Depression and Weight Issues - Realizing I'm Fat - And Sad

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03-13-2014, 01:11 AM
New Here!

I've been more than 100lbs overweight for years - since i was pregnant, my son is now 2 years old. The doctors told me not to worry about losing the weight until after I was done having babies (apparently 34 was "advanced maternal age"), only I never got pregnant again. So now at 36 I'm 225lbs and the weight isn't going anywhere.

Right now I'm embarrassed. I don't leave the house, and when I have to, I do everything I can to cover myself - remaining totally self-conscious and shamed the entire time I'm in public. One of the reasons I didn't go back to work after my son was born was because I didn't want anyone to see that I hadn't lost any weight. I have no friends, and even my Facebook friends & family don't know what I look like now. I'm too ashamed to post a picture of myself.

I don't diet. I know, I know - I'm on a diet website. I tried Sensa and SlimQuick. I tried walking. I tried the exercise bike. I bought a TreadClimber. Nada.

My life is in chaos. My marriage is failing. All I do is run around chasing my toddler during the day and sit on the couch watching TV at night. Did I mention eating? Yeah, I like to eat.

I feel like something's got to give, and figured this was a good place to start.

03-13-2014, 10:39 AM
This is a great place to start!

Nothing about losing weight is easy. The hardest part is that it's slow and people these days are not accustomed to waiting for much! (I am so guilty of this!)

The hard work is frustrating, and slow and at first (for me) seemed pretty unrewarding. But it got better. I just had to keep at it. Finding the motivation was tough/is tough at times. But every step you make towards your goals is a positive thing. I've stopped focusing so much on how far I have to go, and I'm looking more at how far I have already come.

03-13-2014, 11:29 AM
Oh dear, it sounds like your in a difficult place. I'd say maybe some self-care is in order. You may have trouble fixing your physical state until you begin to see your whole self as THE MOST IMPORTANT aspect of your life. Maybe find someone to talk to about your frustrations, joys, loneliness, whatever and then begin to think about weight loss. I've had times that trying to lose weight just added to my stress. My other problems were much bigger than the size of my butt! Hope this helps.

03-13-2014, 02:16 PM
Try not to think of it as a diet. Just think of it as a lifestyle change that will make you happier and healthier and will enable you to spend as much time as possible with your child. If you unable to find the motivation to do it for yourself, try motivating yourself by thinking of your child.

This is a nice community that can be very helpful. It takes time and effort, but the payoff is definately worth it. Just try making simple changes in your routines. Maybe take your child for walks around the block or at a park. You could try doing "mommy and me" fitness videos online. Just try finding simple things to make yourself more active. Find a hobby to keep your hands busy while watching tv. If you're going to snack, eat good snacks, like veggies, pistachios or fat-free popcorn (100 calorie packs are great). Good luck!

03-25-2014, 11:18 PM
Hi there... your post really reminds me of myself in a couple of ways, except I'm single with no kids. For awhile, though, I was constantly overwhelmed by my shame, binge eating, and weight. I wanted to change things but not enough to actually try.

I felt like I didn't deserve anything better.

See, that's where a lot of it stems from. Being overwhelmed by life, feeling embarrassed by the weight gain, and looking at the mirror and feeling like "I am not worth more than this." That's why so many people don't do anything - they want something better, but they don't want to offer themselves the love required to attain something better.

A few things I would do:

1) Start journaling about the things you want to change and make lists of ways you can change things. Abide by those lists.

2) Make goals for yourself that are attainable and will make you feel proud of yourself.

3) Find something you're passionate about and fall in love with it.

4) Find foods you love that won't hold you back from becoming healthier and losing weight.

5) Read around on here and see how many other people are just like you, and be inspired by those who have managed to find sunlight in all of this.

Being overweight and feeling like food/depression/anxiety controls you is tough - trust me, I definitely know the feeling. But we can either stay there and let those feelings run us, or take control and do something that will make our lives better in the long run.

Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to. These things take time, so don't be too hard on yourself.

03-26-2014, 12:27 AM
The fact that you came to this website, made an account, and started a thread shows me that you are ready for this, to some capacity. There's no universal fix, so I do not want to offer to you a 'solution' to your problems. I think that's something you're going to have to learn on your own. BUT, I think this is absolutely the right place to start! If you feel stuck now, start exploring this place--most, if not all, of your questions will be answered, and you will ALWAYS find support from someone. I think we have all pretty much been where you are, plus or minus a few details, and so we all understand where you are coming from. We ALL are pulling for you! Proud of you for taking the first step. :)

04-23-2014, 10:11 AM
New Here too.. and I completely understand what you mean about feeling embarrassed to let people see you. I feel exactly the same.

I've put on 3 stones in three years and am now having to shop in outsize stores. I can't believe it.. I don't mind seeing people who have seen me regularly but Im terrified of meeting up with people who haven't seen me for a few years. I am twice the size I used to be. Partly ill health, partly feeling depressed was the cause.. Worst thing is I've got a big party with people who haven't seen me for years in two weeks. No time to change anything.. my husband can't wait to go... but there are people there who have been rude about my weight in the past ( I wasn't even overweight then!!!) They are all much thinner and much better off than me and they will have a field day.. I am thinking of feigning a migraine, except we have to stay overnight with nearby family.

I just wish I had more time. I do so want to get fit and healthy again. But I know its a step by step process. I dread the looks I am going to get at this event and I worry it will plunge me back into that place where I feel I can't change anything so may as well carry on eating.

I think in your situation, I would try and make yourself feel better just as you are. If you can, get your hair done, go and find an outfit ( it doesn't have to be expensive) that makes you look nice just as you are now and then at least you will feel that you have something reasonable to wear if you do go out. Don't give up!!!

04-23-2014, 05:20 PM
One difficult thing I think is realizing that you aren't the number assigned to your weight. You are a PERSON that just so happens to be overweight. You can't wait to love yourself until your weight reaches a magic number. You have to love yourself now, or the number will never change. You will not be able to put in the effort needed to make a change if you don't believe you are worth it. Now. Just the way you are. Because you are worth it, you deserve the love and the change. Not the other way around. You can do it, you just have to look around and realize that there are so many things you are missing out on because of your situation. It is changeable, it is doable. You made the first step. Now make another, and another, and another until you get where you need to go. It is a journey, but one that we are all on. You don't have to do it alone!

04-27-2014, 04:56 PM
This is the place to start getting your life in control. We are all here to listen to you and cheer you on.