Depression and Weight Issues - Ups & Downs Support Group: July 2014

07-01-2014, 02:02 AM
Hello and :welcome3: to the Ups & Downs Support Group July 2014 thread! We named the group "Ups & Downs" to reflect the many ups and downs of the weight loss journey, of life with depression (and, for some of us, on meds), and of life in general. Anyone who wishes to give and receive support on your weight loss journey is welcome to post and join in the conversation! For our "regulars" ~ please post and let us know you made it to the new thread. We have a lot of really POSITIVE support happening here at the moment. Let's keep it going! GROUP HUG!!! :grouphug:

07-01-2014, 02:28 AM
Sorry I didn't write Sunday night as planned. We didn't get home from the lake until late and I was exhausted. I am keeping so busy, but we all did take a family swim tonight with the lights on in the pool. It was fun and I did several laps. :swim: I am embarrassed to say that I am just now learning how to swim freestyle correctly, so I am working on that right now. I have always swam breast stroke style, but I want to start doing freestyle laps, because I think it will be better exercise for me. My daughter and I will work out with our trainer first thing in the morning. I did get some walking and bike riding in at the lake over the weekend. :D Food is my biggest challenge right now. I feel like I have an endless appetite often lately. Many of you are tempting me to try low carb again, but I just don't think I can do it for the long haul and I have about 75 pounds to lose. Just working on healthy choices and portion control. Portion control has always been a struggle for me.

Sabrina: I am keeping you in my prayers during your job search. I sure hope you find the right job for you soon! I am confident that you will. :hug: Happy that you were able to visit with your brother-in-law in prison. Sad about people stealing his stuff and attacking him. So glad he was able to defend himself! That really sounded scary! Hope you find a good counselor if you decide to go that route. I highly recommend it. I would be totally lost without my therapy and meds (and, of course, my faith), especially during my lowest points.

Fi: Hope the BERP is coming along well!!!

Has anyone heard from Holly?!? I am getting a bit worried about her. I hope all is well. And Trish, where have you been?!? Please write and update us soon, ladies! We miss hearing from you!

07-01-2014, 06:57 AM
Hello everyone!

I love jumping in on these threads at the beginning of the month. Sometimes it can get overwhelming to try to catch up in the middle.

IBelieveInMe2: I apologize for not knowing your name! You seem like you had a nice weekend. It is great to hear that you are so active. I see a lot of people waiting "until" before they do things. It is so encouraging to see someone who is active and having fun and not just waiting "until." :) I am sure you will get the hang of freestyle swim in no time! I know for me that exercise helps IMMENSELY with my depression and anxiety. I can tell a big difference between the days that I do my two mile walks and the days that I am less active.

Today I am going to the doctor to have a minor procedure. It will be the first time I have been weighed since I started counting. I have been for almost a week, so I am hoping to see a tiny drop. But, I won't be too disappointed if it isn't dramatic. :)

I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety at work lately. This is something that I always struggle with. If my feelings get hurt, which is sometimes not difficult to do, I want to sit in a corner and cry into a bowl of ice cream. Ugh. So yesterday, I was feeling under appreciated. I am the only part time employee at work, which does come with perks (my schedule is more flexible than full time, for example), I miss out on a lot of the full time benefits. It is the end of the fiscal year, so the full timers are getting bonuses. As a part timer, I do not get one. It was so so so so difficult to listen to everyone talk about what they were going to do with the extra money. And while I don't exactly need the money right now, we are actually coasting pretty well, hearing all of that brought up a lot of jealous and hurt feelings. My logical brain knows that I am appreciated and that I get away with a lot more than full timers, my emotional brain gets offended. So yesterday, there was even ice cream in the freezer at work, but I avoided it while I was feeling down and just rode through my feelings. Which - by the way - is nothing short of a miracle for me. Woot! Eventually, the feelings subsided for the most part and I found it easier to handle without emotionally eating.

Ok, I think I have talked enough about myself. :P How is everyone?

07-01-2014, 10:01 AM
I had a really bad afternoon yesterday. When I went to eat my lunch I discovered that I had forgotten to pack the cheese for my salad, and I absolutely cannot eat lettuce without cheese. So I just ate the chicken and bell peppers. Totally not enough food. And I had also forgotten to pack a protein for my snack, so I just had a few more peppers and cucumbers to eat. Needless to say by the time I got back home I was so hungry I was starting to feel a little sick. So I didn't end up accomplishing anything...not cooking, exercise, anything, just laid on the couch and ate pizza quiche to keep from starving. Plus my back started acting up again. Now today my back hurts even worse, and it is making me nauseated. :( I took my heating pad to work with me so hopefully that will help my back some. As much as I wanted to start up yoga this week, with my back going wonky, that isn't a good idea. Yoga really helps it in the long rung, but it makes it pretty sore the first week or so, and with it already weak...

The good news is that I made my first mini goal. :cheer2: One down, 9 more to go.

07-01-2014, 10:40 AM
Ibelieveinme2- Thanks for the support! Prayers always appreciated! :) Glad to see you're really working on your swimming. I can swim pretty well, but the breathing is what trips me up. Though I probably look like a doofus, I use a snorkel when I do laps in the pool at the gym. It's the only way I can get a good swim workout in, otherwise I can't breath well and can hardly swim a lap that will get my heart rate up.

hannah- Welcome!!! Sorry to hear about your work issues. I get the same way at my job. Very emotional and upset. I'm very unhappy where I am and it makes working so hard and depressing. Great job on not eating the ice cream! That's a very good accomplishment!

Monte- So sorry about your back! :( Definitely wait the pain out before you start yoga. I know what you mean about being sore, it is doesn't look like you do a lot, but it definitely works you. Hope the heating pad helps. I know it is my lifesaver when I have back cramps.

As for me still waiting to hear something about the jobs.. Praying oh so much. I'm at the quiet desk today at work which means not much work. It beats working the shelter front desk any day and I savor the times I'm here. Two more days after today and then a 3 day weekend with family! Woo!

I'm excited and scared because I will be out of my food element. I feel like I've been doing great watching my carbs, but being away from home will definitely limit me. Hopefully I will stay strong! I don't want to regain what I've already lost.

07-01-2014, 10:25 PM
hannahbeanies: :welcome: to the group!!! Glad you posted. I hope your procedure at the doctor went well today. How was the weigh-in?!? Sorry to hear that you are experiencing a lot of anxiety at work, but that is GREAT that you didn't give into emotional eating!!! :carrot: I agree that is no small feat!

MonteCristo: So very sorry that you had a lousy afternoon yesterday! :( I hate it when I forget to bring necessary things with me on the road. So important when you have a planned menu, too! Please don't beat yourself up about not accomplishing anything! We all have those days. Let it go and start over NOW. Sorry also that your back is hurting so badly. That makes everything worse. Just focus on doing WHAT YOU CAN right now. The yoga can and will wait. CONGRATS on meeting your first mini goal!!! Focus on that..... the POSITIVE..... and hang in there! Things will get better soon! :hug:

Sabrina: I hope you will enjoy your 3 day weekend with family and not worry too much about your food. Is there any way you can PLAN AHEAD to have low carb options available? That might take away your anxiety about it. I sure hope you get that call you have been waiting for regarding a new job! Still praying for you! :hug:

I did more freestyle laps in the pool today. :swim: I am not doing tons of laps. Just easing into it. Also worked out with my trainer this morning, which was an accomplishment in itself because I woke up with a dreadful migraine. Felt better, though, after my workout. Thank God! I have been getting a lot of migraines lately. They usually come in clusters for me, and lately I have threatened one nearly every day. :( I try to keep up on head, neck, and back massages, because ~ along with my migraine meds ~ that is the only other thing that helps. It gets expensive, but I can't afford to NOT get them anymore. Food was also good today, so an overall great day! I have not weighed myself in awhile. I am afraid to do so. :?: I expect a maintain, but would LOVE to see a few pounds (or more) off the scale!

Fiona W
07-02-2014, 06:53 AM
Just checking in. We haven't left for the farm yet because I've been struggling with bad depression pain. Maybe today will be a better day.

07-02-2014, 07:30 AM
IBelieveInMe2 : So glad to hear that you had a good day yesterday. I am sorry that you are experiencing migraines. Chronic pain like that can really be a burden on a person and completely change their quality of life. I am glad to hear that you are investing in yourself and your health by getting your much needed massages. Sometimes we have to spend a bit of money on ourselves, although I know that can be an anxiety trigger for some people with depression.

MonteCristo : I am sorry that your afternoon did not go as planned. I know that when I get hungry enough to where my blood sugar drops and I get nauseated, that is a binge waiting to happen. It looks like you made the best out of a bad situation. Don't beat yourself up for letting your body rest. It may be exactly what it needs right now! Back pain is another one of those life debilitating pains that is hard to imagine having to struggle with. I admire you for your strength to see through the struggle. Also - congrats on meeting your first goal! Way to go!

Sabrina : You will be just fine! Enjoy yourself and your holiday. Do the best you can with your food. I believe that you will be able to get through this holiday without regain. :)

Fiona : I do hope you feel better today. I am very sorry to hear that you are going through a downswing. Keep us updated.

My appointment and procedure went well. I lost 5 pounds! :) My goal is to be down another ten in 6 weeks when I have to go back for a check up. Work was better yesterday. I didn't do as well with the food as I have been. I didn't record my food or calories. However, I was actively aware of how much I was eating, which is much better than where I was before. I will jump back in today!

I hope all is well for everyone. I gotta get ready for work!

07-02-2014, 10:09 AM
79-degrees and 68% humidity and it is only 9 a.m. I am about to do another closet purge since my new size 18 jeans arrived yesterday. I can donate the 22 and 20s now. Although I'm not going to slow my weight loss efforts, for the sake of my budget, I hope these jeans fit me longer than the 20s did. Given projected temps into the 90s and tropical humidity, I'm trying to decide whether or not to hit the gym later. I'm on my second mini-vacation of the summer and, given my workout-induced asthma, I really shouldn't try to ride the bike today unless it really cools off this evening. I don't want to risk getting out of the rhythm, so really the best thing to do is hit the gym. Yes, I'm trying to convince myself... ;)

07-02-2014, 10:29 AM
Thanks for all the encouragement. Back still hurts, but it is down to a manageable level, not nauseated, just indigestion. Still on a heating pad, and forgoing exercise for the time being. Of all the things to pass down through a family, why did ours have to be neck and back pain? :(

Still losing steadily dispite the planning fiasco and lack of exercise. Aside from the pain, I'm feeling pretty good. First person noticed my weight loss yesterday, so that was nice.

Fiona W
07-02-2014, 01:52 PM
I can't believe it! I woke up this morning, did some art-related stuff, and not a trace of depression reared its ugly head. So all I need to do is pack, and get Bob out the door, and we will have a little vacation at the farm. Getting Bob out the door will be the tricky part...

Hannah— Welcome to the Ups & Downs thread! Thanks for the support—it always helps—and good for you from refraining from emotional eating. I'm afraid I did a bit of that while I was down, but it was just an extra helping of my usual sugar-free muesli w/ cream, the only carbos (other than salad) in my diet. Oh, and by the way, you can call me Fi, and our fearless leader (IBelieveInMe2) has the beautiful Irish name of Kathleen.

Worthy— I don't blame you for staying indoors, if the heat & humidity bother you. (I'm from Houston, so I'm permanently used to it. =smile=) Take it easy and enjoy your mini-vacation.

Kathleen— Sorry to hear about your migraines: I hope the meds help. Way to go on doing those freestyle laps!

Fleur— Good luck staying away from the carbs during your weekend with family! Did you try that slow-breathing technique for improving willpower I explained in the June thread? It really works for me—so long as I'm not depressed, that is.

MonteCristo— So sorry to hear about your back pain: I hope it eases off soon, and that the heating pad works.

Gee, I hope Holly checks in with soon. I know she's really busy, but I miss her!

07-02-2014, 06:08 PM
I did it! I made it to the gym and did 90-minutes on the crossramp elliptical. According to MyFitnessPal, I burned over 1200 calories! :carrot:

07-02-2014, 06:57 PM
Hi there!

Way to go, worth the effort! Good for you!

I'm sad to be leaving Nantucket tomorrow to head home. I am looking forward to seeing my guinea pig, Snickers on Friday when I get home.

Have a nice afternoon!


07-03-2014, 07:26 AM
Worththeeffort2 Woohoo! Way to go! That is great!

Fi I am glad you are feeling better. I hope you enjoy your mini vacation!

Amy Missing pets is definitely the worst part about being away from home. Have a safe trip back!

Antonia I am glad you are feeling a little better. Hope your pain is at a more manageable level. Good for you for still losing despite your challenges! That is encouraging.

Yesterday's food wasn't so good. Still kept track of calories, but I was so exhausted that nothing could satisfy me. Getting plenty of rest is a must for me or I am miserable and sad the next day. Normally, I don't have an issue with getting sleep (my problem is usually too much sleep!) but me and Shane (my significant other) got into a fight the night before and I couldn't get to sleep. He is going through a downswing in depression himself. I feel so selfish but sometimes it is so much more difficult to deal with a partner's depression than your own. It is much more painful to watch. I want to help so much and make it go away but logically I know there isn't much I can do other than be as supportive as I can be. I just get so worried.

I think I should start journaling again. I always notice a difference when I start and stop. Starting my day with morning pages gets me off to a good start.

I hope everyone has a good day!

07-03-2014, 11:24 AM
Ibelieveinme2- I got in the pool the other day, but I didn't do any laps. Lately I've just been jumping in after my weight lifting routine in order to cool off. It feels so amazing to get in there when I'm hot from a workout. Glad you got some laps in!! Sorry to hear about your issues with migraines. My brother gets them really bad as well and has actually been out of work for the past 6 weeks due to them. He was admitted to the hospital and everything. When I was younger they thought I had migraines and treated me accordingly. The treatments and medicines never worked. Come to find out the whole time I was having tension headaches instead. I was given a new medication and that really helped. I haven't had a massage in a long time other than when hubby rubs my neck, but really would like to start getting them.

Hannah- So glad your procedure went well and you've had a great loss!! Way to go!! I always feel proud when I'm able to keep my eating under control!

Worththeeffort- Oh that humidity sounds awful. I can remember tennis practice in high school when it was humid. The sweat just would just stick to you. It was awful. Awesome job on getting to the gym and doing such a long workout! I can't do the elliptical for very long, otherwise my feet start going numb!

seabiscuit- I bet snickers misses you! When we go home for visits we bring our dog and cat, but leave them with my parents when we go to visit his parents. In the short time that we're gone I miss them and they miss me!

As for me I weighed 182lbs this morning. So no gain or loss in a few days. I'm not really planning ahead for the weekend, but will just do my best to avoid bread. I guess my game plan is to fill up on veggies and meat. I WILL have wine though and some of the sweet treats my MIL makes. I will watch portions and just be mindful. I'm also planning on using the total gym at DH's parent's house on saturday for my workout.

Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July!

07-03-2014, 01:20 PM
Just a quick post. I saw this on Facebook and wanted to share here for a giggle.

07-03-2014, 02:43 PM
^^I LOVE it!

07-03-2014, 05:17 PM
Well, that is what I always thought it was! ;)

07-04-2014, 01:59 AM
Posting from my note (which I don't use often) at the lake, so bear with me. Fi: I am so happy that your depression pain did not linger! I hope you are enjoying time at the farm right now! Worthy: wow, did I read that right..... 90 minutes on the elliptical at the gym?!?! You are rockin' the exercise! :carrot: Good for you! :D Hope you get some relief from the humidity soon. Antonia: thanks for sharing your name! Bet that first compliment on your weight loss felt good! :D Glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better and that you are continuing to lose weight despite your back pain and not being able to work out. Sabrina: Maintaining your weight is much better than gaining! I sure hope you enjoy your weekend and allow for some planned indulgences! A girl's got to live a little, after all! ;) I, too, miss Holly! :( I hope she checks in soon and that all is well. Amy: Glad to hear that you enjoyed Nantucket so much that you didn't want it to end. I know you and Snickers will be happy when you are reunited, though! :) Hannah: so happy to see you continuing to post! Congrats on your 5 pound weight loss! :carrot: Glad your doctor procedure went well.

Life is good at the lake! My sister-in-law will be staying with us Friday to Sunday, so I might not be able to check in. We have more people visiting Sunday, so I will be a busy bee this weekend! Lots to do, but also lots of fun to be had! Oh, and my 18 yr old son's new girlfriend is visiting us for the first time Saturday! Fireworks out on the lake Sat night. And other family here at my parents' lake house nearby. Praying that all will go well with all of these
events. We are supposed to have beautiful weather, which always helps. I just want to savor time with loved ones and not focus so much on all the food that will be around each day. My food has been pretty good, and exercise okay, but I keep forgetting to weigh in, so not sure where I stand there. Trying not to worry too much about the scale, but I would LOVE to see a loss sometime soon! Okay, I need to get some sleep now. Signing off and wishing all of you a happy and safe Independence Day! :)

07-04-2014, 09:26 AM
Hi all,

Food has been slowly on the decline. I am still managing to keep things under control, but it has been very difficult. I am getting really anxious about it. I am trying to remember that I have made some very positive changes, even over the years. I found an old journal of mine yesterday and in it I weighed 160 pounds and I was trying to lose weight then. Wow, what I wouldn't give to be 160!

I am feeling down and not wanting to leave the house. Although, it is a beautiful holiday outside. I just don't feel much like socializing... Holidays make me so anxious.

I hope you all have an awesome Independence Day!

07-04-2014, 10:23 AM
Hi all!

This will be really quick as I have to run out and collect rent this morning. But I need some positive thoughts...going to go try and buy some shorts today. It is just stinkin' hot for jeans right now and all I have are jeans, nice work pants, and yoga pants. So off to try and find some shorts.

07-04-2014, 11:11 AM
IBelieve: I'm so jealous that you have a pool and a pool and a lake to swim in! We're having such wretched, humid weather, it would be wonderful to be able to take a quick dip. ~sigh~ :swim:

Going low-carb was a tough transition for me but now that I'm 8 months into it, I can't see myself going back to eating carbs the way I use to. The other day, I did give in to a serious craving for a yeast roll but I ate only half of it without butter and it was enough. I can have fruit in this transition part of the diet program and just knowing that has helped counteract the cravings that were mostly deprivation-driven. You know--you're not suppose to eat IT so :drool: IT becomes a total fixation.

I'm really sorry you've been experiencing cluster migrains. I'm glad the massages help. :hug:

Hanna: Welcome to the group. A number of us experience emotional eating (ice cream, crying and all!) Cognitive-behavioral practice has been helping me to identify and diffuse my strong emotions so I don't feel as driven to binge in reaction. Good for you for riding out the storm of hurt feelings at work without the crying (or the ice cream).

:congrat: on the 5 pound loss! What do you use for a food diary? MyFitnessPal? SparkPeople? WeightWatchers? Or maybe just a good old pen and paper?

MonteCristo: :congrat: on hitting that first mini-goal. I'm so sorry about your neck and back pain. I hope you're feeling better by now. I'm sending MEGA POSITIVE thoughts your way as you go shopping for shorts.

Fleur: My strength-training hero, :lifter: I'm hoping you hear about all the jobs at once and that you'll have the pick of the lot so you can choose the one you want most. I hope you're having a wonderful 4th of July weekend with family. Focus on those proteins and "just say no!" to potato salad!

My right foot always goes numb after about 20 minutes on the elliptical but I've thought it was due to the post-car accident nerve damage. I just keep pushing through it because I'm looking for a big calorie burn on those days.

Amy: It sounds like you had a good time in Nantucket. How's Snickers? Happy to see you, I bet. :D

Fi: I hope you and Bob are having a wonderful 4th of July at the farm.

I'm having a slow start this morning because of TOM. Just feeling really sluggish. Unfortunately, we just had a shower so now the roads are wet and I don't like riding a bike after it rains. You get that stripe of mud up your back from what gets thrown off the rear tire. Totally not a fan of that.

I do want a big calorie burn today because tomorrow is our 11th wedding anniversary and the big treat will be a serving of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked FroYo. I've never had it before but to be honest, the ice cream case had been picked over in pretty good shape the day before the 4th, so I grabbed a container of what was left. It'll blow my whole low-carb routine out of the water but it will be the first conventional sweet treat I've had since Nov. 1, 2013. I spent over a week weighing whether or not to use food in a celebratory way again. I'm preparing London broil and tossed salad for our dinner tomorrow, so I think it'll be okay.

I'm down another two pounds this week and am glad for that number. I just need to keep pushing and working at it. :exercise:

Happy 4th of July, everyone.

07-04-2014, 10:53 PM
Hi there! It felt so good today to get home and see my best friend, Snickers. :D. He was very happy to see me, he purred and purred like a sweetheart, which he is. He was very glad that I'm home! It feels so nice to have a furry, four legged friend to come home to. :)

My flight was canceled, then my travel agent rebooked me on another airline, once I got to Boston though, my flight was delayed over 3 1/2 hours!!! :(. It's not as bad as a cancelation but they didn't charge my family for this flight because they had canceled due to the hurricane. Once I got to the airport, it was mobbed, I didn't get to my family's home until past 1 am. Then, I got up and got on an earlier bus home but when I got home I discovered there were issues with my oven and toilet. It gets expensive to tip doormen to check things out and I think I'm over tipping , hopefully they'll fix those on Monday.

Tomorrow I'm going to weigh in at WW, I'm very nervous because I think I may have gained weight but I was tracking points up until this afternoon, I'm exhausted.

Thank you for all of the kind replies, I apologize for not writing personals tonight, I just needed to vent.

I did just want to add for migraines, perhaps consider consulting a neurologist trained in headaches or a primary care doctor. There are headache centers at various hospitals throughout the country, I've been to one and it was very helpful. I am on a migraine maintenance medicine which seems to help me a lot.

Take care.

Have a good night.


07-05-2014, 04:23 AM
Hi friends,

I have slowly gotten a hold on my binging. It was bad for a while but I have been extra careful lately and frankly just been more aware of my eating habits.

I'm still under a lot of financial stress. School is on break this week, it's been nice to not have any homework. School starts up next Monday.

It is late tonight. I'm going to try and get some sleep. I will write more later.

Much love to all and I send healing wishes.

07-05-2014, 09:08 AM
Well, shorts shopping was fairly painless. Being cheap (lol) I went to walmart, and they only had one pair of shorts in my size, and they hit well enough. My problem with pants is that I have a very defined waist, but really heavy legs. Having your weight in your legs is nice in the fact that it is really good for hiding your weight, people always guess I weight significantly less than I do, but finding pants that don't leave a gap big enough to hide a small child in the waistband, yet aren't skin tight on my thighs is a task.

We bought Dad a grill for Father's Day, so he's been trying it out, so he did chicken breasts for the 4th. They turned out great. :) However, I wanted chips and dip, which is a total no-no for Atkins. So I made so cream cheese dip and zucchini chips. Just so you know, zucchini chips are absolutely disgusting. I use zucchini all the time in things like chili, meatballs, meatloaf, etc and you can't even taste it, but alone, and condensed down the way baking the chips does, is horrid! So I ate the cream cheese dip on a spoon. :o Unfortunately, that was the only vegetable I brought with me, so I basically just ate chicken and cream cheese yesterday. Definitely low carb, but not really on plan. Have to make sure I definitely get all my veggies in today.

No weight loss yesterday or today, and probably not anymore for another couple of days (TOM). By Monday I should start seeing losses again. Still, even with that I've lost over 12 pounds in the two weeks on Atkins induction. Monday I'm supposed to increase my carbs to 25 and start adding in some nuts. I'm a little concerned about adjusting, but I know I can't expect to keep losing a pound a day anyway. Hopefully it all goes smoothly. :)

07-05-2014, 10:15 AM
Antonia - I have the exact same problem with my body. I got a big ol' booty and I carry most of my weight in my bottom half. It is nice most of the time because people are so shocked when I say I weigh close to 200 and they were thinking I was 40 pounds smaller. HOWEVER buying clothes is the biggest pain in the entire world. Getting a pair of pants to fit every curve is usually train wreck. Oh well. Guess I gotta pay for the booty some how.

Kathleen - So good to focus on the family and fun to be had instead of the food! I hope all goes well for you!

Amy - I am glad to see you arrived home safely and to a loving four legged friend. :)

Lisa - Having a break from school is SO NIIIIICEEE. Be aware of what you are eating is half the battle with emotional eating. Good for you. :cp::cp::cp:

Worthy - I love how your messages are so full of entertaining smilies. Great visual for an ADD woman like myself! Ha! && I use old fashioned pen and paper to keep track. I look at the calories on the box or on the internet. I have been looking into some different methods, including WW. But for now this works well. Ben&Jerry's sounds heavenly. If you can eat it without triggering a binge, you go girl. Congrats on the loss! :cheer:

As for me, I am feeling a bit down today. Yesterday was fun. Shane and I got dragged into a party, which is nice sometimes. However, it is so emotionally draining. I was ready to head home at 9. I had a lot of fun though and it was nice to make new friends. I also did not binge on party food! Woohoo! Shane and I ate leftovers when we got home.

Also - I am seriously SERIOUSLY considering buying an Elliptical. I always loved them when I had time to go to the gym, which I really don't anymore with two jobs, full time student, and no car. It would be a great treat for myself, and a healthy one too. We will see. :)

Have a wonderful day, all! I got a few errands to run (walk), and it is a pretty day outside!

07-05-2014, 11:13 AM
Ellipticals are awesome. I have a Spirit Esprit. It is so nice, even more comfortable than the ones at the small local gym. Not exactly inexpensive though.

07-05-2014, 11:27 AM
Oh yeah, trust me. I know that it is an investment. But I think it is a good one because I have a positive history with them. :)

07-05-2014, 11:43 AM
Amy: Sounds like you had quite a grueling trip home. :( I knew Snickers would be happy to see you. Hopefully, the home repairs will be done quickly and painlessly. I overtip everywhere, so can't offer any advice there! :lol: I just know that waitresses who know us when we come in squabble over who's station we'll be seated in.

Hanna: I've tried a lot of different tracking programs and the one that has worked best for me is MyFitnessPal. I especially like the feedback the program provides when you complete entering your calories for the day. "If every day was like this, in 5 weeks you'll weigh XXX." It helps to reinforce whether I'm right on track or if I'm getting side-tracked. :smug:

Make sure you do plenty of research :book2: and try out different machines before investing in the elliptical. We bought one and afterwards I wished that we bought one with different features. Now that I've used the crossramp interval trainer at the gym, I wish I had one of those! It seems incline ellipticals are starting to really come on in the market.

Ohio/Lisa: Financial stress is brutal. Praying some solution offers itself soon.

MonteCristo/Antonia: I'm right with you! I have large hips and thighs. My new size 18 fit in those areas but gape at the waist something awful. My husband put new notches in and old belt, so I can at least keep my pants up. I really don't fit that hip-hop, low-rider, gangsta' profile. :yikes:

Quite frankly, I don't understand the recent fascination with "big butts" on celebrities. All my life, I'm been criticised for having a "fat ***" and now it's a fashion statement? Huh? :?:

We're enjoying the remnants of Hurricane Arthur today. Lots of rain, some wind. Nothing at all like what folks got down south. Today might be my rest day from working out. I was really hurting last night and am still limping this morning, so I suspect the better part of valour would be to take it easy today.

07-06-2014, 08:37 AM
Things are going well at the lake! I have been eating smaller portions than usual, which I feel good about. Time with family has been nice, especially entertaining my sister-in-law and my son's new girlfriend yesterday. Today will be the big test food-wise! My other sister-in-law and some other relatives are bringing TONS of food up today for their visit. :fr: I hope I will behave myself around all the food. I need to want weight loss more than I want the temporary pleasure of food. That will be my focus today, along with enjoying the people.

It is so wonderful to see all of the support happening here! I am still worried that we haven't heard from Holly or Trish (Lilturtle)....... and no word from Fi the past few days. :?: Praying that all is okay with them! Glad that the shorts shopping wasn't too painful and that Amy is reunited with her beloved Snickers! :) Good luck choosing an elliptical! I say go for it! Expensive but your health is worth every penny!!! Sabrina: how are you doing? Haven't heard from you the past few days either. I am seriously considering trying low carb or Weight Watcher's. I need a serious restart and another kick start so that I can really begin to lose a sigificant amount of weight again!

Well, I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and feeling positive about life! I think about the members of this group so often and draw strength from knowing that we are all in this together! :grouphug:

07-06-2014, 11:56 AM
Hi there...

I Believe-

Good luck with your decision about starting WW. I am doing that now and I find the group support to be great. I like doing WW online in addition to meetings, it's easier to track points for me. It is nice that once you pay for that week's meetings you can go to as many meetings as you like. I started a few weeks ago and I've lost 5.6 pounds! I got my 5 pound star and I may have been a bit lighter since it was the morning when I weighed versus the evening but hey, I'll take it.

Take care.

Amy and Snickers :)

07-06-2014, 03:39 PM
Amy - Congrats on your 5 pound loss! :bravo: That is great news!

Kathleen - I wonder how you did on your test today? :) I bet you were just fine! I am glad you are enjoying time with your family. And I am also glad that this group gives you strength. :hug:

Worthy - The whole thing about butts being a fashion statement in general can be daunting. I say try to love the butt you have, and I like my big ole one. Even when I am not overweight, I carry a lot of junk in my trunk so I have learned to embrace it!

As for me, I am having a difficult day. Anxiety is elevated. I stayed up too late last night - again - but it was for a good reason. A very dear friend needed some serious support so I was glad to give it to her even if it was past my bedtime. I am dragging today. Not feeling much like getting groceries or cleaning. Just wanted to sit around and sleep. Pfft.

07-06-2014, 07:29 PM
Thank you, Hannah!!! That's very kind of you!! ;). I'm still tracking, today I went over a little and used a few of my weekly points. I ate some fruit which was good, 0 points! How are you?

Have a nice evening everyone!

07-06-2014, 08:41 PM
You are very welcome, Amy :)

I am doing ok this evening. I ended up doing most of the cleaning that I planned on doing and I ate pretty well today. Feeling ok. Still pretty tired, but ok.

We have been with friends every night this weekend. I am starting to crave some alone time. I had some today but it just wasn't enough cause I ended up sleeping a lot lol

07-06-2014, 08:42 PM
Utterly awful weekend food wise.... ugh. I had absolutely no willpower and just gave up. I'll weigh in tomorrow morning to see what the damage is.. I think it will be bad... :/

So depressing.. As always, hoping to hear something from possible jobs tomorrow.

07-06-2014, 09:13 PM
Super tired tonight. Took a short road trip this morning. When we got home again, I ate lunch and went for a 5-mile bike ride. I did a lot of long, steep hills but because I made a loop, I only had one--albeit long--downhill. Totally shredded my thigh muscles. I expect I'll be aching tomorrow but I am packing my gym bag to take with me tomorrow so to workout after work. God, I wish losing weight was as easy as gaining it. :p

07-06-2014, 09:13 PM
My siblings just got back from Texas (the minor kids spend a couple if weeks with mom in the summer), so dad got pizza for them. I brought over my chicken and cauliflower. My dad kept apologizing for the pizza because he forgot I was doing Atkins. I told him I didn't mind...he was in shock, lol. He couldn't understand how I could stand it. But honestly it wasn't hard at all, and the cauliflower was particularly delicious today. Looking forward to adding nuts to my WOE, it will make it easier to keep my cheese intake within the limit.

I'm going to try and get back into regular exercise this week. I plan to do yoga MWSa and elliptical TThSu. Going to weigh again in the morning...hopefully I'll be seeing a bit of a loss by then.

07-06-2014, 10:53 PM
Well, I didn't do too well on my test today, hannahbeanies! :( I ate too much food and some high fat/calorie food, but it could have been worse. I will begin again NOW to focus on weight loss and better food choices and LESS food overall. I did thoroughly enjoy our company, but just ate too much. I kind of lost my focus while eating and got lost in all of the delicious choices of food. Didn't really act like I was on a "diet" at all or watching calories. :?: Oh well, what's done is done, so I won't dwell on it. I didn't get much exercise in this weekend, since we had company the whole time, so I am hopping right back on board with exercise tomorrow!!! I am actually looking forward to it! THAT in itself is a major non-scale victory for me! :)

Amy: CONGRATS on your 5.6 pound weight loss so far!!! That is awesome!!! :D :carrot: I am still exploring my options about what to do next.

Sabrina: Put the weekend behind you (food-wise) and START OVER in the morning! All will be well. I sure hope you get a phone call soon about one of the jobs! Still praying for you! :hug:

Worthy: You are officially the exercise queen!!! Way to go on your 5-mile bike ride! Hope those thigh muscles don't give you too much trouble tomorrow! ;)

MonteCristo: Good for you for sticking to low carb in the face of pizza!!! You are doing so well. Good luck getting started on a regular exercise routine! YOU CAN DO IT!!! :D

hannahbeanies: I am sorry that you struggled with a difficult and anxious day today. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you and that you get your much-needed alone time! :hug:

07-07-2014, 07:06 AM
Kathleen - Aw. Don't worry. You passed! & You know why? Because you recognized that you were not perfect with your eating but you still haven't given up! :carrot::congrat::carrot: Progress, not perfection!

Fleur - As Kathleen already said, put this weekend behind you and start with a blank slate. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Everyone eats like utter crap at some point. What matter is that you get right back on the wagon. You can do it!

Worthy - Woo! You are such an inspiration! :lifter::running::woops:

Antonia -Wow! Pizza is definitely one of my problem foods so I am so happy for you that you were able to stand it! What a supportive father, too (even if he forgot:^: ) :bravo:

As for me, I am having trouble getting up this morning. Sometimes it feels like such a battle to get out of bed. I keep thinking "I could just call off" but I literally feel like that almost everyday! Ugh.

Yesterday's food was good. I felt like I did well. Trying to make sure I pair my carbs with proteins while also staying below calorie limit. I didn't track like I should have yesterday. I didn't write a thing down. I am going to have to work on that today.

Ekkk. I need coffee. :coffee:

Have a good day everyone!

07-07-2014, 10:23 AM
Down to 237.2 today! My dog lost a little over 1/2 a pound this week too. :D

07-07-2014, 06:12 PM
That's great, Antonia! Congrats!

07-07-2014, 06:27 PM
Hi there...

Believe, thank you for the kind words!

MonteCristo- way to go, great job! I'm not far behind you! :carrot: I'm trying to get my guinea pig to lose a little weight too.

I'm ok, I have had moments that I felt great, others where I felt that the chips were down, which is how I feel now. I am tired of being a full time patient, not just with mental health but physical issues too, sigh. :?: I want to have things more together and feel better, I let things upset me too easily. Sigh, I would like to have a thicker skin while still being sensitive to others. I'm much happier with my life on the whole being in a city and losing weight but I just feel like my life and resume has holes in it, meaning that I'm lonely and I don't feel secure or well-rounded. Ugh, I'm so tough on myself.

On another note, I'm getting back into online dating, :^: I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship or if I'm going to find the right person on one of these sites. I'm trying to get out more yet I feel anxious and insecure, sigh.

Thanks for listening and letting me vent!

Take care,

Amy :dizzy:

07-08-2014, 06:54 AM
Hello friends! and Hi Hannabeanies :D :wave:

I'm so very sorry i haven't checked in. Things are fine, I'm just so hard on myself and I let that take over, even in my wonderful summer time. For some reason, I've been getting just too anxious over minor things. My med is the same and i've been taking it. I wonder if, because I am really very lucky to not have much strife in my life, I focus on minor things and make them bigger than they need be :?:

as always, very critical of my body, I thought I was becoming more accepting for a while but I am SO self concious always.

I quickly read through the pages but I do need to say HI to each and every one of you :hug:

07-08-2014, 11:54 AM
Holly: Thank you so much for posting!!! I was really worried about you! You are such an asset to this group. I hope you will stick around! We need you, biker girl!!! :bike:

07-08-2014, 01:16 PM
Glad to see you back Holly. We missed you!

07-08-2014, 04:05 PM
Hi Holly,

It's awesome to see you! How are you? Take care!


07-08-2014, 05:46 PM
Welcome back, Holly! Glad to see you!

Well, I am feeling myself wanting to sneak away and hide, not talk to people. Just to be miserable all alone. I hate it when I get like this and want to isolate myself.

07-08-2014, 06:09 PM
Hi Hannah,

:hug: I'm sorry that you're struggling. Sometimes I want to isolate too, I find it helps me to get out even if just for a walk, to run an errand or sit in the park. Can you reach out to a friend? Maybe a loved one?

Take good care!


07-08-2014, 08:05 PM

Thank you Amy. :hug:
I just feel lousy and guilty. I feel guilty because I didn't write my food today, and I ate a whole sleeve of crackers instead of like, dinner. I am beating myself up, even though I know that isn't helping. I am trying to focus on the good choices that I made today (and there were many!). I even walked home from work, which is 2 miles. Bleh.

07-08-2014, 08:46 PM
Well, turns out the weekend wasn't as awful as I thought. I returned to 182lbs this morning. Today was a bit crap on food. I had turkey bacon for breakfast, turkey wrap for lunch with low carb torilla, and a side salad. Then we had a cookout at work. I had a sausage with no bread, a very small amount of potato salad, and some corn pudding (it was delicious!), and a small amount of ice cream. I was proud in how much I controlled myself. I ate things I shouldn't have, but I controlled myself!

For dinner I had a chicken salad sandwich and some veggie chips, and a lindt truffle.

Not too bad today for the most part.

Also, I had an interview at a law office for a receptionist position. I think it went really well, but now it's the waiting game to see if I hear anything back.. I hate this part. I've had interviews were I've been immediately offered the job. Really hoping I don't have to wait long before I hear back. I really want this job!!!!

07-08-2014, 09:47 PM
Hi there!

Hannah- Thanks for the hug! :cool: How kind of you!

Fleur- I'm glad your interview went well!! :carrot: My advice is to send a thank you note or thank you email.

I had a pretty good afternoon and evening, I went to an information session on bariatric surgery. I'm more inclined to consider Lap band, maybe sleeve. I learned a lot! WW for now though!

Take care and have a nice evening!


Hi to everyone else!!! :D

07-08-2014, 10:24 PM
I've just made a startling discovery...apparently I've been eating way to many vegetables. I finally pulled out my scale and checked a head of broccoli's weight...I had been just guesstimating and the amount of broccoli that I've been calculating at 3 net carbs but really should be more like 15! This might explain why I lost 12 pounds the first week when I was eating salads and when I switched to the other veggies I lost less than a pound the next week. What a ridiculous mistake to make!

It is quite a relief I must say. It was just way too much veggies at a time, I was having to force my meals down.

07-09-2014, 01:12 AM
Hannah: Sorry you are feeling miserable and guilty! :( Do try not to continue to beat yourself up, as that tends to only make things worse. You would not beat one of US up for a slip, and you deserve the same mercy as well!!! :hug: Hope you are feeling a bit more positive by the time you read this. HOORAY for YOU for the many good choices you made today, including the walk home from work! :carrot: Let's choose to focus on the POSITIVE! :D

Sabrina: Glad to hear that the weekend wasn't as bad as you thought! What a relief for you, I'm sure! Hope and pray that you get the call back from the doctor's office. Amy had a good suggestion to write or email a thank you note. :) Please keep us posted!

Amy: Please try not to be too hard on yourself! It is easy for me to see that YOU should be better to yourself, but I am hard on myself, too. We all need to allow ourselves the same kindness that we give to others, I think! Let's work on that. Happy to hear that you are losing weight on WW! Continued success to you! And good luck with the online dating, if you go that route again! You will find the one for you when the timing is right! :hug: As I mentioned before, my good friend had the gastric sleeve done, and she lost about 75 pounds total! She looks great; like a new person! Makes me want to try it, but I am way too chicken!!!

Antonia: Glad you discovered that you were eating way too big of a portion of veggies, so that you can ease up and get on track with portions. You are doing great! Just adjust those portions, and keep up the good work! :D

Well, the latest with me is that I am going to try the SHRED diet, by Dr. Ian Smith. Please give me any input if you have heard ANYTHING about it, positive OR negative! I even ordered his shred emulsifier to make smoothies and other food items with. Got a good discount on it through the company. I ordered the books from Amazon, and I am going to give it a try. It is supposed to kick start weight loss, which I drastically need, and be something you can do long term; supposedly easy to follow; more like a lifestyle change, which I have been looking for. I will keep you all posted! I am nervous :o but excited :goodvibes to try something new. Walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes last night and did squats with a 20 pound kettlebell, but did not do ANY formal exercise today. Ugggh! Hate it when the day flies by and I don't get exercise in! :( I will exercise for sure tomorrow!

Waving hello to everyone :wave: and sprinkling you all with :dust:!!! Have a great day! :grouphug:

07-09-2014, 09:14 PM
Thank you all for your kind words. I am ok. Someone said they could tell I lost weight. I don't really know how much I have, and plus I don't really believe her. I don't think I look like I have lost. In fact, I feel just as big as ever. I sat in the bathroom today, staring at my bare belly, feeling all mopey for myself. I hate doing that because I really don't do it as often as I used to, but when I do it brings down my mood terribly.

I have not weighed myself since my doctor's appointment. I don't have a scale and I just haven't gotten around to getting one. Had a lot of anxiety today because of things that were out of my control. I still took action and fixed what needed to be fixed (the cause wasn't my fault but the solution was my responsibility). That has been taken care of but my bank account is a lot less now. That has me anxious. I mean, I know we are ok, we are fine. We have food, the lights are on, we have internet. Nothing to worry. But yet I still am...

Food has been ok. Still measuring. Still matching proteins with carbs. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I am insulin resistant and I have difficulties with my blood sugar staying stable. The protein matching has been working fabulously. However, I didn't write what I ate. I know I stayed within my limit as I have had reasonable portions and meals. But that the anxiety of not being sure is getting to me. I don't know why I keep putting it off because I know how much it was helping.

Sabrina - I am so happy for you for maintaining and getting a good interview. I agree that following up with them is a good idea. It keeps you in the front of their mind. :)

Amy - Wow! That sounds like a big decision. I hope WW is still working out for you! :goodvibes

Antonia - What a surprising discovery! You are doing wonderful! :cp::cp::cp:

07-09-2014, 09:17 PM

I pressed post too quickly! I didn't forget you, Kathleen!! :)

I have never heard of that diet, so I can't give you an opinion on it. Keep us updated on how it is going for you!

07-09-2014, 10:51 PM
Hi there Hannah! I am down another 2 lbs at WW as of tonight, big yay! :carrot: I'm going to stick to WW for now but if I do decide to do lap-band, I think that would be good, I hope WW works for me for now. I got my key ring from WW tonight because I've attended 4 weeks in a row :D. I also have my Bravo sticker from tonight and my 5 pound weight loss star from over the weekend. :D

Have a good night!

Amy :)

07-10-2014, 07:36 AM
Just jumping in to say a quick hello. I've been super busy this week. Holly, it's great to hear from you. I'm sorry you've been struggling. :hug:

I'm back at the gym tonight. Sabrina, I've booked a personal trainer who specializes in weight lifting in order to learn proper form. Today, I receive my "pre-training fitness assessment" and then we'll probably start the program next week. Five sessions cost $113--expensive! So, my plan is to stretch those out for five weeks by having him show me moves, give me assignments to carry out, work on my own, then meet again the following week. I've asked for training in both lifting and kettlebells. We'll see how it works out.

07-10-2014, 08:13 AM
Congratulations Amy!! That is great news! I am very happy for you :) :)

That is pretty expensive, Worthy, however putting down that much money is more likely to make me stick to it! Way to go! I hope it works out for you. Keep us updated!

Fiona W
07-10-2014, 08:46 AM
=whew= I'm back from the farm, and just finished carrying everything in, opening my mail, checking my email...all of that stuff that piles up after a long absence from home. We had lovely weather—cool at night, pleasantly warm during the day, hardly any bugs—and I got my much-needed break from the BERP (and the Net). 'Spent a lot of time in the hammock on the front porch, and a lot of time in "my room"—formerly the front parlor, with two windows opening onto the porch.

I already love that room—this is an early 19th-century lath-&-plaster farmhouse with terrific high ceilings and sash windows—but lots needs to be done to make it into an auxiliary studio and general hang-out for Fi. I've installed a short couch (loveseat?) in lipstick-red leather—very simple, ultra-modern, a couple of small, minimalist tables & storage units, and a bright-blue suede ottoman, square & modern in lines. Don't get too excited for me, though: the paint in there is pale yellow with ghastly light-green trim, and there's a hideous gold-&-crystal overhead light, so I can hardly wait until I get the walls white-white, the trim a serious grey, and the lighting fixture outta there! I'm going to get a 15-foot-long industrial table, rectangular rugs in black & white patterns, and 3 simple aluminum hanging lamps for over the table. I'm aiming for it to be a necessary escape from the country-corny frou-frou look of the rest of the house (lots of pink—yuck), but more importantly, a place for me to work. My plans for my art are to work larger with more ambitious effects—including acrylic paint. I'm going to make some of my backgrounds at the farm. I figure a clean modernistic environment, in the delicious silence at the farm—not to mention being away from all my distracting "cutter" books and clipping collections—will be a great place to dream up complex, messy, but basically inobtrusive underpinnings for my collage.

The wonderful silence, though, was not much in evidence over the 4th-of-July weekend. Bob's family were there in a major way: demented & hard-of-hearing mother, noisy sister, noisy niece, other noisy niece, and the niece's noisy family—all very nice people, for sure, but they included my two worst bugaboos: a large, loud dog (barking and howling) and a small, even louder, shrieking toddler. Eeeek!!

I was stressed out to the max the whole time they were there, because their racket ricocheted all around that very "live" (in an audio sense) farmhouse. Plus there were pancakes, English muffins, sweet corn, cherry pie, sugar glaze on the fish, cookies, you name it in the way of carbo stress. And they insisted on stealing a whole half-pint of my cream to make sugar-infected whipped cream for the damn pie! And they even smoked cigarettes on the front porch, blowing smoke right into my room!

Yes, folks, they drove me batty. I broke down late at night after everyone had gone to bed and ate pie, cookies, honey, maple syrup, the works. I haven't had such a lapse from my diet since November.

I don't feel guilty, though, just more determined than ever to defend my mental space, avoid such gatherings in the future, fix up my room there as a place to work, bring ear plugs the next time, and in general stay committed to what's important to me: weight loss and art. (And kittens, of course.)

That's all I feel like writing at the moment. Bob and I did have some good alone time before the Mongol hordes arrived and after the Mongol hordes vacated the place, but the weekend itself was a disaster. And now I'm back to the BERP. =sigh=

07-10-2014, 10:24 AM
Kathleen - I'm not at all familiar with the Shred diet. I hope it works out well for you. Walking on the treadmill and doing squats is formal exercise! Don't sell yourself short. :)

Hannah - If you don't have a scale, do you have a measuring tape? Or even a piece of string. I saw a recommendation on another sight to mark a string for your problem area (say hips or waist) and then you can compare that size you your current size as you go along. Makes for a nice visual, especially since it takes us quite a while (I can't remember, but seems like it was a couple months) to see ourselves the way we really are when our bodies are changing.

Amy - Congrats on your 2lb loss!! :yay: And great job with WW. I know several people who had great success with WW.

Worth - I think it would be very interesting to try a trainer for a while. Sounds like you have a good plan with the once a week sessions. I bet you'll totally feel ready to go it on your own by the end. One of these days I'm going to bite the bullet and take some kickboxing classes, maybe that will be my reward for hitting wonderland! :)

Fi - You are going to have a really lovely studio. The art will just flow right out of you! :) Families can be loud! The last time my extended family got together I ended up having a complete breakdown and crying in the corner. The only way I could stay half-way under control was to drink coke and rum non stop the whole time they were there, so I totally understand about your late night "snack". It is great you aren't feeling guilty, that doesn't help anything...just hop back on the wagon! :hugs: BTW, pictures of kittens would be appreciated!

Nothing much going on with me. It is raining off and on again here, so the ground is always wet and I haven't been able to mow in ages. Extreme tree cover keeps the grass from growing as fast as it might, but it is getting up there. I really have to get my fence put up now too...I've been putting it off for 3 years but my dog has gotten in a habit of wandering down the street and barking at people who are in their own yards, and that I can't tolerate. I don't know where she picked up the habit of barking (didn't bark once the first year I had her), but I can't stand barking dogs. I don't allow her to at home, but if she gets out her brain shuts off and she can't hear a word I say. Most of the work of the fence I can do myself, but I need help with the posts, mainly because I'm too chicken to run a post hole digger myself. So the next dry weekend we have I'm going to try and get my Dad and brother to help put in the posts. Then I can do the cross bars and pickets a little at a time in the evenings. That'll give me something to do besides watching tv...

07-10-2014, 03:08 PM
Hi there!

Monte Cristo- thank you so much for the congratulations! It feels great to be losing weight! How are you?

It's a nice day here, I'm glad I took a walk.

Take care!


07-10-2014, 08:12 PM
Worththeeffort- That's not all that bad for 5 sessions. I think you're definitely going to use them wisely. Keep me updated on how that goes. Sadly, I haven't been in the gym since last week. Been pretty busy with the holiday and then had my interview, went to train for a volunteer position, etc. Busy, busy, busy.

I got someone to cover my shift today and relaxed. I needed a day away from the hectic stuff. I went to lunch with my friend, went to adoration at church, picked a few things up at the store, and mowed the lawn. Mowing was definitely todays exercise.

I had a bad headache early in the day and took a muscle relaxer. Not thinking I went to run errands and on the way home was soooo tired. I collapsed in bed when I got home.

Yesterday I got a call from the law office and had to take an online test. This afternoon they called me back again and set up a meeting for tomorrow with the head attorney. I'm thinking this is the last step of the process to get hired. Ya know, get the okay from the big boss type thing.

On the weight front, I was 181lbs this morning! Woot!!! :)

07-11-2014, 12:17 AM
Sabrina: It sure sounds like the law office is very interested in you! Good luck meeting with the head honcho!!! I will be thinking of you and praying that all goes well. I hope you get an offer! I am happy to hear that you took the day off and relaxed and did things you wanted to do. Good for you! Congrats on 181 pounds! :carrot: I can't wait to get back down there one day!

Fi: So great to hear from you! I am a little confused or perhaps I missed some posts, but is the farm yours and Bob's now? A place to go to relax and get away from it all? It sounds nice, but I am so sorry you had a miserable and LOUD weekend. Your plans for the place sound great! Fix it up and make it yours! I hope you can go there often.

hannahbeanies: I am glad that the protein matching has been working well for you. I put off writing what I eat, too. Haven't done it for awhile now. I am all or nothing about it..... and many other things, too. It definitely DOES help to write down my food intake and exercise. When I am really motivated, I log it into My Fitness Pal. Haven't done that in ages.

Amy: Congrats on being DOWN another 2 pounds!!! :carrot: You are doing so well! Keep it up! :D

Worthy: Good for you for booking a personal trainer! It is an investment in yourself and your health. You can't go wrong! Good luck with it!

Antonia: Thank you for the encouragement! I hope you will get to put your fence up soon for your dog's safety and your peace of mind!

I worked out today with our trainer. It felt good. Also did some laps in our pool. :swim: It was a beautiful day! :sunny: I am getting nervous about doing this SHRED diet, since I know nothing about it. I heard about it from a lady in a women's wellness group I participate in. I will read the books when they arrive and see if it feels doable. If not, I will probably try low carb. I need something to give me eating guidelines. I am afraid this SHRED diet might be too strict, but we will see. I do not want to just give up on it before I read about it, but I am really second guessing my decision. :?: Typical of me. I think I am due to go back to my doctor soon to get my thyroid levels checked again. I am anxious to get my thyroid levels regulated, so that I am able to lose weight again. Will keep you all posted. My (15-yr-old) daughter is having a friend over tomorrow to swim, and then we are headed back up to the lake for the weekend. My son's girlfriend is coming back to visit (at the lake) on Saturday. He is head over heels for this girl! :o We like her but still don't know her that well.

Hope all of you have a wonderful weekend! :wave:

07-11-2014, 07:22 AM
good morning! did another quick read through and things that stick out...Antonia who knew one could eat TOO many veggies?? but good to discover! Fi so sorry the Mongol horde was SO disruptive! worth, congrats on teh training sessions! Amy, cngrats on losing so many pounds! Sabrina, best wishes on the interview/call back :cool: Kathleen, you are always so supportive :hug: Hannah, i haven't weighed myself in a while either, don't know if my ticker is correct, probably not.

Been preparing all week at work so i can have off Sat. and Sun. for a local biker party/camping. We sleep in our Cadillac :D so no tent needed, just a pop up and chairs for day. We'll bring alcohol but mooch food from freinds :devil: DH brings car and I bring my bike. we'll see friends we don't see all year. Looking forward to it!

07-11-2014, 02:41 PM
Hi everyone. I tried to kill myself on June 19th. I spent a few days in a medical hospital and the rest in a psych hospital. I just got home today. I'm ok. Just struggling to find some meaning. I think I gained weight in there. I'm too scared to step on the scale.

07-11-2014, 03:33 PM
Hi everyone. I tried to kill myself on June 19th. I spent a few days in a medical hospital and the rest in a psych hospital. I just got home today. I'm ok. Just struggling to find some meaning. I think I gained weight in there. I'm too scared to step on the scale.

I'm sorry, I really have no idea what to say except :hug:. Please don't even think about the scale, that is so not important right now.

07-11-2014, 06:26 PM
Little turtle-

Big hugs!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm so sorry you were in that deep of a depression, I used to be extremely depressed and I attempted suicide also, but I am so glad that I lived!!!! I know that life is tough but I sincerely feel that the tough times make us stronger, I send hopeful wishes your way. One day you may look back at this and say, 'This caused me to appreciate life and realize that life IS worth living.' One of my favorite quotes is:

"the only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is the way you use them."

Take from that what you will, for me it's meant to find courage, resolution and determination in the toughest of challenges. I am SO glad that you are okay. Can you see a therapist or psychiatrist? Maybe you can attend a support group? Some hospitals offer them, so does NAMI and The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. They have web pages.

Hang in there!!!! :hug: maybe you can think of ways to cope with the depression? For me, I:

Call friends or family
Take a nap
Indulge in a bubble bath or hot shower
Write letters
Drink cold water
Take d e e p breaths
Read or do a crossword puzzle, fill it in or word find
If I am really stressed, I may talk to someone at a 'warm line' or 'hotline'
If prescribed, I'll take an as needed medicine to 'take the edge off'

Take care! Hugs!

Amy ;)

07-11-2014, 07:29 PM
big Hugs To You, Lilturtle! :hug:

I am glad you are here, sweet pea. Hang in there! Having you still here is more important than any number on that scale. :hug:

07-12-2014, 01:30 AM
Oh my gosh, I just gasped out loud when I read your post! I am so saddened to hear that you tried to kill yourself, and I am very thankful that you are okay!!! I, too, have spent time in a psych hospital. Not fun! :( I really like Amy's reply to you and the ideas she shared for when you are really struggling. Please reach out to someone next time instead of doing something harmful to yourself! You are much too precious to this group and to the world to lose you!!! I really don't know what else to say, except that you matter and your life has meaning..... just because you are on this earth. God has a plan for your life, whether or not you know what it is right now and even if you don't believe in Him. I believe that with every fiber of my being. You are here for a reason, Trish. The world would not be the same without you. You matter to me, to this group, and to more people than you know! I will stop my preaching now, but I am really worried about you! Are you getting any follow-up care? Is there anyone you can call when you are desperate? Do you have a plan to keep yourself safe? Just as with weight loss, we need to have a plan to turn to when the going gets tough. Which leads me to my final thought: Forget about that # on the scale..... at least for now!!! YOU are more important than any # on the scale!!! Please hang in there and take good care of yourself. Sending you my prayers, lots of love and support, and many hugs! :hug::hug::hug:

Fiona W
07-12-2014, 09:43 AM
Trish— I cannot hope to add any more wisdom to the very wise things already said by others, especially by Amy and Patience. I want you to know, though, that I care about you, and I am relieved to hear you've made it through this crisis so far. I am rooting for you! Please take the advice you've been given, and above all, know, deep in your heart, that you are important to this group. Remember that you were seen as special enough by one member that she even reached out to me to be the go-between in order to anonymously buy a scale for you. Every time you look at your scale you should tell yourself that you are loved, because it was love—have no doubt about it—that bought you that scale.

I happen to be in a bit of a crisis myself: the stress that I described happening at the farm over the 4th-of-July weekend has caught up with me, and yesterday I went into a very severe level of depression pain. This morning after I woke up I went with some trepidation to my bottle of Geodon (my "prn" in times of crisis) and counted how many I have. To my immense relief, I found I have more than enough to get me through until Monday, when my psychiatrist will get back from vacation. Geodon relieves the most severe depression by only a little bit, but the higher dose that I can take at such times does at least put me to sleep, and I wake up on the other side feeling quite a bit better. And the mild-to-moderate pain is relieved almost entirely by Geodon.

The other stress that has been dogging me for a couple of months now, which I mentioned only once some time ago, is that Bob's and my medical-&-pharmaceutical insurance was all messed up, such that despite dozens & dozens of phone calls and emails and even paper letters between the us & the government, us & Blue Cross, and the government & Blue Cross, they (Blue Cross) seemed to think we were not enrolled in the policy for retired federal employees. It was such a nightmare! Our pharmacy provider even started sending us huge bills for us to re-pay them for what they'd reimbursed in the time since Bob lost his job!! During the past more than two months we've had to charge several thousands of dollars on our credit card paying for Bob's and my medications. He is treatment-resistant depressed with anxiety, and I am bipolar with (current) breakthrough depression, so we're talking about LOTS of medication! However, crossing my fingers and toes, that horrible ordeal appears to be over: yesterday we were told over the phone that now the Blue Cross computers show us as enrolled, and our pharmacy provider even told us how to get the paperwork started to get reimbursed for all that money we spent. =whew= You have no idea what a load off my mind this is.

However, the stress is still catching up with me. It's always this way for me with stress and depression: first comes the stress, and the strong physical feelings of being stressed out, and then later comes the depression. So even though this insurance problem is resolved, the depression from all that stress is only just now hitting me.

We also have another source of stress, which has to do with our kittens. Nénu, the girl, is in splended shape, but Oscar, the boy, has had problems all along: when the mother's milk dried up early, he required 10 days of force feeding before he finally began eating solid food, and now he has still not recovered from the respiratory infection they all got, although the rest of the litter have. And most worrisome of all, he is just not gaining weight the way he should be: at 12 weeks of age, he only weighs a pound, whereas his siblings weigh 2 1/2 pounds.

In other words, Oscar is a sickly runt. =sigh= My breeder has promised to replace him if we are not happy with him in any way, but she does say he has a very sweet personality. So we must shoulder the burden of caring for a kitten who has not had a good start in life, physically speaking. Bob and I have talked about it, and we are both committed to this extra responsibility, but all the same, as you can imagine, it's been stressful. I hope it will be better once we have the kittens in hand: we plan to drive to New Jersey to pick them up on Sunday, August 3rd.

I hope today will be a better day than yesterday was. Yesterday afternoon was a killer, for both Bob and me, because I was writhing and crying out from the pain—it felt as though my chest had an ax embedded in it—for some three hours before finally the Geodon put me to sleep. I won't be able to tell until around 1-2 PM, because afternoon is always when the worst of it arrives. I will, of course, be taking extra Geodon at noon.

Fiona W
07-12-2014, 11:39 AM
In case anyone wonders what I meant by my using Geodon as a "prn": it's an abbreviation for the Laitin "Pro re nata." or "as matters are," or "for the existing occasion," or (most commonly) "as needed." "Pro re nata" does not imply that the patient may take the medicine whenever the patient desires, but rather that the medicine may be taken in the prescribed dosage if needed.

07-12-2014, 05:20 PM
Fi: Thank you for checking in and sharing your stressors with us. I am sending you big hugs :hug: and prayers that your depression pain gets better quickly. I am also going to keep Oscar in my prayers. I hope the little guy makes progress soon! I hope the nightmares with insurance are indeed overwith. What a pain that can be! We are at the lake and going to take a walk now, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you! Please take good care of yourself and let Bob spoil you, too! :hug:

07-13-2014, 03:23 AM
Hi. I do not really post here. But I am going to give it a try. Mainly because I am not sure where exactly to post this. If anyone has any suggestions re a better place to post it, that would be great.

I feel like I have a food monster inside me. Sometimes it thankfully is asleep. It can even be for weeks and months. But when it wakes up it just wants food. And it wants food with great ferocity.

I am very strong and determined. But this food monster is exhausting to live with. It takes everything I have to just get through the days. Does anyone expereince this as well? Today I gave in to it. I ate an entire bag of Barbaras cheese puffs.... dredged in powdered cheddar cheese. And then I was not even satisfied/satiated. It was exhausting. I wanted more. More of anything.

Fortunatly, I was able to keep the damage to just that. And tomorrow I will be back on course.
except of course it will be tiring to be on course. I am strong. But this food monster, as I now call it, is exhausting. Sadly, my therapist is not really experienced in compulsive eating disorders. But it is correct that I work with her. So I am left to my own devices to deal with this monster.

I have prevailed over it. I am pretty much in maintence now. But it does not change the exhaustion. And the monster is once again gaining strength, if you know what I mean. Thanks for reading this :) I really wanted to try to put it out there.

07-13-2014, 10:57 AM
lilturle: I'm so sorry to learn that you reached the point that you attempted suicide. :hug: While we're here to support you, I agree with Amy that a support group where you can meet face-to-face with people who share the same issues may be helpful to you. I hope you will reach out for help now. Though the crisis of the moment has passed, reaching out to connect with others is important to work out the issues that lead you to that point. Please, keep posting to the group. We all care about you and are here to love and support you. :grouphug:

Fleur: Have you had your in-person interview at the law office, yet? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Fiona: I'm sorry you're dealing with so many stresses right now. Adopting Oscar when you think he would be more of a burden than a blessing, would be a mistake. I'm sure the breeder can find another home for him while you take on his sister and get a healthier kitten out of the next litter.

I met with my new trainer on Thursday. My first weight training session will be tomorrow afternoon. He's an adorable young college student. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer but very upbeat and chatty...and, I'll admit, not at all hard on the eyes. He even offered to help me with swim lessons to improve my technique. :devil: I haven't decided on that, yet.

The scale says I gained a pound this week. Stupid scale. I'm sure it is water weight, given the heat and humidity. I've been keeping up with my exercise routine. In fact, it is about time I got off the computer and got dressed to hit the road for a bike ride before the heat of the day gets any worse. :bike2:

07-13-2014, 11:25 AM
Hi there!

Worth the effort, I hope your training sessions go well. I've worked out with a few cute, fun and energetic trainers in my day too. I actually lost about 10 pounds with two of them! My only advice is to be your best guide, if for example, you feel nervous doing an exercise, tell this trainer and communicate with him. Your conscience gives you your best judgment, listen to it. Also, a lot of trainers can sell lots of products or packages, well the reason why is that I think a lot of them work on commission so don't let anyone pressure you. I'm not trying to be a downer, just my advice from my experience. Good luck!

Take care!

Today is my 38th birthday, big yay!


07-13-2014, 12:52 PM
Trish - I hope you are feeling better today. We are all thinking about you and hoping things are better for you. :hug:

Amy - Happy Birthday!!

Worth - Glad you like your trainer so far. Hopefully your first training session goes just as well.

Flower - I have a very similar problem with eating. I can be good for a long time and then all of a sudden I eat everything in sight. Not unusual for me to eat and entire family size bag of ruffles with 24oz of sour cream dip wash it down with a 2 liter bottle of coke and a whole cake for dessert. The only thing that really silences the hunger is doing low carb. Have you ever tried it?

I believe - Have fun at the lake!

Fi - That is an awful lot of stressors to deal with at one time. I hope you get relief from the depression pain soon. Glad you have something that helps at least a little bit. Severe pain is so debilitating. I'm really sorry about little Oscar. Hopefully he will recover soon. And the insurance thing is completely ridiculous. Now that they've gotten it corrected, I hope it will give you some peace.

Hi hannah, Holly, Pattience & Fleur.

07-13-2014, 05:10 PM
Amy: :bday2you: I hope you are having a wonderful birthday!!! Relax and treat yourself well today! :celebrate:

07-13-2014, 06:05 PM
Flower, i don't post too much on this thread either but i think its mainly about depression issues.

I think your posts warrants a thread in its own right in the weight loss support section.

I don't know how big a bag of barbaras cheese puffs is but it doesn't sound like a lot of food to me so am i missing something?

I think the maintenance section is also a good section to post your message. I think a thread like this current one is used by people who visit the thread and read all the posts regularly.
Anyway i am sure you can stay if you feel its where you belong.
Thanks Patience. I have suffered greatly depression all my life. Thats why I was drawn here. I tried posting in the maintence area. But I honestly do not belong there. I think I may not belong anywhere, lol. Story of this compulsive eating and living with depression. So alienating, to say the least. Onward.

Fiona W
07-13-2014, 06:48 PM
Thanks for the encouraging comments, y'all, both about my depression and about Oscar being a wee little runt. Nénu weighs two and a half times what he does, but my breeder assures me they're all four very sweet and playful, and they sleep together in a big pile. I'm committed to him, no matter what, and I have high hopes that Nénu will take care of her smaller brother. August 3rd is the big day when we drive up and get them. I'm starting to get so excited!

As for my depression, I took a serious down day yesterday, and was rewarded by today's being nearly depression-free. Bob and I watched the Formula One race we had taped from last weekend, and were thrilled to see one of our favorite drivers win in his home country of England. During my depression days I overdid it with the sugar-free muesli and cream, but today I'm 100% back on plan. If I end up gaining a bit after this month's trials, I won't mind a bit: it will all work out in the long run. I've been off the BERP for a long time now, so tomorrow morning I need to make a strong return to the work work work!

07-14-2014, 07:32 AM
Hi all,

Glad to see so many people active on this thread. :)

This weekend so great...

I didn't track. I didn't move much. I didn't sleep well. I didn't eat well.

I love my friends. I really really really do. So much. But this weekend was so trying. My very dear friend is going through a severe downswing at the moment. On Saturday, she, her boyfriend, and two other friends of ours came over to play cards. She couldn't handle it. I spent hours with her on my bedroom floor until late in the night while she cried and screamed and talked down to herself. I hate to see her like this. I can hug her and be the voice against her inner tormentor, but really I feel completely useless. A similar situation happened on Sunday. All I wanted to sleep yesterday. I was so tired from staying up Saturday night. I am not used to that. I am usually in bed by ten. But that is one of the struggles you must deal with when you are an introvert surrounded by many extroverts. People want to spend time with you and have fun. To them, it is nice and relaxing. To me, it is just as draining as having to work all day. I need some alone time to recharge and I literally got none of that this weekend. So my food was utter crud. I didn't count. I do not really know how much I ate. And now I have to go to work this morning completely exhausted and I so behind at the office too so there is no way I can take a personal day.

Gosh, look how whiny this post is. Ugh. I apologize.
I see that there are so many things going on in your lives. I hope you had a wonderful birthday Amy. And I hope everyone is doing well and has a decent Monday. I will check in this evening after work (and a nap).

07-14-2014, 07:44 AM
Hello :)

Trish, that is so sad that you were that down to attempt. I also hope you know you are important in this world!

Fi, I am also sending 'get big and strong' wishes to little Oscar .

Flower, I am sorry you are struggling with compulsive eating and depression, it is so hard. I agree with Monte C. that low carb does help alot with cravings.

Amy - Belated Happy Birthday!! July 13th is also my DH's birthday so I will be able to remember yours :)

hannahbeanies - you are such a good person to do that for your friend! and I am amazed that you just described how I feel about friends and acquaintences, they are draining! how is it they enjoy chatting and talking so much, for so long; I do my best to interact but I'd rather just sit and listen?? there is comfort for me knowing there is at least one other person in the world like me in that way :devil:

Worth - haha, enjoy those training sessions ;) :D

Fleur, also wondering if had the interview at the lawyer's office? or am I behind in info?

Hi Trish, Monte C., and Pattience.

Had a good weekend camping, but did experience what hannahbeanies was just talking about, I like having fun, and that has to involve talking/interacting with people, but it is exhausting to me :devil:

I haven't weighed myself in probably 2 months, I really don't want to go into a black mood if I see a big gain :(

Fiona W
07-14-2014, 05:37 PM
Hannah, I completely understand how being around people, especially those going through emotional stress, can be so draining. I echo Holly's words to you about what a good person you are: make sure you know your limits and take care of yourself!

Well, I feel a bit guilty. Instead of working on the big decluttering project, I spent hours making a new collage ( I hope y'all find it fun to look at! =smile=

07-14-2014, 05:43 PM
Hi there!

Thanks so much everyone for the happy birthday wishes!!! Aww, that means a lot. I'm tired, my allergies are awful but I managed to go see Jersey Boys, the movie today. It was wonderful!

I'm going to relax for a bit.

Take care!


07-14-2014, 09:19 PM
Hi everyone,

I don't have time for personals, but wanted to let everyone know that I got the job at the law office!!!!! :) Also I weighed in at 179.5 over the weekend!!!

Hope everyone is doing well!

07-14-2014, 10:25 PM
Congrats Fleur! Big congratulations on the job and losing weight!

07-15-2014, 02:24 AM
I was just almost finished with personals and accidentally LOST my whole post..... again! :mad: I will try this again.

Sabrina: CONGRATULATIONS on getting the job at the law office AND on losing weight!!! :carrot: You must be so excited. When do you start your new job?

flower123: I can totally relate to the food monster inside!!! I battle with mine constantly. Often, I succumb to its temptation, and other times it just drives me crazy. :dizzy: I want you to know that you are more than welcome to stay in this group and post as little or as much as you want. We care and we are here to support you! :hug:

Worthy: I hope your first weight training session went well! Don't sweat the pound that stupid scale shows you gained. You will work that off in no time!

Amy: I hope you had a wonderful birthday! :)

Fi: Very cool collage! I am actually glad to hear that you took a creative day off from the BERP! You must have needed it. Also happy to hear that you are 100% back on plan and nearly depression free (as of your last post)! August 3rd is just around the corner and you will have your sweet kittens! :D

Antonia: Interesting that you've found low carb eating to silence the food monster inside. Makes me want to try it..... again! Unfortunately, at the moment, I can't seem to stick to ANY diet. :(

Hannah: Sorry that your weekend was not so great. Do your best to put it behind you and move on. How wonderful that you were there for your friend. Friends CAN certainly be exhausting. I know what you mean. Remember to take care of YOURSELF, too, and know your limits and boundaries. Easier said than done, I know!

Holly: So great to hear from you! Glad to hear that you had a good time camping over the weekend. Thanks for checking in! :hug:

I am doing okay, but not moving enough and eating too much. :o Not a good combo! :( We work out with our trainer in the morning, so I need to get some sleep. Today was a very stressful day for reasons I can't go into. But I thank God that tomorrow is a BRAND NEW DAY! Another chance to get things right! :)

07-15-2014, 08:33 AM
So I tried 30DS yesterday. It was a spectacular failure. I'm so soft. Made it about 5 minutes before my heartrate skyrocketed, and I had to lay down or pass out. I was having a bout of depression yesterday, so I'm sure that didn't help my stamina. So I stopped. But I'm not going to give up yet. If I stick to it, I may be able to finish the whole workout by the end of the 30 days!

Had to be at work at 5:30am which necessitated me getting up at 4:30am. Since I don't actually believe in the morning before 6, this is a great struggle for me. I'm sure it will be a hungry day, plus I didn't have time to pack any lunch, barely had time to grab my bell pepper. I forsee my special low carb power drink in the future (diet mt dew mixed with crystal lite fruit punch).

07-15-2014, 04:14 PM
It's been a rough few days. I have been struggling with sleep and loneliness. Diet is off and on, mostly not eating much.

Fiona W
07-15-2014, 11:43 PM
Well, chalk up another crappy day for me. Depression pain and overeating to boot. I kept trying to do things for the BERP, but every time I'd do something as simple as bringing back the recycle bin from the curb, or carrying something upstairs, I'd get waylaid by the same ol' pain in my chest and have to go take another Geodon and lie down and moan for a while. And Geodon makes you lethargic and also makes you crave carbos like mad. There's a reason why mentally ill people get fat, as y'all know very well!

But I did make three annoying phone calls. You know, those phone calls you put off until they desperately need to be made so you have to do 'em when you're sick of thinking about them? Where you have to pretend to be in a pleasant mood while talking to total strangers? I guess I should give myself more credit for having checked those off my list.

Anyway, Wednesday is another day. It better be a good one because on Thursday my 14-year-old great-niece Grace comes over—not just to sort clippings, but to have dinner and play with art supplies afterwards. She's going to be a freshman in high school this fall. I like her so much I want to pick her up from school once a week and have her eat with Bob & me and then do homework in my collage studio. I ran the idea by her mother during the weekend at the farm, and she liked it a lot. I did that a long time ago for my niece Margaret, the one who has an 8-year-old son now and lives nearby, and it worked out pretty well. I think Bob and I might have a lot to teach Grace, especially since she's going to take Latin and be a science nerd. =smile=

Sorry I'm not more cheerful. Thanks for the nice comments about my silly nudibranch collage. I'm thinking about each and every one of you.

07-16-2014, 08:21 AM
I apologize profusely if I forget anyone and/or anything. I promise that it is not on purpose. I have missed quite a bit since my last post.

Fi I loved your collage! I have actually had the link open in my browser since yesterday. :P I have been meaning to comment on it. I also skimmed through a bit of your other stuff. What a wonderful talent you have. Thank you for sharing with us. And what a nice thing to do for your great niece. I am sure it is helping her just as much as it is helping you. :) I may be an introvert, but companionship is rather nice. And you are right. Today is another day for food! And also, thank you for your kind words in response to my post.

LilTurtle I am sorry to see that you are still struggling and it has been a hard couple of days. I am so so so so glad to see you still posting. Stick around! :hug:

Antonia Good on you for trying! I am not sure what 30DS is, though, but I am sure it is tough. And, yuck! 5:30 am for work?! Bleh. That would be very difficult.

Kathleen I love your attitude. I am very thankful for a new day, everyday! I hope you had a good session with your trainer! And thank you for the nice things you said in your previous post to me. You (and the others) are right. I do need to take care of myself.

Amy I am glad you got to relax a little. ;)

Sabrina Woohoo!!! Congrats!!!! I am so happy for you! Let us know how it goes!

Holly Thank you for your kind words. It does help me feel better. I felt like such a rotten friend because I kept thinking about how tired I was. I was so concerned for her, but I was also feeling the tug of my own needs.

Ok. So I ended up calling off work anyway. I was SO TIRED that there was no way I could function Monday. But, I went in yesterday, and it was an ok day. I felt much more rested. But I was so swamped. I still am. I am completely buried under work. If you looked at my desk, you would just assume that I didn't do anything at all yesterday! More comes as soon as I am finished with something else. Ah. Oh well.

Good news is that I have been tracking for two days! :carrot:

07-16-2014, 08:53 AM
Hannah - 30DS is Jillian Michaels 30 day shred video. It is a 20 minute workout that you do every day, with 3 levels that you progress through during the 30 days. Even though it is short, it is pretty tough. I even find a couple of the P90X to be easier.

I have been extremely anxious for the past couple of days, and as usual, for no particular reason. I've had to take Xanax just to get through work. And now the anxiety is sinking into depression. I was hoping I'd snap out of it, but I guess not. So I called into work today, hopefully taking a day at home will make me feel better. We are having an unseasonable cool snap right now with temps dropping down below 80, so maybe I can play around in my yard.

Fiona W
07-16-2014, 07:18 PM
Definitely having a better day, although I can't say the same for Bob. He went out last night and bought boots & other necessary gear for the work he does at the farm, because he wants to go up there alone for a week. But he desperately needs to get his Land Cruiser emission-inspected so it will be legal to drive, and he's going nowhere fast on that project. He says I'm making it harder for him to do it by pestering him about needing to buy a new futon for the couch where I spend the bulk of my time, but I haven't breathed a word about that since last night. Oh well.

The important thing for today, in order to get ready for my great-niece Grace coming over tomorrow, is to get my mood and my diet (they're linked, of course) on more of an even keel. So I've been working slowly on the BERP, trying to make sure I don't overexert myself and get depressed. So far, so good. I went through a bunch of old mail and consolidated it into just the people I really want to respond to. 'Couldn't resist writing a few postcards and one card while I was at it. There's been a huge tangle of stuff that needs to be dealt with all over the living room rug, and I reduced its size quite a bit today. I'm planning to make a display of some (lots) of the more aesthetically appealing handmade postcards I've received over the years, on the wall in the downstairs corridor. That will have the desirable result of getting "rid" of yet one more box of stuff I have to find a place for.

I'm pleased by the reactions to my nudibranchs collage (thanks so much, Hannah, for your comments!)—especially in that two people whose judgment I trust think the written frame around it is a good touch. I've been struggling for some time with the problem of what to do with the text I've been putting in descriptions under the Flickr scans, because I feel strongly that it's important to give credit for the sources of my images. A few weeks ago it just dawned on me: if I break out of the narrow postcard format and make my collages a little larger, I can hand-write those credits right on the collage—yay! I think it's something worth continuing.

I'm still too overwhelmed by the BERP to do much in the way of personals, but please know I'm thinking of y'all and cheering you on. I'm sure when the day comes that you don't see the word "BERP" in my postings anymore, y'all will all heave a huge sigh of relief. Kitten pictures are so much more appealing! =laugh=

07-16-2014, 09:43 PM
Hi there everyone!

I had a busy day, I went to physical therapy, I'm tired and sore from that. Then I went to Weight Watchers, it was a very positive group but I gained a little, I'm still 5 pounds down, but I just feel frustrated. I know what I did wrong though, I ate too much over my points and I went a little too overboard for my birthday. Well, it's a new week!

I also feel cautiously happy, I found a new hairstylist. I walked past his salon last night on my way home from my talk therapy so I called the salon today and had an awesome consultation with him today. He's very sweet and more experienced than the junior stylist at another salon that I was going to, but it's funny, they know each other!

Anyways, tomorrow is my last day for iron infusions, I bought the nurses and staff some bakery cookies! I'm getting a pedicure tomorrow, big yay!

Have a good night. I'm tired but I'm going to relax...


07-17-2014, 09:23 PM
Hi everyone,

I just wanted to let everyone know that my depression is much better. I came out of it quickly this time. I am still under a great amount of stress but I will be ok.

I don't have time for personals tonight but just know that you all are in my thoughts. Much love to all.

07-17-2014, 09:28 PM
Antonia: At least you TRIED the 30DS!!! :hug:I would be too afraid!!! Anything Jillian Michaels scares me! :fr: She doesn't mess around! Good that you knew your limits, too, and honored them. YIKES, getting up at 4:30am sounds crazy, too. Sorry you are battling anxiety and depression. I hope your day off helped! :hug:

Trish: Sorry you are still struggling. Please vent if you want to and let us know any ways that we can help you through this difficult time. We are here for you and WE CARE ABOUT YOU!!! :hug: Is there ANYONE you can call "in person" and get together with to help ease your loneliness? I hope you can get some much-needed sleep. That makes everything harder when your sleep is deprived.

Hannah: I hope you are taking good care of yourself. You deserve it! :hug: Way to go on tracking for 2 days, despite your extremely busy workload!!! Keep up the great work! :)

Fi: Glad to hear that yesterday was a better day for you! Hope you enjoyed your day with Grace today. Good luck getting your mood and diet on an even keel! That is no small feat. In fact, it is a daily challenge for me. But I know YOU CAN DO IT! Remember that it is about PROGRESS and not perfection! :hug:

Amy: That is frustrating that you gained a little at WW, but at least you know what you did wrong. Your new hair stylist sounds fabulous! CONGRATS on being FINISHED with your iron infusions!!! :carrot: Hope you enjoyed your pedicure! :)

I worked out with our trainer this morning and have eaten pretty well today. I have been fighting a migraine the past couple days. YUCK! :( Went back to my primary doc today to have my thyroid rechecked (blood draw). My fingernails are pulling away from the nail beds and I have read that it can be caused by hypothyroidism (low thyroid levels), which he is treating me for. Hope to hear back in the next couple days. He might have to increase my thyroid med. He suspects nail fungus might be a contributing factor, too :o (I know......GROSS!), because my nails are slightly discolored, so he prescribed a nail lacquer to use "just in case." The leaflet that came with the prescription says it can take A YEAR for the nails to be clear (or almost clear) again. CRAP! I hope that's not true. The doc didn't mention THAT! The nails can't reattach to the nail beds, though, so it WILL probably take 4-6 months for new nails to grow in. Oh well, things could be much worse. This is just a nuisance. :( I started reading the book about the SHRED diet, and ~ although it sounds very flexible ~ I am a bit doubtful that I will stick to it. Leaning toward low-carb IF I can get up the gumption to "just do it!" Something has to give if I am going to lose a significant amount of weight again. Please send me some :dust:!!!!! I need it badly!!!

07-17-2014, 09:31 PM
ohiofreespirit: GREAT to hear from you!!! You must have posted while I was typing my message. Glad to hear that you came out of your depression quickly this time. :) Sorry you are still under a lot of stress, but I'm sure you are handling it better since your mood is more stable. Hope the stress eases up, too, though! Please continue to keep in touch whenever possible! Take good care! :hug:

07-17-2014, 10:15 PM
Hi there!

I had a good day overall. :). I adore my new hairstylist, he is hilariously funny, very friendly and sweet. I got a stunning new haircut and I'm going back soon for hair color. I feel so relieved to finally have found someone who I truly trust and feel comfortable with! Big yay! The salon is beautiful, some of the front desk ladies are a bit cold, but I guess that's just them. It was weird, there was a confusion about my appointment time so they called me saying I was late, but we worked it out. My stylist was fine with everything. Oh well, I won't let that bother me, I love my new cut!!! I got the haircut instead of my pedicure, maybe I'll go for a pedicure next week.

Believe, thank you so much! Yes, I'm done with the iron infusions for now! I hope to feel more energized soon. The nurses like the cookies and I gave a few hugs!

I hope everyone feels stronger, better and I will check in soon!

Amy :)

07-17-2014, 11:29 PM
Hello everyone,

I really don't have much to tell you but I did want to, at least, check in.

Jennifer is supposed to come home tomorrow. She has been gone a whole week.

Today I cleaned the living room. It was a mess so I had quite a lot to get picked up. I had some guys come and set up my blu-ray player for me. Silly me couldn't do it. Now I have Net-Flix and Pandora on my television. I love it.

I worked on my crochet for a bit, my fingers got numb so I had to quit. I don't know why they do that? I can only crochet for short periods of time.

IBelieveInMe, I am doing pretty well considering a few days ago I was so very down. I was crying and anxious. I was in bad shape. I made sure I have been taking my meds and reading my bible, I love psalms. It comforts me.

I hope this post finds everyone well. Much love to all.

Fiona W
07-18-2014, 12:31 AM
Well, my great-niece Grace rescheduled for Friday because she had a conflict with a swim team event, so I spent the day doing fun stuff: preparing a series of postcards I'll be sending out one a day to a dear friend in Australia, and working on a cat collage I'm making as a present for my breeder.

Then in the evening Bob and I went and picked up the long-overdue replacement for the futon I live on every day. We had to wrangle the new futon into his Land Cruiser, wrangle it into the house and out of its plastic wrapping, then wrangle the cover off the old dead futon, then...oh, I won't bore you anymore: the upshot of all that wrangling is that I am sore! I tried to do my leg exercises, and it was just a joke. Even my toes are sore. I sure do miss having a 25-yr-old body that used to view such chores as a piece of cake.

So it's an early night for me. Muesli, a bit of reading, then blotto...

Lisa— It's nice to see your smiling face back on the thread! And I'm so glad to hear that you are smiling. Depression is the pits. I was there just a couple of days ago, and I'm so relieved to be back (crossing my fingers and my sore toes).

Amy— That's cool you found an experienced hair dresser who gave you a great cut! I used to have a hairdresser who gave me great cuts, but then my husband lost his job, and I can't afford to go there anymore. It's OK: I have manageable hair that I just keep long, wearing it in a ponytail most of the time. My husband (who also has very long hair) and I just give each other hatchet job trims every now & then: it's no biggie.

Kathleen— So sorry to hear you had (have) another migraine. I take it that the usual prescriptions don't work for you? Say, don't mess around with that nail fungus: get yourself to a dermatologist right away. Take it from someone who knows—I had nail fungus in the summer of '09, and it got so rampant it turned into a whole-body fungal infection. That was truly gross, believe me! You do NOT want to hear anymore of that story.

MonteCristo— I wish I could say something about your anxiety-sliding-into-depression that would be helpful. Do you have any antidepressants or other meds that can head it off at the pass?

Worthy— 'Haven't seen your inspiring postings lately. I hope all is going well.

Trish— Please tell us more about what's going on with you. Please don't get isolated: you need social support. Even if it seems dull or downbeat to you, we want to know!

07-18-2014, 10:32 AM
Fi - I take an antidepressant everyday. Sometimes It just overwhelms the medication. Thankfully my spells are pretty short. I feel mostly back to normal now, just a little low.

Lisa - Another crocheter! What types of projects do you do? Sorry about the numbness...that happens to me too, but generally only if I'm crocheting all day long for several days in a row. Have you ever tried the gloves? They helped me some. Glad your low period was short and you are feeling better now.

Amy - That is wonderful about your new stylist. Having someone you trust is so important. And congrats on finishing your iron infusions!

Kathleen - 30DS is pretty rough. I didn't do it the two days I was really down, but I did try it again last night...and I hurt my back. My chiroprator doesn't want me to do it anymore (and I'm kind of relieved). I'm to stick to low impact like yoga and elliptical for now. Maybe when I get the weight down more, and my back has been strengthened from the yoga I will try it again. Sorry about your migraine. They are killers. You should give low carb a try, it has worked wonderfully for me.

Happy Friday to All! :D

07-19-2014, 11:23 AM
Flower123: Your posts to the group are very welcomed. A number of us, including me, has suffered with binge eating disorders paired with depression. The combined issues are isolating but should not be alienating. :hug: You are one of many, many people on the earth who has this experience. A book that helped me, if you're into self-help books, is Brain over Binge. It gave me a different perspective on my relationship with food and helped me get my compulsive eating under control by thinking about my issue differently.

Amy: Happy belated birthday, gurl! :celebrate::bday2you: Sorry I missed sending good wishes to you on your special day but you know what? You go right ahead and do a repeat, if you want! Congratulations on finding a stylist you like and trust who has talent. I still haven't found one and have been suffering through some seriously bad cuts for a couple years now. :o

Holly: So happy to see you posting again. Glad you had a good time camping. Scales are evil. :devil: Mine hasn't moved in two weeks, despite my staying on track and burning calories like a mad woman. All any of us can do is just keep on working at it.

Fleur: :congrat: on the job at the law office! I hope it brings you happiness and a sense of accomplishment each day you are at work. Congratulations for the weight loss, too! :D

IBelieve: Every tick of the clock presents a new opportunity to start again. You can do this!

Antonia: At least you gave the Shred workout a try. Don't give up! Keep working at it an eventually you will be able to do the entire workout. :lifter: I know all too well the desire to perform something new and demanding with utter perfection the first time out. You can do this! Just keep telling yourself that you have to keep working at it and no negative talk!

Lilturtle: I'm glad to see you posting again. I'm sorry things aren't feeling good for you right now. Please think about reaching out to someone in your community you can talk with. :hug:

Lisa: Glad your depression is clearing away. I'm sorry about the stress. Hoping things improve for you.

Fi: It sounds like things have been up and down for you but I'm glad that you're doing okay overall--even if you did get sore all the way down to your toes while wrangling the futon.

As for me, I started my strength training on Monday of this past week. It means my gym schedule is up to four days a week, so I'm not getting home until nearly 7 p.m. After a shower and supper, I have only an hour or so before I crawl into bed. The new activity and schedule meant I didn't sleep well this week, so things were a challenge. :^:

I thought I would give myself a break last night and come home right after work and do some light cardio. The dog was so excited to see me, she immediately wanted to go for a walk. We ended up taking a two-mile walk together and once again, it was 7 p.m. before I returned to the house.

Despite the fact the scale hasn't moved in two weeks, I can see that the shape of my body is continuing to change. I'm actually starting to see some definition along my obliques. :eek: This is previously unknown phenomena. I have learned that my form when doing squats is abysmal. :lol: My trainer has informed me that my quads and lats (leg muscles) are too weak and that is due to my poor form which is due to me learning to overcompensate for my damaged right ankle and knee. The end game is to continue working on it. I'm living on Tylenol, by the way. :dizzy:

My other effort these days is an attempt to make myself more--what I call girly-girl attractive. I'm not a high-maintenance woman. I'm more of a wash and wear woman. ;) I am not in the habit of primping and doing make up, nails, and hair. There are a lot of contributing factors for that--one of which is fear of attracting unwanted male attention because I was molested, raped, and subject to an attempted rape as a teenager. This reality was one of the contributing factors to me gaining weight as a protective shield.

Anyhow, I'm really back to a novice level when it comes to makeup and nails. I tried painting my nails last night and it looks like a 6-year-old did it. I suspect I'm going to be an utter failure as a high maintenance girly-girl but really, I'm just trying to look more feminine and attractive to my husband. While my focus has been on being more attractive to my husband, other men have started to notice me.

A guy in a pickup truck pulled up beside me while I was walking the dog last night under the pretense of asking me about her little dachshund self. While I tried to joke with him about the dog, I noticed he was checking out my chest. ~sigh~ Men. Since I had no interest in engaging him further, I continued to walk. He drove along beside me for a little bit before finally pulling away. Once he was gone, I suddenly realized that I didn't have my cell phone with me. I went through the panicked irrational thought process of what-ifs but was able to let that run its course and not dwell on it. I'll be certain I have my phone with me the next time I go out, though.

07-19-2014, 10:03 PM
Hi there...

Thanks everyone for the nice posts. I have a bad sinus infection, I feel lousy. I went to my local ER last night, now I'm on antibiotics. I slept a lot of the day today, feeling run down and exhausted. It's nice to just be home with Snickers. We cuddled earlier, he was SO glad when I came home from the ER! A pet sitter came by to check on him while I was away in the ER. Snickers was so happy to see me, he jumped, twisted and he purred like a kitty cat.

I'm going to bed soon. Have a good night.


Fiona W
07-20-2014, 05:09 PM
Wow... this week the theme for the collage blog I'm on is "Body Image." I just about freaked out. And then I made this ( Please, if you look at the image, read what I wrote underneath... My mind is in a whirl.

07-20-2014, 07:51 PM
Hello All,

My food hasn't been good - again. I have been hungrier today than I normally am. So I figure my body needed it. Good news is that I got up this morning and actually took a long walk. Walked about 2.5 miles. So that is good I suppose. I am not feeling great, even though I should be. Things are great. Stupid food consuming my life...

I will hopefully be able to post personals in the morning. Love you all.

07-20-2014, 08:03 PM
Hi everyone,

I know I've been absent for a few days. Things have been busy for me and honestly quite depressing at my current job. I don't start at the law office until July 30th, so I'm drudging through the last few days at the shelter. I'm so blessed to have gotten the job at the law office because a lot of changes are happening at the shelter and many are not good. A lot of politics and butt kissing is going on which I don't want any part of at all.

I have been doing a type of low carb and haven't seen any type of progress other than a pound over the last few weeks I've been doing this method. I can't do atkins full on because I can't eat that many veggies. I am trying more every week and am proud to say I eat more than I did several months ago, but it just isn't something I can sustain for a long time. SO I'm going to give calorie counting another go. It worked for me in the past when I still ate junk food. I think now that I eat healthier food it will work even better. Also I'm switching up my gym routine from primarily weight lifting to a heavy focus on cardio. I will still have some lifts in there, but my focus will be cardio.

I had my first workout today. I completed 5 mins on the stairmaster, 25 minutes on the elliptical, 10 minutes on the cycle, and probably 10 minutes in the pool. I also did 3 sets on the bench press, 1 set of assisted pull ups, some lunges, squats, and wall sits. I'm psyched about how this will help me!!!

I only have 4 more days left at the shelter. I have Monday off! Yay!

Worththeeffort- I'm not a girly girl either, but I'm starting to do some girly things. It's taken me years to get where I am now! lol! Definitely be sure to always have your phone with you!!!

seabiscuit- Sorry to hear about your sinus infection! Hope you're feeling better!

Fiona- I like your collage. Very interesting. I can relate to the feeling like you're inside a box. I've got some material to create a mosaic. I still need to get a base, some glue, and a few other things. I'm exited for the project!

07-20-2014, 08:07 PM
Hannah- You can always start fresh on your eating. Great job with your walk! You have stumbled, but you have caught yourself. Just start pulling yourself up!

07-20-2014, 10:42 PM
Hi there...

I'm about to go to bed, but with a heavy heart, sigh. I like the new stylist, but I was turned off by the cold personality of the salon receptionists and while this stylists prices aren't horrendous, they're not cheap either. I mean, $135 or $140 not including tip for color, color glaze and blow-dry, ouch, that's pricey! So I don't know, I was going to head back to this stylist for color but that's a huge price tag. I actually texted my old stylist on Facebook, and I apologized that I left him, and I asked him if I could come back, no reply. I'm torn, I am thinking about calling his salon to see if we can talk and work things out, I don't know. His prices are more reasonable and he is very sweet, so are most of the staff but I think I hurt his feelings, understandable, I feel badly.

Sigh, I just need to think about things. Good night.


07-21-2014, 02:47 AM
Just came home from the lake late tonight (Sunday). The kids and I only went up Saturday and Sunday, because my hubby had some guys up Thursday to Saturday morning for golfing and lake fun. I ate way too many snacks during those two days, but I did manage to get walks in both days. I wanted to get more exercise in, but just didn't buckle down and do it. :( I am committed to get my butt outside to walk or on the treadmill this week. I will be working out with the trainer Tuesday and Thursday morning, but want to get a lot of cardio in this week as well. Training is mostly weights and machines, but a great hour-long workout. I am disappointed in myself for not being more serious about weight loss lately, reflected in some poor food choices and extra snacking and not enough movement in my days. I had a rude awakening when I looked at notes online from my doctor appointment the other day. It said "obesity" for one of my issues. :cry: Even though I know that I am considered obese, since I am more than 50 pounds overweight, seeing it written in my chart made me sad and ashamed. :cry: I hate the thought of using negative things for motivation, but I am really going to try to remember that feeling I had when I saw the word obesity listed in my chart the next time I want something bad to eat or want to eat more than a healthy portion of something. I feel so much better on the inside than I have in a long time, but my outer body just doesn't reflect how far I've come, and I hate it. :( I want my body to show that I like myself now. I don't want to hide behind my fat anymore. What is it gonna take for me to make the necessary changes I need to make in order to shed this weight..... once and for all?!? I have been so incredibly fortunate that, other than aches and pains, I really haven't had any health issues because of my "obesity," and I don't want to wait until I have health issues to get started on this journey again. Don't get me wrong, I HAVE BEEN TRYING to lose weight, but I am not making nearly enough lifestyle changes to REALLY lose a significant amount of weight. I am battling a thyroid issue, which is probably making this all harder, but ~ if I am honest with myself ~ I haven't given it all I've got for awhile now. And I need to. I really need to! And I want to now. So what am I waiting for????? :?: I really don't know. :?: Sorry for my rambling, but I just needed to get all of that off my chest, I guess! Thanks for listening! :hug:

Well, now it is 1:45am and I need to be up fairly early, so no time for personals. Sorry! I will do my best to touch base soon with some personals! You are all in my thoughts and prayers..... always! :grouphug: Hope everyone has a great week ahead!

07-21-2014, 08:02 PM
Seabiscuit- Wow, that is a lot of money. I don't think I could ever spend that much for hair color.. I'm a huge tightwad though! Hope you figure something out that makes you happy!

Ibelieveinme2- I'm sorry you've hit a rough patch. I'm pretty much in the same boat, having realized I wasn't doing enough to really see weight loss. I think we're both on a re-dedication to our weight loss goals!

So I'm starting over for my weight loss. Basically, low carb didn't work for me. While I was eating low carb, I think I had the mindset I could eat lots of everything else. I think calorie counting will be the best route for me because I'm pretty analytical in nature. I'm going to start with eating 2000 calories or a little less and doing at least an hour of cardio (bicycling, elliptical, and swimming). I'll also still do a little bit of weight training, but will primarily focus on cardio. This is how I lost roughly 20lbs a few years ago, so I figure this will be the best try for me.

Before trying low carb, I think I ws eating too little calories and exercising, which wasn't helpful for weight loss.

For my restart, I weighed in today at 179lbs which was a .5 lb loss. That's exciting in itself.

07-21-2014, 10:54 PM

Thanks Fleur. Actually, today I stopped by my old stylists salon and I talked with him. I told him that I felt so badly about leaving and he seemed a bit upset but he said he wasn't and to not worry about it. I think he felt badly but didn't say anything. He is more quiet than talkative. I made an appointment with him for hair color in a few weeks, I texted him and I think everything is ok now but he seems more serious, not as relaxed. I think he has his guard up, it will take time to repair and rebuild. Anyways it was good to see him and I actually told him I wish I could give him a hug, I did at the first visit. I think deep down he realized that I was being sweet but he didn't say anything. Anyways, I'm glad to be going back to him. I missed him. I'm wondering if I should get him a gift. He just got married. I don't know, I'll think about it.

Tonight I went to an urgent care center to get an antibiotic. I will take it tonight. I feel awful. Snickers is so glad I'm home.

Good night!


Fiona W
07-22-2014, 12:42 AM
Well, the BERP took an interesting turn today. I worked hard for several hours conquering another box packed full of stuff, but not in the usual sort/weed/toss fashion. I put all the stuff up on a wall! Because the "stuff," in this case, was a huge collection of brilliant artworks: the cream of the crop of all the art I've received in the mail in the four and a half years since I joined the worldwide mail art community. Almost all of the artworks are not prints, but original collages, paintings, and mixed-media pieces. Almost all of it was mailed "naked" (not in an envelope) in the form of postcards of every shape, size, and material. I even put up a few envelopes, complete with postage stamps and lots of artistamps (artworks in the form of faux postage).

I didn't put up a single postcard that I made, of course, since all of my original art is out there in the world in the hands of other mail artists. I mounted all the pieces with little foam sticky squares, with a separation of at most half an inch. The wall I covered is one side of the downstairs corridor that connects the foyer, living room, and kitchen. It's 5 feet wide and 8 feet high, so it amounts to nearly 40 square feet of art! And what a complicated jigsaw puzzle it was, too, figuring out how to arrange all those pieces in a harmonious and densely packed way.

Even Bob, who's still depressed—although not as depressed as he used to be—got excited about the project, and he helped me put up some of the pieces that are right up next to the ceiling. I can't begin to convey how amazing that wall looks now: it's like one enormous, colorful, eye-popping artwork composed of hundreds of separate pieces. We'll be able to admire it every day as we come down the stairs, sit at the kitchen table, and of course stand in the corridor itself.

And boy am I exhausted.... but happy. I'm not even fazed by the fact that tomorrow is my monthly weigh-in day, the 22nd. I fully expect that I will have gained some—how much, I can't begin to guess. It's been an extremely stressful month, as we move into our final countdown to August 3rd, when we drive up north to pick up our kittens. Julie tells me that Oscar is still small, but he's an eager eater, so maybe he'll eventually catch uo to Nénu, his sister. She's doing great, running around like crazy and climbing the screen door that separates their master bedroom—AKA the nursery—from the rest of the house.

I hope all of y'all are doing well, or at least better than you were. I'm trashed. I'm going to bed now.

07-22-2014, 03:42 AM
Fleur- :hug: I hope that you can tolerate your current position while you wait for your new law office one. I know exactly how you feel - seeing the politics involved and not wanting to be a part of it. It is so difficult. I feel like I am morally torn. &&& I also find calorie counting to be the best route for me, at least to get a feel for portion sizes. Nothing else really worked for me. I liked the fact that if I was under or right at the line that day, I was in a negative calorie balance and would lose weight. Pretty much guaranteed. But other people do really well on low carb/low fat/etc. Different strokes for different folks. :)

Amy- I am sorry that it didn't work out with your new stylist. :hug: Finding a stylist that you trust and are comfortable with can be SO DIFFICULT sometimes. I hope things work out for you with your old one. Also -:getwell:

Kathleen- I hate thinking of myself as "obese". :( Even if I logically know it is true. In a way, I am glad that I don't see my doctor's notes, even though I also think it would be helpful. I just don't want to see all the negative crap that it may say. :lol: Good for you for realizing what you need to do to get healthy! :bravo::cp::cp:

Fi- How wonderful!! That sounds so lovely. How fortunate you are to be surrounded by original artwork. Oh, the good energy it must bring. :goodvibes What a sense of accomplishment, too! I can almost feel your happiness reach across the internet and tug at me. That is so great. :)

07-22-2014, 06:40 AM
Hi Hannah-

Thank you for your kind words. It's funny, I've really been on the fence about choosing a stylist. Up until last night, I was going back to my old one but alas knowing me, I had a change of heart again and I'm going to stick with the new one. He's more expensive but I trust him more, plus things were a but awkward with my old stylist, I'm not surprised. Why do I go back and forth! But that's my final answer!

I'm exhausted, now I'm getting a sore throat too, ugh! I feel so run down. I'm going back to sleep. I hope I feel better soon!

Take care!


07-22-2014, 07:29 AM
hello!! got to get myself back in the habit of posting here every day, I miss so much when I don't.

Amy - so sorry about the sinus infection and sore throat, hope the antibiotics help today. Boy $135 is pricey..highlights/cut/style for me is $80 without tip, but of course I'm rural VT and you are in cosmopolitan Philly :) Was there a particular incident with the old stylist, did you have to tell him you weren't happy? Because you are NOT obligated to feel badly to switch stylists. And he should be a professional and not be 'hurt'. If you decide to go back to him, I would advice against a gift, even though you are SO sweet to think of it, it might be misunderstood, or create some awkwardness. Unless it's something simple like cookies :)

Fleur - oh the last days of a job when you are leaving can be soooo long! Best wishes with figuring out a WOE (Way of Eating) that works for you. I have found a combo of calorie counting plus low carb is good for me, but I have to eat what seems so little to actually lose. Like a little bird instead of my usual vulture, lol.

Fi - oh your art filled wall sounds fantastic! and that you can enjoy it from many angles is great.

Kathleen - oh I am so sorry you are feeling kinda desperate , you are our usual spirit lifter-upper!! You are indeed blessed that you do not have health issues due to some extra weight; I would focus on the fact that you are physically able to do things to be mobile and work out; you are not limited in mobility, so you are lucky in that respect! :) ( I know, but we have to grab all our positives when we can) Each day is a fresh start. Wow what a cheerleader I am this morning :cheer2:

Worth - HEY congrats on seeing those obliques!!! that takes success with diet and exercise so you are rockin it!! Sorry about the anxiety with the guy who stopped to talk..definitely take your phone and have it in your hand if someone stops again. But hopefully they are just admiring and have no bad motives.

hannah - Hi girl :) I get down about my lifelong food issues too. I look at others and wonder if they are also thinking 'am I going to be too hungry later to make good choices?' Hang in there!! and yay for your long walk.

I finally got my car totally repaired, from teh collision on May 28. It was driveable but now all is good. Yay. Have been enjoying almost daily commuting on the motorcycle which is awesome . Vroom vroom :D
am enjoying summer so much, my lawn and my flowers are beautiful and I love looking at it all each morning with my coffee, and coming home to it in the afternoon.

Hi to everyone else :) :wave:

07-22-2014, 10:50 AM
Hi Holly,

Thank you for your advice. Actually, with the old stylist there were a couple of off times, when he colored my hair it came out extremely dark, it was way too dark. Then when he cut it, one side was over an inch longer than the other. I tried to forgive both of these, he's younger and a less experienced stylist but they made me question his integrity as a stylist. As for the newer stylist, I agree I think his prices are a bit high, I'm going to talk with him. I do trust him though and I think he does better quality work.

Ugh, I feel awful, I'm so congested and run down. I was going to go out a little today but I think I'm just going to stay in bed.

Take care.


07-22-2014, 11:11 AM
Amy - Sorry you aren't feeling well. Bed is sometimes the best place to be. As for you stylist woes, I personally would rather spend the money on a stylist that I had confidence in, even if I had to go less often. Hopefully you get it all worked out to your satisfaction. :)

Holly - I bet summer in Vermont is glorious. It gets pretty hot and humid here in Arkansas. But we've had a surprising nice week, so I did get to spend some time with my hands in the dirt and napping in my hamock without passing out!

Hannah - Hi! What's up with you?

Fi - That wall of art sounds beautiful...any chance of seeing a picture? :) Sorry that Bob is still suffering through depression, but glad that he was able to participate in your art project. So excited for you and the kittens. Mine are a pair as well, and my boy, Alexei, was the runt of the litter. He didn't have the health problems that your little Oscar has, but he was about 2/3 the size of Lyla, who was the biggest of the litter. He's still skinnier than Lyla (they are 3 now) but he's always been the spunky one. You'll have so much fun with them. I'm kind of jealous! :)

Fluer - I'm sorry low carb didn't work for you. Different metabolism do better with different diets. Good luck on your calorie counting and exercise. And Congrats! on that loss!! :yay:

Kathleen - Sometimes we all need a kick in the butt. The important thing is what you do next!

I weighed in at 233.0 today. That's 17lbs lost in 4 weeks on Atkins. I really love this diet. I'm never hungry, never have cravings, and haven't cheated once. May you all find a WOE (way of eating) that works for you! :)

07-22-2014, 10:01 PM
Amy - Oh gosh, those hair issues were kinda big weren't they! Yup those instances would make me want to change also.

That's 17lbs lost in 4 weeks on Atkins.

:faint: WOW !!! :carrot::flow1::dance::cp::dancer::high:

07-22-2014, 10:49 PM
Thanks Holly and Monte Cristo-

Monte Cristo, congratulations!!! Way to go on the weight loss, yay!

Holly- thanks, yes, I felt kind of upset with a very uneven haircut and very dark hair. I was tempted to give that stylist another shot but I think I will stick with my new stylist. I feel much more confident in him.

I wish I could shake this cold!!! I hope I get better soon.

I haven't been doing much with WW, I am going to the meeting tomorrow but I'm skipping the scale.

Thanks for all the support.


07-22-2014, 11:04 PM
The past few days since I posted have been better days. I am SLOWLY getting my motivation back. Forcing it back really. Making better choices with exercise and food. I need to focus on progress and hang in there until I begin to see positive changes. Then, I think I will truly be motivated again. I haven't been able to stay motivated for long enough to see changes in such a long time. I am recommitted to sticking with it for the long haul again. I will have bad days and days when I make poor choices, but that's to be expected. I am going to continue jumping back on the weight loss bandwagon ~ again and again and again! Hopefully, I won't fall off too many times!

Holly: Great to hear from you! Thank you for the pep talk. ;) Glad to hear that you are commuting almost daily on your motorcycle and that you were able to get your car completely repaired. :carrot: Also happy to hear that you are really enjoying summer, complete with a beautiful lawn and flowers. :D

Sabrina: Let's get back on board together! WE CAN DO THIS!!! :D It sounds like you have a good plan that has worked in the past, so you are on your way! I am still deciding on which plan to follow. Interestingly, I was leaning toward low carb, but I just don't think I can follow through with it long term. When do you start your new job? Hang in there until then!

Amy: Hope you are happy with your decision to stay with your new stylist. Sounds like you have good reason to move on. It kind of annoys me that your old stylist acted odd about your decision. You have every right to switch stylists, especially if you are dissatisfied with the results at times! I pay about the same for color and cut and style. It is expensive, but worth it because I am very pleased with my stylist and get consistent (good) results. Sorry you were not feeling well and had to go to the ER and Urgent Care. :( Hope the antibiotics get you back on your feet soon! :hug:

Fi: Your new wall art sounds wonderful! How creative! :) How did your weigh-in go?

Hannah: I HATE thinking of myself as "obese" too. I even hate that word!!! :( But I must face the music. I am getting serious about weight loss again. I want results!!! It might take awhile, but I will get there! :D

Antonia: I love your insight about the important thing is what I do next! I will keep that in mind each day as I MOVE FORWARD with weight loss. CONGRATULATIONS on your AWESOME weight loss on Atkins!!! :bravo: :cp: Sounds like you have found the right WOE (way of eating) for you! Great job sticking with it!!! :D

Trish: Are you still reading along??? Hope you are okay and feeling a little stronger each day! BIG HUGS to you! :hug: :hug: :hug:

Waving HELLO to everyone else! :wave: We can do this ladies!!! :grouphug:

07-22-2014, 11:18 PM

Thanks so much for your kind words and support. I'm slowly feeling better, I have a bit more energy. :dizzy: yeah, I found it was a bit odd that my old stylist wasn't more acknowledging of what went wrong, but that is his loss. I like my new stylist, I hope that I'll be seeing him for awhile. I did check out another salon in the area though, they're less expensive, if I cannot afford the current stylist, maybe I will switch, we'll see.

I just finished rereading Flowers for Algernon this morning, it is such a sweet story but sad. I read it in high school or middle school many years ago. What are all of you chicks reading?

Good night!


Fiona W
07-23-2014, 04:00 PM
Oh man, I'm so relieved! My monthly weigh-in that was yesterday? Yes, I did gain weight in the past month, but the amount of my gain was one pound. I weigh 273—versus last month's 272.

Onward! I'm eating on plan, I'm doing my leg exercises, and kittens are coming... =smile=

Amy— I'm embarrassed to tell you what I'm reading, but I will... =laugh= It's a really trashy novel titled Amazonia by James Rollins. It's just what it sounds like: crazy adventures in the Amazon. Recently our heroes were threatened—and in some cases, eaten (!)—by monsters that were mutations combining poisonous dart frogs with piranhas. Right now they're fighting off a pack of black jaguars that are three times normal size—right, a pack of solitary cats. =groan= But the pacing is good, and I can't predict the plot, so I'm enjoying the silliness more than I am wincing at it. Caveat emptor. I loved Flowers for Algernon when I read it in high school. 'Hope you're back in the pink soon!

Monte Cristo— Thanks for the encouraging words about spunky boy kitties who are the runts of their litters! I'll see what I can do about taking a picture of the wall of art: it'll be tricky...maybe I can take it from the stairway.

Fiona W
07-23-2014, 05:45 PM
About my wall of original mail art: I haven't finished it yet, because I'm still making the narrow strips of paper with artistamps on them to fill in some of the blank spots, but I couldn't resist taking a photo of it with my iPad. I was standing on the landing of our stairs when I took this picture ( As you can see, I left a little room at the top and the bottom for future incoming art. To the left is the living room; to the right is the kitchen. Before the BERP started, that blue futon was piled high, totally covered, with papers and books. So was that wooden floor you see, and the floor beneath the mail art wall. The blobby thing is a large rock that Bob got for me: a chunk of raw bloodstone.

In the fuzzy foreground of the photo you can see part of our framed version of Annie Leibovitz's famous photo of John Lennon and Yoko Ono ( In every place we have lived, in all the years since John was murdered, we have put that picture up in the entrance to our home. It signifies: "Here you will find a happy marriage." Many a person who has come to our home, or even just stood in the doorway delivering a package or whatever, has immediately smiled broadly upon seeing that picture. :)

07-23-2014, 11:12 PM
Well, hello all. I hope everyone had a pleasant day. It was gorgeous out today and the evening was the perfect temperature. I took my stepson out to the park and we fed the ducks. He was so tickled. :) I have been NONSTOP since we picked him up yesterday. He will be with us until the weekend, or possibly Monday. And gosh, I love and adore him, but there is a reason I haven't had any kids yet. Haha. Wears you out. Oh well. It is wonderful getting to know him, and even though I have been going continuously for a couple of days, I feel like I have more energy. :)

I have been walking at least 2 miles every single day this week. My friend and I also did yoga while we were at the park while my stepson played on the jungle gym. It was a really lovely day. Now I am home and what I want more than anything right now is a bath.

Food has been ok. I haven't been eating too much at all. I just need to add more veggies. I have not been getting enough the past couple of days.

I will add more personals tomorrow, but for tonight, I just want to congratulate Antonia !!!

WAY TO GO!!!:carrot::carrot::cp::cp::congrat:

07-24-2014, 06:58 AM
Hi I'm giving this a shot. I am 24 turning 25 on Sunday. I am a mother to two boys ages 2 going on 3 and a 1 year old. I just got out of a 5 year old abusive relationship. Now I'm a single mother who is tired of being fat. I am loosing weight but it just seems to not be happening fast enough. I can't wait to be skinny again. I'm so lost on what to do with my life. I been cooped up for 5 years due to my previous relationship situation and now I have no friends and I am soo lost on what to do with my life. What can I do for fun, who do I talk to? etc... I'm scared of having to finally face the world.

07-24-2014, 07:48 AM
Hi I'm giving this a shot. I am 24 turning 25 on Sunday. I am a mother to two boys ages 2 going on 3 and a 1 year old. I just got out of a 5 year old abusive relationship. Now I'm a single mother who is tired of being fat. I am loosing weight but it just seems to not be happening fast enough. I can't wait to be skinny again. I'm so lost on what to do with my life. I been cooped up for 5 years due to my previous relationship situation and now I have no friends and I am soo lost on what to do with my life. What can I do for fun, who do I talk to? etc... I'm scared of having to finally face the world.

:welcome: to the group, Shlime. It is pretty scary moving out of a situation like you describe. I'm not sure if you're working or if you live in an urban or rural area but off the top of my head, I'd suggest taking the boys to a local park or playground so all three of you can become active playing for at least an hour a day on the swings and other equipment. It will give you a chance to burn some calories and meet some other parents.

If you have the resources, look into signing the kids up for programs at your local Y or community recreation program. If you have a Y, the kids can do programs while you take a fitness class or workout, too. That would give you a chance to get a Mommy Break and meet other people.

If you have a stroller that accommodates both boys, load them up and go for a walk with them. If getting out of the house is tough, have a dance party at home. Crank the tunes, then sing and dance with the kids.

Do you attend church? That would be another opportunity to meet people and make friends who might be able to share information about Mommy & Me programs and other healthy, active things you can do with the boys.

Those are just a few ideas that may or may not strike a cord with you. I know all too well that when you feel depressed, nothing sounds like a good idea and all you really want to do is hide from the world. Been there! If you can manage to force yourself to get out of the house, even if it is just for a walk around the block, it truly does help. A little activity, a little sunshine, some fresh air--these will all help lift your mood.

You'll find support with this group so keep posting. :hug:

07-24-2014, 09:38 AM
Welcome to our group, shlime!! We are so very glad to see you here. :hug:

Fiona W
07-24-2014, 01:52 PM
Welcome to the Ups & Downs thread, shlime: we're glad to have you joining us! Sorry to hear about your 5 years of abuse, but way to go that you got out of it. I know that must've taken a lot of courage and inner strength: you should be giving yourself positive feedback every single day that you had the strength of character to take that step.

Worthy made some excellent suggestions about things to do that involve getting out of the house, so let me make one for a way to find hobbies you do on the inside. There's a website called Swap-bot (—I hope that link works OK for you—where people from all over the country, and even all over the world, meet up with other people to swap things by mail—snail-mail. All you have to do to join the Swap-bot community is register and set up a profile of yourself: you do have to provide your postal address, but it's kept completely private and is never given out to anyone except when you join a swap, and then it's only seen by the partner who's assigned to send something to you.

Most people start out with simple postcard swaps—cards about your home town, postcards you buy in the store, etc. After you've done a few of those, you can start exploring the wonderful wide world of crafty things you can swap. If you don't already have a craft you like to do, don't worry: there are lots of swaps for beginners—be it making postcards or greeting cards, playing with rubber stamps, other forms of artwork, needlework, knitting, crochet, making little stuffed critters.... hundreds of possibilities. Plus lots of ways to hook up with potential penpals: it's a great place to meet people, and it's fun to start getting things in the mail that are personal mail addressed to you, not the usual load of bills and junk. Check it out!

07-24-2014, 02:06 PM
Hi there...

Fi- thank you for telling me about that book. I love to read! Flowers for Algernon is such a sweet story. I love perusing bookstores and libraries. There's nothing like a great book!

I'm tired from my cold, but I'm in a waiting room for testing before the nose surgery. I just want to go home!

Thank you everyone for the advice about the hairstylists. I want to stick with this stylist but his prices are a bit expensive and the receptionists are snarky! I'm looking for somewhere else that's not quite so pricey and maybe with not such an attitude.

Take care! Have a good day and welcome to new members!


07-24-2014, 09:39 PM
Hannah- Yep, everyone has what works for them!

Vermont- Yes it is so dreadful! Luckily I just have tomorrow left and it should be a fun day. Pretty sure their having a small party for me, which is exciting. :)

Monte- Wow, awesome weight loss! That is really amazing! I really wish it had worked for me, but we each have what works for our bodies!

Ibelieveinme2- We can do this!!! Hope you land with sometime that works for you! Also I start my new job next wednesday. I have PTO at my current job that I'm taking Monday and Tuesday and I'm going to HolidayWorld! Yay!

Welcome shlime!!! I also commend you on leaving that relationship. You are such a strong woman!!! This is a great place for ups and downs in your life! Lots of support!

So as I said, I think they are having a part for me at work tomorrow. Pretty exciting. I'm sad to be leaving my coworkers. They have done so much for me over the last year. I won't miss my job, but the friends I've made and won't get to see on a daily basis.

I'm going on a mini vacation on Monday. GOing to Holiday World with my brother and his fiance. Should be a great time!

Calorie counting seems to be going well. My limit is 1600 right now. GOnna gauge my first week to see if I need to tweak it at all.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

Fiona W
07-25-2014, 08:13 AM
My enthusiasm over the wall of art has kind of obscured the fact that I've been pretty angry with Bob this week, and kinda messed up as a result. The deal is, he was planning to leave for the farm, to go up there for a week by himself and work on mowing away invasive plants every day. That was back last Thursday, when he planned to leave—not yesterday, but the week before. He dragged his feet, though, in the way he does, staying up until the wee hours, and even later, watching TV, then waking up day after day well into the afternoon. Then he really tried to pull himself together, and was planning to leave on Monday afternoon... and then Tuesday... and so on... until it's clear to me he's not going at all.

Arrrrggggh! This kind of behavior on his part drives me crazy, right now, for two reasons. One is that I was really counting on having some time by myself in the house to do a last-minute push on the BERP. (For the new or occasional folks: the BERP = Big Entropy Reduction Project = A Huge House-Decluttering Effort I've been doing since mid-April—amazing to think it's been that long!)There's a lot that remains to be done in the living room and dining room, even after all that I've accomplished. I don't have to "finish" the BERP before the kittens arrive, but I do want to beat back the visible mess. And then there's our bedroom, which is a zoo, and that room will be our fur-kids' first home after they arrive: we'll keep them in that room, feeding 'em there and having their litter box there and everything, to let them get adjusted to the move and bond with Bob & me in an intimate setting.

The other reason why Bob's foot-dragging crazy-sleep-schedule agoraohobia behavior drives me crazy is that it's a maddening re-run (after re-run, after re-run) of how he acted about everything during the worst of his depression, 2009-2012. He lost his job in the fall of 2012 because he was too sick to go to work, but that was proceeded by literally years of trying to get it together to go to work, doing so in spurts, then failing again, and so on ad nauseum. Just because I knew then, and know now, that he has an illness in his brain that is causing all the endless foot-dragging about doing anything, doesn't mean it isn't serious wear and tear on my nerves.

Unfortunately, my recent response to this not-going-to-the-farm business has been to get angry and scatterbrained, such that I stopped working on the BERP. It's like he gets frozen, so I get frozen. I've been doing all my old, pre-BERP stuff instead, like getting caught up on my correspondences and reading... not to mention running errands for Bob because in the last week he's become incapable of picking up prescriptions, buying shampoo, you name it...

This posting constitutes my announcement that for me, at least, these doldrums are over. Today I go back to work on the BERP, come h*ll or high water!

07-25-2014, 06:55 PM
shlime: :welcome: to the Ups & Downs support group! I am so happy that you posted. Big hugs to you and CONGRATULATIONS on getting out of that abusive relationship!!! :hug: :bravo: That is a huge step FORWARD for you and your boys! Obviously, you are a very strong and courageous person to leave a bad situation. Draw on that strength, courage, and love for yourself as you now begin your weight loss journey. Do it for YOU, first and foremost, but also for your precious boys! We are here to support you through ALL of the ups and downs of life and weight loss. Worththeeffort2 gave you some wonderful ideas about getting out of the house and meeting new people. Start by just trying out ONE of her ideas. YOU CAN DO IT!!! We are here for you and cheering you on! :cheer2:

07-26-2014, 09:26 AM
Good morning, everyone. :wave: I hope everyone is feeling and doing really well this morning. I'm in an upbeat mood because the scale finally moved after being stuck for two weeks. :yay: I need to lose 6 more pounds to reach Onederland. That goal has been my Holy Grail since starting this program and now, it is actually within reach with another month of hard work.

I've been exercising like mad at the gym and at home, :woops: averaging 70 minutes a day this week. I'll be pushing to reach a 90-minute per day average over the coming month. My trainer is out of the country on vacation until next week, but I had a print out of what he wanted me to do in the gym this week and I did it--all!

Today, I'll pair strength training with cardio at home. :bike: Since we have beautiful weather, I'll hop on the bike and ride 10 or 12 miles. I know a 10-mile ride was suppose to be my Labor Day goal but I reached it much faster than I anticipated. Now, I'm pushing to inch up to 13, 14, 15... We live in a valley so any direction away from the house is uphill!

Despite struggling against some major a** sugar cravings yesterday (thanks, TOM), my mood has been mostly stable. As much as I am utterly loathe to admit it, truly it seems that exercise helps to reduce my depression. God. Help. Me. I have to admit that outloud. ;) :D

Monte, you made me interested in checking out the 30DS video on YouTube. I did part of it but I'm not suppose to do jumping jacks because they are high-impact so it looks like the workout won't work for me. Instead, I previewed a bunch of videos focusing on abs workouts and cherry-picked moves that I can knit together into a 30-minute floor routine.

My trainer has me doing crunches but he hasn't given me moves for my lower abs, yet, so that's what I snitched from the online videos. What I really need to practice are wall-squats, which I utterly hate because *ow* they are really hard and they really hurt! :dizzy:

And, yes, it does seem that my entire life is now consumed with sticking to my eating program and working out instead of by eating unhealthy foods and lamenting my lack of willpower.

Speaking of willpower, IBelieve, this is for you: :dust::dust::dust:

Fiona W
07-26-2014, 04:59 PM
Howdy folks! I'm excited to report that my kittens (which I pick up on August 3rd) Oscar & Nénu are doing really well: a little recurrent infection the litter got has cleared up nicely thanks to the right antibiotic. And I'm especially thrilled that Julie, my breeder, has changed her mind about which of the three females she wants to keep, and now it turns out that my Nénu will be the one with the best personality! She's apparently very affectionate and loves to snuggle. While Julie makes her choices based on physical appearance and ability to do well in shows, for Bob and me these cats are all about personality, not looks. And I have a new picture of my pair ( they're looking up at someone not in the photo, so their faces are upside down. That's Oscar on the left, down below, and Nénu on the right, in a shadow. You can see clearly that they're orange-&-white tabbies: note the striped tails. They're still in the "bat ear" phase, of course, but as they grow up, their faces will lengthen and their ears will end up in proportion.

I'm BERP-ing today: no rest for me this weekend. My mood has been up and down of late, because of all the stress I'm under, but right now it's good, so I gotta make hay while the sun shines. Best wishes to all of you!

07-26-2014, 09:03 PM

I hope everyone is having a good weekend! Wow, did I sleep in today, but it felt great.

Fi- I could only see one kitty in your photo, but SOO cute! I love having a pet, Snickers has become quite a foodie! He begs for human food so I give in and give him little nibbles sometimes.

I'm almost over my cold, I have my sinus surgery in less than two weeks. My Mom is coming down to be with me. She's going to spend the night, we'll have dinner together and then she'll leave after my surgery. I'm a bit nervous but I hope that all goes well.

So. I'm still trying to find a therapist, I'm meeting one Friday who accepts both of my insurances. I would try to get one at Penn, but there's a long waiting list.

I finally resolved my hairstylist dilemma, I think! I had a consult with a very nice stylist a few days ago, he's going to do Balayage highlights, maybe a cut, and I feel good about it, yay!

Have a good night!

Amy and Snickers

Fiona W
07-26-2014, 09:43 PM
Amy— If you could only see one kitty face in that photo, maybe the picture is too big for your screen, and you need to scroll up and down a bit, or back and forth. Just a thought... You are so right about the importance of pets! Our last oriental shorthair (the 2nd one remaining of our previous pair) died in April 2013. Ever since then, our home has not been the way it should be. I think animals help keep us humans humble, both because they have such different points of view about what's important in life, and also because they are capable of such complete devotion, such unstinting love. I know you and Snickers have a wonderful relationship!

07-26-2014, 11:43 PM
Worthy: You are rocking the exercise! Glad it paid off for you in weight loss. :carrot: You are so close to Onederland. I'm sure you will get there soon. I have over 15 pounds to go, but I am going to get there, too! Can't wait to join you! :D I think it is great that exercise has helped your mood! It is something totally within your control. Good for you for sticking to your trainer's instructions while he is away. That shows a lot of self-discipline on your part, which is so crucial to weight loss. Keep up the awesome work!!! :D And thank you so much for the :dust: !!! I am feeling it lately..... finally! :D

Fi: I am so happy to hear that you got a good report on your kittens. I love pets, as you know, for the reasons you mentioned. So happy you will be getting your little loves soon! :love: Good for you for moving forward with the BERP! You, too, have shown so much self-discipline with the whole project. You ladies inspire me to have more discipline in my own life. Thank you! :hug:

Amy: Glad to hear that you are almost over your cold. Sorry you have to have sinus surgery, but I hope it will help you to have less suffering and fewer sinus issues. You will be okay! :hug: Good luck with your search for a good therapist. Hope you find someone who will really help you. You deserve the best! Sounds like you have found a good stylist finally. That's great! You are making some really positive changes, I think. Good for you! :carrot:

As for me, I have been eating low carb the past two days, which is especially good since there are so many temptations at the lake! I am proud of myself. :D Just trying to take one day at a time and strive for progress and not perfection.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. Sending all of you strength and love! :wave:

07-27-2014, 04:36 PM
Ibelieveinme2- Love how you said you're striving for progress and not perfection! That's so important!!

DH and I went to a burger joint we love last night and while I thought I had blown my calories out of the water, I ended up just going over by about 150 calories. It's a place we typically get frozen custard at after we eat, but I avoided it! It was a huge success for me! I definitely would have came in under calories if I hadn't ate a piece of my cake from my going away party at work, lol. I have three pieces left and I can't decide if I want to get rid of them or eat them... Most likely I'll pitch them. The cake isn't really moist which is a bummer, but a reason for me not to eat it at the same time!!

Went to the gym today finally. Haven't been in a few days. I did 30 minutes on the stair stepper. Anyone elses feet start going numb when your on that or the elliptical? Drives me nuts! Then I did 20 minutes on the bike. Feeling really good!

Going to Holiday World tomorrow with my brother and his fiance. So excited!!!!!! Food scares me, but I'm just going to practice moderation. I know I won't die if I eat a bit more than normal. On the upside it's basically a day of walking around, so I'll be getting some exercise!

07-27-2014, 05:10 PM
Anyone elses feet start going numb when your on that or the elliptical?

That happens to me, too. I read a blog on that explained that this numbness happens because you're not moving your foot normally, so are putting pressure on the nerves. This is a link to the blog article ( _numb_while_using_the_elliptical_machine), if you're interested.

I managed to get out for a 14-mile bike ride this morning. I was taking the dog for a walk this afternoon and we were a mile from the house when the sky opened up and it started pouring rain. My husband played my Knight in Shining Armor and came to rescue us with the car. I was glad for that as I had to pick up the dog and start carrying her once the rain started.

07-27-2014, 07:25 PM
I think I remember reading something about this too. I'm definitely going to try duplicating my normal foot movement as when walking. Maybe pick it up during each step on the stepper machine.

Fiona W
07-27-2014, 07:44 PM
Kathleen— Thanks for the compliment re. self-discipline, but I want you to know that I could never have done the BERP (which isn't quite finished) without that that slow-breathing technique I learned from The Willpower Instinct. It has been a real godsend! It has put steel in my spine and helped me re-group to go after the next daunting task, and the next, and onward... Remember I posted a detailed explanation of why it works and how to do it back in June, I believe. If you need me to re-post it, I can do that. It really only takes about 5-10 minutes for the slow breathing to strengthen my willpower by leaps and bounds. You have just got to give it a try!

07-28-2014, 06:30 AM
I hope you all are doing well. I feel like I have missed a lot. Ha.
The stepson went back home yesterday and Shane and I spent most of the day after relaxing and spending time together. It was much needed quality time. This week, I will get a lot of alone time, as Shane is working when I am off. That will be a nice break and will also mean that this weekend will be extra special. Lots of good things happening right now. Got my new glasses prescription completely covered by my insurance. My mother got her social security claim approved after fighting for 4 year. I am particularly glad about that one as I was getting severely concerned about my parents and their ability to care for themselves. Anyway, things are going good. I am still anxious, of course. Things could be PERFECT and I would still be anxious. So that is that. I hope you all are well.

07-28-2014, 11:29 AM
So I've been following many weight loss support groups over the past few weeks. I always love to see the transformations that people go through, and today I want to be one of those transformations.

I have been trying to lose weight for the past 8 years. I'm 20 years old. I don't want to go through the nitty gritty details about my ups and downs, but lets just say there have been a lot. At my lowest (165), I remember feeling so accomplished and happy, which was a year before I hit my highest weight. Last summer I hit my tipping point (190) and I knew I had to change it around. I got down to 170 and since then I have gained another 10 pounds. My ultimate goal is to get down to 140, but I have a mini goal of losing ten pounds in one month.

I am sure I will hit my ups, and my downs, but I feel like I am in the right mentality for the first time in a very long time.

I can't wait to get back to it guys! I know I won't get the support in my actual environment, so I'm really looking for a place to be truthful with. I think this is the place to be :)

07-28-2014, 04:57 PM
SunjumD: :welcome: to the group! Glad you posted! It sounds like you HAVE found the right place! I think you will find a lot of great support for your goals here. Congrats on being down 10 pounds from your highest point! Proof that YOU CAN DO IT!!! :carrot: Feeling like you have the right mentality is HUGE! And I've learned it just can't be forced. So you are already ahead of the game. Are you following any particular diet and/or exercise plan? I recently began low carb eating and I work out about 3-4 times a week on average. Really need to increase that to at least 5 faithful days of exercise for the amount of weight I want to lose. Trying hard to reign in my eating. I've been successful the past several days, so I am HOPEFUL once again! :D Wishing you success in your weight loss journey! We will be cheering you on! :cheer2:

07-28-2014, 05:01 PM
Fi: I am so impressed that you have found so much success with the slow breathing technique from The Willpower Instinct. My gut feeling, if I am totally honest, is that it won't work for me, though. Just my negative thinking I am sure. And a cop out. :( I will revisit your June detailed explanation and the book (which I never finished) and give it a try soon. Thanks for the reminder. ;)

Fiona W
07-28-2014, 07:11 PM
Kathleen— How can you know the slow breathing won't work for you until you've tried it? :( Do it like I suggested: set up some small task that you've been putting off, then lie down on a couch, do the slow breathing for 10 minutes, then see if you have more willpower to tackle that task after you get up. I think that's a good test of it. Or else, do the slow breathing within a couple hours before a meal, and see if you have more willpower to stick with small portions and avoid overdoing it on the high-cal or high-carb items. But don't be surprised if it takes you a dozen breaths or more to get the hang of it. If you're having trouble making the inhales and exhales slow, do them through pursed lips, as if through a straw.

07-28-2014, 11:20 PM
Um... hello there! I recently found this forum and I'm so thankful that I have. I definitely feel like I have a lot of ups and downs, and this seems like an amazing place to give and get support for them.

I've been trying to lose weight for a while, and I've had almost no success. About 5 years ago I hit my adult low of 150, and I've been trying to get back there ever since.

It's great to meet all of you, and SunjumD, welcome as well! It looks like we'll be starting this leg of our journeys together!

I really feel like this will be a good place for me to be completely (and sometimes painfully) honest with myself, and to find some amazing people to keep me accountable. I really hope so, at least.

Fiona W
07-28-2014, 11:43 PM
SunjumD and Chelainabear— Welcome to the Ups & Downs thread! What you are doing right now is so important: making a strong commitment to taking better care of yourself. It takes a lot of self-love to lose weight and keep it off, so don't be bashful about giving yourself all that you need.

07-28-2014, 11:49 PM
Fiona W, thank you! I know that the first couple steps are the hardest, and I really want to take them.

The thing I'm struggling with right now is about depression--the only person who has told me that they think I may be depressed is a psychologist, and I have never seen a medical doctor about it. I am considering going in tomorrow to make an appointment to see my usual GP, and asking her about antidepressants.

I just have a hard time admitting to people that I think I need that help. Especially someone who has known me for most of my life. That will be my biggest battle tomorrow.

07-29-2014, 12:10 AM
Chelainabear: :welcome: to the group! I am so happy that you posted. I hope you will be honest with your doctor about the possibility that you are depressed. You deserve to be healthy and happy, too! :hug: Please let us know how it goes. We are here to support you in any way that we can. Best of luck to you in your weight loss journey! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! :D

07-29-2014, 01:11 AM
IBelieveInMe2 thank you! Last time I saw her about my PCOS treatment I didn't bring it up, but I think it's past time. I will definitely keep you updated about how that goes!

And thank you so much for your warm welcome :) I can already tell that this is a supportive and wonderful community

07-29-2014, 04:08 PM
Welcome SunjumD and Chelainabear!! Glad to see you here!

You will find lots of support and encouragement here!

Hope everyone is having a good start to the week. I just got back from my brothers house. We went to Holiday World yesterday and now I feel like I've been hit by a semi truck! Rode three wooden coasters there and man are they rough! Got some bumps and bruises to go along with the pain, but it was sooooo worth it. A much needed day of fun!

You know how I was scared about eating during the day at the park? Well, I think I did pretty good! I had a small bagel for breakfast and once we got to the park we had lunch: I had a cheeseburger and small fry, a small pepsi, and 3 oreo cookies. Then a little later I SHARED a funnel cake with chocolate on it with my brother. Was so happy I didn't end up eating an entire one myself! Walking around I really wanted to get something else like a pretzel or something, but I didn't! I did have a few more small pepsi's though. We went home and I just drank some water since I felt pretty dehydrated. Haven't drank that much pop in a day in a loooong time, but it was free and it was a fun day! Not to mention we walked soooo much.

For me this was a great day. I probably went way over calories or at least close and it was mostly all crap food, but I controlled myself pretty well which is awesome.

I got on the scale today, just to check it to see where my new starting point is and I saw 178.5! Guess all that walking really paid off!! WOOT!

Starting my new job tomorrow. Nervous and excited!! I'll post tomorrow night with all my first day info!

07-29-2014, 05:34 PM
Thank you for the welcome, FleurDeLis! That really sounds like a fun day, and I'm happy to hear that you feel good about your choices! We all deserve a little bit of splurging sometimes, but it's great that you still kept in mind the temptations around you.

And good luck on your first day tomorrow, I'm excited to hear about it :)

07-29-2014, 10:25 PM
Sabrina (FleurDeLis): Best of luck to you as you start your new job tomorrow! I will say a prayer that all goes well for you and that you love it!!! :hug: Please do let us know how it goes! :)

07-30-2014, 02:40 AM
I had every good intention of going to to the doctor to make an appointment, and they were closed when I got there around 1:45! Apparently they take lunch from 1-2, and I worked at 2, so it was a no go.
BUT I will call tomorrow, and get that appointment set

In other news, I did a 30 minute cardio workout this morning, then spent 8 hours working, on my feet the entire time. Not the smartest combo I've ever made, I'm in full limp noodle mode.

07-30-2014, 07:54 AM
I hate it when I write out a whole personals post and then my computer decides that it doesn't want to go anymore. >.< Now I am aggravated. Greeeeat.

Let me trying again.
:welcome: Chelainabear & SunjumD

Kathleen - how is low carb? I don't think I have seen you update us about it in a few days. Of course, it is very possible I just missed it entirely.

Sabrina - Wishing you the best of luck at your new job! I am looking forward to hearing how your first day was.

Fi - How is BERP? I am right with you there with loved ones who have mental health issues. Intellectually I know that it can't be helped, but it is so energetically draining.

Worthy - Look at you! Congrats! You are almost to Onederland and you are over halfway to your goal! Great job!!!

07-30-2014, 08:00 AM
Ok. I wanted to make sure the personals posted before I wrote my own personal. Today, I am feeling pretty crampy and tired and bloaty. Special thanks to TOM for that. All of my coworkers are equally stretched to the limit like I am. I just have this selfish tendency to think that I have more than everyone (certainly NOT the case). Everyone has their own battles right now. I try to keep that perspective. I am not always successful. Bleh.

Positives positives positives

Honestly, I feel like crud. I feel fat. I definitely feel the F-word today. Fat fat fat. What does fat actually mean in terms of mood? Fat means insecure. Fat means antisocial. Fat means shy. Fat means frustrated. Fat means discouraged. Fat means anxious. Fat. Fat. FAT. That is how I feel right now.

I feel like I can't do this. That all my efforts have been wastes. What is the point?

I tell my depression to shut its mouth but it only makes me feel crazier.

Well, off to work.

07-30-2014, 01:09 PM

Welcome, Chelaina! I hope that you like our group!!!

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm a bit nervous about my nose and sinus surgery on Tuesday. I'm dreading it, especially the pain. Oh well, I am glad to be getting it over and done with.

I'm a bit sleepy today, I'd just love to curl up in bed and relax. I'm trying to get my apartment looking cleaner for my surgery next week.

Have a nice day!


Fiona W
07-30-2014, 02:48 PM
I'm finding the BERP (Big Entropy Reduction Project) quite stressful today, since I've moved my focus to the mess in our master bedroom. When the kittens arrive on Sunday night, we will bring them up to the bedroom and close the door before we let them out of their traveling crate. For the first few days they will have their food, their litter box, all that they need, in our bedroom. We do that so that they'll have a chance to bond with Bob & me in a small, intimate setting before they are set loose to explore our whole house and start learning the rules. (The main rule will be that they are never allowed on the kitchen countertops or the kitchen table.)

Anyway, the master bedroom mess is mostly my own clothes, which are always hard for me to deal with because I don't have enough closet and drawer space for all the many sizes of clothes that I have—everything from size 10-12 all the way up to 5X. =sigh= But the main focus vis-a-vis the kittens is just to tidy things up enough that there will be room for their crate (with a bed in it), their food & water bowls, and their litterbox. I can do it: I just need to stay focused and not worry about the fact that I don't yet fit into this garment or that one.

Thanks for the support, y'all! In a few days the BERP will be essentially over, and I'll be reporting on my new fur-kids. =smile=

07-30-2014, 08:29 PM
Hannah: So sorry you are feeling fat and frustrated. :( I hate those days!!! :( I can really relate, but I have been doing my low carb eating for the 6th day now, so I am trying really hard to trust the process and that I WILL see and FEEL results sooner or later. Try to do just ONE positive thing for YOURSELF tonight, and hopefully that will get you headed in the right direction regarding your mood. I am sending you BIG HUGS through cyberspace!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: Hope you feel better soon!

07-30-2014, 08:35 PM
Chelainabear: Sorry you missed the chance to make your appointment today at the doctor's office. Probably somewhat of a relief but also a bummer, too, since you made the trip there. I hope you will follow through with making an appointment, so that you can get the help you deserve. Great job on doing 30 minutes of cardio! Glad to see you posting! :)

07-30-2014, 08:54 PM
IBelieveInMe2:I did follow through, surprisingly. I called and made an appointment for Monday morning, since I don't work until 1 that day. When the receptionist asked why I wanted to see the doctor, I hesitated, but I told her it was for depression consultation and treatment. Even just on the phone, that was hard, but I did it. I'm just really hoping that I can maybe get started on treatment, and that will help me stay motivated and on track.

Hannah: Everyone does have their struggles, and it's really empathetic and self-aware to consider them, that doesn't mean that your own struggles aren't real and difficult and frustrating. It's okay to feel upset on your own behalf without thinking about how others may have it just as bad. I hope at least one good thing happens that helps you out of that feeling, though!

Fi: You CAN do it! I hate the process of cleaning up, but one thing you can count on is that you'll feel great after it's done. Good luck, I'm sure the kittens will love it no matter what :)

07-30-2014, 09:29 PM
Thanks all for the encouraging and thoughtful words. I feel much better now. I think I am starting to get caught up at work, and I am taking plenty of breaks so I don't feel so overwhelmed. I have been walking and exercising a lot. In fact, most days of the week. So I think that is helping my mood tremendously. Anxiety is the deal of the day though. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I actually look forward to those appointments. It is nice to have a doctor that I feel comfortable with. I also made another list of appointments that I needed to make and tackled them today. Woo! Combat anxiety with action!!!

Kathleen - I am glad to see that you are still doing it. Way to go! You can definitely do it. Also, I could definitely feel your cyber hugs and good vibes. :)

Fi - Good for you for chunking the BERP into smaller goals so that it is not so overwhelming. I bet you are getting way excited to have your babies!!

Amy - Oh good luck to you! You are definitely in my thoughts and I am sending positive vibes your way. I am so sorry that you have to have surgery. Hopefully it will take care of your problem. :hug:

07-30-2014, 10:57 PM

Thanks so much! I am dreading the surgery but I'm glad to be getting it over with. I like my surgeon, he is very kind and sweet. I'm just dreading the post op pain and the office visits. I had similar surgery as a kid, about 20 years ago. It helped me out a lot.

I'm excited, I'm going to get Balayage highlights next week. I actually met a different stylist today who is very sweet, she works in a salon literally across the street from where I live. I like the color that they use and the price is reasonable, I've read a lot of great reviews about this stylist on Yelp.

I'm seeing a new therapist on Friday. I hope that goes well.

Take care.


07-30-2014, 11:20 PM
seabiscuit: Oooh, I bet the balayage style will look great! That's what I'm hoping to get once my paychecks start coming in from my new job. Excited to hear how that and the surgery goes!

Fiona W
07-30-2014, 11:31 PM
Amy— Let me make a strong recommendation to you that you talk to your surgeon about dreading the post-op pain. If you can tolerate a strong pain killer like Percocet (for example), there is no reason why he/she shouldn't prescribe one for you. I mention Percocet in particular because it isn't as sedating as some of the others (like Codeine, which is the active ingredient in Tylenol #3, and frankly, is not very effective). Some people have a bit of nausea when first starting Percocet, but a good over-the-counter antacid like Gaviscon is usually very helpful with the initial nausea. Just tell him/her that you've had trouble with pain from similar surgeries in the past. Tell him that over-the-counter pain killers, or whatever others you were prescribed, have not been much relief in the past. Surgeons know about post-op pain, and they know that some people experience more of it than others. Don't be shy about it: ask for something that will work! And if what your surgeon does prescribe is insufficient to bring you relief, call his/her nurse or receptionist and ask for something stronger. There is no reason why you should have to go through that. I am a physician, and I have had post-op pain myself, so I know a little bit about these things.

07-31-2014, 12:19 AM
Chelainabear: Way to go on making an appointment for Monday and being direct about the purpose for the appointment!!! :carrot: That is a HUGE step in the right direction for you!!! :D You are on your way to getting some RELIEF! So proud of you! :hug: Please be sure to let us know how it goes!

07-31-2014, 11:57 AM
Chelaina, thanks! I'm excited but a bit nervous about Balayage. I'm hoping to try it soon, I think it will be very pretty. Thanks, I hope surgery goes well too.

Fi- thank you for the advice. I'll consider asking for Tylenol 3. I will communicate with my surgeon, thanks.


07-31-2014, 08:41 PM
Amy: I made an appointment for my Balayage on Sunday, we'll both be looking cute with new 'dos!

07-31-2014, 08:56 PM
Chelaina bear-

COOL! Yes, we will both be looking awesome! I was going to get mine done today but I waited close to a half hour in the salon for the stylist so I'm going to another salon for now. Are you getting a lot of highlights? I spoke with this one stylist who I have an appointment with a week from Saturday and I think he's going to do close to what a 'full head' is considered (equivalent amount to foils). I'm nervous though, I highlighted my hair last year and it came out orangey, so I'm going to get a toner.

Take care and we'll both be looking pretty!! :)


08-01-2014, 01:30 AM
PLEASE BE SURE TO CHECK FOR THE NEW MONTHLY THREAD "UPS & DOWNS SUPPORT GROUP: AUGUST 2014." We will continue the group there. I do this to keep the group organized and to keep the threads from getting too long. Hope everyone will join us there!