It's all relative... - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Trazey34 · 03-14-2014, 12:39 PM

I've been on this forum a long time, and I wondered about something!

WHen people would say "OMG I can't believe I'm 240 pounds, I'm such a disgusting fat pig who doesn't deserve to live" type of stuff, when I read that at 323 pounds and WISHING I could be 240, I'd think to myself . . .uh thanks a lot for the smackdown, and wishing they'd shut it

Or am I too sensitive?? Does anyone even notice that stuff??

nibog · 03-14-2014, 12:44 PM

I know what you mean - I heard a few girls at work yesterday gabbing and one girl started talking about her sister who should "give up now and end it" because she is over 205 now....

as someone who would love to lose 60 lbs and be at 205 - I wanted to smack her. Add in the fact that she was laughing and saying it was worthy of self loathing to the point of suicide at that point....well I wanted to strangle her. Some people are entirely heartless.

amandie · 03-14-2014, 12:47 PM

Oh, yea. I've noticed a LOT and I've bitten my tongue (or hands?) especially when the posters are 150lbs or less and they say those kind of things, just WOW.

I just wish I could post something eloquently and yet remind them to be tactful or something, IDK.

I don't think you (or I) are being sensitive.

Slashnl · 03-14-2014, 01:03 PM

I totally agree! I've thought that a lot, too, and have not found a tactful way to address it. You're so right, it is all relative!

EasySpirit · 03-14-2014, 02:10 PM

I agree; I always feel uncomfortable when people smaller than me, some in perfect shape, talk about how fat they are. When I read the threads, I check the stats first. If the person is 5'7" trying to get from 130 to 120, I do not even read the post.
I try to never discuss weight in front of larger friends, unless they start the conversation. We are all trying to lose weight, but there is no reason except insensitivity to call yourself a fat pig to someone who is obviously larger than you are. I just don't get some people.

Radiojane · 03-14-2014, 02:23 PM

I was nearly 500 pounds so I win this one

But you have to remember that it's a PERSONAL thing. Those people are at their worst, and probably genuinely feel bad about themselves. Just because your worst is higher doesn't mean they aren't struggling.

And I really think people try to relate to heavier people by talking about their own weight struggles. They aren't doing it to highlight the difference, and they don't realize it's hard for us to hear. Mostly they're just reaching out and trying to relate about weight.

Not to mention very few people can judge accurately what another person weighs. I'm six feet tall. Yesterday my boyfriend guessed my weight at 280!

Paulitens · 03-14-2014, 07:46 PM

No, you are not being too sensitive. You are projecting others' self-image on yourself.

See, I was 209 when I started my journey and that, for me, was high and I didn't feel happy about it. But I was (and still am) very much aware that other people might kill to be 209. For that reason I'm always careful of what I say about this weight, this number (because that's all it is); because I don't want others who wished they were 209 to project my perception on my weight on themselves. 132lbs, my final goal, might be high for others. And those people might say, "OMG, at 132 I'm overweight and I hate it!" and I will have to remind myself that that is them, and their bodies, and their body types, and their goals, and that I shouldn't project that on me.

Trazey34 · 03-14-2014, 07:51 PM

"you are projecting others' self-image on yourself" Happy FAce

is a little passive aggressive

just sayin

IanG · 03-14-2014, 08:17 PM

It's just a number. Being heavier doesn't make the journey harder, perhaps just a little longer. It's all the same stuff for all of us. Eat less. Exercise more.

In fact being heavier is an advantage in the weightloss game. I miss losing 4lbs a week at 280lbs. Can't do that now...

Paulitens · 03-14-2014, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trazey34

"you are projecting others' self-image on yourself" Happy FAce

is a little passive aggressive

just sayin

Accusing my sincere desire to help you as passive aggressive, followed by a smiley face, and then throw in a "just sayin'" as a punch line is passive aggressive in itself, Trazey (times three). I was trying to be nice and help you from my experience, having been there, and having felt how you say you feel. I think it is quite ungrateful to come to a forum and ask for help, but then treat people the way you treated me with your "passive aggressive" sentence; it's like biting the hand of the one who feeds you.

I was genuinely trying to help, from my little experience, in the best way that I knew how.

But apparently you don't want to be helped, so good life to you, and so long.

Trazey34 · 03-14-2014, 11:45 PM

That was kind of the point, turn about being fair play and all. Wow.

annnnyyyywayyyyy

back to the topic at hand, glad I'm not alone in this feeling ! That's the fun thing about 3FC no matter WHAT you've experienced, there's always others who've gone thru the same thing. Thanks folks

Elladorine · 03-16-2014, 12:49 PM

Unfortunately, we live in a society that actually encourages self-deprecation as sort of a twisted form of modesty, and that's where these kinds of comments stem from. Women are so wrapped-up in their own faults that they fail to realize complaining about their "disgusting" selves don't make them modest, that it only makes them appear to be shallow and judgmental about everyone's looks, even if they never judge anyone else's appearance. It's also the societal norm to indeed feel disgusted by our imperfect, non-airbrushed bodies.

I try to be ever-conscious about this. It would be so easy to slip and say I was "disgusting" at 360 pounds if I actually felt that way . . . and yes, I did feel that way at one time. But I've learned to be kind to myself, to realize that I was in a bad place and am healing. And I remember what it was like to hear so many people smaller than me talk about how fat and disgusting they were when I'd have given anything to be their size.

When I'm at my weight loss meetings, I often refer to how much more difficult life was when I hit 360 pounds. How tired I was, how it was so hard to find clothes, how I had trouble breathing. But to talk about being disgusting? How would that make the other ladies feel that are still in that range?

beginme · 03-17-2014, 03:22 PM

You answer your own question in the title of the post....it is all relative.

Someone at 150 for the first time when they've always weighed 125 will feel huge. Just because you can't relate to their experience doesn't mean their experience is invalid.

Also, they certainly aren't posting their feelings to shame you. They are simply posting their experience which is just as valid as someone's experience at 200 lbs +.

I think you are being too sensitive and making something about you that really just isn't.

There are plenty of women who have never weighed more than 125 who bust a$$ to stay that size, so while they've never had 100 lbs to lose, they certainly understand that maintaining a normal weight IS hard.

We shouldn't be so dismissive of their feelings. We should also watch carefully what they do. Because when we've lost our weight and are at goal. Our lives will suddenly become theirs.

For most, there is no "end" to this struggle. You don't get thin and then it is "over" and you can go back to your "normal" way. The work is the same.

TooWicky · 03-17-2014, 04:25 PM

Some people use self-disgust as a motivator to lose weight, like, that's their primary motivation. One of my co-workers was talking about how utterly gross and fat she is, and how she has to do something because she can't stand how hideous she is. She is my height and weighs 30 lbs less than I do. I think she was trying to bond because she has seen my weight loss journey over the past year, lol, awkward! I was like, "Your hideous weight is my goal weight, which I'm not even at yet, lol." She rapidly blinked and then said something about how I carry it well. I don't even think she thought about what she was saying. My primary motivation is health and being able to keep up with my young children. Losing weight for vanity reasons is a welcome side benefit, but I don't speak the language of vanity as a motivator, at least not to that extreme. It's so important for health to be at a reasonable weight, if that's what motivates them, then I'm okay with their clinging to it. Comments like that can be hurtful to some, though, that's the reality. I have several friends that are still very obese and about the size I was a year ago when I started dieting. I definitely don't make comments about how ugly and/or repulsive I was and how happy I am that I am not utterly disgusting anymore - that would be insensitive, plus I don't even think that anyway.

TamTam · 03-17-2014, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nibog

I know what you mean - I heard a few girls at work yesterday gabbing and one girl started talking about her sister who should "give up now and end it" because she is over 205 now....

as someone who would love to lose 60 lbs and be at 205 - I wanted to smack her. Add in the fact that she was laughing and saying it was worthy of self loathing to the point of suicide at that point....well I wanted to strangle her. Some people are entirely heartless.

I too would love to be at 205! But my point is that at 240 I am NOT giving up and don't want to end my life. Yes I am overweight, yes I am unhappy with my weight, but I am NOT unhappy with my life. I am married 37 years to a man who loves me more than I deserve. I love my job. My life is soooo blessed! Shame of the girl who thinks just because her sister is overweight that she should just give up and end it...and she is not even talking about a stranger--but her own sister!! Wow is all I can say and hopefully she has a change of heart and I am so glad that she is NOT my sister!!