[berryblondeboys]

I blogged a bit about walking today (check out the link in my signature below). What it hit on was that perfection, or aiming for perfection is harmful.

And I think we all need to think about that as we change our lifestyes to lose weight and get more fit. I see it over and over and over on these sites and elsewhere - going from HORRIBLE habits, to trying to adopt 100% perfect habits. Like this:

1. Exercise 5 days a week at least 30 minutes a day - intense exercise
2. Walking 10,000 steps a day, every day.
3. Never drinking Soda ever again.
4. Giving up all sugar, forever (no cheats for birthdays, etc)
5. Getting to my ideal weight (let's say 140 pounds)
6. Getting to 22% body fat.
7. Eating every day 100 grams of protein.
8. Eating every day under 50 net carbs.
9. Drinking 10 glasses of water a day.
10. Getting 8 hours of sleep every day.

And the "before" habits were:

1. Never exercising.
2. Walking 2000 steps a day.
3. Drinking 5 sodas a day.
4. Eating a sweet every day (cookies, cakes, etc.)
5. Weighing 250 pounds.
6. Having 50% body fat.
7. Eating 60 grams of protein.
8. Eating 250 grams of Carbs.
9. Drink 3 glasses of water a day (the rest soda)
10. Getting 5 hours of sleep most days, 10 on weekends.

Do you see the DRASTIC changes that is for an individual? Isnt' that setting ourselves up to fail? Why not find some middle ground with middle-ish goals?

1. Exercise 3 days a week
2. Walk 5000 steps a day
3. Drink 1 soda a day
4. Eat a dessert on Saturdays only (one serving)
5. Weight 180 pounds (where ideal is 140)
6. Have 32% body fat.
7. Eating 80 grams of protein.
8. Eating 100 grams of carbs.
9. Drinking 8 glasses of water.
10. Getting 6.5 hours of sleep most nights, 8 on weekends.

Don't you think our bodies would be healthier and feel better and it would be easier to stick to it and be successful if we aimed more for improvement than ideal and perfection?

And... once that became "easy" to be moderate, then make another improvement.

And I'm saying this for myself as much as anyone, but that all or nothing mentality is our biggest problem I think... We want bikini bodies, versus one that just looks "OK" in a one piece bathing suit.

[IanG]

I agree. We each have our own sweet spots. I am close to finding mine. I am more than 100% perfect in some areas and far less than that in others. But it works for me.

[gailr42]

I agree. I can't even follow my less than perfect guidlines sometimes.

Isn't there a saying that "Perfect is the enemy of the good"? Why is it that "good" isn't enough for so many of us?

[berryblondeboys]

And like Ian mentioned, some things we might find easy to be perfect about - like drinking water, or getting enough sleep. Others might be really hard... so maybe we should stop beating ourselves up about it and find a point that works for us while helping us live a better lifestyle.

Now, of course, there are somethings we have to change for our health. Like, I really need to stay away from starchy carbs extra for rare occasions because I have sugar issues that tend to spiral out of control.

BUT... I drink one soda a day and I will not give that up. I don't exercise every day. I am no longer striving for my ideal body weight, but one that is pretty darn good, etc.

Remind me of this as I approach 175 and want to push for more and harder! :-)

[time2lose]

Oh, I agree. Expecting perfection has really caused me problems in the past. If I ate 100 calories over goal one day or did not meet my exercise goals, I beat myself up and felt terrible, like a total failure. Then, I would totally blow everything, eat way too much and not exercise at all.

I think that I have finally realized that I can't be perfect. I have embraced a saying "Persistence is more important than Perfection". It is in my signature line. I am doing pretty well too!

[Mrs Snark]

Incremental improvement, that's the ticket!

Desiring (and believing in) "perfection" is how we trick ourselves into saying things like, "Oh no, I already ate these 3 cookies when I wasn't supposed to eat any cookies today, so my day is TOTALLY RUINED, oh gee I SUCK SO BAD, I might as well eat every single thing in the house (plus order a pizza) now and restart my diet tomorrow."

[Shannonsnail]

Originally Posted by time2lose

Oh, I agree. Expecting perfection has really caused me problems in the past. If I ate 100 calories over goal one day or did not meet my exercise goals, I beat myself up and felt terrible, like a total failure. Then, I would totally blow everything, eat way too much and not exercise at all.

I think that I have finally realized that I can't be perfect. I have embraced a saying "Persistence is more important than Perfection". It is in my signature line. I am doing pretty well too!

I love that saying! I must also learn to embrace it

[pixelllate]

I think that something that helps with doing a less-than-perfect approach is simply building confidence. Its an old LSAT logic - necessary vs. sufficient. Sufficient is driving to the 7-11 with a Rolls Royce. However, what is necessary to get you to the 7-11? Well a Buick will do. I think that overreaching sometimes is due to this belief that "I'm not capable to achieving this goal unless I employ these extreme methods all at the same time, or else, if I don't have these things to hold me up, I will fall apart." Which can occur very easily in areas that we are insecure about - like starting an art class, starting a new sport, cooking (I heard and found even within myself that a lot of people don't cook due to this whole foodie revolution - if you can't do it like a 5 star chef, why bother?! sort of belief.)

[novangel]

I wanted my bikini body back. I still had pizza on occasion but I refuse to settle for looking okay in a one piece. I don't think it's harmful at all to push yourself (if that's what one wants to do!) but everyone has to live in their own skin as they deem fit...no pun intended. If someone is happy at 180p then that's great! That means they're not nearly as vain as I am.

I was never a soda or sweets person in the first place so that helps too. One less thing I had to worry about. I had issues with portion size.

Do I expect to look like a VS model? No...but there's definitely a happy medium. I never would've made it to goal had I fallen into a "good enough" attitude. I wouldn't be happy.

I'm just speaking for myself.

[Novus]

I am very much a "do it perfect or don't do it at all" kind of person (which more often than not leads to not doing it which means a lot of people don't identify me as a perfectionist). Fear of failure paralyzes me.

I've had to work very hard to retrain my brain about this in regards to weight loss because the journey to health is definitely about baby steps and stumbling. This has also been a lesson in self-care/self-love......being able to tell myself, "It wasn't perfect but you tried and that counts a whole lot."

Thank you for the reminder berryblondeboys. I sincerely hope those who need this thread take it to heart because it's definitely important.

[lin43]

The older I get, the less I strive for perfection. I still criticize myself when I slip, though. I recently started reading the Beck Diet Solution, and one of the strategies she suggests is writing down "credit-worthy" behaviors that we've done throughout the day. As much as I used to roll my eyes at such suggestions, I've started trying it, and you know what? I really like it. It helps me to focus on the positive at the end of my day whereas normally I would focus on what I failed to accomplish. So, for instance, today although I was not perfect, I had several small successes that I purposely took note of.

[circa83]

I agree with what you're saying, but I also think of some things as aiming high instead of settling for less. Initially I thought that having a goal of 150 or 160 would be more reasonable, but at those weights I'd still be overweight and kinda thick. My goal is to not be overweight anymore. If I want to achieve that I have to aim for it and not settle for thick just because it's thinner than obese. I might change my mind once I'm there though. I might look at myself in the mirror and think, "I look pretty good at this weight," in which case I might then settle for it. When I had lost in the past but was still obese my family would tell me how thin I looked and that I was a "good weight". I wasn't by any standards, I was just thinner than before. It annoyed me because I felt they were telling me to settle when I wanted to achieve more.

As for the perfect habits part of it, I don't even think I could stick to them if I tried. For me it's pretty much lots of water, less carbs, and more vague goals like that. When I mess up I don't beat myself up too bad, just try to learn from the experience and do better.

[Brandis]

I think I definitely had the perfection idea in my past weight loss attempts. This time seems to be different. I really feel like if I ate something that wasn't within my "plan", I am a lot less likely to dwell and more likely to just keep going. I think sometimes we feel like the weight loss is an event, and if you mess up any part of it you have to start all over again because it's an utter failure. I think sometimes it's hard to see that it's a continuum, with one small step leading into a long walk. But just because you take one step in the other direction doesn't mean you are right back at the start of the walk. You are just one small step back. Believe me, I have been several miles from my house on a long walk, wishing I was able to get back with one step! It's not possible, just like undoing progress doesn't happen with one step.

I think aiming for improvement is realistic for some people, but some people need to envision something better than just improving. I am somewhere in the middle, I guess. I look at all of the good choices I make each day, and as long as they are better and more plentiful than the not-so-good choices, it seems like a win. But deep down I have this place in my secret hopes and wishes file that includes this swimsuit:

http://www.venus.com/viewproduct.asp...isplayID=21970

However, I have a whole drawer full of one pieces and tankinis that I would be glad to look okay in, too! Any improvement over the "dairy"-erre (ie cottage cheese) I have now would be awesome!

[Olivia7906]

Originally Posted by circa83

I agree with what you're saying, but I also think of some things as aiming high instead of settling for less

This. Set your intentions for the actual goal that you want to achieve. But don't beat yourself up if you fall short. There is nothing wrong with aiming high if you have the right mind frame. The way I see it is, we can't be perfect ALL the time on our journeys, but we can sometimes achieve perfect days or perfect weeks. Keep pushing until you reach the goal you set for yourself, but allow room for hurdles along the way

[berryblondeboys]

But what does this idea of perfection do to our mind if we don't get there? Or if we find the struggle too intense? Some of us can get there and do get there and that is fantastic, but should we frown on anyone or ourselves if we get close, but not quite there? When will we say, "I'm not perfect looking, but I'm still great?"

I also think it's different for those who are morbidly obese and for those who have just gained a little weight. The behaviors you have to change are pretty drastically different. If you are carrying an extra 20 pounds only, you don't have to change many of your behaviors, or if you do, not changing them to the same extreme as someone who needs to lose, say 100 pounds.

And more, if you let yoursel get to 100 pounds overweight and lived like that for decades, why all of a sudden do you need to be not overweight at all? Why one extreme to the other? Now... Don't get me wrong, I would love to be at my ideal weight too, but I also know being at 230 is better that at 275. Every improvement is important and every successful lifestyle change should be celebrated - not looked at as, well, I still need to do x, x, x, and x.

I think part of it is our fantasy is believing that everything will be perfect if our weight is perfect. We will be more sexually attractive. We will look sexy. We will feel good about ourselves. We won't get depressed because it's being fat we think that causes depression, etc. We fantasize about the clothes we will wear and that bikini.

Losing weight will not solve our problems. You need to solve your problems outside of weight loss. Sure, you'll be more attractive. But that won't change who you are or get rid of your demons. It won't make you a happy person or ward off depression. And there are no guarantees about feeling good in that bikini either! We probably won't turn into a spur model overrnight.