Hi Silk..... I am so sorry about your brother. This is a very good place to come & talk. With it being a large board, most people go to a specific thread. I'm in Christian Encouragers, Health Problems.....Chronic back pain..., etc. You're welcome to join any thread. If you just need to talk to someone daily for awhile, til you decide....I'll be glad to talk with you.
I can't say I know how you feel....for I've never lost a brother. I have lost others that were very dear to me, though. Also, with your illness, it must make it a lot worse. I have RA, so I know about the fatigue.....it gets overwhelming sometimes. I can certainly understand health problems, & needing to lose weight. We can encourage each other.
How old was your brother? If it would help....tell me all about him. I would like to listen to you, if you just need someone to vent to. Also, how much weight are you wanting to lose? I've lost 20 lbs & need to lose 20 more. Can't exercise...so it's not easy.
Please, keep posting.....I'll check in each day, to see if you're here.
Last edited by Angel-lover; 07-17-2003 at 07:31 AM.
I lost a brother to cancer 7 1/2 years ago and I know that pain. It has dulled, of course, but I still miss him.
It's probably not a good time yet for you to diet but it's always a good time to try to be healthy. Maybe you could manage to try to eat in a more healthy way in some small way like lots of fruit. Your brother would want you to take care of your health.
While I don't have fibro, I do have RA and there are times it's really difficult to give a darn. I have down times but not depression. I understand that makes it hard to give a darn too. But you're already ahead - you came and asked for help. You gave a darn.
Two things that have helped me since my brother's death. I did not want his death from colon cancer to be in vain. So I have made it a point to have all my tests for that. I've also tried to eat the vegetables that are supposed to be helpful in fighting it off.
I try to enjoy some things FOR Joe. I was going to take a trip or something when he was pretty ill and told him I felt badly about going off and enjoying myself and he told me to enjoy it for him since he couldn't do it. So sometime I do something FOR HIM to enjoy. Sometimes, it's just a small thing like looking at flowers while I think of him. But other times, I'll be having a great time on a new adventure and I think "Joe would have loved this" and I sort of feel I'm enjoying it for him. He liked handicapping horses so when I do that, I think of him enjoying it.
Anyway, I didn't want to make this a book. Just want you to know I know how tough it can be. And in no way do I want to minimize the pain - you do have to feel it to get through it. But it does help to think of the good things about someone. And to do things to take care of your health because you know they'd want you to.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. My brother was 54, two years younger then I am. There were over 1000 people at the funeral home so it was quite a tribute to him. He has a lovely family and has coached baseball and hockey all of his adult life. We miss his.
Silk, my brother was also only 54 when he died but four years younger than I. He was also a most lovable fellow, the oldest son, third child of eight children (I am the eldest). The BEST thing about that awful time was the great spirit and love he showed and also the way the whole family came together to help him. He had a long time fiance and she had two children. She was not in good health and had her blind mother to care for but took him into her home and the rest of us took turns going down to help in some way. It was awfully hard on my mother to lose him. She's still living and came out of it all better than we had expected (a very strong woman of faith). She's in the hospital now and I'm on my way to travel to see her so must make this short.
Hi Silk Luminia. My sympathy on the loss of your brother. I have not lost a brother, but I did lose my Dad to cancer when I was 26 and he was 59. The pain of loss doesn't just disappear however. The best thing to do, is to talk about him, and to remember the happy times. By the sounds of it, he was a wonderful person, so you have great memories. Use them to ease the pain. There will always be times, birthdays and other special occassions, when he will be missed - ALWAYS.
My Mom passed away 7 years ago and I still miss her terribly at times, but there is not a void where her life was. She is still with me, in my heart.
I, also, has FM. Try not to let yourself get to stressed, as you know that stress is the worst trigger for FM. Also, not eating right could set of a flare. (to much sugar etc). I am one of the lucky ones, as I do not have depression.
I wish you well, and please know that we are here for you if you need to talk.
Hi Silk........Hope you're feeling better today. The advice others are giving you is so good....I really don't know what to add. I, like Anne, lost my dad at an early age to cancer. I was 21 & he was only 52. I'm now 2 yrs older than he was. I was 100% a "daddy's girl".
For quite awhile, when I thought of him, it was the suffering he had endured for 2-3 yrs. It ate at me terribly. I finally got to thinking how much he had loved me & how saddened he would be if he knew the way things were. He wouldn't want me to think of him in a bed suffering. He would want me to think of the times we were doing things together. Teaching me to drive, fishing, just sitting on the porch talking......... So, as time passed, I got to where I had only happy memories. I still wonder lots of times what "daddy" would say about a situation I'm in. If I think for a few minutes, it comes to me what he would say, & I can smile.
With time, it will be this way with you. Your brother will still guide you with things he taught you through the years. You'll be able to smile about memories.....yes, even laugh. There's some of the funniest stories I have told about my daddy! You see, they're gone out of that suffering body....but they're not gone out of our hearts......they will remain!
Keep posting.....let us know how you're doing.
I'm praying for you.
Thank so much to all of you, it surely helps to know that there are people out there that understands the pain I am in. We lost our mother last year and although she was 88 when she passed, it still was very hard to lose her. To lose to members of your family in one year is almost unbearable but we have the support of family members and friends and now the good people I hope to meet on this site. Due to my health I have not been able to work in a year and a half and we lost our home last June and had to declare personal bankruptcy and now live in an apartment building. I am trying to remember to count my blessings every day and not dwell on the negative but some days it is almost impossible. Thanks again to those of you who responded to my cry for help. God bless you.
Hi Silk. I sure understand how hard it is not to be able to work. I had to quit 7 years ago due to o/a of the back and hip and also FM. It is difficult to make it anymore on one salary, and seems almost impossible to collect disability insurance. I empathize with you for sure.
You sure have had a tough go of it. My dad passed away 30 years ago and many times I still miss him. My MOM I miss everyday. We were very good friends and really close. She develped Alzheimers Disease and passed away just before her 82 birthday. Thank goodness it wasn't a long haul for her.
Hi Silk....We lost our home a few years ago & had to start all over, so I know how that hurts. We were given a 2nd chance a few yrs later by a great couple who sold us a house & financed it for us. We have lived here for 14 yrs now. Our oldest of 11 grandchildren is 14, so this is the only house they all remember.
Last November, we had a housefire. Destroyed the kitchen & diningroom, & ruined the rest of the house & furniture. We had to get a lawyer to fight the insurance for money, & still didn't get enough. Therefore, we can't contract it out, so my husband is having to build it back alone. We've had a little help from our children (bless their hearts), but that's it. Don't know where relatives & friends all went off too! We are living in 2 rooms in the house, with sheetrock torn down & carpet, etc, up. Our grandchildren are heartbroken because the house will never be the one they remember. My husband is outside the wall where I'm sitting now, nailing up a plank to cover a 1 foot open space all the way across the room! I told him last night, I couldn't takle the big bugs getting in & going to the light on the computer! (Sorry, but I'm just crazy about images!)
I'm just telling you all of this to let you know....There are a lot of us here who know what you are talking about. You're not alone. We are glad to talk with you. It helps me so much to come in here each day & talk. If it hadn't been for my computer this last few months (& of course, the Lord) I would have went crazy! That's why I'm on a diet. I gain 40 lbs in 6 months after the fire. I got depressed & stressed.....& felt like I had nowhere to turn but to food. We can all help each other. Take care....& keep hanging on!
Angel-lover, sounds like you have also had a tough time of it. It must terrible to lose everything to a fire. What a task to try to rebuild things. Insurance doesn't seem to be worth the paper it is written on, that is for sure. Nothing but a struggle to get anything from any type of insurance. I suppose the only one they can't hassle over is life insurance and then they may dispute the death only because they wouldn't have to pay for months or years. I could sure go on about them.
Are you doing weight watchers or some other plan. You are right about the boards being a good place to come to talk. It helps keep us sane:lol
Hi Angel-Lover and thanks for the input. I am so sorry to hear about your fire. Thank goodness we have children to keep us going. We are going to try and go away for a few days in August as my husband has two weeks off and we need to get away and leave our troubles behind us even if it is only for a few days. I never thought I would weigh 200 lbs and now I have surpassed that and I feel just dreadful. It now seems like I will never win the battle. I am looking forward to talking to you again and thanks again for shedding some sunshine on this day as I get pretty discouraged. Silk
thanks dixie I will do that, it sounds like you are on the right track. I am going to have to pull up my socks so that I can have something good to say and not all of this negative stuff.
Grieving
Hi Silk..... I am so sorry about your brother. This is a very good place to come & talk. With it being a large board, most people go to a specific thread. I'm in Christian Encouragers, Health Problems.....Chronic back pain..., etc. You're welcome to join any thread. If you just need to talk to someone daily for awhile, til you decide....I'll be glad to talk with you.
