You'll Shut Me Dow With A Push Of Your Button?
But I'm Out And I'm Gone
I'll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On
'Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet So Don't You Get Souped Yet
You're Scheming On A Thing That's A Mirage
I'm Trying To Tell You Now It's Sabotage
As the Beastie Boys so well put it, It's Sabotage.
"N," a woman in my office made huge changes in her life and lost about 60 pounds. Before the summer, she left her position with us to persue a career as a holistic nutritionist. She came to visit today and looks great. She's tanner and happier. I was hugging and catching up with her when "K" joined us.
K has been on some extreme diets and lost about 40 pounds, only to gain 60. The first thing she said to N was:
"Sheesh, N, you've lost a lot of weight. You're much too skinney. Promise me you won't get any skinner, I'm worried about your health."
This makes me VERY angry. The woman looks great. She hasn't lost an ounce. She's a freaking nutritionist for heaven's sake! I see this type of sabotage a lot. Especially from "our own kind!"
I've noticed that K is very eager to point out flaws and if you're dieting, she makes a special effort to "be your friend" only to tease you with goodies.
Does anyone else deal with sabotage? How do you discreetly kill a sabotaour?
08-08-2003, 08:22 PM
poison in the coffee?
just kidding, just kidding...
That happens alot! For some people, seeing someone else's success in something points out their own sense of failure. To get all psychobabblish on you, they are really angry at themselves first and foremost.
The best way to piss off someone like that is to reach your goals and be really successful. Use that as motivation!
08-08-2003, 08:34 PM
I remember during my second year at college, I lost 30 pounds (from 180 to 150) and I was very proud of myself. I couldn't wait to get home to see my family, especially my father, who had always picked on me about being his fat, non-athletic daughter. He took me out for a nice dinner and at the end of it he said, "So, are you going to go throw up now?". I was so mad!
Matt is right. Keep achieving your goals and express a lot of happiness and confidence in yourself. Nothing irritates negative people more than people who have the happiness that they lack.
08-09-2003, 02:24 AM
I dislike sabotaguers. (Let's all murder that word as much as possible, ok people?) Sadly, I'm slightly guilty of it in the past, out of jealousy, you know? Now, as of, oh, about the beginning of this year, I've decided to be happy for everyone. I've been much happier as the result of it.
Alana, that story about your dad is horrible... you must've been heart broken. :( You'll show him some day. -Apryl
08-09-2003, 02:54 AM
Most of the people at work are very suportive and try to keep any goodies away from me. I did have one guy that was always getting pizza and offering leftovers but he no longer works there anymore.
It is easy to be jelous of people who have lost and are at goal. But we just need to turn into inspiration to meet our goal.
08-09-2003, 04:32 AM
People bring in donuts, cakes, etc all the time. I am scheduled to begin work in less than 6 hours :lol: and I just KNOW someone is going to bring muffins/bagels/donuts. I just eat my fresh fruit & my grilled chicken & smile.
I've done enough scolding, and while they all compliment me on how great I look, they still bring it in. It's the way I deal w/it that has to change.
On the other hand, Paula brings me buttercrunch lettuce, cukes & zukes from her garden. :D
08-09-2003, 06:53 AM
Funny you should mention this. A friend of mine has recently lost 100 pounds. She has been struggling to get passed the initial 100 and has about 25 more to go. When I made the committment earlier this year to really go for it and exercise and eat right we were speaking about goals. Now, we are roughly the same age and height. I outweighed her by over 100 pounds when she began her diet and I need to lose about 225 to be at a decent weight. I told her my ultimate goal was about 185 to 195 (at 5'10" that is a reasonable weight -- I think). She currently weighs 198. She told me that I shouldn't think of going below 200 and should just concentrate on 200. I am getting the feeling that she does not want me to be lighter than her. Is that possible? I hate feeling this way.
08-09-2003, 12:55 PM
Hi lisa, maybe she did not mean it that way. Maybe she wants you to focus on the smaller goal knowing that you can make a new goal when you get there. I am setting my site for 240 but when I get there I'm going to see how I feel and maybe go to 220 or even 210.
08-09-2003, 03:48 PM
Well, it was not intentional sabotage, but Dan woke me up this morning by bringing in a breakfast tray - coffee and blueberry pancakes - three HUGE ones drowning in syrup. What a sweet husband! What a giant load of calories!
I am fine with eating special treats - I can have a little if I'm hungry. its the portion control that's hard. Especially when someone has already served up my plate. Yes, I ate the whole stack. I'm not going to eat again today until I'm good and hungry.
08-09-2003, 04:56 PM
Alana! OMG, that is such a horrible story about your dad. My mouth would have just fell open, with no retort. Except maybe a heart sinking feeling of frustration. GRRRR! That makes me sooo angry!
Lisa I would totally have called that sabatoge. Howie is right, she might be trying to help you set small goals but if she's talking overall weight, she's trying to be the skinney friend. Yuck.
Angi I have the same problem with "special treats." Oprah once said you can find a "special occasion" everyday to toss your goals to the wind. It's friday! It's a beautiful summer day! My boss is out of the office! Etc etc etc.
08-10-2003, 12:06 AM
I have a dear friend who is suffering from this very thing also. She has lost about 50 pounds this past year and is now a lovely size 8. After the initial, "you look great!" comments, all she gets now is "You are too skinny!" and other teachers at school give her a hard time about her Jenny Craig meals that she brings in telling her that she needs to really eat and quit starving herself. I feel so bad for her!
08-10-2003, 12:17 AM
I just joined 3 fat chicks today and am really enjoying reading all the interesting discussions and thought I'd join in this one.
I am my greatest saboteur, I think that deep down I think I don't deserve to be slim and healthy, but I am now addressing this and taking the time and effort to invest in myself.
I never get much support when I diet, probably because I've 'cried wolf' too many times with my yo-yo dieting. But I really believe in myself at the moment and my positive attitude must have rubbed off because my partner has now joined me on my diet which is a big help - no more suggesting pizza every night!
I've decided to keep quiet this time, especially with my parents who like Alana's will always find something negative and hurtful to say.
I figure I am doing this for myself and it's down to me if I suceed or not. But then again, I'm only on my first week, so my motivation is at it's highest - my opinion might change after a few months!
I want to lose around 100lb but I'm just focusing on half stone goals as otherwise I know I will get overwhelmed and sabotage myself. I've just finished my first week and lost 2lb - it feels good that I am taking control at last!
08-10-2003, 07:21 AM
Is a stone about fourteen pounds? I read a lot of British authors, and have been trying to figure that out!
Take care and post often!
08-10-2003, 10:56 AM
Welcome Amanda. I call mine my 10 step diet plan. I took the total amount of weight I want to lose and diveded it up into 10% goals. Every 10% I take a new picture and post it on my web site. I've made it through two mini goals so far. Glad to see you here and I agree with you we are sometimes are own worst enemy.
08-10-2003, 04:34 PM
I have a cousin Amanda, and I've always called her Amanda Panda. :lol: Even though she is 22 & a mother, she's still Amanda Panda. :)
This is a great place to come to get re-motivated. :) Glad to have you here.
08-11-2003, 03:07 AM
My sister's name is Amanda! Although she's my little sister, so I call her Aman-DUH! :) OMG, do I ever miss my little sister (I moved 3,000 miles away).
May I suggest that you form a support group outside your family so keep you in a system of check and balances (perhaps here at 100 lb club)? I find that if no one knows that I'm dieting, I'm much more likely to give up. However, if I'm accountable to a group (like my friends here), I'm much more likely to stick with it!
08-11-2003, 03:14 AM
Gosh she sounds like just what you need....NOT! Jelousey strikes again :rolleyes:
Good for the lady who looks great...this other womena is just jelous!!
08-11-2003, 05:25 AM
The following is adapted from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I heartily recommend it for anyone who wants to find a healthy, sane way to express her/himself.
Wet Blankets are defined as people who want what you have but won't admit it. SO, they dampen YOUR enthusiasm and success.
An especially irritating subgroup of Wet Blankets are Crazymakers.
CRAZY MAKERS BREAK DEALS AND DESTROY SCHEDULES: These people show up two days early for Thanksgiving and expect you to wait on them hand and foot. They rent the biggest fanciest motel room and expect you to foot the bill.
CRAZYMAKERS EXPECT SPECIAL TREATMENT: Regardless of your deadlines, concerns, they have something that “needs your attention.” They don’t want to follow the usual procedure. After they have had a snit of their own, they want you to clean up the aftermath.
CRAZYMAKERS DISCOUNT YOUR REALITY: They will violate your needs no matter how important your project or plans are. They may act as though they heard you and respected you, but their behavior will indicate otherwise. “OH, I know you told me not to call after 10 p.m., but I didn’t think I could get you any other time” Or “I know you are on deadline, but this will only take a few minutes.” (Your minutes.)
CRAZYMAKERS SPEND YOUR TIME AND MONEY: If they borrow your car, they return it late and with no gas. They demand you interrupt your plans to bail them out of their emergency. When you say you cannot go get them at the airport out of town in the middle of the day, they say, “But I don’t have money for a taxi...”
CRAZYMAKERS TRIANGULATE WHO THEY DEAL WITH: Because these people thrive on other people’s energy, they set people against each other to stay “empowered.” “So and so was telling me you... (fill in the blank).” You get mad at so and so and miss the fact that the crazymaker got you emotionally off balance.
CRAZYMAKERS ARE EXPERT BLAMERS: Crazymakers know that nothing that goes wrong is ever their fault... but it is probably yours. “If you hadn’t cashed that check I gave you, it wouldn’t have bounced....”
CRAZYMAKERS CREATE DRAMAS, BUT SELDOM WHERE THEY BELONG: Often time crazymakers watch you doing what they wish they could do... so in their jealousy and anxiety, they throw a wrench in YOUR works.
CRAZYMAKERS HATE SCHEDULES--EXCEPT THEIR OWN: Time becomes a weapon in the hands of crazymakers. They will manage to fight you for your time, or need something when you have carved out the time you wanted.
CRAZYMAKERS HATE ORDER: Chaos serves their needs... This keeps you from doing what you needed to do (see Dramas above), as well as distracting you from noticing that they aren’t getting much of their stuff done.
CRAZYMAKERS DENY THEY ARE CRAZYMAKERS: and when they do so, they pick your most vulnerable spot. “I’m not what’s making you crazy,” they say, if you point out some bit of their sabotage....”It’s just that we have poor communication... “ (Or in a marital situation... “It’s just that we have such a rotten sex
Recognizing a Crazymaker may not change THEM, but it does change US. We might even be able to laugh and go on about ur own business.
08-11-2003, 01:25 PM
Hi everyone and thanks for the really warm welcome - I think joining this forum is going to really help my motivation.:angel:
My partner is the only person who calls me Amanda Panda, but I kind of like it!
Thanks for the suggestions, at the moment my partner and I are monitoring our diet - he's set up a chart on the computer and we are going to weigh ourselves every Saturday. I'll also post my loss on this site if thats okay? :shrug:
Sherry; yes 14 pounds is a stone.
Howie, I like your idea of breaking your weight into 10 targets , I think I might try that ( but not posting the pictures! ):o . Maybe I'll reward myself after each target.
Anyway, thanks for the support and I'll enjoy getting to know you all better.:grouphug:
08-11-2003, 09:17 PM
Welcome, Amanda. You'll love it here.
There's an Amanda Panda in our family too. And she's three years old today. (Granddaughter)
08-13-2003, 10:40 PM
Talk about Sabotage. Someone at work came up to me while I was intering calories into my hand held. She asked "You still on a diet?" Boy that made me feel real good. I ask her YES does that suprise you. What is it with some people they don't even think before they speak. She said no I would have given up by now so I thought you would have to. WELL I AINT YOU LADY SO BUT OUT. I did not say that but it felt good saying it here. I'm in it for the long haul.
08-14-2003, 12:39 PM
YAY Howie! Good for you...taking motivation, instead of criticism from other people's thoughtless comments! Why does everybody feel that your weight loss is their business??
I went out with some co-workers for a dinner and a drink last night...It had been planned for a couple of weeks. This pub has really great french fries...so I had decided to treat myself (I planned ahead...stayed on the low side for calories all week and had a light lunch to accomodate). One of my co-workers who knows that I am watching my weight said "Oh Kris...bad" like I was a 3 year old. All this while she was eating a Caesar salad! Grr. Guess that there is not much you can say in those circumstances.
How do you guys handle "helpful" (aka nosy) comments from others?
08-14-2003, 12:40 PM
i had a lady at my old work who told me how great i looked, asked me how i did it, etc.
i replied "i work out and i count calories"
her: " you count EVERYTHING that goes in your mouth?"
and then, about every other day for my last month there, every time she saw me she'd say, "still counting those calories?" and be suprised when i said yes.
she wanted advice on how to lose, too. i wrote it all down for her, even gave her the URL for this group, calorieking, fitday, etc. sigh.
08-14-2003, 02:53 PM
Painter, Thank you for that, I have a soon to be brother in law that we have nicknamed the wetblanket, he's nasty for that. He's always up to something, yesterday he called my fiance out of work because he just had to speak with him. Turns out he just wanted to tell him that their distant cousin was in the hospital to get a mole removed! Needless to say, df was so mad, he has this freaky work ethic thing and is never late for work and never calls in sick, let alone leave a shift for 2 hours to find out about a mole!
So far I've been fairly lucky as my usual weight loss saboteurs are no longer in my life, turns out they were not really good friends at all and I have let them slip away. It's amazing how much energy you have when you're not getting sucked dry by those darn black holes!
My only challenge is at work. The upper management actually spoke about my weight in a meeting and set up this adorable intervention for me because they think I'm anorexic. (90% of them are overwieght I might add) OMG i'm 196lbs and eat 3 meals a day, before Atkins I never used to eat until at least 6pm! Now that needed some intervention. Although I was shocked and disgusted, I politely told everyone that I appreciate their concern but my health and my weight is not open for dicussion at work, it is a private matter. Dispite this they all still watch me like a hawk at lunch and offer to take me out to resturants where I can't eat a dang thing on the menu. On Monday I wrote a letter to the human resource department that stated if they didn't stop this behaviour I was going to be forced to file a complaint because it was an unhealthy work environment. And surprise! It stopped tuesday. Some people just have no idea where their noses belong.
So, good luck with all your saboteurs everyone!
08-14-2003, 03:56 PM
wow tummy, what a story! anorexic. some people.
and CONGRATS on one-derland!!!
08-15-2003, 08:24 PM
Hello to all!
Moving over from another website that was having some growing pains and I could never find the same group of people to talk with. Will be checking in to lend an ear and bend an ear as time allows. Workin my way from 240 to 130 slooooowwwwlllly. Currently 224. Hopefully I have done the reply correctly......if not I will learn my way around eventually. Good to read all the positive help here to help along this journey.
Boy the self sabotage and third party sabotage sure hits home!!! Up until now I have let that get in the way. I am taking a different road this time!
08-15-2003, 08:27 PM
welcome stayinalive! you've come to the right place. :)
08-16-2003, 01:12 PM
I know what you mean, Tummy. A few years ago, after losing about 70 pounds, my Grandmother approached me at the dining table, while I was eating a rather substantial lunch, and asked me if I was anorexic. At the time, I still weighed 180lbs. I tried to explain, "Grandma, anorexics don't eat. I'm eating!" It didn't stop her though.
I try to blow off most sabotage, but I became a smart mouth about it when I got pregnant about 6 years ago. I had just lost 100 pounds when I got pregnant and proceded to gain about 60 back during the pregnancy. People wouldn't stop commenting on it. I couldn't believe it! While introducing myself to a new neighbor one day, she commented, "You are enormous, you must be having twins!" My reply was, "Actually it's triplets. Want to take a look?" Hormones, hormones... She has never spoken to me since.