100 lb. Club - Emotional ties lead to bad eating habits?
08-02-2003, 01:02 AM
OK, I have a question but need to set the scene a bit.
I was in a bad relationship for about a year and a half, pretty rocky from the beginning...which is when my eating and weight really got out of control. Anyways, even tho we are not together he still calls and I still see him sometimes. I really don't know why I can't just totally kick him to the curb because I know that he is bad for me. Perfect example...tonight I spoke with him and it was the same old same old..him telling me he loves me, me getting mad because he has a way of getting me to say stuff(love him back) and I just get mad and hang up the phone. Next thing I know I'm down in the kitchen making pasta with green beans and potatoes. Wierd combo I know but it was what I was craving. Oh yeah, a cinnamon bun too. Craziness. I know I don't love him the way I used to...too much hurt and distrust for me to want him like before but I can't seem to totally let go. We really have nothing in common and are on two totally different levels. Not to be snotty but when I speak to him I have to explain words he doesn't understand...it was cute in the beginning but I hate it now. He says I am the reason he is getting his life straight but funny thing is I lost so much this past 1 1/2 years. Ironic, isn't it? Before him I never had a problem breaking a bad relationship off and I have never needed a man in my life. I alway thought of myself as a strong, independent woman and I really question that now.
My question is why do women seem to allow stupid stuff to happen and deal with situations that are bad for them and they know it???? How does one break the cycle and move to a better place?
Know this is long and thanks for letting me sound off...He just pushes my buttons and puts me in a place I don't like to be.
08-02-2003, 12:46 PM
I used to eat for emotions too. When ever my DH and i would fight I would snack but now i tell him like it is and let him deal with his own feelings if what i say isnt what he wanted to hear. My DH sounds alot like my DH. I have to explain things to him alot and i have started to feel more like a mother talking to a child than a wife talking WITH a husband.
08-03-2003, 04:18 PM
I am still trying to break things off w/a summer fling. He calls from a BBQ & says, "I'm surrounded by women!" So I shoot back, "You're surrounded by women, yet you're calling me. What's up w/that?" He didn't have an answer for that. My friend Danny says I'm the :queen: of Stop 'Em In Their Tracks lines...
My advice to you? Voicemail was invented for a reason, so was Caller ID. Much easier said than done, though. Good luck!
08-03-2003, 05:18 PM
LOL...I have to laugh because he doesn't even HAVE voicemail or a phone of his own for that matter!!! He just got another job but isn't sure if he's keeping it. It is true, easier said than done and I like Julie's take on it that it's like speaking to a child. I don't have kids yet and it's bad enough that some of the staff where I work need babysitting so doing it in my personal life is really really bad!!! Now I did go out of town for the night and he asked me to call when I got back, haven't done it...YAY!! Because I know he'll want me to come over and that would be a whole new fight 'cause I'm not doing it and I'm not hungry!!!!!
08-03-2003, 05:35 PM
No, no, I meant for you. :p You see his number on the Caller ID, you let the call slide into voicemail. Before y'all think I'm a horrible person, I've only done this w/one guy. It worked so well that I still recommend it.
edited to say:
This was only b/c I had already told him several times that I only wanted to be his friend, and he just wasn't getting the hint. I felt (and Danny told me) that continuing to speak to him gave him false hope, which was mean of me. *sigh*
08-03-2003, 06:44 PM
LOLOLOL I am so sorry!!!! I do have caller ID and I have avoided his calls before but somehow I always get suckered into calling back. I don't think you are a horrible person because they seem to be the types of guys who don't get the hint. Mine has gone so far as to tell me I might be wasting his time but when I tell him that I am and he needs to find someone else he changes his tune and says he didn't mean that..he loves me and I am the only one for him...yada yada yada.
My own honest opinion is that this guy is messing with your head maybe not intentionally but that is what he is doing. I remember in a psych class this type of person was called a crazy-maker.
Remember at the end of the day only you can allow this person to treat you this way.
08-03-2003, 11:39 PM
So whats the deal with how you feel about this guy and how he feels about you?? You said that he says he loves you, but love means many diifferent things in many different contexts. Does he think you are just friends now or is he trying to get back together with you? Are you dating someone else?
Sorry to pry, but relationship issues are tricky and I have had my share of people who have misrepresented my feelings to them. It is just a close subject for me right now. If this guy was a jack*ss, then kick him to the curb completely. If not, then you need to set some clear boundaries about what is and isn't appropriate.
08-04-2003, 12:46 PM
I don't know about anyone else, but I know that I get into bad relationships and it's hard to get out because I get this mentality that what if no one else wants me.... I'm not going to explain my whole thought process becuase I don't want anyone else to think that.... but after awhile I have to choose between being in this horrible, emotionally abusive relationship or being alone... and pretty soon being alone sounds so much better. Anyway, my point is is that you don't need him..... you are probably a perfectly good person without him.... and my mom always says that the person I'm in love with will bring out the best in me... and if I think I'm in love then I look at what about this guy makes me a better person. And if he really loves you he won't put you through all this stuff..... and I'm sure I could go on and on and on... but I won't....
08-04-2003, 01:05 PM
Originally posted by blondegirl32
Mine has gone so far as to tell me I might be wasting his time but when I tell him that I am and he needs to find someone else he changes his tune and says he didn't mean that..he loves me and I am the only one for him...yada yada yada. Jeez, this sounds familiar, maybe we should get them together so they could go bowling? :lol:
08-04-2003, 01:58 PM
May I recommend the book In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant? It's a great book to figure out why you get into bad relationships and why you can't let go. It helped me out when I ended a very bad (and fattening - gained 100 pounds) relationship of 5 years.
My advice: I think you need some "me" time. Take a class that interest you (maybe pottery or Tarot Card reading) or join a exerise club. Re-establish a life outside of the poophead. You'll feel stronger and more social afterwards which may help you fend off his codependent advances.
If he claims that he's the only one for you, he should BACK OFF and give you space so you can find that out for yourself.
08-04-2003, 07:46 PM
In regards to MattH that is the question I ask him all the time, what love is to him. I don't think he knows what love is in the way I look at love. He gets mad when I say that. Until today I thougt he knew we were not together but according to him I am his. I told him we are not together but he doesn't want to hear it. I am not seeing anyone else (he thinks I am in his own mind no matter how much I tell him I am not)and I do my best to make my feelings clear to him. The way I feel about him? Used to love him with all my heart and would have done anything for him. Unfortunatlly it backfired on me 'cause I lost everything (car, apartment, money, self-esteem, and gained 10 sizes) in only one year now I care for him and do not want anything bad to happen to him but the spark that was in the beginning fizzled out awhile ago for me. My friends tell me I have a big heart but that tends to get me into trouble sometimes. I think the main reason I keep in some contact with him is along the lines of what DeeVine wrote and I hate that about myself because before him I didn't care if I was in a relationship or not. I was happy with me. But with the extreme weight gain and being 32 I wonder if there is someone out there for me....or is this the best I can do? Plus he always tells me that no matter how much weight I gain he would never leave me. It's kind of funny but not in a haha way, I have always been the one who was left, dumped or cheated on and the one I don't want still wants me. SuchaPrettyFace, Bowling? LOL Maybe we should go instead and make them the pin boys!!! :smile: Goddess, that sounds like the book for me, I love to read so I will definatly check that out and you are right about the ME time that needs to become a priority in my life. Without that my goal will be harder than ever. BTW I did decide to join Curves and I have my first meeting with them Thursday to sign up. I am excited and looking forward to it!!! I appreciate all the feed back...sometimes outside opinions are the ones that mean the most but I know the ultimate decision is mine. My health, mind and body need to be my number one priority and putting all this in writing is really helping to clear my head.