Weight Loss Support - Disgusted with myself.




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AlyssaFit4life
03-10-2014, 12:39 PM
Hi everyone,

Hope you all had a great weekend, I tried to keep busy and stay away from bad foods as much as I could.

But last night a friend came over (we are going to Jamaica at the end of May)
and decided on starting a serious diet plan and working out every day until we leave. We have exactly 72 days left.

I know I can't expect miracles, but this morning I made my boyfriend take my "before" pictures and when I looked at them.

I saw myself, in my underwear, looking disgusting.

Absolute disgust for myself.

Cellulite everywhere, lumps and bumps I didn't think were possible.

Just last year I looked good, happy with myself, how the **** did I let myself go so much?

I don't even wanna eat anything at all!!

I've been up since 6, it's almost noon and I have yet to eat anything.

I just feel like throwing up.

I'm sorry for this rant I just didn't know who else to turn to, everyone else tells me "you're fine."

I'm not.:(


gailr42
03-10-2014, 01:05 PM
I hear you. I saw myself in a mirror where DH has physical therapy. I'm, like, who the heck is the fat lady wearing a blouse like mine? Yowza.

I know you are upset with yourself right now, but you can definitely improve yourself in 72 days.

Skettihead03
03-10-2014, 01:11 PM
Starving yourself won't do anything hun. You'll lose weight in the beginning but it will slow down, a lot more than if you just eat right and exercise. I know how you feel though. I was crushed the first time in a year I got on the scale to see I had ballooned up 100 lbs or more, and the before pictures were really hard to look at. But I can do it and so can you! Start eating the right foods and they will actually shred fat a lot better than starving yourself would. Plus starving usually just leads to poor choices/binge eating. Don't be too hard on yourself. :hug:


Psychic
03-10-2014, 01:32 PM
Just try to eat healthier and move more. Don't think of it as a diet. Think of it as a lifestyle change.

Photos automatically make everyone look worse anyways. They make a 3D object flat and it just accentuates curves. Try taking measurements for a more accurate comparison.

As for cellulite, I've heard that dry-brushing and firming lotions will help with that. Its totally normal though. Even skinny girls have cellulite.

Locke
03-10-2014, 01:33 PM
You aren't starting out with a healthy attitude. I've been where you are many times and I'm sure I'll be there again. I live with a deep self hatred. I punish myself constantly for not being in control of my actions, making mistakes, or simply not living up to my expectations. The problem is that hating on yourself and withholding food is not going to help you lose weight and repair your relationship with food. Weight loss should be a side effect of making healthy food choices and loving yourself- not sticking to a strict regimen at the expense of your sanity.

SMeeker71
03-10-2014, 01:36 PM
I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm in the same boat, but you can't starve yourself. A well balanced diet and exercise will accomplish a lot more. Look at it this way, you now have the motivation you need to make the necessary changes. You can find much support here :hug:

Paulitens
03-10-2014, 01:57 PM
Hi everyone,

Hope you all had a great weekend, I tried to keep busy and stay away from bad foods as much as I could.

But last night a friend came over (we are going to Jamaica at the end of May)
and decided on starting a serious diet plan and working out every day until we leave. We have exactly 72 days left.

I know I can't expect miracles, but this morning I made my boyfriend take my "before" pictures and when I looked at them.

I saw myself, in my underwear, looking disgusting.

Absolute disgust for myself.

Cellulite everywhere, lumps and bumps I didn't think were possible.

Just last year I looked good, happy with myself, how the **** did I let myself go so much?

I don't even wanna eat anything at all!!

I've been up since 6, it's almost noon and I have yet to eat anything.

I just feel like throwing up.

I'm sorry for this rant I just didn't know who else to turn to, everyone else tells me "you're fine."

I'm not.:(


Self loathing and starvation won't get you anywhere. I have lost 20 lbs in a little over a month. You can definitely do that in 72 days! Just do the right thing--eat right and work out. Don't hate yourself for letting yourself go, love yourself for being willing to change.

You can do it! :carrot::carrot:

AlyssaFit4life
03-10-2014, 03:54 PM
Thank you all so much...

I had a small meal for lunch and I will have my chicken salad for dinner and do my workouts as planned.

I just never thought I would see this girl again.

I lost nearly 90 lb less than 2 years ago, was down to a very fun 135. And Im back here now :( Thank you all for your support and kind words of encouragement xoxo

CindySunshine
03-10-2014, 04:17 PM
Several years ago I was at a high weight and caught myself in my underwear in the bathroom mirror and the thought that shot through me was I had become my mother. Gosh the resemblance was absolutely creepy.

After I dusted myself off, I avoided the mirror and got in comfortable yoga pants for a few weeks and got serious and did take the weight off. It ended up being a big motivation after the initial disgust and misery.

But I HEAR you big time. Awful.

AlyssaFit4life
03-10-2014, 04:23 PM
Several years ago I was at a high weight and caught myself in my underwear in the bathroom mirror and the thought that shot through me was I had become my mother. Gosh the resemblance was absolutely creepy.

After I dusted myself off, I avoided the mirror and got in comfortable yoga pants for a few weeks and got serious and did take the weight off. It ended up being a big motivation after the initial disgust and misery.

But I HEAR you big time. Awful.


It's like we know we're overweight, but when you see it and it sets in, its never that easy to just brush it off.

But I will, I'll start working out like I used to and make it happen. Thank you so so much for hearing me out.

MauiKai
03-12-2014, 12:49 PM
I have SO been there. No advice really, just know you aren't alone in the experience.

Wannabeskinny
03-12-2014, 06:03 PM
Firstly, shame on you for saying such awful things to yourself. If you saw that picture of your friend would you say those things to her? Or even about her behind her back? Do you think that if you did say those cruel things to her that it would motivate her in any way? How cruel of you to speak to yourself that way when you should be your own best friend?

What would you say to your closest friend/sister to motivate her instead? Starting off with so much negativity never did anyone any good, ever! People are motivated by teachers who believe in them, they are motivated by people who love them and encourage them and support them. You have to be all of those people to yourself.

Secondly, been there, have said all those things to myself daily, multiple times a day, every time I looked in the mirror and you know what? It never motivated me to become any better. The only thing it's motivated me to do is to kick that b**** who talks to me like that out the door and replace her with a new kinder self.

IonMoon
03-12-2014, 06:51 PM
I agree with everyone- we've all been there. It's okay to take a little time to mope- but now pick yourself up and do what you need to do.

And eating is one of those things!

Think of how good it will feel as you meet your goals- as you see that fat melt away.

One thing that helped me was re-thinking my idea of fat. Instead of seeing it as this unsightly blob covering my body, I see it now as little balls of energy- fuel my body needs to exercise and do all of the things I want to do.

Another thing that helped me was to go on the net and find a lot of inspirational quotes.

Like:

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

You don't drown by falling in water, you drown by staying there.

Learn to love and be kind to yourself NOW, as you are!

Claygirl1518
03-12-2014, 10:14 PM
I'm with you guys. I lost about 30 lbs before I got married. 196 to 165. I still wanted to lose weight (bc I'm not very good about loving myself as is). When I look at pics of myself from college, I see the me I want to be again (and I'm very angry with myself that I used to think I was fat). When I was younger I always thought I was far because that's what my family always told me. My father is a plastic surgeon and is very critical. Back in HS I weighed 135 which was small for my curvy body, and he told me no one would love me until I lost 40 lbs. those comments about my weight have really affected my self worth, and to worst thing is that I judge myself based on my weight. I know it's not right, but when I look in the mirror i hate what I see, fat! I try to focus in on the parts of myself I do like, and that this is something I can change about myself if it make me unhappy.

Over the past year I have had the worst job of my life. My boss was a monster who tormented me and I.. ate. I feel like everything I do has no affect on my weight if I try, and I might as well eat what I want. My husband is in the national guard, very fit, and has an exercise discipline gene I just... Don't seem to have. I hate exercising! I feel like his fat wife, and like he can do so much better than me. I feel bad every time we go out together. This weight I have put on is affecting our life together, my mental health, and my physical health. I want to change, but I haven't yet. I'm not sure what I need yet, but I'm soul searching myself for answers, and all these great forums!

PostWeddingsmallsize
03-13-2014, 01:20 PM
Yea I hear you every time I look down at my spare tire I'm bummed out. I just hope its the last time that I have to look at that and that this time it will stick.

jayavery
03-13-2014, 01:30 PM
I'm with you guys. I lost about 30 lbs before I got married. 196 to 165. I still wanted to lose weight (bc I'm not very good about loving myself as is). When I look at pics of myself from college, I see the me I want to be again (and I'm very angry with myself that I used to think I was fat). When I was younger I always thought I was far because that's what my family always told me. My father is a plastic surgeon and is very critical. Back in HS I weighed 135 which was small for my curvy body, and he told me no one would love me until I lost 40 lbs. those comments about my weight have really affected my self worth, and to worst thing is that I judge myself based on my weight. I know it's not right, but when I look in the mirror i hate what I see, fat! I try to focus in on the parts of myself I do like, and that this is something I can change about myself if it make me unhappy.

Over the past year I have had the worst job of my life. My boss was a monster who tormented me and I.. ate. I feel like everything I do has no affect on my weight if I try, and I might as well eat what I want. My husband is in the national guard, very fit, and has an exercise discipline gene I just... Don't seem to have. I hate exercising! I feel like his fat wife, and like he can do so much better than me. I feel bad every time we go out together. This weight I have put on is affecting our life together, my mental health, and my physical health. I want to change, but I haven't yet. I'm not sure what I need yet, but I'm soul searching myself for answers, and all these great forums!

Claygirl private message me. I have been where you are! Especially with thoughts and mental health attitude in the marriage. :)

AlyssaFit4life
03-13-2014, 03:20 PM
Hi ladies,

I wasnt fat shaming myself, I just felt embarassed to look at myself, since then I have honestly (as weird as this sounds) sat down and spoke to myself about where I am , how I got there, and what I can do to change it) and I feel so much better.

Still unhappy with how I look, but I know I can change and how I can make myself happy. :)

I read a few quotes I fell in love with:

"One year from now, you'll be glad you started today"

Is the one that keeps me going xoxo thank you all for your kind words and support, it means so much more than words can say!

shcirerf
03-13-2014, 11:24 PM
Firstly, shame on you for saying such awful things to yourself. If you saw that picture of your friend would you say those things to her? Or even about her behind her back? Do you think that if you did say those cruel things to her that it would motivate her in any way? How cruel of you to speak to yourself that way when you should be your own best friend?

What would you say to your closest friend/sister to motivate her instead? Starting off with so much negativity never did anyone any good, ever! People are motivated by teachers who believe in them, they are motivated by people who love them and encourage them and support them. You have to be all of those people to yourself.

Secondly, been there, have said all those things to myself daily, multiple times a day, every time I looked in the mirror and you know what? It never motivated me to become any better. The only thing it's motivated me to do is to kick that b**** who talks to me like that out the door and replace her with a new kinder self.

^this^ the best advice ever!:D

nibog
03-14-2014, 01:13 PM
Mirrors can be terrifying - mostly because they show us what we had been trying to hide from ourselves. You have the drive - just make sure you go in the right direction. Starving yourself can lead to health complications which is the last thing you want to do to yourself.