General chatter - Sad to be cutting the apron strings




time2lose
03-05-2014, 10:04 AM
I wanted to post this to Facebook but it is too personal to share with Facebook friends. I guess I need to be fairly anonymous so my son won't see it.

Yesterday my son got a job 434 miles away. It wasn't a surprise as I knew that he had applied for the job. I put on a happy voice and congratulated him when he called. I listened to the details of the job interview and job. He will be home later today and I need to be upbeat.

He is 27 (but my baby) and should be on his own. He left home before but returned for economic reasons and I have really enjoyed having him. I think I have fairly normal Mom concerns. How can he live on his new pay? He actually took a pay cut but he really wanted this job. He thinks he will get rapid pay increases and I sure hope he is right. How often will I get to see him? How will I split my vacation time between him, his sister who lives 600 miles in the opposite direction, and my mom who lives 500 miles away?

He will be back home tonight and will start preparing for his move. Intellectually I know that he needs to be out on his own. Emotionally I am a wreck. Just having trouble cutting the apron stings, watching the baby bird fly out of the nest, whatever other old metaphor applies.

Thanks for listening!


GlamourGirl827
03-05-2014, 01:05 PM
I just want to say that you are a good mother. Despite the hurt and worry it will bring you to watch him make this move, which is normal for a mom to feel, you are not trying to sabotage or discourage him. So many mothers would sooner stifle their child's growth rather than work through the pain of letting them go. You are approaching this like a good, caring mother would. Having grown up with a mother that was emotionally crippled and maladjusted, it nice to see the way a normal mother would handle this :)

time2lose
03-05-2014, 01:57 PM
Thank you, GlamourGirl827. I think my headstone could say, "At least she tried":)


midwife
03-05-2014, 06:37 PM
Sending hugs and support. Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's easy.

novangel
03-05-2014, 08:10 PM
Thank you, GlamourGirl827. I think my headstone could say, "At least she tried":)

:lol:

I'm a Mom so I can only imagine how you must feel about him moving hundreds of miles away...but you're doing the right thing by letting him go no matter the outcome. If things don't work out tell him he's always welcome to return home with you. Easier said than done, I know.

My Mom never cut the cord. She was a good Mom and I know it was never her intentions but I'm emotionally crippled. She died unexpectedly 7 years ago and I have an extremely hard time continuing on with life without her guidance even though I am almost 40 years old. It's really sad.

I'm sure you will do fine after a period of adjustment. :hug:

TooWicky
03-05-2014, 08:50 PM
I don't have children the same age as yours, but I also wanted to echo what a wonderful mom you sound like! You sound caring and supportive and concerned about all the right things. It can't have been easy on his psyche having an economic setback, but now it seems like he is jumping at the chance to kickstart this new chapter in his life. Fingers crossed he does get the raises he expects. The job environment can be rather abysmal for anyone looking for work. I commend him on his character that he is willing to travel to improve his future and prospects! The new job location doesn't sound very strategically located compared to your other family members you want to visit, that's true. You'll have to plan an annual "tour," and maybe get them to come visit you at times, or have a halfway point annual meetup! Time to start some new, fun traditions. I'd be freaking out inside, too, but have faith that that feeling will pass :hug:

My mom and dad did everything they could to help prepare me and my little sister for adulthood and being out on our own. My path turned out to be secure, while my sister's was a bit rockier with some setbacks. At one point, my sister, her husband, and their new baby moved in with my parents for a while, while they got back on their feet (and they did eventually get back on their feet.) It was a small house, so things were very chaotic there for a while! My sister and mom were always a bit more.. entangled as people, lol. She needed my mom more, she was a bit more dependent as a person, had some unlucky breaks in life, and also made some not-so-optimum decisions. Cutting the apron strings was a stop-and-start process between those two for sure, lol!

.

Quiet Ballerina
03-08-2014, 01:21 PM
*hugs*
A few years ago, I moved more than 1,000 miles away from home. Like your son, I moved back home after college to work and save money. Although my mom doesn't remember it, she and I fought like cats and dogs when I was home, and I felt very smothered. (edited to add: Not saying that's the case with you and your son. It sounds like you have a great relationship! I just meant that distance could make the relationship get even better. There's always phone calls, texts, emails, skype, facetime....)

But now that I live further away? I look forward to my time at home, and our relationship has improved SO much. And you know what? I want to move back closer to home! :) After a few years in a new place and a different way of life, I can absolutely see myself moving closer to home in the next couple of years.

time2lose
03-17-2014, 08:34 AM
Thank you all for your support! Reading your posts make me feel better.

My son left this morning. Reading my first post, I realized that I did not tell you that he will be working at Disney World. He thought that it would be an adventure and I told him that if he wanted to try it, now was the time while he is young and unattached. He is starting at the bottom but hopes to work his way up. I saw him off this morning and held my tears until after he was gone.

The good news part of this...... I sent all the junk food in the house with him. It was all his and my husband's anyway. For the past week, I have been cooking all his favorites, did some emotional eating, and gained weight. My husband gained weight too. So this week, only healthy food in the house and we will get back on track. I am giving myself permission for this week only to have extra calories on healthy food. That way I can allow some emotional eating without too much damage! I imagine I will have some sugar cravings but know that a week without sugar should take care of that.

Wannabeskinny
03-17-2014, 10:21 AM
I have a toddler so I can't relate as a parent quite yet, but I know the day is coming when my little chick will have to go. I look forward to it and sometimes I wish for him to get a glamorous profession somewhere in an exotic place on earth so that I have an excuse to visit often! Think of it that way, you have reason to travel and you'll be all the closer for it. In my experience living with parents can lead to bickering, even if ti's nothing serious it can get old quick. But when I reunite with my parents I fully fully enjoy every moment I spend with them and we try not to waste time on falling into to many old patterns.

The best thing my parents ever did for me was to allow me to move to nyc when I was 20. When you're young you're equipped with a sense of adventure, not knowing what there is to be scared of. As I get older I become much more fearful of the unknown and wouldn't have dreamt of moving to nyc (rent prices are too high, where will I park, isn't it dangerous?) but these fears never even occured to me back then. I love them for trusting that I would figure it out and here I am, a true city slicker!!!

On the other hand I do know some people who STILL live with their parents in their 30s and I gotta tell ya, it ain't pretty. Everything frightens them and you'd think that the financial benefit of it would enable them to do things for themselves but no, they're still dealing with curfews and doing chores. It's kinda sad imo.

You're a great mommy, this is an opportunity he will cherish for ever! Save up for your plane ticket quick, you're going to Disneyland!!!!