Weight Loss Surgery - Whats wrong with a little white lie????
03-31-2014, 08:47 PM
Hey, guys i need your help and advice. I have been in the process to get WLS for 2 years. Only a selected few know ive started the process.
Anyway i just got the new i will be having surgery on april 23 2014. i told my job i will be having surgery and will be out a month. my problem now lies in what i tell my grandmother. She has been gone ten months visiting family, i thought i would have had the surgery awhile back but things didnt work out. my question is what kind of surgery i am having without telling her WLS.
The reason i don't particularly want to tell her is because my grandmother is also the gossip Queen of our family and i know it will be passed through out my family in no time.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
03-31-2014, 09:03 PM
So, how will your grandmother know? Do you live with her or near her?
Of course, it's your body and your life, so you have to be comfortable who you tell and why.
With your WLS, will you be getting your gall bladder out? If so, say it's gall bladder removal surgery.
if you live with her - well then... that's going to be very hard to hide the fact of your liquid diet.
03-31-2014, 09:13 PM
yes, i live with her.
NO i dont believe i will be getting my gall bladder out.
as for the liquid diet, im on optifast now so i figure ill tell her im on a strick diet like, slim fast.
03-31-2014, 09:15 PM
surgery in about 3 weeks! congrats! the clock is ticking - i agree with berryblonde... with one exception. even if you don't have your gallbladder taken out, tell your grandmother that's what you're having. the scars will be similar, and she won't be prying too much into what you're eating or not eating...at least, that's the hope
04-01-2014, 12:50 PM
I debated back and forth on if I should tell my family or not. They are judgmental and I didn't want to deal with it. They wouldn't have understood the why of having WLS. I just told my family I was having surgery and didn't say which one. Just said that it will help my cholesterol and blood pressure. Which is did. My mom is gossip central in my family. She really wants to know what I had done but hasn't asked me. She already knows I had my gallbladder out so I couldn't use that excuse.
04-01-2014, 02:15 PM
I have a few gossip queens in my family as well, so I'd say that what you tell grandma really depends on what kind of gossip queen she is, and what kind of surgery you're having.
In my family, not telling would probably create more gossip (and for much longer) than the truth, because not knowing wouldn't stop some of the gossips from guessing and encouraging other family from guessing along (and speculating about the reasons I would have had for not telling the truth).
As to the type of surgery, if you're having lapband, you may be able to hide the fact that you had wls from people you live with, but the bigger surgeries are going to be harder to conceal, and the consequences are more dire.
You have to consider, for example, that no matter what kind of surgery you said you had, the effects of wls are likely to worry Grandma to death if she doesn't expect them. Vomitting, hair loss, dumping syndrome, diarrhea.... even the extreme rapid weight loss itself can be worrying.
You may need aftercare, or may experience complications you will need help with. Are there others in the home who could provide the care? If it's just you and Grandma she probably should be told, if she might have to help.
I'm not saying you need to tell her the truth (or when you should tell her, if you decide to) - I'm just saying weigh the pros and cons and possible conseqiences carefully.
04-01-2014, 02:51 PM
Hi Im rosey, I don't understand why not the truth, surely your family esp grandma wants whats best for you. and the truth has a way of coming out and usually causes more drama. I was so excited about my surg that I told every one. Im a grandma and my advice is tell. :hug: rosey
04-02-2014, 04:56 AM
Thanks guys for all the advice.
I'm really weighing heavily if i can tell her.
Believe me i would like to, i love my grandma and it would be nice if i could share this with her but i also know her and she WILL tell and i am not ready to let the family know just yet.
so for now i believe i will be going with gall bladder surgery.
Hernia repair is also an option.
04-02-2014, 04:45 PM
or just ... "it's personal" ...honest and no lie.
04-05-2014, 06:28 PM
I debated back and forth........ and I know you are not ready to tell everyone, but you will have to explain the rapid WL. I thought about not telling my coworkers..... but how do you hide 30 pound WL in a month (which is what I had after WLS). Also, there is the dreaded uncalculated complication. I spent last Sunday in the ER with a kidney stone (Force your water in girl).....
But, at the end of the day..... people will start noticing.... and you will need help. I thought I could do it alone.... and truth is... I did need help.
Things like I am having surgery to improve my life are not a lie..... You appear so young..... so you have a long time to live with the consequence of lying to your grandma if she gets mad.
That is just my 2 cents..... I wish you luck in your situation and your WLS!!!!
04-06-2014, 01:23 PM
I used the hiatal hernia repair for mine with people I didn't want to let in on the surgery.
Unless you've already mentioned it, I wouldn't say gallbladder surgery, in case you have to have yours removed later. I think saying it's personal is a good response, if she will leave it at that. Or you can say you have had a little "female trouble." That isn't a lie, since you are female, and the extra weight has caused you lots of trouble.
04-09-2014, 10:48 AM
My 2 cents worth. I hesitated to post because I have not had the surgery. However, my brother had sleeve gastrectomy last year and I have considered doing the same. I have the family prospective.
If you live with her, I think that you should tell her. My brother says that family support afterwards was critical for him. He has lost weight very quickly. If we did not know about his surgery, we would be very worried thinking that something major, like cancer, was the cause. As someone else said, you may have more gossip by not telling.
Even if telling causes gossip, why not tell? You should not be ashamed of having the surgery.
04-09-2014, 11:27 AM
I feel that since you know your Grandmother will tell all, she should not be told. You are an adult and have every right to your privacy. Telling her it's personal will just add suspicion and make her try harder to find out what it is. I didn't have WLS but my roommate in the hospital did and she was only in a very short time. She also did not tell her family, but she lived alone.
If you later actually NEED gall bladder surgery, by that time you will have lost enough weight that your secret might be out anyway. I can understand that you would want to become comfortable with having had the surgery before you make it public.
Good luck to you! I hope all goes well.
04-09-2014, 08:41 PM
I say if you are uncomfortable telling her, go with Gallbladder. My gallbladder removal made me have a fairly strict diet. I was very sick after I had it out. I still can't just eat whatever I want. If you know she's going to gossip and don't want her spilling the beans, give her something else to spread. :) Good luck!
04-19-2014, 08:52 AM
Thank you every one for your 2 cents. I have weighed everything and right now im just not going to tell her anything. when i go in for surgery i will be telling her im staying with friends and why im home for a month its im on vacations. i know i'll have to tell her eventually but for right now it isnt the time.
also what plays a big part in my decision is my aunty had the lap band a few years ago and my grandma's comments were very hurtful. of course she never said it to her face but still i dont want to be the topic of the month.
04-22-2014, 10:29 AM
Tiara, tomorrow is your surgery date. I wish you well. Please come back and let us know how it went.
04-23-2014, 03:25 PM
Wishing you the best on your surgery!
05-05-2014, 06:45 AM
Thank you everyone surgery went well, a little pain but other than that im doing well.