Hi all! I used to be here a few years ago and then took a hiatus.
Last time I was at a good weight but a lot of obsessive and disordered patterns, so I abandoned my scale and dieting and calorie counting for intuitive eating. Unfortunately emotional and compulsive eating doesn't leave as easily as I thought it would. It was all good and I was beginning to love myself more and more, which I definitely do now. BUT my weight has ballooned.
At first, it was like.. oh it's okay. I'm just a little bigger. I'd look at myself in the mirror and see a bigger me and convince myself it's fine. I've been in denial. Although I am clocking in at 158.8 right now (my highest ever), I was still trying to convince myself no one can tell and it's actually fine. And then I had a DetaFix done and turns out I'm at 40% body fat putting me at obese.
BUT again, the sad thing is... I STILL was in denial. Thinking people can't tell.
So this past few days I've been out with my friends for my 25th birthday. Some friends I saw that I haven't seen since I was about 30-40 lbs lighter and I've always been terrified of what they'd think. Or that they wouldn't recognize me.
And it was fine, they are still nice to me and all. But pictures.. man. I was "THAT fat friend". I never was that person before. All my girlfriends, bombshells literally, 0s, 2s, 4s, and 6s, beautiful bodies. And then there's me. Pictures didn't lie. No matter what pose I took, my belly was out. The spanks didn't hide it. My legs... big. My arms, fat and flabby. My face.. wide. It's there. You can't hide it. And then I could tell some friends treating me differently, not like I was the same person. I wasn't invited to the other places they also went to (the "cool cat clubs"). And I just had a friend text me saying she edited me a little bit before posting the pics on FB. Ouch.
I play it cool but man. I think this is a wake up call.
I've tried losing weight the last few months and I'd be good for 7-10 days and then fall off, convincing myself it's okay. I deserve it. And then bam. Eating takeout again (it's turned into a habit that I realized I had to work on first before commiting to dieting/weight loss again) which I've done well with except the last 2 days which I told myself it's a bday present.
So I am starting over. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. This is happening. I don't want to be the fat friend anymore. I don't want to feel out of breath anymore when I do things. I don't want to feel lazy and tired and feel like I don't wanna do anything except watch netflix. I don't want to NOT go to gym, I want to fall in love with exercise, no longer crave sugar and sweets and find comfort in other things than food... and no longer having food as a big part of my destress/comfort/reward system.
Welcome! I can totally relate to your story. I'm also the fat friend. I've put off dating for the last year because of the embarrassment. You can do this. It sounds like you are totally committed now. Remember to allow yourself some of the foods you love but in moderation and log everything you eat. Some say to log your drinks too but I don't. I quit soda completely and only have tea and water now. Anyway, good luck and keep us posted on your progress!!
Luckily in grad school, I no longer have the time to go out like I did in college, but the hardest part for me feels like when my friends find time to fit in exercise to be healthy when they have no health problems, why can't I?
I get so many knee pains I noticed when my weight goes up, yet I don't try. I complain about not getting results without putting in 100%, I told myself this year will be the year I stick to my plan! If I fail, it's just one meal, and I can literally start over the same day
A great plus would be to not be the fat friend though, I also have this idea where I could lose weight, and finally change my hair and clothes lol. I know it's seems to superficial and vain but I think it would be fun! I want to be able to look cute in clothes that I actually like and not ones I have to buy because they fit....ok i just went on such a tangent, but I feel you girl! We can do it!!!
I have always been the fat friend. Last summer was the last straw for me. Working at a summer camp with a bunch of beautiful, wonderful people was a great experience for me. But I had to look at all the pictures of myself afterwards. The memories are great, how I looked in the pictures was not. Since then I have lost 30 lbs, but I still have such a far way to go.
Hoping you the best. The cravings get better after a while!
I feel ya! I too have always been considered the heavy set one in my group of friends and colleagues. Although people were "nice" you could still see the look of judgment in their eyes and condescending tone in their voice. But what I find the most annoying is when you start losing weight and feeling good about yourself, your family, friends and colleagues now feel they have the right to weigh in on what is the correct weight you should be. Hopefully that doesn't happen to you. If it does remember it's your body and unless they are living with consequences then they need to stay out of your business. Do what's right for you girl and go for it. Make sure to post your transformation pictures.
Hello and welcome back. First I just have to say that I would be so upset if my friend edited my photo before posting on fb. How presumptuous, I would be so angry about it and I would not allow it.
Pictures don't lie but how we see ourselves is ONLY an interpretation. If you're looking at yourself and comparing to others or comparing yourself to an expectation you have then you're bound to not like what you see. In my own experience I've dramatically changed my interpretation of what I look like in pictures and the mirror. Technically I weigh more (by at least 50lbs) than anyone one of my friends. But now when I look at pictures of me standing next to them I see my curves and I feel good about it. I'm shapely, curvy, pretty, smiling, happy and have a right to stand next to them. Because I've worked very hard to rid myself of my negative thought patterns I find it difficult to criticize myself too much anymore. It's not that I do not want to lose more weight because I do. It's just that being down about my body serves no purpose other than to make me feel bad, and that serves no purpose at all!
As an intuitive eater myself I gained a little weight initially but have since been steadily losing weight. It's slow but it's very certain weight loss, it's not coming back. When I start to feel a little bummed about why I'm still "fat" I remind myself that excess weight just means that I am eating more than my body needs, which means that I'm not doing a good job of honoring my hunger and satiety. That always gets me back on track.
Saying that you gained 40lbs on IE is a bit unfair. From what you write it seems to me that you weren't able to find a way to cope with stress/emotions without food. If this is the case then how will a diet help you here? Diets are a source of great anxiety, they stress your body and mind and are statistically proven to lead to more weight gain. Please come by and visit the IE thread and see if we can offer you more support, we've all been where you are and we've all battled the diet mentality. There is so much more to IE and it has nothing to do with "eat whatever you want."
For someone who for years didn't see the weight gain in the mirror -- the image of myself in my head was reflected back in the mirror, seeing pictures (and having them be posted on Facebook or something similar) was also a reason for me to take this on (to lose weight).
I always saw myself as thinner -- like you, didn't realize I was gaining the weight or thought it didn't matter. But I started seeing the pictures and wondering who that was... that's not how I felt or how I wanted to look like.
It wasn't what motivated me to lose the first 35 lbs. I had to wait for a health reason to really get my butt in gear. But now, I recognize with my health in check, anything I lose is for vanity, with some minor improvements in health (on joints, in blood sugar, etc.).
I sympathize.
I don't get bothered by the touching up of FB pictures, because I have a friend who does the same thing. She take away some of our blemishes or rolls if we're in bikini pictures, because she's being kind to all of us -- she does it out of love because FB is a public forum, not because she is ashamed of us (and it is "us" because she does it to some of my thinner friends who maybe don't have as good hair or skin).
If this is a factor that motivates you, then great.
I agree that IE doesn't make you heavy, but maybe IE isn't the way to handle food for you right now. I know it wasn't for me. Calorie counting and exercise calories drove me crazy too. So, I am doing a bit of everything with Paleo (which is a way of calorie restriction that works for my health and my head) and a bit of IE because with Paleo you're not suppose to count (and even my medical doctors don't want me to count calories!).
I get so many knee pains I noticed when my weight goes up, yet I don't try. I complain about not getting results without putting in 100%, I told myself this year will be the year I stick to my plan! If I fail, it's just one meal, and I can literally start over the same day
I agree so much. I was getting disappointed, like oh this isn't working but I wouldn't even give it long enough for it to work. Impatience. Ugh. But seriously, this didnt' happen overnight so it won't come off overnight too. The consistency thing is hard since we all want results like yesterday... so I have to become welcoming and accepting that it will take time, just stay consistent.
I can sympathize. One of my good friends is a gorgeous blonde Swede. We go places and I don't think men even see me unless I'm blocking their view. Yeah, it hurts my feelings sometimes, but what am I going to do? Somebody's got to be the fat friend. And even if I wasn't fatter, I still couldn't compete in the looks department.
I tell myself that there's always going to be somebody prettier, richer, thinner, younger, or smarter. I know that's not a feel good message, but it's the truth. I can only compare myself to what I've been and hope I'm improving. Comparing myself to others only makes me miserable.
I don't know how, she didn't say. All she said was "I hope you don't mind, but I edited you a tad in the pics on FB" like me, specifically. Meh.
I'd be pretty upset if she just edited me (and not just like added a filter to a pic). Have you checked out the pics yet? I'd probably tell her how I feel, and if she didn't understand why that's a no-no, I would really re-think whether you need to have that sort of friend.
My wake up call were pictures of me on a really awesome road trip I took back in 2011. I thought I was sooooo much thinner and that I couldn't possibly look like I was 299 pounds. But, I sure did. The pictures of that road trip were a huge motivation in me losing weight.
No longer being the "fat" friend
