Welcome to May! This is a thread for those who are interested in using the principles of Intuitive Eating to help heal their relationship with food and reach their ideal body weight. I'm going to start out May's thread with a blog post from Isabel Foxen Duke that resonated with me:
The only time a person EVER “falls off a wagon”
is when there’s a wagon to fall off of;
a set of rules, ideals, or beliefs around food that we let determine how we feel about ourselves.
“I was sooo good with food yesterday, and today, I SUCK.”
sound familiar?
and I’m guessing that when you go into the place of “I suck,”
when you “fall off the wagon,”
you fall hard. Like knee-deep-in-brownie-batter-hard.
Not fun, and so avoidable.
If you want to make peace with food, and stop shame-eating cookies in the middle of the night,
Ask yourself,
what “wagons” am I trying not to fall off of?
Where am I judging my performance with food?
Where did I draw an imaginary line of “not okay?”
AND GET RID OF THAT SHIZ.
Because as long as there’s a wagon to fall off of, you WILL fall off of it eventually.
You see,
“Falling off” is not your problem. Your wagon is your problem.
Can I just ask for advice on what you guys do when you're having a bad body image day?
Today I just feel bad. Some of my jeans have gotten tighter, my stomach is more rounded looking, and to top it off, one of my friends made a subtle comment that I look a little bit heavier than i used too . I threw away my scale, but I know that I haven't gained any more than 7 to 8 lbs!
I'm just feeling kind of down and looking here for some inspiration. Thank you all!
Locke, I love Isabella Foxen Duke, she's no nonsense and she's so right. Why the heck are we all trying to be on a wagon?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koalifornia21
Hello,
Can I just ask for advice on what you guys do when you're having a bad body image day?
There's a difference between having a bad day and having a bad image day, I get that. They are going to happen inevitably. I know you didn't ask about having a bad day but I'll say something about that anyway. Having a bad day is normal. It can come in the form of being unproductive at work/school, someone being mean, or just feeling like nothing is going right. During those days I just try to get through it with a lot of positivity and the knowledge that it WILL END and tomorrow is another day.
When you're feeling bad body image wise it's a very slippery slope to indulge yourself in negative thoughts. For me I find it's so easy to just start going on and on about all the things I don't like about myself. It feels natural to come down hard on myself. I've been reading a book called "Beautiful You: A Radical guide to self acceptance" (or something like that) and it's basically a set of daily exercises about changing your perception of yourself. So it directs you to write in a journal, or do specific mirror mantras etc. I find it really helpful because it takes some getting used to accepting yourself. I try to meet every negative thought about myself with a positive thought. I can't allow myself to criticize my body so harshly anymore. After doing this for a few months I can tell you that I feel so much better about myself. I don't cringe when I look in the mirror, I don't cry when I look at pictures of myself, and I even find myself catching a glimpse in the mirror and thinking "oooh, that looks good!"
As for your friend, don't take it personally. It's nice that she's noticing something going on, perhaps she's worried about you. But that's a cue to talk to her about what you're doing, it helps a lot to talk about it imo.
I don't attempt IE, but I ran across this and thought you folks would find this interesting. Among other things, it makes a good case for mindful eating.
Thanks Yoyoma, it seems to support my belief that the dieting mindset ultimately sabotages one's health and weight goals.
Koali,
My bad body image days usually come about through other stressors in my life. If I find myself feeling bloated and ugly even though I *know* that I haven't gained weight I try to find the root cause of the problem. Usually it's from work stress or the fact that I didn't enjoy a good night's rest the night before. When I'm tired or stressed out I'll see an image of a beautiful woman in a magazine or billboard and I'll instinctively feel unattractive. Then the negative thoughts start playing out in my head "you'll never be attractive, you'll always be alone... etc etc" So I try to counteract those negative thoughts with positive thoughts- no, I'm brilliant, kind, and motivated. I'm freakin' awesome! Then I try to distract myself with a walk, or maybe watching something funny on youtube. Distracting myself is totally key. I will forget about my troubles and start laughing at the dumbest stuff!
Ladies I quit coffee 2 weeks ago and caffeine altogether a few days ago. Oh my goodness it's made a huge difference in my life. I'm less tense and nervous, and my appetite has fallen off the face of the earth. I was using caffeine and coffee to curb my appetite but it was making me miserable and angry; I also think it was making me hungry! Since cutting it out all together I've been eating one, maybe two meals per day. I can feel my body needing food... I get slight aches when my body is using its fat stores... but I just don't feel like eating.
Hunger right now is a combination of stomach and mouth feeling. Sometimes my mouth wants to eat but my stomach doesn't feel hollow. Sometimes my stomach feels empty but my mouth doesn't want to eat. They both have to line up for me to put something in my body... but when they do mmmmm boy is it a wonderful, satisfying experience! So yeah it's a bit weird but I'm enjoying it. I'm also definitely going to be saving on groceries if this continues.
As for your friend, don't take it personally. It's nice that she's noticing something going on, perhaps she's worried about you. But that's a cue to talk to her about what you're doing, it helps a lot to talk about it imo.
If I had even the smallest feeling that this friend was concerned I could agree with where you are coming from, but trust me when I say being worried about me is the LAST thing on my friend's mind. She's one of my roommates and she's honestly like living with the resident body critic. If we go to the beach her whole conversation will be "ewww, that ladies legs look disgusting! She's covered in cellulite-nasty" or "that chick is definitely way too fat to think she can walk around in a bikini" or "If I had a belly like that I would just hide myself in my room for a few months."
Even if we're not at the beach she'll spend time just critiquing other's bodies in normal conversation, like "Amy used to be good at sports until she let herself get all fat" or "Lisa would have a boyfriend if she didn't have a gross little paunch." or "wow, that girl has no butt AND no boobs, she looks like a man!"
I'm sick of listening to this with her, and I think it's something I need to talk to her about.
If I had even the smallest feeling that this friend was concerned I could agree with where you are coming from, but trust me when I say being worried about me is the LAST thing on my friend's mind. She's one of my roommates and she's honestly like living with the resident body critic. If we go to the beach her whole conversation will be "ewww, that ladies legs look disgusting! She's covered in cellulite-nasty" or "that chick is definitely way too fat to think she can walk around in a bikini" or "If I had a belly like that I would just hide myself in my room for a few months."
Even if we're not at the beach she'll spend time just critiquing other's bodies in normal conversation, like "Amy used to be good at sports until she let herself get all fat" or "Lisa would have a boyfriend if she didn't have a gross little paunch." or "wow, that girl has no butt AND no boobs, she looks like a man!"
I'm sick of listening to this with her, and I think it's something I need to talk to her about.
A couple of years ago I watched a documentary called MissRepresentation. It's about how the media treats women and in turn treat ourselves and eachother. It changed me, and made me realize how we buy into a culture of self doubt and gives us license to criticize each other. I feel it's important not to do that, and not to tear down other women. I'm often in conversations where someone will saying something along the lines of how your friend talks and I retort immediately. I would response like this:
"I think it's important not to put down women based on how they look."
"I think that woman looks beautiful, she's confident and happy."
"I don't like judging women only by how they look."
"That woman may have just had a baby, she may have just lost a 100lbs, or she may just be happy with how she looks, we have no right to judge."
"Wow, you're really judgemental, I wonder what you say about us behind our backs."
"All you see is bad stuff. It must suck to be you."
"Why are you judging her, are you so much better?"
And of course it's important to point out what you think is beautiful about the person being put down. "Really? I think she looks great!"
We cannot stand back and allow people to put down women. We are judged so much for how we look and the fashion industry preys on our weaknesses. There is no excuse for speaking about people in that manner, I cannot stand for it!
I don't attempt IE, but I ran across this and thought you folks would find this interesting. Among other things, it makes a good case for mindful eating.
If I had even the smallest feeling that this friend was concerned I could agree with where you are coming from, but trust me when I say being worried about me is the LAST thing on my friend's mind. She's one of my roommates and she's honestly like living with the resident body critic. If we go to the beach her whole conversation will be "ewww, that ladies legs look disgusting! She's covered in cellulite-nasty" or "that chick is definitely way too fat to think she can walk around in a bikini" or "If I had a belly like that I would just hide myself in my room for a few months."
Even if we're not at the beach she'll spend time just critiquing other's bodies in normal conversation, like "Amy used to be good at sports until she let herself get all fat" or "Lisa would have a boyfriend if she didn't have a gross little paunch." or "wow, that girl has no butt AND no boobs, she looks like a man!"
I'm sick of listening to this with her, and I think it's something I need to talk to her about.
I suspect your roommate also has a very poor body image. These nasty comments are a way to deflect her own unhappiness and/or fear regarding how she looks. Sometimes this type of attitude will diminish with age, but I know people my age (and older) - I'm 62 - who still dissect other women's bodies, clothes, etc. It really says more about them than it does about the people they are criticizing.
One of my email updates from Isabella Foxen Duke. I love this one, and it speaks directly to me - I've long suffered from secret eating.
Those of you who know Geneen Roth, know my absolute favorite of her “eating guidelines...”
“Eat with the intention of being seen by other people.”
What she’s saying here is,
no matter what you’re eating or how much,
own it.
or
“If you’re gonna eat in front of the refrigerator, pull up a chair,”
This is actually the ONLY one of Geneen’s “guidelines” that I believe actually separates “normal eaters” from emotional ones 100% of the time.
Normal eaters occasionally eat when they’re not hungry, or while standing up, or with the television on...
but they do not eat with shame.
They don’t worry they’re doing something socially reprehensible when eating a certain way, and they certainly don’t feel embarrassed by what they’re eating — no matter what food or what amounts that may be.
All too many of my clients feel self-conscious eating what they want in front of certain people (or any people). This is an almost certain precursor to binge eating...you know, eating cake, really fast, when nobody’s looking.
Binge-Eating is triggered by shame around food, more than any other emotional trigger. When we feel like we’re doing something wrong when we eat, we subconsciously tell ourselves “I shouldn’t be doing this...tomorrow the diet starts...better get it in now!”
Shame or judgement around food triggers fear of deprivation...even if we have no conscious plans to diet in the future.
On the contrary, when we honor our choices with food — that is refuse to think we're doing something "bad" — we reclaim our sanity and dignity around food.
You can only be a slave to something you think you shouldn’t be doing in the first place.
xo Isabel
I've been doing a few public eatings and I feel really good about it. It is very strange to be seen in public eating foods that I've long thought to be shameful but it's like exposure therapy - the more I do it the more comfortable I feel.
Last edited by Palestrina; 05-05-2014 at 09:33 AM.
Welcome to May! This is a thread for those who are interested in using the principles of Intuitive Eating to help heal their relationship with food and reach their ideal body weight. I'm going to start out May's thread with a blog post from Isabelle Foxen Duke that resonated with me:
The only time a person EVER “falls off a wagon”
is when there’s a wagon to fall off of;
a set of rules, ideals, or beliefs around food that we let determine how we feel about ourselves.
“I was sooo good with food yesterday, and today, I SUCK.”
sound familiar?
and I’m guessing that when you go into the place of “I suck,”
when you “fall off the wagon,”
you fall hard. Like knee-deep-in-brownie-batter-hard.
Not fun, and so avoidable.
If you want to make peace with food, and stop shame-eating cookies in the middle of the night,
Ask yourself,
what “wagons” am I trying not to fall off of?
Where am I judging my performance with food?
Where did I draw an imaginary line of “not okay?”
AND GET RID OF THAT SHIZ.
Because as long as there’s a wagon to fall off of, you WILL fall off of it eventually.
You see,
“Falling off” is not your problem. Your wagon is your problem.
Thanks for the heads up on Isabelle Foxen Duke. I had never heard of her before but I just went and spent hours reading her website. Very very good stuff! I really liked her thing about not turning intuitive eating into the eat when your'e hungry stop when your'e full diet".
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernMaven
I suspect your roommate also has a very poor body image. These nasty comments are a way to deflect her own unhappiness and/or fear regarding how she looks. Sometimes this type of attitude will diminish with age, but I know people my age (and older) - I'm 62 - who still dissect other women's bodies, clothes, etc. It really says more about them than it does about the people they are criticizing.
I totally agree with SouthernMaven. The harshest critic of womens bodies I was ever friends with was also over her healthy weight and very unhappy with her body. I remember back before I got pregnant with my 2nd baby and I was my comfortable, healthy only eat when Im hungry most of the time body weight, I worked with a bunch of young twenty somethings and they were always criticizing their own bodies and talking about plastic surgery. ( I was in my 30's) These were beautiful, slim, healthy women and they were ripping themselves apart. I always felt weird in those conversations because you know how it is when that is going on, you are also expected to say how you hate your body or what you don't like about it. But, I never did. I felt good about myself and my body. I weighed more than they did and I probably wasn't as toned but I respected my self and my body, I took good care of myself and so I felt good about myself too. It's a mindset thing for me, not a body thing.
Anyway...
This weekend I had been craving waffles for breakfast. So I made some on Saturday morning and started eating them and they didn't taste good at all. I ate about half and then stopped in disappointment. I realized I didn't feel that hungry and decided to wait. We went out, ran errands etc... Around 1:30 we got home and I felt hungry and waffles looked good to me. I fixed myself some waffles and they were totally delicious, everything I was hoping for and more. I just can't get over how much waiting until I am hungry changes the taste of things for me. I still find it easier to eat goodies when Im not hungry because they are always sweet but they still taste better when I am truly hungry. Anyway, its a journey and I continue down my path. I have started exercising more regularly and on Saturday my husband and I worked out in the yard, shoveling dirt, pulling weeds etc... It was hard work but at that moment I felt so good. I felt like this is what our bodies are designed to do and I also didn't feel like I cared about how much I weighed. That didn't matter because I was doing something that made my body feel so amazing. So, I want to try to incorporate a little more exercise into my life since it makes me feel so good.
Last edited by Pinkhippie; 05-05-2014 at 12:47 PM.
Koalifornia21,
Someone on here posted a link to this girls blog called Anti-Diet Project. She posts every other Monday. Today's just so happens to be about body image and how she's struggling. She's a great writer and I love reading her articles. Thought you might be interested in reading it. I can't give any advice as I seem to be my own worst enemy. I'll try to post a link but if it doesn't work just google Anti-Diet Project and it should come up.
Great stuff! My issues with hunger continue. Since I've quit caffeine I can no longer tell when I'm hungry or not. I can feel that my body is utilizing its fat stores but the thought of putting food in my mouth is mostly unappealing. I'm not quite sure how to handle it. I've been eating homemade jello for meals because that's one of the few foods that doesn't make me nauseated thinking about it. I was craving a tuna sandwich while commuting to work this morning and my body felt hungry. I stopped and picked one up at the deli but by the time I got to my desk at work and unwrapped it the feeling had passed. I just picked at it- it didn't seem very satisfying, although the energy from it has helped me get some stuff done this morning. I'm honestly really confused because I've always had a big appetite. Now I just don't feel like eating even when I feel my body starving. ??? Any advice is appreciated.
Great stuff! My issues with hunger continue. Since I've quit caffeine I can no longer tell when I'm hungry or not. I can feel that my body is utilizing its fat stores but the thought of putting food in my mouth is mostly unappealing. I'm not quite sure how to handle it. I've been eating homemade jello for meals because that's one of the few foods that doesn't make me nauseated thinking about it. I was craving a tuna sandwich while commuting to work this morning and my body felt hungry. I stopped and picked one up at the deli but by the time I got to my desk at work and unwrapped it the feeling had passed. I just picked at it- it didn't seem very satisfying, although the energy from it has helped me get some stuff done this morning. I'm honestly really confused because I've always had a big appetite. Now I just don't feel like eating even when I feel my body starving. ??? Any advice is appreciated.
Locke, I don't have tons of insight except to tell you that sometimes when I really tune into my body and discover I don't need as much food as Ive been shoving into it, I have a period of time where I don't eat much. I always feel like its because my body has excess food to live off of. but usually after a few days I start feeling hungry again and eating more. Also, back in the old days when I was a naturally intuitive eater, I would sometimes have a week of barely eating and then weeks of eating a LOT. I just naturally balanced myself out and never worried about it.
I think you're right! I ate a lot of food around Easter and I think this is my body evening things out. I've never *not been hungry* for food. When I first started IE when I wasn't hungry I just didn't feel like I needed food. Now when I'm not hungry even thinking about makes me feel yucky. It has been scary because I've always just eaten no matter what my body wants. It's like my brain is finally catching up to my body's signals and making me think differently. Holy cow!
Intuitive Eating May 2014
. I threw away my scale, but I know that I haven't gained any more than 7 to 8 lbs!
