Depression and Weight Issues - He called me "ugly"...




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2bthinner00
05-04-2014, 10:02 AM
I was walking through campus last night with a couple of my roommates, and as another student walked past us he called out, "you girls are UGLY!!" I got the sense that he might have only been teasing us; we all laughed and kept walking- the girls seemed to get over it pretty quickly. But for me, it stuck. Because honestly, I've never been called that before in my entire life. I mean, yes I realize that I'm hideous, but to have a complete and total stranger confirm that thought- it only made me feel THAT much worse about myself.

So I feel like crap. I don't want to be seen, because I'm so fat AND so ugly. I literally just want to lay in my bed in the privacy of my own space forever- but I can't.


vealcalf2000
05-04-2014, 10:46 AM
I was teased all during elementary up to high school when I was overweight. It was very difficult and painful to deal with. I always felt like I was on this tight rope dangling between being pegged a tattletale (and fat!) for speaking up or having no backbone if I didn't stand up for myself.

I'll admit I seem to have some over sensitivities to any kind of teasing. It think it's that defensive mode that kicks in and makes me wonder are they laughing "with me" or "at me"? Since your friends laughed it off I'm thinking this person meant no harm. Sometimes people say things and don't realize they are touching a nerve.

Please don't ever refer to yourself as hideous! Obviously we've all struggled with weight issues on this forum and by no means does that make anyone hideous! You have to find confidence from within. Start focusing on what you like about yourself and allow those good feelings to grow.

Pattience
05-04-2014, 10:57 AM
This was never about you but you've now made it about you and you've given yourself permission to take on that idiot's careless words.

The guy is an idiot. He just said it because it makes him feel good to put other people down. He is not a good person. He needs to make himself feel good by saying things like because deep down he feels rather inferior and he has no legitimate way of making himself feel better, or at least he seems not to have learnt how to do it yet.

As an idiot, he should not be taken seriously by anyone, let alone you.

Do not take on board the stupid things that other people say.


LovesToTravel
05-04-2014, 11:36 PM
Sometimes people say the most ridiculous things, honestly. :mad: Don't listen to him, 2bthinner00. When people say careless, hurtful things like that, it usually speaks to their own issues more than to us.

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much with your sense of self worth. If you aren't already, have you considered seeing a therapist to discuss how you're feeling? Your campus most likely has free counseling services available if you pop by to inquire. I've read a few of your posts here and I'm rather alarmed by the amount of self-loathing and punishment happening (i.e. restricting your calories to an unsafe level).

Our bodies don't respond well to punishments like that. Our bodies respond best to loving, nourishing actions like eating nutritious food and gentle/moderate exercise. That voice in your head saying horrible things and urging you on towards self-inflicted cruelty? That's your jerkbrain (http://considertheteacosy.wordpress.com/2013/02/25/jerkbrain-lies/) (we all have one). The jerkbrain lies. Always. Please take care of yourself, 2bthinner00. You sound like a lovely person who is worthy of all the good things in this world, don't let your jerkbrain tell you otherwise. :hug:

maddierep
05-05-2014, 02:13 AM
So firstly - biiiig hug

this is one of the hardest things sometimes. We think other people somehow know the truth about us, but actually - they're so blind, they couldn't see beyond their nose.

whether he was joking or he meant it - his comment was about him and his problems and absolutely nothing to do with you. I hope you find it in yourself to acknowledge that.

I was reading Gabourey Sidibe speech the other day about why she believes in herself and it's truly inspirational. Who you are is amazing, you just have to recognise in which ways you are amazing and remember that when you have doubts.

pixelllate
05-05-2014, 09:29 AM
By this logic, this also means that your friends are hideous. Likely not. Most people (I guess by general standards, if that even means anything) under the average range. I get this way too, but the dark emotions that it stirs up within in reminds me that my hurt is really a reflection that I felt crappy about myself all along, and isn't about the accuser at all, which is a bigger concern than any guy just passing by.

seabiscuit
05-05-2014, 07:34 PM
:hug:

That guy sounds like a complete loser. I was teased a lot as a kid and in college too, it is rough, it really sucks. Some people are mean and it isn't right, but try to not let them determine your self worth.

Take care.

Amy

FleurDeLis
05-05-2014, 08:36 PM
I'm sorry you encountered this. Unfortunately, it is common on college campuses. I always felt this way when I was on campus and several times had people call me out on it, which just made me feel worse.

Every single person is beautiful in their own way. We don't all look like super models, but everyone thinks that is what beauty is. Well, it is not! You are not ugly. Focus on what you love about yourself!

CrimsonTears
05-06-2014, 05:59 PM
The only thing I can tell you is to not let it affect you. Just remember that if/when he sees you once you've reached your goal, he won't be saying that again!

I've been bullied all my life for my weight, and I let it get to me. Now I've got major depression and a self esteem fit for a mouse...or an ant...... But lately, I've let all those little remarks just roll off and I laugh at them, and sometime's I'll even say "Well, for right now I am! Come back in a year or two and you'll want to f*** me!"

usmcvet
05-14-2014, 03:36 PM
I was walking through campus last night with a couple of my roommates, and as another student walked past us he called out, "you girls are UGLY!!" I got the sense that he might have only been teasing us; we all laughed and kept walking- the girls seemed to get over it pretty quickly. But for me, it stuck. Because honestly, I've never been called that before in my entire life. I mean, yes I realize that I'm hideous, but to have a complete and total stranger confirm that thought- it only made me feel THAT much worse about myself.

So I feel like crap. I don't want to be seen, because I'm so fat AND so ugly. I literally just want to lay in my bed in the privacy of my own space forever- but I can't.

Please do not let someone else label you or make you feel bad. I know it hurts but this was some random person, give his opinion the attention that it deserves, NONE! I deal with serious self confidence issues and know how it can spiral if I let it. The only person that can truly make a change in my behavior is me, it is one thing I control, you do too.

I know it hurts, we are all here for you! You are worth the effort. :hug:

saharatea
05-14-2014, 11:53 PM
This happened to me once, and I never thought for a second it referred to the people (women) I was with. I assumed it was me. It tore me up. The thing is, you can't assume anything, other than that the guy was a jerk. It sounds like a stupid tease thing. You have to not let that tear you up or if someone more significant says it you will be even more devastated. You are a person, not an object. Tell yourself not to believe everything you hear.

usmcvet
05-15-2014, 02:25 PM
It is tough. I was going to post this earlier but did not. It really hurts when my wife gets mad at me and calls me fat. It hurts so much more than hearing it from your spouse or someone you're close to.

This guy is nobody, ignore him. You can also use it to motivate you and work towards your goals what ever they are. Do this for you not anyone else but I know when it gets tough we can all use some motivation.

lovedancelive
05-20-2014, 02:48 PM
When I was heavier, I decided to dye my hair bright red. I didn't care what anyone thought at the time, it was the first rebellious thing I'd ever done in my life. As I was walking down the street in my hometown, someone shouted, "YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE SH**!" I kept walking but I definitely shed a few tears.

Right now, I live in a supposedly nicer town but a nasty crowd seems to pass through fairly often. My fiance and I were sitting on a bench minding our own business when a tow truck pulling trash in a broken down car passed by; said trash (yes, the garbage turned out to be "human") called my fiance a fa****.

A week later, as I was taking a walk someone yelled at me again - and no, my hair isn't a bright color anymore, I look totally "normal". I'm not really heavy either. Now that I work retail, I hear people mocking total strangers all the time. It's not you, it's not us, it's "people" who only look humanoid but don't act it that are the problem. You aren't ugly, they're disgusting.

Lecomtes
06-12-2014, 07:58 PM
Ha, he was the ugly one m'dear, not you! You cannot be reduced to a shell, you are so much more than that. Seriously, eff that random *******, he sucks and will have a very shitty life until he figures out how not to suck so badly (if he can). There is no such thing as an ugly appearance, only ugly interiors.

Arctic Mama
06-12-2014, 08:04 PM
He calls you ugly? That's when you reply, with a smile on your face "And I still won't sleep with you". And move on your merry way, knowing it is true and you deserve better than some random guy's opinion of you. Don't let it get to you, because those words and the shallowness behind them are entirely on him.

BettyBooty
06-18-2014, 08:48 AM
Aw, he is probably suffering from tiny-penis-syndrome. You don't deserve to be the recipient of his misdirected anger at having a small member.

Yeah, people are going to be jerks. WTF does it even matter to him what you and your friends look like? Is he unable to turn his head and look away if he doesn't like what he sees? And who made random college douche the arbiter of beauty? Don't give him another thought!

Gingerjv
06-18-2014, 12:55 PM
People say such offencive things to others only if they feel themelves being ugly!! I think i am beautiful ;-)) And i know i would never ever ever call anybody ugly!! Every person has it's own understanding of beauty. You can't be equally beautiful to all the people around. some for sure will think you are not that pretty at all! We all are different, but ugly? no! Don't even think about the words that guy told you! He told the first bad word that came to his mind just to show his stupid opinion (which nobody cares for sure). That guy just wanted to be noticed! I am sure he is miserable inside!

summertime03
06-22-2014, 02:07 PM
He calls you ugly? That's when you reply, with a smile on your face "And I still won't sleep with you". And move on your merry way, knowing it is true and you deserve better than some random guy's opinion of you. Don't let it get to you, because those words and the shallowness behind them are entirely on him.

Omg love this!