30-Somethings - overweight and no sex life

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ika overeater
04-26-2014, 02:20 PM
my weight seems to be a total turn off for my husband. we have no sex life. anybody here with the same problem?

04-26-2014, 04:45 PM
for me it is more of the opposite... I feel less attractive so I don't want it as often :(

04-26-2014, 05:44 PM
I have struggled with this too - I feel uncomfortable with my body so I don't want to have him touch it some times. Luckily most of the time I can get away from these thoughts but not always....

04-26-2014, 05:49 PM
I have the opposite problem, too. I feel like he shouldn't want it because I feel like I look just terrible naked sometimes. It is a drag, though.

04-26-2014, 10:53 PM
Does he have the same issues with his weight? Maybe you both could lose weight together?

ika overeater
04-27-2014, 09:47 AM
i know i don't feel like having sex very often cause of my weight, but i still feel like it from time to time. and he really doesn't initiate sex at all and sometimes doesn't even react when i'm trying... he is thin so i guess it's more about my looks than his. :/

04-27-2014, 08:35 PM
Not necessarily! It may be that he doesn't want to disappoint you or knows that you just don't feel sexy. I would recommend working on losing weight, which will definitely help you to build up your confidence, and start doing some romantic little things with your husband that doesn't entail sex. Like for instance, if he's into hunting, being sweet and organizing a small get together with his buddies that feature a hunting theme and they play cards while you have a girls night out. Just sweet things to show that you do care about him. Little love notes here and there.

04-27-2014, 09:21 PM
Don't blame yourself! Your husband can be oblivious to your signs that you want to have sex so just be straightforward and communicate that you want to have sex.

I was wondering and wasn't sure to post a thread about how people's sex lives have changed since their weightloss. I wasn't sure how people would react to that question...

04-29-2014, 05:37 PM
Post away! I'm sure you'll get some surprising answers to that question! LOL

04-29-2014, 06:20 PM
Ack! sex problems! where to begin??!

So Im obese and Ive never been winning any self confidence contest! He met me when I was thin and loved that I was this thin teenager with big boobs and a firm *** and now that body is gone for good! and yet he still seeks me for that, the problem it's me! I dont wanna do it, EVER!

The problem is not my weight either, it was at first, I always wanted all lights off, I didnt wanted him to touch me as much but it ended with me being turned off by HIM!

He's thin, his body is almost the same as it was 15 years ago when I met him, he's even thinner now. It's just that he's no longer the man I loved, personality wise and that was the turn on for me, his personality, never his looks.

So I try to avoid him at all costs, we have two children together and we want to give them a family but Im seriously considering leaving him just so I dont have to fake being ill all the time!

So in the end it's not my weight, it's the significant other... I know of women who would kill to have someone who wants sex as often as my husband but Im just not into it, anymore.

04-30-2014, 01:08 PM
I had the same problems when I reached a certain weight. Evening losing just 10 pounds helped my self esteem and sex drive tremendously. What's your weight loss plan?

04-30-2014, 06:43 PM
Coffeeshopgirl! I haven't seen you on here in forever (probably cuz i disappeared for 5 months lol)

04-30-2014, 10:25 PM
Hi SkinnyGirl! I've been dealing with some stuff lately, but trying to check in here when I can. How are you doing? Not to take away from the thread topic, but send me a PM sometime! Hope you're doing well.

07-03-2014, 06:33 AM
My husband and I have been together for 14 years so we really don't have body hangups in our way. He is obese at 16st5 and I am overweight carrying child at 12st2. He wont have sex with me at the moment but thats more to do with a history of miscarriages and him being put off by hurting the baby.

However when we were at our fattest (him 20st13 and me 16st5) it was more a case of that we were too unfit to really do it justice. And we couldn't believe the difference once we had both lost 3 stone and managed it enough to try for a baby.

But I understand where you are coming from.

07-03-2014, 02:25 PM
I love this thread!
When I was married, we stopped doing the deed for months at a time. He was a little overweight, but I didn't even see it at the time...I was focused on me being overweight. I tried everything, but his interest was just nonexistent. The man I will be marrying (in the next year or so) met me when I was at one of my lows (in weight). Then, I started gaining. Sex was absolutely no problem. However, after I got up close to my all time heaviest, he would get frustrated because he said I tried to hide my body more, and didn't seem as comfortable with our sex life, not as confident as I used to be. Well, duh!! Anyway, it was more my hang ups than his, and he didn't understand. I've only lost 18 lbs. at this point, but I can feel a little of my confidence coming back....that's what he loves!

07-08-2014, 06:10 PM
When I was married, this was definitely an issue. My ex-husband is extremely body conscious and spent a significant amount of his time and energy on the shape of his body, his appearance, and his fitness. He had claimed that my far more relaxed attitude about it didn't bother him, but I believe that it did. My weight fluctuated a lot. While we were married, I lost 30 pounds (I've gained it back, now, and it still fluctuates), mainly because I was hoping to keep his attention. The obsession on the body was no good for romance and our sex life was terrible because he was not attracted to me. By the time our marriage ended (keep in mind, I'd lost 30 pounds), I think he felt so much resentment about being with someone overweight that he couldn't even see that my figure had changed, and he made no efforts to hide his contempt. My troubled self-esteem probably did not help our potential sex life; however, his response to my body also did not help my self-esteem.

The man I'm seeing now loves the heck out of my curves and my sex drive. However, I think I'm too heavy. There are some moves that are just easier and less likely to make you self-conscious when you're thinner. So, I've been thinking about this topic from a practical perspective, myself, lately -- both about trying to get fit again (losing 10-15 would be awesome!) and about how to try handle positions at my current weight

07-09-2014, 01:19 AM
Amen, sister :)