accidentally saw my weight at doctors - distressed.
This feel absolutely ridiculous. Yet i'm still upset by it and need to confide in someone. I feel guilty being upset by this as i only have to switch the news on and there are things genuinely worthy of my energy. but regardless i'm human...
I have a little amount of weight to lose. I gained it as a result of illness/medication. My weight does not define my self-esteem. It is not a Big Issue but its still an issue as it affects how i view my appearance. I also can't fit into a lot of my clothes. and i'm also unfit!
Instead of counting calories and weighing myself i have been trying to eat healthy, 3 meals a day, mainly fruit, vege and protein. i have been concentrating on how my clothes fit not a number on a scale. in fact i have in the past had a very unhealthy relationship with the scale so for my mental health i try and avoid it.
I had a medical appointment today and as part of the consultation i got weighed. i was going to ask to be blind weighed but i didn't want to cause a fuss or draw attention to the fact i'm dieting. I saw the number and consequently went into a bit of a shock and can't remember the rest of the appointment because i felt like ARGH I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW THAT! HOW HAS IT GOTTEN SO HIGH??
i'm trying to remind myself its only a small amount but i'm so upset by it. i feel like i've 'failed' because i had thought my clothes were fitting better. I felt like crying and then i feel ridiculous. this shouldn't matter but it does??
I'm worried this weight is my new 'healthy' weight. It is still in the (upper) healthy BMI range. I am eating healthy. I do not want to have to eat less - thats not healthy or sustainable. but i'm terrified this is it.
any words of support or even tough love would be appreciated. I feel like i wasn't ready to see my weight (i was going to wait until the 1st of may to 'commit' to it i guess).
Unless I weigh first thing in the morning, naked, after going to the toilet without drinking and eating anything then the number does not count. My weight can vary 5lbs on top of that number throughout the day, easily.
Yeah, my first thought was what Ian said. The doctor's office scales always weigh me significantly more than what I weigh at home and the gym. I even try to wear my "lightest" clothes and not eat much because I know it's a number going on my medical record haha
Sometimes they even try to get me to keep my shoes on and I'm like: are you crazy?
Being weighed is a very loaded thing for many of us, and even more so at the doctor's office. Especially when you have a fear of it, it's natural that it will be very stressful. And yes, your weight at the doctor's will be a good few pounds higher than your weight at home, due to meals, clothing, and sometimes even shoes.
That said, I'm wondering how tall you are. I'm 4'11 and your current weight is pretty slim on me. Your goal weight is very thin on me*, and I am far shorter than most women. Chances are that you are taller than me. Do you think you may have a problem with perceiving yourself to be fatter than you actually are?
I totally understand feeling unhappy with your body when you are ill and on meds that affect it. I've got severe ME/CFS, I'm mostly bedbound, I am well past unfit, and it is hard not to feel like my body has completely betrayed me. So this factors into how attractive I feel, how I feel about my weight, how that affects my eating habits - and of course, my eating habits are also affected by my illness and my medication. The people around me have an impact on all of this as well. When I was still in contact with my abusive mother, who was dead keen on transferring her eating disorder to me, and in a relationship with an awful partner, I felt really awful about my body, got into bad eating habits, and put on a lot of weight. Funnily enough, I started losing it quite happily once I broke off contact with my mother. A year later that partner left me, and I am now in a much happier relationship with someone who adores me and is always telling me how gorgeous I am. I've regained a bit of the weight, he's a chaotic eater and I ended up eating more than usual along with him (of course, he is bigger and far more active than me, so he needs more food), but that is getting straightened out now.
I've just started reading up on Intuitive Eating and I'm finding it really helpful. Would that be of any use to you? It sounds like while you would like to have your clothes fit again (and don't worry, one dress size is not something that takes a long time to sort out), the problem is more that you feel unhappy about your body and your relationship with food. IE seems to be spot on for that sort of thing. Meanwhile, it's natural for your weight to go up and down a bit during your adult life, and if you need to stock up on more clothes, eBay is a fantastic place to get brand new clothes at a surprisingly low price.
Welcome to the forum, by the way! You might like the "Dieting with Obstacles" section, there are plenty of us there who are ill/disabled.
* Well, now that I'm in my thirties, that weight looks really thin on me. For some reason, it was fine when I was a teenager. Teenagers seem to be built differently, I've heard other people saying that the weight that suited them as a teenager looks too thin on them once they're older. Could that be a factor at all? I'd love to have the body I had as a teenager, I had a slim hourglass figure and most of all, I was strong and healthy! But that ain't happening, and I'm at peace with it now. It took a while to get there.
The scale has the potential to affect people of all sizes and while it's hard for me as 190lb woman to a image that someone who weighs 110lbs could be unhappy by comparison it just goes to show you that our weight and our perception of ourselves is purely within our inner minds. Beauty truly comes from within, from the inside out. As does health.
Do you weigh yourself at all? It sounds like you don't. While I think that is a good thing (I think dieters attach wayyyyyyy too much importance on that stupid little box), I also that avoiding the scale out of fear can be problematic. It's one thing to avoid the scale because you don't like to define yourself by a number, but it's a different thing if you avoid it because of fear.
It's time to reflect on the fear, why does the number give you so much anxiety? What kind of anxiety is it? What does it make you do or want to do? Whatever makes us feel uncomfortable is an opportunity for great learning to happen. Use this to learn about yourself and find ways to help yourself, we're here for suggestions!
thank you for the support! I am a very short person thus the relatively low weights. being short even a little bit of weight shows pretty quickly!
Ian - you're correct it was late in the afternoon, fully dressed. so it wasn't accurate but i knew the 'real' number wouldn't be that much lower (i think) so it was still a shock.
esofia- i admire that you've had to overcome those obstacles, it can't have been very easy. the odd thing is i don't perceive myself 'differently' as such but my clothes are tighter. i do need to work on my body image. thats the part of my brain that screams 'this is ridiculous and irrational!' but still its unnerving to have my body...change?? like i wasn't really eating that much more but it just changed and gosh is it going to change more?
palestrina; good advice, it makes me anxious because i feel like on top of all the other health issues, this is one extra 'negative' that i have to cope with. it makes me angry. and i do get critical comments from my mother (who is overweight herself) about my bottom being bigger, etc. like at the very time i'm meant to be 'taking care' of myself, i feel such annoyance at my body for not playing by the rules that it makes it hard!! which again is absurd.
I think i am going to avoid the scales and just go by how fit i am instead. and how good i feel physically eating healthily.
I sometimes decide not to weigh myself at all when I'm dieting. It keeps me from feeling discouraged and giving up if I hit a plateau. I've gone as long as a year without weighing and then I had a satisfying 60lb loss to look at when I did finally get on the scale.
At those times, when I have to go to the doctor, I just tell the nurse that I'm going to shut my eyes and let her weigh me and write it in my chart, because I don't want to know. She always just says sure, she gets it.
Sympathy on the unpleasant comments from your mother, mine was the same. I advise avoiding the subject of weight with her as far as you possibly can. Shut down any conversations that start, tell her to stop if she makes nasty comments, walk out of the room if necessary.
accidentally saw my weight at doctors - distressed.
