I broke up with my boyfriend and it was due to the fact he didn't give me enough attention.
So I basically broke up with him on Skype by sending him two heartfelt video messages, not blaming him for anything and being careful with how I broke up with him. I've cried wolf before saying I'd break up and never followed through and he said he knew we'd be together forever. He didn't even say goodbye to me I mean I believe I deserve that closure. I have no hard feelings and respect who he is as a person and I told him to never change how he goes about things because someone out there will appreciate him even if he's preoccupied a lot. Do you think he's waiting for me to come around? Will I get a bye from him maybe you think?
I would say that of all the scenarios, not hearing from them isn't the worst. I would say move on with your life, you don't need closure from him. He will be fine.
If someone broke up with me by way of video messages I wouldn't feel any obligation or inclination to respond in any way. I would assume that if he or she had really wanted face-to-face communication, closure or goodbyes, he or she would have executed the break-up face to face.
In fact, to be honest, calling or emailing or video messaging "just to say goodbye," to such a break-up would feel degrading and pathetic (to me). After all what is there really to say when someone dumps you, "Uh, ok, goodbye then..." sounds lame, desperate, needy and actually kind of stalkerish (to me).
He obviously accepted and respected your choice, or he would have contacted you already. That's better than stalkerish or needy.
I wouldn't read too much into the fact he hasn't come back to you. It could be that he doesn't believe you, if you've said you would do it in the past and never followed through he might think that by waiting it out you might come back. I would leave it at that to be honest, you've told him and said what needs to be said. Anything more is overkill. Time to move forward with your life.
If someone broke up with me by way of video messages I wouldn't feel any obligation or inclination to respond in any way. I would assume that if he or she had really wanted face-to-face communication, closure or goodbyes, he or she would have executed the break-up face to face.
In fact, to be honest, calling or emailing or video messaging "just to say goodbye," to such a break-up would feel degrading and pathetic (to me). After all what is there really to say when someone dumps you, "Uh, ok, goodbye then..." sounds lame, desperate, needy and actually kind of stalkerish (to me).
He obviously accepted and respected your choice, or he would have contacted you already. That's better than stalkerish or needy.
This is sort of exactly how I felt. Face-to-face is just a sad moment, in my experience a hug and handing over a box of items you had of theirs, or that they had of yours, and that's all. There's always the "we'll be friends" but so far I haven't spoken to a single one of them since. Just... haven't. Online or over the phone, what do you expect? For them to respond, what would they even say? Unless you want them to beg for you back, to claim that they have changed. If they accept your break up, then there is little to no reason to respond to a technological break up message.
Take it from me, your ex NOT contacting you, is a GOOD thing. It means he can respect your choice, he's not a creeper, and the only closure you need is a lady's night out and changing your Facebook status. Move on, you've made the decision, now be happy with it and don't dwell on it.
As I've gotten older, I've learned that clean breaks are the best. Trying to "be friends" with an ex, or seeking closure, just draws out the inevitable. In fact, reading your OP, it makes me wonder if you really meant to break up or if you more meant to scare him into being more declarative about his feelings, and it backfired. Whatever it was, the relationship is over now. And really, why do you need closure? You broke up with him. Closure is often desired when someone doesn't understand why a relationship ended. You know exactly why it ended. You were unhappy with his lack of attention to you, and so you ended it. For the record, It sounds like you could have been more respectful yourself and chose to end the relationship in person. It's disrespectful to end a relationship electronically, no matter how heartfelt it was. Texting, email, and I guess video are all electronic and...well, it just strikes me as disrespectful and kind of cowardly. A phone call, at the bare minimum, is warranted. But really the right way to break up is to do it in person. And note that if you HAD broken up with him in person, you would have gotten to hear him say goodbye, so this lack of a goodbye is due to your own method of dumping him. Note that my suggestion you break up in person wouldn't apply if he was abusive and you felt endangered, but your OP doesn't indicate that this guy was dangerous. I think you should chalk this up as a learning experience and move on.
Last edited by EagleRiverDee; 09-11-2014 at 03:40 PM.
Ever heard the saying "all is fair in love and war"?? It applies to a breakup. The moment you break up with someone is the moment you have to release all your expectations of them. Sure, you should expect that they won't hit you or tear up your tires. But you cannot expect them to have the same break up style as you. He wants a clean break, but it sounds like you want a bit of a melodramatic goodbye for him which leads me to believe that you don't actually want the relationship to end, you just want him to call you and make it work. It's over now, you created your own closure by sending him a video message.
In the future, try not to do that. Not only because it's impersonal and disrespectful but you really put yourself out there doing that. He can keep that forever, show it to his next girlfriend, or shove it back in your face some day.
Young girls today are so unprotected in cyberspace. Take care of yourself and keep private things private.
reading your OP, it makes me wonder if you really meant to break up or if you more meant to scare him into being more declarative about his feelings, and it backfired.
As I've gotten older, I've learned that clean breaks are the best. Trying to "be friends" with an ex, or seeking closure, just draws out the inevitable. In fact, reading your OP, it makes me wonder if you really meant to break up or if you more meant to scare him into being more declarative about his feelings, and it backfired. Whatever it was, the relationship is over now. And really, why do you need closure? You broke up with him. Closure is often desired when someone doesn't understand why a relationship ended. You know exactly why it ended. You were unhappy with his lack of attention to you, and so you ended it. For the record, It sounds like you could have been more respectful yourself and chose to end the relationship in person. It's disrespectful to end a relationship electronically, no matter how heartfelt it was. Texting, email, and I guess video are all electronic and...well, it just strikes me as disrespectful and kind of cowardly. A phone call, at the bare minimum, is warranted. But really the right way to break up is to do it in person. And note that if you HAD broken up with him in person, you would have gotten to hear him say goodbye, so this lack of a goodbye is due to your own method of dumping him. Note that my suggestion you break up in person wouldn't apply if he was abusive and you felt endangered, but your OP doesn't indicate that this guy was dangerous. I think you should chalk this up as a learning experience and move on.
I can only concur with @wannabeskinny, kurisitaru, and EagleRiverDee. I work on a college campus and as much as I appreciate the expediency of electronic communication, I witness everyday how easily those communications-particularly among students-are mistaken for personal communication. I've even had moments where I will put too much weight on a text or email and need to step back and remember that email and texts have no "personality". They are modes of communication. As a woman who has made her share of mistakes and hopefully grown older and wiser from them, any meaningful communication should be done with respect, composure (to the extend that you can), and face-to-face.
Last edited by curvynotlumpy; 09-13-2014 at 01:59 PM.
Will I ever get closure from my ex?
