really side track my weight loss when it a pint of ice cream rather than the alternative I made last night. As my time frees up in the even when baby goes to sleep and stays in her crib, I will have to find other ways to relax at night as this in particular has been the constant thorn in my side for many years. Before I had kids I was never a home body, I hated being home! I would go out in the evening, not to party but just to the mall or a coffee shop. I didn't even own a tv. Now with kids I feel trapped at night. The occasional sitter doesn't cut it, I lost the freedom to leave the house in the evening, so I replaced it with eating...
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07-12-2015, 10:45 AM
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#9
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Senior Member
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They'll grow up eventually, that's what I tell myself!
I tell myself that it's a miracle that I've been able to stop binging. I've replaced food binging with netflix binging. I'm binging my way through Grey's Anatomy and Scandal now, I have plenty lined up after those are done, I'm only on season 5 of GA. I only get about an hour a day, maybe 2 if it's not really hectic but it works. And when I got REAL with myself I knew deep down that night time snacking was a habit that I had to break and there's only one way to break a habit. I made sure I was eating enough dinner and not ending up hungry and unsatisfied by the time evening rolled around and putting those things in place made it possible to just quit it.
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07-13-2015, 06:53 AM
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#10
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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Ha! Its funny you say netflix because that's exactly what I so quickly got addicted to this weekend instead of eating. I have never bothered to really search or browse netflix before, but since I suddenly wasn't passing time with eating (thats so sad to think I do that too) I had free time, but I wanted something mindless. I do have to keep pausing it, and it took me several hours to watch a 45 minute programs because of the kids, but it completely filled the gap.
A few times I thought I was hungry and wasn't sure, but I figured I'd wait because if it was hunger, I'd just get hungrier and then I would be sure that's what it was. Everything was fine until hubby came home.
I made my banana ice cream which I really do enjoy, but we always snack and watch tv together. And this is the only time I eat and watch tv. The rest of the day I eat at the table in the kitchen. But he made popcorn, and not healthy popcorn, no....like microwave full of crap popcorn...and I ate about 14 pts worth...which is a lot. It came from my weekly pts allowance but yesterday was my first day of the week so I already used up a lot....I need to fix this quickly.
We have regular popcorn but hubby packed away the air popper. He is of today so I will ask him to get it out. I know he'll grumble about it, but he'll still do it. Air popped with some olive or coconut oil, much better.
I am so disappointed that I just ate mindlessly last night. I felt relaxed, I really just liked the popcorn. I struggle big time when my husband is around. He is a food addict, obese and eats whatever whenever with no thought of changing his eating habits. I feel like I have not right to ask him to stop snacking at night, but I don't know how to not be around it. Right now the house is so small that I can't go to another part of the house but we are moving in a month, we close mid August and the new home is much bigger. I will be able to watch tv in another part of the house or go to the basement. I actually plan on setting up a small home gym there. If I know my husband, if I opt to leave the room and relax elsewhere if he's going to eat (snack) he'll choose not to snack. I'd be surprised if he did otherwise.
So I will continue to eat when hungry during the day and attempt to choose a better version of night time snacks until we move and I can just remove myself from the room.
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07-13-2015, 08:41 AM
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#11
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Senior Member
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Congrats on the new house, moving can be stressful though so take good care of you!
Hubbies are so annoying lol. My hubby has a late night potato chip habit. It used to bother me but the "making peace with food" aspect of IE has been a life saver in that regard. I am amazed that I can sit on the couch with him and not eat those chips or hate him for eating them. I truly don't want them anymore. Score! I think part of what helped me might have been that I forbid myself to eat while sitting on the couch. The couch was the site of many binges in my past and simply by sitting on it makes me think of eating. I'm like Pavlov's dogs for crying out loud. Yet another habit I had to break.
I overate today, got wrapped up in a conversation and didn't realize I finished everything on my plate which didn't look like much but now I feel a little sick and bloated. If I'm not eating mindfully I run into this problem, that's what I'm working on now.
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07-13-2015, 08:32 PM
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#12
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Less of a Better Me
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,412
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For me, I find that I do much better if I don't wait to get hungry before I eat. Sometimes, I get busy and do and then tend to overeat. Instead, I do better eating at fairly regular intervals. I usually end up eating something 5 to 6 times a day. Of course, YMMV.
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07-14-2015, 02:10 AM
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#13
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Senior Member
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koshka
For me, I find that I do much better if I don't wait to get hungry before I eat. Sometimes, I get busy and do and then tend to overeat. Instead, I do better eating at fairly regular intervals. I usually end up eating something 5 to 6 times a day. Of course, YMMV.
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If you wait until you're too hungry to eat then one does risk the chance of overeating. That's why the hunger scale was very useful to me when I was learning hunger-directed eating.
1. Famished, Irritable
2. Very hungry
3. Hungry
4. Slight hunger
5. Neutral
6. Appetite goes away
7. Satisfied
8. Full
9. Overly full, stuffed
10. Sick, discomfort
On a personal level, I like to eat when I am at a 2-3 and eat mindfully and slowly until I reach 8. If I eat until a 6 or a 7 I will continue to snack all day - not that there's anything wrong with snacking, I just like to eat and be done with it, I hate thinking about food every hour of the day and much prefer 3 solid meals but that's just me.
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07-14-2015, 07:27 AM
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#14
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Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,862
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koshka
For me, I find that I do much better if I don't wait to get hungry before I eat. Sometimes, I get busy and do and then tend to overeat. Instead, I do better eating at fairly regular intervals. I usually end up eating something 5 to 6 times a day. Of course, YMMV.
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I did this for many years, for fear of over eating if I waited. Because of that I actually got anxious about getting hungry! If I knew I would be out for several hours, I'd eat preventatively. I was afraid of getting hungry. And if I was out and didn't get the chance to eat, I would come home "too hungry" too make something good and just shove whatever I needed to into my mouth, because hunger felt like something I needed to get rid of right away.
I will say that since I eat the way I eat I don't have the ups and downs of blood sugar. I definitely notice a difference, have for many years. The hungry on a healthy whole foods diet, one where I always pair a carb or sugar (fruit) with a fat and protein (like cheese of nuts)....well the hunger feeling is a more gentle toerable hunger that I can feel and wait to eat, wait to cook something good rather than stop at a convenience store.
When I was eating poorly, hungry was awful, I got shaky, sweaty and grumpy...its was almost unbearable.
I watch a program on Saturday morning that talked about hunger, and that eating to hunger means waiting to feel hunger. That the body will signal when it needs fuel. It was like a light switch was flipped...why was I eating before my body told me I needed fuel..?
And that was that. I know night time is still an issue, but during the day, the past few days I feel like a new person. I'm suddenly not afraid to be hungry. But again I think my diet helps that. and by diet I means what I eat, not diet like going on a diet lol...
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07-14-2015, 09:16 AM
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#15
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Senior Member
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"When I was eating poorly, hungry was awful, I got shaky, sweaty and grumpy...its was almost unbearable."
Yea, so true. Eating junky food makes my body feel bad right after I eat it but the hunger that happens afterwards is terrible. Never thought of it that way until you said it but it's so true.
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