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IAmTheGlue
04-06-2014, 02:58 AM
Sorry for the wall of text, but I am really at a loss right now...

So, I guess somebody was in my house last weekend. I had class in the morning. My Mom picked up me & my littlest one early, like 8AM. My husband leaves for work around 1PM. I went to class & then helped my Mom do some things around her house before she brought me home around 5:30 or 6.

I had been in a hurry before I left & didn't make my husband a lunch to take to work. No big deal, he's a grown man. Surely he can make a sandwich or whatever. I start calling him 30 minutes before he needs to leave so he will get up and get going. He kind of overslept and was kind of gripey about not being able to find stuff for his lunch and I had my debit card (his is broken). So he was going to work for 10 hours with nothing to eat.

When I get home, the fridge is beeping at me. I thought that was weird and I see that somebody has slammed the door hard enough to knock the shelves off. I fix it and never even notice that the door has been ripped off one of my cabinets. My curling iron had been thrown across the room as well. I curled my hair in the kitchen before leaving so that was weird and seemed kind of targeted at me. When I do notice the cabinet and curling iron, I think my husband has lost his freaking mind about his lunch. My first husband was a real abusive jerk and he did crap like that. Stomp around and break stuff if he didn't get his way.

I was *REALLY* upset. I was angry and sad and.. I cried and cried until I puked. I was very, very upset. I pick up my sleeping 4 year old and carry him to my bed. I cuddle up to him and cry until I'm asleep. I ignore my husbands texts and calls. We take a couple hour nap.

When I wake up he sends me a message that says he hopes I am sleeping and not hurt. I send him a message that says I was sleeping because I came home to find the dumb Sh1t he did, cried until I puked and went to sleep.

He says "what dumb sh1t?" I tell him about the cabinet door and the fridge & he is like "what? Are you sure our big dog couldn't have done it?" He says is anything missing? I go check and the only thing that is missing is a 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper that he says he had setting on the counter to take with him to work. My laptop has possibly been moved. I had it in a bag ready to take to school but left it by the front door. It's been moved to the rocking chair in our entry way.

My husband leaves work early to come home and make sure that everything is okay. He wants me to take my 4 year old, put him in the truck and take him to the gas station to wait until he gets home 90 minutes later. I didn't do that. It was dark and rainy and I wasn't going outside alone if there was a creeper when I have my big dog inside... who obviously did an awesome job keeping an intruder out earlier... :(

Anyway, the cabinet door is ripped... like the wood is splintered. Not from the hinges, but the wood is ripped. I tried to pull the cabinet door off & I couldn't do it. I tried to get my husband to punch another door and see if he could break one off like that but he wouldn't.

My husband's computer is a nice gaming computer. Mine is a crappy $300 one so if they were going to take one... why mine?. Our xbox is there. Our flatscreen tv is there. Literally nothing of value is missing. Our bedroom door was open and my daughters (almost 12 years old) bedroom door was open. I don't see anything out of place at all except my guinea pig cage in my room has been knocked about. I got my new guinea pig the night before so that may have been targeted at me, too. Or maybe the dogs, which is why that door should have been shut.

I assumed then that that my husband was lying. He knows about my first marriage and he knows that if he starts acting like my first husband, I would be gone. I would be. I have no tolerance for abuse and I swear to God if he started acting like my ex, I would be gone (for not only my own sanity but for my children.. I refuse to let them grow up in a war zone). I really did think that and have not been too worried about a creeper until tonight.

My husband came home from work and said he did not like the way the neighbors were standing there watching him leave today and he thought they were the creepers. He said he thought we should pretend to leave and me take the kids away and he would wait to see if someone tries to come in. I said I think we should just set up a camera to see if it is our 110lb dog being nutty or if someone is actually coming in the house. Now I feel like puking again... I am actually worried that there is a creeper, weirdo, thief, murderer, whatever.

We live down a long, windy, private road in a very rural area. We live at the end of a circle drive and we would have to drive by our neighbors house to get home so they would see us coming if it was them & they would have time to go out the back door. For a long time I was the only woman on the private drive and I was scared to be home alone. It is very secluded & we have no landline (isn't available here) & very spotty cell service. I am not entirely comfortable around men..so that may account for some of my feelings. (like I will not even get on an elevator alone with a man. Not going to happen.)

So... what do you think? Why would someone break in, slam my fridge, tear up my cabinet & leave without taking anything (unless they took a 2 liter of pop which costs $1)? OR do you think they are a pervert who is coming in to make a video, steal underwear, something like that. (There was a guy arrested a town over a few years ago for breaking into women's houses & ejaculating in their shampoo and condiments which is why that is on my mind.) OR do you think they come in regularly for pills and our dog is like "is that bacon? Sure.. come on in"? My husband is a disabled combat veteran with PTSD, he gets pills mailed to him regularly from the VA that someone may be interested in taking or selling, whatever druggies do. If they are taking pills they aren't taking enough to notice. OR do you think my husband is just covering his tracks for losing it over not being able to find the aluminum foil to pack his own lunch? Or is it something else? :?:

Thanks.


Desiderata
04-06-2014, 12:22 PM
I think actual 'stranger danger' events are very rare and overblown by news media/over-represented in fictional media.

I hope your husband is not lying about it. A tantrum is one thing, but stoking your fears to cover it up is worse. (Though I could easily believe a scenario where he panicked when hearing how upset it made you and suggested an outsider-scenario to deflect taking responsibility -- without realizing how much more upsetting that would be for you.)

KatMarie
04-06-2014, 01:17 PM
Would be extremely odd for someone to break into your home and just tear up that stuff in your kitchen. Sounds like somebody thru a little tantrum and tore it up, then felt bad about it afterwards and too embarrassed to admit to it. I've had a tantrum here or there, lol, where I've slammed cabinets and doors.


MauiKai
04-06-2014, 01:35 PM
I think it's entirely possible someone, especially a teen perhaps, could have come in your house, messed some stuff up and lost the nerve to actually steal. Then again, it's possible your husband did it and is embarrassed now.

TheSecondHalf
04-06-2014, 01:57 PM
Call the police and make a report.

Get a home security system (which isn't a bad idea if you live in an isolated area anyway).

I've been robbed before and you have my sympathy because it's very deeply unsettling when you realize someone has been in your home. I lived in a cruddy college apartment surrounded by other identical apartments. Who knows why they chose mine and there was no reason to what they took and left. It happens and it's very unnerving and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

Setting up cameras and being suspicious of your neighbors (and husband) won't prevent anything from happening again or bring you any peace of mind. The police will at least make a record of it and let you know if anything similar has been happening in your area.

doingmybest
04-06-2014, 03:10 PM
Call the police and make a report.

Get a home security system (which isn't a bad idea if you live in an isolated area anyway).

I've been robbed before and you have my sympathy because it's very deeply unsettling when you realize someone has been in your home. I lived in a cruddy college apartment surrounded by other identical apartments. Who knows why they chose mine and there was no reason to what they took and left. It happens and it's very unnerving and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

Setting up cameras and being suspicious of your neighbors (and husband) won't prevent anything from happening again or bring you any peace of mind. The police will at least make a record of it and let you know if anything similar has been happening in your area..

I agree with this. If possible, work with police see if there is any way to determine who did this or find out if you can at least rule anyone out. By doing this, you will feel better and put whoever did this on notice that there will be consequences for their actions.

I am so sorry that you have been through such a traumatic experience.

IAmTheGlue
04-06-2014, 04:02 PM
Thank you all. I think I should make a police report and look into a security system. I am very sorry that happened to you, TheSecondHalf. I can understand how you felt. I still feel very nervous here. It just feels weird to be so suspicious of my neighbors now. I mean, they have always been friendly. I made him a lasagna dinner and strawberry cheesecake and had my husband take it to him when his Dad died a month ago. My four year old thinks the world of him because he's "Bob the Builder". Just feels sickening.

I can also understand why my husband may have lied. I know that a lot of people lie when they feel trapped or scared. He punched a hole in the wall a year ago over something so it is not out of the question.

Anyways, thanks again for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

FatAbbi
04-06-2014, 05:23 PM
Not to freak you put but look and see if panties/bra sect are missing. Simple things but freaks do exactly that kind of thing.

kaplods
04-06-2014, 06:26 PM
It doesn't seem very likely to me that a neighbor or stranger would throw a tantrum, primarily in your kitchen on the same day you weren't able to make your husband's lunch.

With his PTSD, is it possible he might have done it, and not remembered it?

And why would someone thinking about stealing your lap top move it away from the door?

seagirl
04-06-2014, 06:34 PM
I agree about calling the police. Is there a reason you guys didn't think of that? It's a little weird (to me) that your husband's idea was to pretend to leave you and then see if anyone tries to break in.

I will say it is extremely disturbing to think someone has come in your house. That happened to me once - just tiny things like a moved shampoo bottle by a window, a weird vibe. I freaked out, asked the neighbors if they'd seen anything, called my boyfriend freaking out and he was like "oh, that was me. I couldn't find my key and came in a window. Didn't you see my note?" But for those 15 minutes I thought I was going to puke and cry.

IAmTheGlue
04-06-2014, 10:21 PM
FatAbbi, I thought the same thing if it was a pervert but I cannot really find anything that is missing and honestly, I don't have a real good count on anything.

kaplods, the only rational thing I could think of (outside of the obvious that my husband lost his mind for a minute which is probably the most likely scenario) is that someone was messing around in the kitchen, the cabinet that had the door ripped off is the one that we keep our medications in. I thought you know, if it was a stranger that maybe they were looking for pills and the dog (who is old) woke up and came at them and they broke the cabinet door trying to get up on the counter away from her and threw the curling iron at her. But you bring up a very good point...maybe he doesn't even remember doing it. That is actually very scary to me, more so than if he was just having a meltdown and lied to me. Good point about the laptop.

seagirl, I didn't call the police because nothing was taken. I didn't think they would even care. I know that they don't really even care when there has been a real robbery. My friends house was broken into and they did take stuff and I was there when the police came. They filled out a form and left. No fingerprints or photos or anything investigative at all.

The whole thing is just so strange and I have to admit that it seems most likely that it was my husband and he either doesn't want to admit it or doesn't remember it. I told him when it happened that I thought he was lying about it. I stood in the kitchen and asked him probably 10 times if he was serious that he did not do it. I said, I thought that he had lost his temper and brought up when he punched a hole in the wall a year or so ago. He said, "And... I told you that I did it before you found it on your own because I knew it would upset you. I always own up to what I do." It never occurred to me that he may not remember it.

Thank you all. I really appreciate it.

Tai
04-07-2014, 02:28 PM
It's a very strange and unsettling feeling to come home to. Several times in my last apartment I came home to the feeling that someone had been there while I was gone. Nothing was missing so I never called the police. In my case I wondered if it might have been someone from the maintenance staff but I know that's not a possibility for you.

Hope things get back to normal for you soon and that it doesn't happen again.

alaskanlaughter
04-07-2014, 02:36 PM
is it possible that you interrupted the person in the act of going through your home? if it's possible to leave out a back door unseen, perhaps that's why nothing of value was actually taken....maybe you interrupted him?

regardless, make a police report....even if they do nothing, it's on file that you have reported it and your insurance will want that, if you deal with insurance to fix the things broken in your home...and definitely invest in a home security system and cameras...it will be WELL WORTH your peace of mind

EagleRiverDee
04-07-2014, 04:33 PM
I'd be curious what would happen if you told your husband you think you should call the police and make a police report. Does he readily agree? Or does he start hem-hawing? If he hem-haws, it's probably that he did the damage and knows the cops will figure it out, if they dust for prints. Since nothing is missing other than some soda, it seems a lot more likely your husband had a tantrum and doesn't want to admit it.

Locke
04-07-2014, 05:06 PM
I'm going to agree with most everyone else in that it sounds like what happened is that your husband had a fit and won't own up to it. What I would do is tell him that you're filing a police report and watch his reaction. Filing a report is the reasonable thing to do. If he hesitates then tell him you feel that, all things considered, he may have gotten grumpy and done it. Be honest. Don't let your suspicions fester. I'd also forgive him if he admits it. People get upset sometimes and do stupid things. He may have had a temper tantrum but that doesn't mean he would ever be violent towards you.

alaskanlaughter
04-07-2014, 05:38 PM
I'd be curious what would happen if you told your husband you think you should call the police and make a police report. Does he readily agree? Or does he start hem-hawing? If he hem-haws, it's probably that he did the damage and knows the cops will figure it out, if they dust for prints. Since nothing is missing other than some soda, it seems a lot more likely your husband had a tantrum and doesn't want to admit it.

^^^yes, this too^^^

IAmTheGlue
04-07-2014, 06:15 PM
We talked about this in detail last night after he got home from work. I did tell him my suspicions that I really thought one of two things happened, either he did it and didn't want to admit it or what Kaplods suggested: he did it and didn't remember it which may be related to either his PTSD or a medication he is on.

He again said that he did not do it and that he was as worried as I was that it may have been something that he blacked out on so he does not remember it. He said, if that was the case, that it was terrifying and it has to be addressed. He made an appointment today to see his VA counselor to talk about it. I agree that it is the most terrifying situation that he may be doing things and not remember them. He did have two traumatic brain injuries on this last deployment. One of them was pretty bad, as in he couldn't count to 10 for over a week. Is there a chance that something is going on with that or a medication or his PTSD? Yeah, I hate to admit it, but yeah, and it is the scariest scenario honestly.

We made a police report earlier today by driving there and just filling out a form with the lady at the desk. They did not even want to come over and look (I have pictures on my phone) or anything. The cabinet door is in process of being repaired (my husband can fix anything) so there is nothing to report on our insurance. They did not seem to have any real suggestions besides think about changing your locks, insuring you lock your doors when you leave, etc.

I also wondered if I may have interrupted them and they ran out the back door or climbed out a window. That is actually the thing that upset me the most, the thought that I was standing in my kitchen crying and a stranger was just standing quietly in one of my kids rooms or something like that until we went upstairs to take a nap. That thought is just so creepy. Actually, one of the neighbor guys was standing on his porch talking on his cellphone when I drove past and he waved at me. It makes me nervous now that when I come home one of them is always out there. The guy who owns the house doesn't smoke, his kids and workers who stay with him do so they stand outside and smoke a lot though.

My mom dropped me and my son off. I made multiple trips back and forth. He was asleep and he had his guinea pig in a travel tub because he took it with him that day. I carried in the guinea pig and put it away. I went back out and got a box of cupcakes they made. I carried him asleep and put him on the couch. I went back out and got my purse, school books and his carseat. So, there was plenty of opportunity for someone to go out the back or hide.

There is also a chance that someone was standing in the kitchen looking in the cabinet with medications and our old dog woke up. She is a big girl, but she is old and she sleeps hard. If she woke up and somebody was in the house, she very well could chase them off.

OR, there is a chance that it was someone she knows. My husbands half brother was supposed to help us move once and instead of helping us do what he said, he took all the metal things in the house. LITERALLY, he took the chains off the kids swingset in the back yard. He cut the cords off our appliances, took my pans, silverware... OMG I hate him. He is a scrapper... like he collects scrap metal and sells it. I'm still mad about that. The thing is.. we live half an hour away from him and he is not the type to come for a friendly visit and he is NOT welcome here.

I am sensitive to outbursts but I would forgive him if he owned up to it, even right now. I would know that he was really scared I would leave after I reacted so poorly to it. I am still scared, though. I'm scared to be here alone with the kids AND scared to leave... We have a school event tonight and I am already nervous about everyone leaving the house. We are going to have to get a security system.

Thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it.

ddc
04-08-2014, 03:37 PM
Does your hubby take Ambien for sleep by any chance?
I've heard of people doing things-even driving to the store- and not knowing that they had done it because of the medication.

IAmTheGlue
04-08-2014, 07:10 PM
ddc, actually the sleeping pill he takes is Seroquel. Maybe it is related to that?

yoyoma
04-08-2014, 07:57 PM
I found a thread about people who take Seroquel doing things like sleep walking. Was your hubby asleep? I found this one particularly relevant:

"I woke the other morning and thought someone had been in my house. There were couch pillows all over the floor. a spataula in the floor. i started looking around and one of my pictures was gone from the wall, found it on my night stand. one of my kitchen table chairs was gone. found it outside.my dish drainer was on the stove and my tea pot in the bathroom, and to top it off my gun was in my bed loaded with the safety off. this is the worst its been. but it happens often. have even be watched by others at night and been confirmed. but it happens when i take ambieum also.dont kmow what to do."

Read more: Seroquel - Doing Things In Your Sleep? - Bipolar Disorder Forum - eHealthForum http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic90425.html#ixzz2yL2P6Ckj
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Good luck! I hope you find out what happened!

IAmTheGlue
04-08-2014, 11:38 PM
That is really weird. I did start calling him about an hour before he absolutely has to leave for work.. 30 minutes before he likes to leave & he answered his phone. Maybe he answered it in his sleep? I have no idea. He made an appointment with the VA mental health clinic to make sure that he is not getting angry and blacking out because that is super scary but I bet they have an idea of if a medication is causing this.

I really hope we find out what is going on, too.