20-Somethings - Always Been Overweight




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nonameslob
06-26-2014, 09:40 AM
I'm posting this in 20-Somethings because I figure this is a group that is more likely to be experiencing what I'm about to post about since we're young, but anyone is welcome to post!

I've always been overweight, since I was a kid. There's only one time in my life that I've successfully lost weight - 20 pounds - and it brought me to the weight I am now (I obviously regained that and then some, and have finally lost it).

I don't know what it's like to be a normal weight! And around here, I feel like I'm the only one sometimes. I find myself obsessing about how I might look as a size 10, 8, etc. I find myself worrying that I will end up like many people here whose weight has yo-yo'd their whole life. I wonder if I will still be unhappy with my body at a "normal" weight. I wonder if I will ever get below my lowest known adult weight (probably 180?), or if I'll always be stuck here. I have no clue what my goal weight actually is - right now it is based on BMI, but when will I actually want to stop? When will the journey "end"? How will my style change? What will I wear! Will I have a small waist? Will my boobs shrink to nothing?

So I wanted to see if there are other people like me and how you feel about it. Are you worried? Excited? Do you daydream about it as much as me? Try to visualize what you could possibly look like?


Riestrella
06-26-2014, 10:05 AM
I am completely with you on this, I have no idea what I'll look like. I see pictures of toned bodies and I just can't imagine myself ever being that size because it's simply never been my reality.

For me, I worked my goal weight based on BMI too, 130 lbs is in the middle of the healthy range so that's where I'd like to be - comfortably in the middle so if I do gain a few pounds I'll still be healthy. My lightest weight in adult life was 149 lbs, I was starting to see the beginning of a "V", I always thought it was a trick of the light but sure enough it was starting to show through. Honestly, it was amazing! My stomach was still a little bit pudgy but it was shrinking. Unfortunately I regained a lot since then, but in a way I'm almost just as excited to get back to that point now that I've experience it.

I think about being at my goal weight a lot, almost every day if I'm honest. It's just a nice daydream in a way, something to keep me going. I have no idea how I'll look and sometimes that's a bit disconcerting. For example my boobs are huge and I really dislike them for sticking out so much. I would love to have breasts that aren't too in your face, I hope that losing the weight will achieve this but I'm not so sure. I know they'll always be noticeably big, but not to the point where it's what people stare at. But ultimately, I think about how comfortable I'll be with my body, how I won't mind wearing form fitting clothes because I won't have to worry about rolls of fat appearing through my clothes, like the awful roll that a lot of girls have under their bra strap! That's the worst one I think, because you really can't hide that one until it's gone.

But what I am the most looking forward to is my face looking thin. I currently have a small double chin, I'd love a sharp jaw line! Whenever I see before and after pictures I'm mostly amazed at the changes in the face. I can't wait to see what my own transformation will do to my face. So overall, I think about it all the time and it gets me excited! I'm about to be apart from my boyfriend for a long time, I really hope I can lose a lot of weight before he sees me and see the look on his face!

nonameslob
06-26-2014, 11:49 AM
Glad to hear I'm not alone in it! I've never even really considered that I could have a different looking face, though I always love seeing those pictures, like you. Since my face has always been relatively the same (except for the double chin and puffy cheeks I began to develop at my high weight), it never crossed my mind that it could change even more LOL

It really stinks that you won't be seeing the bf for a while, but what motivation to keep working on yourself and give him a nice shock the next time you see each other :D


underanalysis
06-26-2014, 11:56 AM
I feel you on this. I mostly worry that I will end up like my mom - obsessing over my weight and constantly dieting but never seeing real success.

I'm 5'7" and the lowest weight I've ever hit was 130, where I pretty consistently wore a size 6 and a Small in most things, but even at that weight I've always had a visible "gut". I find it hard to imagine that my body is capable of having a flat stomach... I don't really believe it is. The most fit I've ever been, I still had a protruding belly. So if I ever got rid of that I think my eyes would pop out of my head.

gonnabfitmom
06-26-2014, 01:30 PM
I, too, have always been overweight. I have no idea what my lowest unknown adult weight is because I pretty much never weighed myself.I knew that I was about 180 in high school but that was years ago. I often wonder what I will look like when I'm thin. But what I realize was that I want to be thin and toned. The bodies that I saw as inspiration were always toned. I don't want to just shrink but still look kind of flabby.

futureformerfisher
06-26-2014, 02:20 PM
You are definitely not the only one - especially in the last couple weeks, my new obsession has been what will I look like and will I be happy? I've started playing with different body models to see what I'll look like at my goal weight, used a virtual "dress-up doll" to see what different clothes would look like, and now I'm worried what will happen if I get to within 10-15 pounds of my goal and I decide I don't want to lose anymore, or what if I want to keep losing? Enough that I've started to wonder if I'm getting a little too obsessed :/

I was always thin, up until the end of my pregnancy, so I know what my body looks like at my goal weight. And yet, I'm still worried that I won't be happy or like my body; I've never cared so much about how I look than I do right now. My biggest fear is that I'll lose the weight and still be unhappy with myself (and also that I'll lose my boobs, haha). Which is silly, because every ten pounds I lose, I love my body even more. I guess it's that fear of reaching the goal - once I'm there, what do I have to look forward to?

I do totally daydream about what it will be like when I'm at my goal weight, though :) I look at photos from before my pregnancy and remember how I took my body for granted. That's my ultimate goal in all of this, I think - to be happy with who I am, how I look, and never again take my body for granted.

nonameslob
06-26-2014, 02:31 PM
I think it's so easy to think about it all the time when you're in the midst of it! And I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone in those thoughts and sometimes obsessions.

underanalysis I hope you're able to achieve that flat tummy! It might be hard work, but if you really want it, it's worth the effort.

gonnabfitmom I relate to everything you said. I've realized I also want to be "toned" - I told my boyfriend, I don't want to get skinny I want to be STRONG! I want to look like I could kick someone's a$$! If I'm putting all this work into it, I want the work to show.

futureformerfisher I can see how it would all be pretty new to you because I know the human body can be so different after pregnancy (I do not know from personal experience but I have heard ALL the stories). Plus, after working hard for it, you will be able to appreciate it more!

SophiasMom
06-26-2014, 10:50 PM
I'm so happy this thread exists. I daydream all the time of how beautiful I could be if I just stuck to it just one time. I wonder what I'd look like and how trying on clothes when shopping would be fun and not a form of cruel and unusual punishment. Honestly, my most reoccurring day dream is of me doing one of those obstacle course races and kicking total butt at it. Perhaps even getting a photo of me mid-air jumping over an obstacle, showing great athleticism. Okay I'll stop now.. But yes - you are not alone. :)

freeqeegrl
06-26-2014, 11:58 PM
What a great post. I think we all feel alone in our weight obsession. I too have no idea what I'll look like and it also scares the crap out of me. Last year I changed my lifestyle and I went from 195 to 165 it was the lowest weight I had ever been and the most weight I had ever lost. I felt good, but not like myself. Compliments made me extremely uncomfortable. I realize this is also slightly ridiculous but I had this irrational fear of men. Like the better looking I got the less safe I felt. I couldn't hang and I gained it all back and wayyyy more. Sitting at 212 now (my highest) and I feel regret for letting that 165 body go. I'd kill for it now haha. I take my obsession for wanting to be "normal" one step further I own like 9 pieces of clothing that fit , but like 100 pieces of clothing for when "I get there". Love the support here ladies! We all struggle, so let's be each others obsessions. Instead of constantly thinking about how to help ourselves lets help each other! Then we will all get there!

souvenirdarling
06-27-2014, 09:21 AM
I remember that I was 125 lbs in the 8th grade.

I remember being called "pregnant" in elementary school :(

I remember a time when I thought that your "size" was supposed to match your age, that was just how my brain justified that I was wearing a size 12 or whatever.

I wasn't the kind of girl who liked shopping, so it was only as an adult I realised how difficult my bad habits have made shopping O.o


Hugs to all of you. Yeah, freegeegrl, our weight obsession is really isolating. The obsession is almost as bad as the weight itself. As terrified as I am of hitting my 30s feeling like a lump, only to have children and presumably get worse (Presumably? Why presume I’ll stay fat after pregnancy? Check that bad attitude, girl!) - I am also terrified about being one of those women always obsessed by her weight.

:) I'm working on having a healthy mind and body :) I may always have been or be overweight, but I can still be awesome.

berryblondeboys
06-27-2014, 09:38 AM
Ok, I'm totally not a 20-something (how about double that?) but I know that feeling. When I got to 165 two years ago, that was the thinnest I had been since I was 16 years old. AND... I grew in height after that AND filled out as I was a late developer/grower for a girl. I had NO IDEA what I would discover under the fat.

That's what so different this go around. I know what is there. I know what is waiting and in ways that's comforting and easier - even though, for me, that means loose skin. Yes, I welcome the loose skin (hey, I'm 44 - it's more likely to happen).

But yes... I recall the first discoveries of a thin adult me - it was exciting, scary, disappointing, thrilling... and it felt great!

nonameslob
06-27-2014, 09:49 AM
SophiasMom I love that daydream! I like that it doesn't center around how you will look, but how you will feel and how strong your body will be! Though I bet you could kick butt at one of those now if you wanted to :D

freeqeegrl Wow, insightful...It really is important to adjust our minds while we work on our bodies, isn't it? I hope you are able to successfully feel comfortable in your skin, at ANY weight.

souvenirdarling I know the feeling of age and clothing size... :/ I remember wearing size 13 bell bottoms (hey, it was the 90s resurgence of the 70s!) in 6th grade. They were way too long, but I couldn't get "hip" clothes that really fit me. I am sure that if you can work on mind AND body now, you will have a better handle on things when it comes time to have kids and can remain healthy throughout a pregnancy no matter what happens to your body.

berryblondeboys Thanks for the insight from someone who has been there :)

And I thought I was crazy when I posted this thread...guess I'm not so alone after all!

I noticed the other night that my waist is appearing. WHAT! Me? A waist? I've always been kind of boxy. I'm kind of excited to see how that will progress. Next year will be truly exciting for me if I keep this up, that will be the true test of "What the heck do I look like at a normal weight?"

skittlesfirehawk
06-27-2014, 09:51 AM
im super excited.I remeber getting bigger after stomach surgery.the scar goes across the middle of my tummy and its kinda deep so it made it looks like i had fat rolls when before i just looked a little overweight.That happened after middle school and ive been heavy ever since.I was super rail thin in elementary school so when i look at photos i can kinda get an idea of what my face may look like.I really want to see my face thinned out.
i just have to wait and see what happens.i plan on weighing 120 but i may get to 130 and say im good or loose more than 120.

SophiasMom
06-27-2014, 11:06 AM
I noticed the other night that my waist is appearing. WHAT! Me? A waist? I've always been kind of boxy. I'm kind of excited to see how that will progress. Next year will be truly exciting for me if I keep this up, that will be the true test of "What the heck do I look like at a normal weight?"

This is very exciting! I can't wait to see your progress. I'm all about keeping up with people and their success because it gives me hope for my own. Keep it up!

nonameslob
06-27-2014, 12:38 PM
Hey ladies, just wanted to share this real quick. I thought it was a great read and that this thread especially may appreciate it. Why We Need To Stop Talking About What Women Are Eating (http://www.buzzfeed.com/mackenziekruvant/why-we-need-to-stop-talking-about-what-women-are-eating)

Skittles, thanks for sharing your own story.

Thanks SophiasMom! I'll probably share another before/during once I get to my next mini-goal.

ShrinkingStudent
07-10-2014, 01:57 AM
Well i'm a bit late to thread but though i'd chime in.

I have came from the exact same situation as you, for as long as i remember i have never had a normal healthy weight body. All through school i was pudgy with a gut and really balooned at the end of highschool. I still haven't finished losing all my weight and still to this day imagine what i would look like without this stomach fat i seem to still be hanging on to. From the start of my weightloss i set so many goals for myself and just kept going by as i realised that more of my weight than i thought was fat and i could never of imagined what my body has changed into now (i can see muscles on my thighs and crazy things).

It is so worthwhile and crazy when you start to notice weird things that show up. I remember getting freaked out when i felt ribs on myself, i had seen people with ribs but feeling them on me was just crazy i never thought i had ribs i could feel. Good luck on your weightloss and congrats on what you have already lost.

nonameslob
07-10-2014, 08:52 AM
Good to see you around Shrinking Student! I remember seeing you in the IF thread when I first joined - are you still following IF?

Thanks for your insight. It really is such an adventure to discover new things...just the other day I noticed I have some pretty insane thigh muscles! I couldn't stop flexing them! Can't wait to see what the future has in store.

Congratulations on your weight loss so far! Assuming I'm converting right, it looks like you've lost a person. Incredible!

kaybee1
07-20-2014, 09:40 PM
I'm definitely the same way. I've always been overweight, but I didn't know my actual weight until I started paying attention in 3rd year university when I was about 204. I then lost about 25lbs but gained it all back and then 20 more. I've since lost 22 and my current "goal" is 165, but we'll see. My first hurdle is to get into the 170s because I don't ever remember seeing that on a scale. From their I'll chip away at it until I'm satisfied.

I have no idea what I'll look like. And I have no idea if I will keep it off - like, am I just supposed to be one of those people who stay fat? I've always been the "big one". I can't imagine not being the fat friend and because I can't imagine it I've brainwash myself into thinking that's how it's going to be.

Like, will the "skinny" me just be an impostor?

ILoveVegetables
07-21-2014, 04:16 AM
I'm really glad to hear there are others on here going through the exact same thing. It's what I love about these forums.

I'm 24, and I've been overweight all my life. Overweight is probably the wrong word to use. I've been firmly wedged in the obese category since I was a child. I was always the fat one in school, but up until the 6th grade I was at least a bit athletic. I used to be a part of sports teams, used to swim regularly, and while I was big, I was at least fit. It all went to **** after that, because I've just gotten bigger and bigger.

Last year I decided to make a change, but as you can tell from my ticker, I haven't put in consistent effort at all, and as a result I've lost just about 13-14 lbs in all this time.

Like you guys, I spend so much time daydreaming about what I would feel like if I ever got to my goal weight (or even halfway there, to be honest). I have no idea what my body would be like, what shape I would be, how people would react, etc. because I've never been anywhere close to a normal weight. I feel like getting attention from the opposite sex would freak me out a little because I've never been a person who gets it. Some aspects of losing weight do scare me a little, but man, I'm so eager to know what it's like.

Mizzthingaling
07-21-2014, 04:43 AM
I was just thinking of this. I don't know what I will look like. I've been fat all my life. My doctor even told my mother to take me off of whole milk when I was a child. I've lost and gained but I have never been fully wedged in the skinny or healthy category. I can't even pick a goal weight because of it. I'm also concerned with what my face will look like. Will I looks old? Emaciated? I'll never know if I don't try though.

muguet
07-28-2014, 10:38 AM
This thread really speaks to me. Being overweight has always been part of my identity, funnily enough. I don't think that even if I'm "thin" one day that I'll feel happy because of it. I think what bothers me the most about being overweight is that I physically don't feel comfortable in some situations and that I've had mental blocks to do stuff (ie. sweating/out of breath, thighs rubbing and shorts pulling up, not being able to squeeze behind things, feeling like I can't wear certain types of clothing, not wanting to go swim with friends).

I've had moments where I just didn't care and felt good about myself and my body, but recently I feel that I'm just not taking care of myself that way. The "yolo" mentality just doesn't work for me. I had a chat with a friend who struggles with being underweight, and we both figured that we need to know what our body specifically needs to be in its prime condition. I've blamed my mom for being overweight and I've prayed and prayed for a beautiful thin body, but really, I think what I should focus on is on finding what my own body feels good in. And I know that it's not my current weight. But right now, in this moment, I feel good that I can accomplish something.

Everyone has different needs and I hope that we'll all be able to feel physically good as well as beautiful. I try not to picture what I could or might look like because that might destroy my will of becoming healthy inside and out.
Good luck on your journeys and I hope we can be there for eachother!! :hug:

Stephmt91
07-31-2014, 04:20 PM
Im 23 and i have also always been overweight , so i know what it feels like.the smallest i ever was in high school was my freshman year at 170. I also would always daydream about what i would look like if i were small, but you shouldent obsess to much that can lead to things lie eating disorders which i am recovering from. I had to change my thinking instead of thinking about how you would look ect, try to focus more on health and being in shape and how you feel and less how you look.Good luck :)

LiannaKole
08-01-2014, 02:30 PM
Yes. I've been overweight since I was 8 or younger. And obese for probably ages 13-20. The ONLY time I've ever consciously been at a clinically normal weight was a couple years ago. I got down to 142 lbs, and it was really awesome. Then my life changed, things got complex in some areas, I didn't try as hard, and I regained some.

So yeah, overweight again. But still, I haven't been obese since age 20! I'll take my wins where I can.

But even 142 isn't that thin. I'm with you in that I've never actually been thin. No idea how I'd look or feel or even what my body shape actually is (although at 142 I had more natural curves than I expected, which is surprising). I really can't wait until I can try it out, though. :)