General chatter - Relationships and weight




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skittlesfirehawk
04-07-2014, 02:13 AM
Im in the dating pool.i see so many men who want skinny women which is fine.Those same men though would probably peruse me when I reach goal as I will be skinny then.i just find it kinda ridiculous that they want the end product but dont wanna jump in while I'm trying to get there.I think if they don't wanna date me now they don't deserve me later.has anyone else ran into this?


EagleRiverDee
04-07-2014, 03:11 AM
Well, it's been a few years since I was in the dating pool, but my approach was always just to be honest. I always included a photo, and I described myself as someone else would see me. And I was always super specific about what I was looking for, also. Some people say not to be specific, or you close yourself off to what may be a wonderful opportunity, but I knew for a fact there were certain things that were musts so those got included.

People are attracted to what they are attracted to. Some guys like slim women. Some like bigger women. I've heard of guys that when their girlfriends lost weight, they were no longer attracted. So I guess I'd just focus on trying to find a guy who is into YOU, not your body, if that makes sense. Someone who will love you big, thin, and everything else in between. I got real fortunate with my DH. I met him when I was thin, I gained 90 lbs, I've lost 30 lbs- he loves me regardless, which is awesome.

thirti4thirty
04-07-2014, 03:36 AM
I guess the understanding is that dieters often get complacent and stop dieting when they meet someone who likes them.


doingmybest
04-07-2014, 03:43 AM
I don't know what other women have experienced, but when I was single, most men that I knew, no matter how fat, short, ugly, dumb, crude, bald or boring they were - they all wanted hot, gorgeous, thin women. I heard a couple of guys talking once and they were saying that they would never tolerate a fat wife or girlfriend. I watched men put up with terrible treatment from really good looking women and completely ignore fantastic women who didn't live up to their "standards".

I looked for someone who would love me for me and luckily I found my DH. He now has a big gut that he didn't have when we were dating and I love him no matter what he looks like. He has always treated me wonderfully. Find someone who deserves you no matter what the scale says.

Pattience
04-07-2014, 04:49 AM
No but i can tell you as a woman, i also don't want my man overweight. I don't care if it sounds shallow but i do not find overweight men attractive. I am sure its the same for many men.

That's not to say that they couldn't be good men. But that's your call.

Nice post by eagle there. Actually i think once a guy has got into you, if you are able to deepen the relationship, it won't matter so much what's going on with you, he will love you.

Though i do have a friend who lost interest in her husband. I am not sure what triggered it all. But she said she did find him disgusting and zero desire for sex with him. I am don't know if its the weight that triggered, quite probably not. Anyway they split up but it took her a long time to be able to do it because breaking up was difficult. He didn't want to of course. She was basically afraid of the new financial situation. And i know that is common amongst almost everyone who is over their marriage. And i can vouch for her that she is no shallow water fish.

nonameslob
04-07-2014, 11:44 AM
This is why online dating can be difficult. We can be more likely to shrug someone off that doesn't fit our "ideal" bodytype, whereas if we met them in person we might immediately be attracted to them. I think you're right though - if they aren't attracted to you now, they aren't worth your time.

I know during my first go-around of losing weight, my confidence went up so much that even though I was still obese, I was gaining a ton of attention from men (whereas before it was ZERO, or I was so down on myself that I didn't notice). I imagine some of that confidence can be sensed in online interaction as well.

MauiKai
04-07-2014, 11:59 AM
I don't know what other women have experienced, but when I was single, most men that I knew, no matter how fat, short, ugly, dumb, crude, bald or boring they were - they all wanted hot, gorgeous, thin women. I heard a couple of guys talking once and they were saying that they would never tolerate a fat wife or girlfriend. I watched men put up with terrible treatment from really good looking women and completely ignore fantastic women who didn't live up to their "standards".

I looked for someone who would love me for me and luckily I found my DH. He now has a big gut that he didn't have when we were dating and I love him no matter what he looks like. He has always treated me wonderfully. Find someone who deserves you no matter what the scale says.

This is SO true.
I used to work with this guy, he was short, fat, balding and had the personality of a kumquat. He would find women online that were "hot" and set up dates with them. Of course his profile pics were always with a hat, or at just such an angle, or close to his face...all very flattering and NOT representative of him at all. Then he'd get to the date and the next day he'd tell us all how hot she was and blah blah blah. A day or two later he'd be wondering why she wouldn't return his calls and she deleted him off FB etc. Really dude, really? You can't figure that one out? They expect one thing and another shows up. Behind his back the other guys at work would say things like "Dude needs to start looking at women "in his league" because those hot chicks are not going to go for a guy like him." Is that horrible? Yes, totally. Is it true? Apparently because they always dumped him right off.

(One guy at work once made the comment that if his wife got fat, he was so gone. :( How horrible is that?)

I guess my point is that it for sure works both ways. Women can be as shallow as men.

But to the OP you are 100% right that any man who would diss you at a high weight is SO not worth your time at your low weight.

Pattience
04-07-2014, 12:23 PM
I have a theory that online dating might work for people who have at least one strong factor going for them. Be it good body, good looks, good personality or big brains ah, i nearly forgot - big wallets. If you do not excel in at least one of these areas I think it will be hard or harder to find success with online dating.

But its just a theory.

CanadianCutie
04-07-2014, 01:27 PM
I messed around a bit with online dating before I met my husband. It is a scary place. There are some nice guys out there, but it takes some searching.
I did meet my husband online though. We played an online game together, and were friends first. He had never dated a big woman before, and we were both nervous about that. But we got along so well it was never an issue for either of us.

IAmTheGlue
04-07-2014, 01:44 PM
I can see this in one of my relatives. He is 43, lives with his mother still, not attractive in the traditional sense and he is continually chasing after "fake women" on Facebook. He sees this super hot bikini picture, friends her (they are always 21-23) and starts sending her money and gifts. Then he is surprised when "she" turns out not to be a real person.. at least not the person depicted in the pictures.

This last one he bought a wedding ring set and MAILED it to a person he had never met... uh... BUT, when we were talking yesterday and he was complaining about getting burned by these girls I asked why he isn't looking in his local community for a woman who he can go see a movie with or go to the park with... He just says "there is nothing keeping me here, I can move to be with her". The ONLY thing he ever mentions is how hot the new girl is... it seems to be his only criteria.

BUT, I agree with others when they say if somebody is not interested in "fat me", they don't get to be with "thin me".