General chatter - "Are you pregnant?"
03-08-2014, 08:19 AM
I can't believe this happened again! Just when I was having a good day yesterday my colleague asked me if I'm expecting another. I said "of course not" and she said "oh, something about the way you were holding your tummy" I was seeing her in passing anyway so I walked off but I was very irritated by it.
If my hand casually brushed against my tummy it doesn't mean I was holding my tummy, now I have to be diligent not to allow my hand to ever touch myself there. I'm sooooo annoyed. No apology, no nothing. It's so awkward now.
03-08-2014, 11:09 AM
I don't know why people don't understand that there is no time where asking "are you pregnant?" is appropriate, even if the person is being wheeled into the maternity ward.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this person's insensitivity. I guess all any of us can do is ignore it and move on.
03-08-2014, 11:55 AM
It seems my actions led her to believe I was preggo, because I touched my stomach?
I used to get this question all the time in my 20's, 30's and even early 40's! I was apple shaped so I carried quite a bit of my weight in my stomach.
I can understand in my case why people would ask but it did always seem like an inappropriate comment.
03-08-2014, 02:42 PM
Well...next time she brushes her hair out of her face, you can ask:
"Are you crazy? ...something about the way you were touching your head..."
just kidding...I wouldn't go there...while it's fun to think about snappy comebacks, they oftentimes make things worse. Perhaps the question was meant kindly, as she wanted to be the first to congratulate you?
I received a similar question years ago ("Are you expecting family?") at a professional conference from a older "lady" I had never met. (My DS was almost one and I was still battling baby weight.) I just replied loudly:" Oh No! I left them all at home!". I still carry a horrible impression of that person, so her tactlessness was truly Her Big Loss.
DH said there was an "Office" episode regarding this category of question.
03-09-2014, 03:38 PM
I've been asked that question while overweight, and even after I've lost a good amount of weight ....I don't carry a great deal of weight in my stomach anymore but I used to...and all across the board, I've run into that question....once was while walking when I was heavier and I just responded no, that's just where my weight settles, and tried to brush it off....it wasn't as hurtful as I had expected such a question to be, because I could tell she hadn't meant anything offensive
once I was asked that question after I lost weight and I think I responded "no" with a very puzzled look and she said she asked because I was rocking back n forth on my feet in the store check out line and that pregnant ladies rock their babies like that....who knows....
and once I had a photo taken and posted on facebook and a girl replied asking DH if I was pregnant....the comment disappeared shortly later LOLOL....and I know I looked like I was holding my tummy in the picture but really I was trying to keep stuff in my pockets from falling out LOL
03-09-2014, 04:07 PM
The ever-brilliant Miss Manners had a superb line about this once, something along the lines of "The only time it is polite for a person to ask 'are you pregnant' is if that person is the father, and even then it is most proper not to ask until the baby is crowning."
In short, yes, it is a rather rude question. However, as others have said, it is seldom asked with cruel intent; more likely just poor filtering between brain and mouth, something we all suffer from time to time. Especially here, where it was asked because of a gesture and not because of one's weight, it's probably not worth the energy being upset over it. :)
03-10-2014, 12:02 PM
Ouch! Even if I suspect someone may be pregnant, I wait until they volunteer that information rather than make a presumption.
(And that is why I never wear Empire-waisted blouses and dresses - make me look 5 months preggo).
03-10-2014, 04:00 PM
I'm sorry, I know how irritating that must be! When I was 8 months pregnant (of course I was heavy, but still had a baby belly) I was working at a college registering students. One of the students said "YOU LOOK PREGNANT" in a very matter of fact tone. I said I AM pregnant. She said "Oh". No congratulations, nothing. I thought that was just beyond rude. What if I hadn't been pregnant?
And, after having my son, who was clearly an infant, probably 2 months old, some old woman looked at my belly and said "I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy". Wtf woman!? I could have kicked her.
I think some people are missing the mouth filter in their brain and they just do not think before speaking.
03-10-2014, 04:19 PM
This will never be a problem for me (saying it that is). Even if I wasn't raised with enough manners to know better, I've actually run into friends who are 5 or 6 months pregnant and assumed they just got fat!