Chicks in Control - IE - Sadness and letting go of diets




Wannabeskinny
03-03-2014, 10:38 AM
I've been doing IE for about a month and have felt relatively well. My skills of discerning hunger are getting more keen. I'm also finding food more enjoyable, and other times struggling to enjoy something that I thought I would enjoy. For example yesterday we had an Oscars party and I made a prime rib, one of our favorites. As I was eating mindfully I found myself not enjoying it at all. Nothing was different about it than usual but I just didn't enjoy the texture or the flavor or anything about it really. I just didn't want it. This is all good, coming to some realizations about how and why I eat, everything is on track.

I digress, the struggle to find hope is lost on me these days. Letting go the scale, getting rid of clothes in my closet, everything is making me really sad and I don't know how to get past it. My friends are all happily chirping away about their diets and how they want to look for the summer, going shopping and looking forward and I'm trying to do something so completely different, nobody really understands it. I feel like I can't lose weight no matter what I do, and I have to spend a lot of energy accepting me as I am eventhough I've spent nearly a lifetime not wanting to.

I know there is no hope in dieting, I know that going on a diet will cause me to fail and gain more weight. I'm just hoping to get out of this funk soon and start to feel more positive. Anyone felt like they hit a wall sometimes? Who do you turn to for support? I do like to find support here honestly, but it's hard because there are so many dieters and who don't understand what it is that we need support with.


krampus
03-03-2014, 11:12 AM
This forum is really diet-centric. A lot of weightlifting and fitness oriented sites concentrate on "F diets, F the scale" - for example stumptuous.com offers an e-book called "F&@k Calories" and the mastermind behind the site is very body positive.

Wannabeskinny
03-03-2014, 11:21 AM
Thanks krampus, that is helpful. You're right that it's hard to find support around diet-centric people and I suddenly feel very out of place here. I will download that ebook.


pixelllate
03-03-2014, 11:22 AM
I feel like I can't lose weight no matter what I do, and I have to spend a lot of energy accepting me as I am eventhough I've spent nearly a lifetime not wanting to.
Perhaps change the goal on your ticker? That could be a big stress relief, like making the lb goal a bit smaller. Maybe a little self reminder that getting rid of clothes that are collecting dust anyways is pretty freeing. I remember holding onto clothes that I was half unsure if I would ever even fit into again, and even when I tried them on, I realized that I didn't even like the style anymore so I was hanging onto a dream size, not the fashion (I'm guessing that these are old clothes from the past right?)

I can relate to not having anyone to relate to in real life in general outside of weight, so instead, I just seek out understanding people who might not do exactly what I am doing, but they also try to be understanding of the "different strokes for different folks."

CindySunshine
03-04-2014, 12:32 AM
Wannabe first off I think the end of a long winter in New York is enough to invoke sadness in the best of us...but seriously I think there are dips in feeling positive feelings in most cases including diet plateaus or whatever. I call this the patience issue for me, it's the knowledge that I'm doing the right thing but all the good results have just not had time to shine through and catch up. I try to think about how it would be to repeat the behavior over a year or several years and how great it would be.

You might look into the online forum for the a Intuitive Eating book published by Trobole and Resch. I can't post links but it is intuitiveeatingcommunity .org. At least there it is all about what you are trying to do. It isn't hugely active, but there are posts everyday and some great inspirational reading.

I also find for me it helps to reread the intuitive eating book and remember why I'm doing it. You are early on and just finished the reading or maybe still reading other books so this might not help at this point.

And the other thought that has helped me so much is treating my mind through yoga. Maybe this isn't your thing, but I find that taking care of myself and making me calm has helped me so much to then take care of my body. Sounds crazy and I wasn't ready for it at all when I was younger so I totally appreciate if this rings no bells for you now.

miniapplecocoa
03-04-2014, 02:15 AM
Gasp, wannabe! Just yesterday I posted gripping and complaining about "dieting." And just how awful I felt HAVING to do it.

Your reply was very helpful to me. While I have to reduce my weight drastically because of health, I really aspire to be IE. I agree that focusing on dieting feels painful and like a waste of my time. While I may not ever get to the insurance weight numbers, my numbers will come down if I focus on getting them down. But, your input is/was vital for a person like me right now. I don't intend to do all this hoop jumping in the future. So, I must start now with some of those IE behaviors. I want to hear about what your doing.

I have a "High Raw" vegan daughter that is not at all cool with all the "dieting" behaviors. She eats what she wants, when she wants, til she is full and does not eat anything that she finds unenjoyable for whatever reasons. She is finely tuned in listening to her body for even the slightest deficiency in nutrients. She has trained her mind and her body for health. And is quite a good vegan chef/salad maker. She also has lost more than 150lbs doing just those things and being more active than I could ever even want to be. Bikes up to 20 miles etc etc. The whole process took 5 years/ongoing. BUT, LOSING WEIGHT WAS NEVER HER GOAL.

So, my point is that even tho some of our starting goals might be different I think even some "dieters" aspire to be where you are. And can relate, understand and support where you are. They may not be there yet. But its important to keep talking about it.

I hope I have been helpful to you in some way. You've been more helpful to me than you know.

Steelslady
03-04-2014, 03:02 AM
Thanks krampus, that is helpful. You're right that it's hard to find support around diet-centric people and I suddenly feel very out of place here. I will download that ebook.

So sorry you feel this way! :hug: I love it here, but I am doing things my way and just enjoying the adventure of eating yummy and delicious foods while getting healthy. I respect others for how they eat and exercise, if they chose to do so, and so far, folks have been very respectful to me in return.

I don't consider myself on a "diet". This is a way of life that I followed years ago, back in my 20's, when I was a size 8/10 and looked great. Foolish me should have gone back to this way of life, instead of trying every dar gone diet out there that did nothing but left me hungry, tired, cranky, and craving foods I probably wouldn't have craved if I just allowed myself to enjoy food daily, instead of once in awhile.

You found something that works for you- keep going, if it makes you happy and you feel you can do this for as long as you need to, or for life. That's what is important- being comfortable and happy with your way of eating and feeling good about yourself. I love what I am doing, and don't plan on looking back........there's no such thing as a "cheat" on my plan, if I want it, I eat it- perhaps a healthier version than before, but once in awhile, I just eat the fun stuff for one meal and forget about it. Exercise and water can undo anything. :D

Funny you should mention about throwing away clothes. Two weeks ago, hubby and I cleaned out three closets full of our family's old clothes and linens. We donated five bags of clothes, and threw away around five bags of clothes and linens that wouldn't have been any use to anyone, holes, tears, stains in them. Talk about liberating!!!!!!! It felt so good to get rid of them all, and to organize our closets with bins for the linens, summer clothes, kids old clothes that him and I were too sentimental to throw out, etc.

I have a bin of clothes ready for me to fit into as I start losing this weight. I have another 20 pounds to go before some of them will fit, so they're ready and waiting. Otherwise, I got rid of so much clothes that I wasn't using, out of style, etc. Now, our bedroom closet is clean and organized- what a difference, cleaning out clutter makes, in your attitude towards life! I plan on doing some more spring cleaning this weekend, getting rid of more junk around the house that we're not using and organizing things.

One of my old friends used to throw anything out she hadn't used or worn for six months (accept for bathing suits, shorts, seasonal items). I use to marvel at how clean and organized her home was, and although I hate clutter myself, I still need to learn to let go of things sooner than I do. As one Chinese person said to me- "cluttered house, cluttered mind". He told me the more clutter hanging around the house, the more energy you lose and your bound to get depressed from looking at it. So, go ahead and get rid of what you don't need- that's they key word, "need". You'll feel better! :D

Please hang in there. I hope you feel better and don't get discouraged- keep going, and if this isn't working for you in the future, try something else until you find what makes you happy. :)

freelancemomma
03-04-2014, 07:42 AM
To my mind you definitely have a place in 3FC. As others have said, many of us may be striving for something that looks similar to IE, even if we call it a diet.

If I believed for one minute that IE would work for me (i.e., allow me to live in weight equilibrium), I'd do it in a heartbeat. I simply don't trust my appetite as a guide. After all, I'm the person who ate a whole box of chocolates at age 4 without feeling any ill effects.

I still find your posts and approach inspiring and instructive. Don't leave!

Freelance

Wannabeskinny
03-04-2014, 09:33 AM
Thank you everyone, I am overwhelmed by the support and compassion I have awoken to today, I admit I've just felt a burst of joy in it, thank you all for taking the time to respond to me, I've felt pretty useless around here while I try to find my stride with this new outlook and I want everyone to know that although we approach things in our own way I support everyone's goals!

Perhaps change the goal on your ticker? That could be a big stress relief, like making the lb goal a bit smaller. Maybe a little self reminder that getting rid of clothes that are collecting dust anyways is pretty freeing. I remember holding onto clothes that I was half unsure if I would ever even fit into again, and even when I tried them on, I realized that I didn't even like the style anymore so I was hanging onto a dream size, not the fashion (I'm guessing that these are old clothes from the past right?)

I can relate to not having anyone to relate to in real life in general outside of weight, so instead, I just seek out understanding people who might not do exactly what I am doing, but they also try to be understanding of the "different strokes for different folks."

Pixellate, I will change the goal on my ticker. In fact my fitbit goal is to get to 180 so I'll change it to that. To tell the truth the real goal is to feel comfortable around food no matter what the scale says but it's true that seeing such a low number does make me a little seasick.

Weight is such a personal subject. I have friends of course and they're all doing something or another, it's just hard to relate to each other because we are divided by so much shame and guilt about how we look and how we behave around food. It's a barrier. I remember trying to tell 2 of my closest friends about my eating disorder and they had nothing to say in response, I imagine my confession must have sounded either too foreign to them or all too familiar, either way it was too hard for them to speak about it. Shame and guilt are very alienating.

Wannabeskinny
03-04-2014, 09:37 AM
Wannabe first off I think the end of a long winter in New York is enough to invoke sadness in the best of us...but seriously I think there are dips in feeling positive feelings in most cases including diet plateaus or whatever. I call this the patience issue for me, it's the knowledge that I'm doing the right thing but all the good results have just not had time to shine through and catch up. I try to think about how it would be to repeat the behavior over a year or several years and how great it would be.

You might look into the online forum for the a Intuitive Eating book published by Trobole and Resch. I can't post links but it is intuitiveeatingcommunity .org. At least there it is all about what you are trying to do. It isn't hugely active, but there are posts everyday and some great inspirational reading.

I also find for me it helps to reread the intuitive eating book and remember why I'm doing it. You are early on and just finished the reading or maybe still reading other books so this might not help at this point.

And the other thought that has helped me so much is treating my mind through yoga. Maybe this isn't your thing, but I find that taking care of myself and making me calm has helped me so much to then take care of my body. Sounds crazy and I wasn't ready for it at all when I was younger so I totally appreciate if this rings no bells for you now.

It has been a very depressing winter here, very! I'm stuck inside the house with a toddler and I can't wait until we can get out for our long long walks to the playground. I will check out this website you mentioned and see what I can find in terms of other intuitive eaters and their struggles, thank you.

Oh yes, I've tried yoga. But I hate being on the floor so I can't do it quite yet. I've been doing chi gong and I credit it with the peace and strength it has afforded me in order to be even be able to turn to something like IE! I've only started in December but I can already see big changes happening to my sense of peace and balance.

caldawg89
03-04-2014, 10:03 AM
I have felt that way all day! I have been doing this for 5 weeks and I have seen a weight loss, but for some reason, I am doubting everything from my relationships to why I am doing this in the first place! Everything right now is making me want to curl up with a massive bag of some disgusting fast food and just try to make myself feel better, which is exactly how I got here in the first place. I dont really have any advice, however I can definitely sympathise with you feeling down, as I have been too. I hope things get better and that you start feeling better soon.

Wannabeskinny
03-04-2014, 10:28 AM
Gasp, wannabe! Just yesterday I posted gripping and complaining about "dieting." And just how awful I felt HAVING to do it.

Your reply was very helpful to me. While I have to reduce my weight drastically because of health, I really aspire to be IE. I agree that focusing on dieting feels painful and like a waste of my time. While I may not ever get to the insurance weight numbers, my numbers will come down if I focus on getting them down. But, your input is/was vital for a person like me right now. I don't intend to do all this hoop jumping in the future. So, I must start now with some of those IE behaviors. I want to hear about what your doing.

I have a "High Raw" vegan daughter that is not at all cool with all the "dieting" behaviors. She eats what she wants, when she wants, til she is full and does not eat anything that she finds unenjoyable for whatever reasons. She is finely tuned in listening to her body for even the slightest deficiency in nutrients. She has trained her mind and her body for health. And is quite a good vegan chef/salad maker. She also has lost more than 150lbs doing just those things and being more active than I could ever even want to be. Bikes up to 20 miles etc etc. The whole process took 5 years/ongoing. BUT, LOSING WEIGHT WAS NEVER HER GOAL.

So, my point is that even tho some of our starting goals might be different I think even some "dieters" aspire to be where you are. And can relate, understand and support where you are. They may not be there yet. But its important to keep talking about it.

I hope I have been helpful to you in some way. You've been more helpful to me than you know.

I'm so glad I was helpful to you and thank you for reaching out to me. It must be wonderful to have a daughter that you can aspire to, I admire very much when people set their priorities straight and put themselves at the top, and it's humbling to know that such a young person has saved herself from some of the grief we've subjected ourself to.

I think secretly everyone wants to wind up doing IE, after they've lost weight. Because the philosophy of IE are:
- eat whatever you like
- eat when you're hungry
- stop eating when you're full
- accept yourself the way you are now

To many people this only happens after they cross the finish line. To me, I'm skipping the race altogether and starting at the finish line. Does anyone really strive to berate themselves for eating foods they love? Does anyone grow up and wish to be a life-long calorie counter? Some people are content to do so but I doubt many would choose to do so if they could only feel safe around food.

I didn't come to IE on a whim. It's been building up for a long time and it all started with one question "why are we so afraid to be hungry?" Everywhere I looked everyone was talking about how to get rid of hunger, how to fool hunger, how to keep hunger at bay and over time I realized that hunger is not my enemy and suddenly realized I was caught up in the wrong fight. I cringe when I hear that someone's diet has made their hunger go away... why would anyone try to make their hunger go away when it's one of our base primal instincts? Anyway, I finally feel like I'm focusing on the right things. Thanks again for your very kind words.

Wannabeskinny
03-04-2014, 10:41 AM
Funny you should mention about throwing away clothes. Two weeks ago, hubby and I cleaned out three closets full of our family's old clothes and linens. We donated five bags of clothes, and threw away around five bags of clothes and linens that wouldn't have been any use to anyone, holes, tears, stains in them. Talk about liberating!!!!!!! It felt so good to get rid of them all, and to organize our closets with bins for the linens, summer clothes, kids old clothes that him and I were too sentimental to throw out, etc.

I have a bin of clothes ready for me to fit into as I start losing this weight. I have another 20 pounds to go before some of them will fit, so they're ready and waiting. Otherwise, I got rid of so much clothes that I wasn't using, out of style, etc. Now, our bedroom closet is clean and organized- what a difference, cleaning out clutter makes, in your attitude towards life! I plan on doing some more spring cleaning this weekend, getting rid of more junk around the house that we're not using and organizing things.

One of my old friends used to throw anything out she hadn't used or worn for six months (accept for bathing suits, shorts, seasonal items). I use to marvel at how clean and organized her home was, and although I hate clutter myself, I still need to learn to let go of things sooner than I do. As one Chinese person said to me- "cluttered house, cluttered mind". He told me the more clutter hanging around the house, the more energy you lose and your bound to get depressed from looking at it. So, go ahead and get rid of what you don't need- that's they key word, "need". You'll feel better! :D


I truly believe that when the house is cluttered my mind is cluttered. In fact when I'm feeling confused or overwhelmed the first thing I do is start cleaning. I even have different levels of cleaning, as my husband describes.

Level 1 - tidying up, making the beds, watering the plants, putting the toys away (excellent for setting up a relaxing atmosphere and tending to a headache)

Level 2 - Cleaning dishes, doing laundry, dissinfecting the bathrooms, clearing fridge of old food, scrubbing tabletops and counters (keeps stress away)

Level 3 - Mopping, dissinfecting all door handles and light switches, cleaning the windows, washing the curtains, all throw pillows go into the washing machine (stress is here, I'm trying to get rid of it)

Level 4 - Clearing out closets, organizing closets, organizing kitchen cabinets, throwing away old things, vacuuming the ceiling corners, pulling out appliances to clean behind them. (all **** is broken loose hehe)

Wannabeskinny
03-04-2014, 10:44 AM
To my mind you definitely have a place in 3FC. As others have said, many of us may be striving for something that looks similar to IE, even if we call it a diet.

If I believed for one minute that IE would work for me (i.e., allow me to live in weight equilibrium), I'd do it in a heartbeat. I simply don't trust my appetite as a guide. After all, I'm the person who ate a whole box of chocolates at age 4 without feeling any ill effects.

I still find your posts and approach inspiring and instructive. Don't leave!

Freelance

I'm not leaving, just feeling a bit down. I like your no nonsense way of dealing with things and I admire the fact that you don't deprive yourself of anything. Thanks.

Wannabeskinny
03-04-2014, 10:44 AM
I have felt that way all day! I have been doing this for 5 weeks and I have seen a weight loss, but for some reason, I am doubting everything from my relationships to why I am doing this in the first place! Everything right now is making me want to curl up with a massive bag of some disgusting fast food and just try to make myself feel better, which is exactly how I got here in the first place. I dont really have any advice, however I can definitely sympathise with you feeling down, as I have been too. I hope things get better and that you start feeling better soon.

It's real life, we can't be cheerleaders all the time can we?

Dollfaise
03-04-2014, 10:50 AM
Oh Wannabe, I feel your pain. I live in upstate NY and the winter has been atrocious. It's been so bad that I sunk into depression and put on what must have been 10 pounds but I've been afraid to look.

I've been struggling with whether I want to lose weight or not myself. I have wanted to for so long but restricting myself and working out seems to get me only so far before my body just decides it's done. So there I am, stuck at my NOT ideal weight, skipping on the foods I love, and for what?

I'm wondering if I'm just fed up because the weather is getting me down but I definitely understand your pain and I respect you for loving yourself as you are. :)

Steelslady
03-04-2014, 01:24 PM
Oh Wannabe, I feel your pain. I live in upstate NY and the winter has been atrocious. It's been so bad that I sunk into depression and put on what must have been 10 pounds but I've been afraid to look.

I've been struggling with whether I want to lose weight or not myself. I have wanted to for so long but restricting myself and working out seems to get me only so far before my body just decides it's done. So there I am, stuck at my NOT ideal weight, skipping on the foods I love, and for what?

I'm wondering if I'm just fed up because the weather is getting me down but I definitely understand your pain and I respect you for loving yourself as you are. :)

I live in New Hampshire- this weather is definitely a "pita" (pain in the butt!)! I can't remember in all of my 50 years of living through such a long, cold, and crazy winter. We've had lots of snow, rain, sleet, ice, thunder storms during a snow storm (really?!?!?), and it's been such a long winter, I am going a bit stir crazy. I've been doing some spring cleaning, which is nice because it's getting done early and it will leave me with more time to play, whenever spring finally gets here. Even though spring is officially three weeks away, I sincerely doubt we'll have spring weather by then- we still have 4 feet of snow piled all around our driveway, and this cold weather has been brutal!

miniapplecocoa
03-05-2014, 12:46 AM
Whew, I'm glad your not going anywhere!

"I didn't come to IE on a whim. It's been building up for a long time and it all started with one question "why are we so afraid to be hungry?" Everywhere I looked everyone was talking about how to get rid of hunger, how to fool hunger, how to keep hunger at bay and over time I realized that hunger is not my enemy and suddenly realized I was caught up in the wrong fight. I cringe when I hear that someone's diet has made their hunger go away... why would anyone try to make their hunger go away when it's one of our base primal instincts?"

I love this thinking. I'm adding this to my self talk/self motivation thoughts for when I start panicking over hunger. Wow, powerful inspiration and learning on these boards. LOL!

caldawg89
03-05-2014, 12:54 AM
We can't be cheerleaders all the time, no! I too, love what you wrote about IE. I'm not on a "diet", per say, I guess if anything, I am following the IE rules. To an extent, I kind of loosely count calories; I know what the various foods I eat are worth, and I am vaguely aware of what I eat during the day, I dont weigh food or anything like that, I just make sure I am eating smaller, well balanced meals, cutting down on snacking for the sake of it, and I have cut out fast food. I have a meal a week where I can eat as much of whatever I like, however as time has gone on, I dont crave or eat the fatty foods I once loved, even when I can have my free meal. Your posts are always helpful and informative, I am glad you arent leaving, and I too clean like crazy when I am stressed :) I hope today has been a better day for you!

Wannabeskinny
03-05-2014, 09:19 AM
I am better today thanks, but I'm trying not to rely on feeling motivated each day. I know very well there will be good days and bad days and not to let bad days make me feel like a failure.

Mrs Snark
03-05-2014, 10:15 AM
Glad you're staying, sorry you're having some down days, we all have them.

I always read your IE posts because I do my own personal version of IE. While I try to abstain completely from my trigger foods, I practice IE with all the rest of the foods. I don't calorie count, and if I'm hungry I eat something.

Also,it may just be semantics when people talk about "hunger" in ways you can't relate to. For instance, I have often said "hunger is my enemy". Which sounds odd, really, but what I really mean is that "I refuse to starve any more". If I try to force my body to ignore hunger I usually end up going down the road to a binge. For me, extreme hunger is a trigger to bad behavior. Yet, for many years I would ignore hunger because I was rigidly sticking to some calorie plan -- which would of course fail.

I finally realized that if I was feeling hunger it was ok to eat something -- just not a trigger food. I never, ever got fat because I ate a big salad. Or a bunch of roasted veggies.

Anyway, I'm sort of rambling now, mostly I just wanted to say that I find your posts valuable and hope you can find the support you are looking for here -- a variety of viewpoints is something this site should always have!

magical
03-05-2014, 02:58 PM
Wannabe, just because you're practicing IE does not mean that you cannot have a traditional "weight loss goal".

Yes, you're not on a diet and yes, part of IE is about body acceptance in any size, but the end result of IE could still be a slimmer, 150lbs you. The key is to focus on being healthy and happy along the journey because the journey could take years. At the end of the day, you may find that your weight settles comfortably within a specific range that could be higher, lower or at around 150lbs but by then, the number on the scale well and truly does not matter to you anymore.

The thing here is that unlike your friends who are focused on summer, you are building up a long term mentality to succeed for a lifetime and it truly becomes a change in outlook and lifestyle for you. Letting go is definitely not easy and I can understand where you're coming from but it's just the start for you now. Give it time and stick to the plan and in the meantime, talk to your friends about all the healthy and fun activities you all can do together.

Wannabeskinny
03-06-2014, 10:54 AM
Wannabe, just because you're practicing IE does not mean that you cannot have a traditional "weight loss goal".

Yes, you're not on a diet and yes, part of IE is about body acceptance in any size, but the end result of IE could still be a slimmer, 150lbs you. The key is to focus on being healthy and happy along the journey because the journey could take years. At the end of the day, you may find that your weight settles comfortably within a specific range that could be higher, lower or at around 150lbs but by then, the number on the scale well and truly does not matter to you anymore.

The thing here is that unlike your friends who are focused on summer, you are building up a long term mentality to succeed for a lifetime and it truly becomes a change in outlook and lifestyle for you. Letting go is definitely not easy and I can understand where you're coming from but it's just the start for you now. Give it time and stick to the plan and in the meantime, talk to your friends about all the healthy and fun activities you all can do together.

Thanks magical, you're right about having a goal. It seems counter intuitive to practice IE and have a weight loss goal so I'm having a hard time balancing what my goals are with my present enjoyment of the plan. Losing weight can mean turn to dieting. But it doesn't have to, it can also mean building a different relationship with food, or it can mean trying something different than I was doing before. At the end of the day we have to stop doing something and start doing something else. With IE I finally feel like I'm finally putting my efforts into the right stuff.

Munchy
03-06-2014, 11:23 AM
Your post really resonates with me. My boyfriend is moving in right now and I had to create room for his clothes. Part of that was donating clothes that I don't need. Giving away my children's sized pants that I wore in college really upset me. I was noticeably down for at least 2 days. I've been pretty much the same range (+/- 10lbs) aside from the 1 fit year in college, my pregnancy, and when I put on weight working with a nutritionist. When I listen to my body and just eat what I do, my weight doesn't really change.

I have a very hard time accepting that this is what I'm supposed to weigh. I am a curvier woman, but I don't want to be curvy in the thighs or arms!

When I gave away those clothes, I felt like I was saying "I give up, this is where I'm going to be forever." That thought is so depressing.

SouthernMaven
03-06-2014, 11:28 AM
"I didn't come to IE on a whim. It's been building up for a long time and it all started with one question "why are we so afraid to be hungry?" Everywhere I looked everyone was talking about how to get rid of hunger, how to fool hunger, how to keep hunger at bay and over time I realized that hunger is not my enemy and suddenly realized I was caught up in the wrong fight. I cringe when I hear that someone's diet has made their hunger go away... why would anyone try to make their hunger go away when it's one of our base primal instincts?"



This is an excellent observation!

I've always said that one of the most important things IE has taught me is to not be afraid of hunger. For some people - definitely for me - this is the secret. It's okay to get hungry; and it's okay to eat what you need to eat to satisfy that hunger. It's also okay to eat what you want to eat to satisfy your hunger.

The real key is learning to eat TO SATISFY HUNGER, not for the myriad of other reasons we find ourselves turning to food.

magical
03-06-2014, 05:17 PM
Losing weight can mean turn to dieting. But it doesn't have to, it can also mean building a different relationship with food, or it can mean trying something different than I was doing before. At the end of the day we have to stop doing something and start doing something else. With IE I finally feel like I'm finally putting my efforts into the right stuff.

Absolutely! Glad that you're feeling this way.

If you focus your efforts into building a long term healthy relationship with food and a healthy lifestyle, weight loss is usually a byproduct of such efforts. Don't force it but let it come naturally to you. Baby steps...

And I really think you should get rid of your scale (not just hide it in the basement, as I think you mentioned in one of the other threads :D).

Wannabeskinny
03-08-2014, 08:08 AM
Absolutely! Glad that you're feeling this way.

If you focus your efforts into building a long term healthy relationship with food and a healthy lifestyle, weight loss is usually a byproduct of such efforts. Don't force it but let it come naturally to you. Baby steps...

And I really think you should get rid of your scale (not just hide it in the basement, as I think you mentioned in one of the other threads :D).

Get rid of the scale completely? haha I've stayed away from it pretty well this past week, I think I'll be ok. Besides, hubby likes to use it from time to time too.

magical
03-08-2014, 05:47 PM
Ha, ha, I'd suggest you stayed away for a few months at least!

With IE, patience and consistency is the key. It must work for you and you must give it time.

I would guess that after switching to diet-free, I put on at least 10lbs (no weighing but clothes were tight and I had to switch sizes for some clothes), which was considerable given that I had not much to lose in the first place. It probably took one year to lose that 10lbs again, all the time fine-tuning my way of eating and what worked for me and what did not.

GlamourGirl827
03-08-2014, 07:09 PM
I always read your IE posts because I do my own personal version of IE. While I try to abstain completely from my trigger foods, I practice IE with all the rest of the foods. I don't calorie count, and if I'm hungry I eat something.


^This^ is what over a decade of dieting & disordered eating **** has finally lead me to...and it is peaceful here.

I abstain from trigger foods. I have not binged in months, or since I went back to this post pregnancy.
IE with everything else, but I only eat whole foods, nothing processed.
Don't calorie count.
Eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm satisfied.
Special occasions are my treats. We have about one event a month, between b-day parties, gathering with friends, and I will eat non whole food/processed stuff there. It works for me because I cannot over eat in front of others. Its a 100% guarantee that I can have a bit of trigger food and not binge.
And I run. My ticker is not updated, but I did 16.5 miles this week.


I did this before my last baby and lost the weight. It was finally something I could do without the stress, and counting, and starving and binging.

I did do IE years ago, but included all foods. For me, I just cannot IE with things like bread, rice, pasta, bagels etc. Nor with treats or sweets. I was not losing weight and truthfully I was not happy being fat. I just could not accept that as me. But going back to cal counting is a nightmare for me. The switch to whole foods w/ avoiding trigger foods was the key for me to IE and lose weight. And running, because now I want to fuel my body when I eat. I really think about how a meal (especially pre run) is going to make me feel while running. (Energized and fast, or sluggish and heavy)
I think when people say a diet made their hungry go away, they are referring to eating the right foods to control appetite. For me, not eating sugar, carbs like bread/pasta, or processed foods, means that my hunger is well controlled. I am not hungry every 2-3 hours anymore. So I can IE and not eat all the time. When I practiced IE without having my hunger under control, I *was* hungry, but too often, so that IE meant I was eating too much. I realized that its not that I had to deny myself food when I was hungry but find a way to eat that didn't leave me hungry so frequently. I also notice that exercise/running keeps my appetite controlled. I know most people are more hungry after a workout, but I for some reason, feel loss of appetite after working out.

So I basically can eat whenever I am hungry and still lose weight. I'm technically following a diet (whole foods, no trigger foods) but I don't feel deprived.

Maybe something similar would be helpful for you. Once you find what works, that's half the battle.

Wannabeskinny
03-09-2014, 10:52 AM
Ha, ha, I'd suggest you stayed away for a few months at least!

With IE, patience and consistency is the key. It must work for you and you must give it time.

I would guess that after switching to diet-free, I put on at least 10lbs (no weighing but clothes were tight and I had to switch sizes for some clothes), which was considerable given that I had not much to lose in the first place. It probably took one year to lose that 10lbs again, all the time fine-tuning my way of eating and what worked for me and what did not.

Patience and consistency. That's difficult to do with summer coming so soon, but I have no intention of going back on a diet. But it's an urge I do have to resist, the come-monday-morning-i'm-throwing-everything-away thoughts are hard to control.

Wannabeskinny
03-09-2014, 11:00 AM
I did do IE years ago, but included all foods. For me, I just cannot IE with things like bread, rice, pasta, bagels etc. Nor with treats or sweets. I was not losing weight and truthfully I was not happy being fat. ...

I think when people say a diet made their hungry go away, they are referring to eating the right foods to control appetite. For me, not eating sugar, carbs like bread/pasta, or processed foods, means that my hunger is well controlled. I am not hungry every 2-3 hours anymore. So I can IE and not eat all the time. When I practiced IE without having my hunger under control, I *was* hungry, but too often, so that IE meant I was eating too much. I realized that its not that I had to deny myself food when I was hungry but find a way to eat that didn't leave me hungry so frequently. I also notice that exercise/running keeps my appetite controlled. I know most people are more hungry after a workout, but I for some reason, feel loss of appetite after working out.

So I basically can eat whenever I am hungry and still lose weight. I'm technically following a diet (whole foods, no trigger foods) but I don't feel deprived.

Maybe something similar would be helpful for you. Once you find what works, that's half the battle.

I'm at odds between truly doing IE and doing something of this nature. Not allowing a whole category of foods qualifies as dieting to me, it's a type of restriction that has ultimately led to binges. It's tempting nonetheless. The whole purpose of doing this is quite different than what you're doing. I'm not trying to control my hunger, I'm trying to observe it, let it happen and ultimately satisfy it. I'm not saying that what you're doing is wrong, it's just not IE.

The biggest aspect at the moment is learning to absolve myself of the sin of eating. I have moments where I overeat but I'm not letting myself feel guilty about it. It's just the way it has to be for the moment, it may result in some weight gain and although I'm not happy about it I'm also not going to hate myself for it. More and more as I do this I'm finding that those "trigger foods" that I thought made me crazy are actually not that enjoyable. In time I will reduce those foods but not because I want to be thin but because I don't really like them as much as I thought I did.

PatLib
03-09-2014, 11:13 AM
I personally do a mixture of IE and diet, well sort of. I don't keep certain foods in my house at all. That isn't to say I don't eat them when I am at a party or restaurant but at home where I do my binge eating I just don't keep things I will binge eat with. This helps because I will rarely binge eat in front of people.

My home is pretty grain and cheese free most the time. Hopefully, I will gain the mental strength to have it in my house and not binge eat but right now I don't.

But I stopped obsessively counting calories. I still look at the calories on the box but I don't count them out and put them in baggies like I use to. I also don't ask for calories at restaurants or tell them to remove the cheese or anything like that because of I am paying money for meal I sure as **** going to enjoy it! :)

CindySunshine
03-09-2014, 11:57 AM
For me it helps to detox from overheating with at least a period of careful eating, now I know the book says that doesn't work but I think there is the advantage to get you off sweets and carbs and let your body be ready to enjoy good food. In that time you feel so much better and sort of get rid of the bloating.

I think IE is really really helpful once you have essentially set some decent healthy habits and want to retain the sustainable parts of them. So for me that means a focus on lots of great fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, healthy grains, and letting the other stuff enter intuitively. But then I don't really have any ridiculous sugar obsessions. When I'm overeating it is soothing myself with a lot of crunchy carbs and rebellious eating knowing the food party will be over soon.

When other diets get you frustrated, IE lets you settle in and establish ongoing sustainability and let your weight eventually get to a healthy point and no real change.

But then there is the acceptance of that body weight and for me a real fashionista who loves pretty clothes and pays attention to runway shows and trends it is difficult to not care about that end weight, I mean those gorgeous fit celebrities don't stop where IE lands then do they? But that's a subject for a whole other thread I think. I tend to be within 15 pounds of a healthy weight so it's not the same issue at all with those further away and I sure understand that.

GlamourGirl827
03-10-2014, 10:54 PM
I'm at odds between truly doing IE and doing something of this nature. Not allowing a whole category of foods qualifies as dieting to me, it's a type of restriction that has ultimately led to binges. It's tempting nonetheless.
I completely avoid sugar 99% of the time because it leads to cravings which then lead to binges. Without sugar, "restricting" or avoiding foods does not lead to a binge for me. However I am also careful about carbs, but many people eat oatmeal, quinoa, rice...whole food grains. I limit them because I tend to over eat with them, and they do not control my appetite. If I do eat fruit, I also make sure to pair it with protein.
But do not think of it as eliminating a whole category of food, I think if it as eating it responsibly. Unless you are referring to sugar, junk food etc. I just don't keep anything like that in my house. Its a treat, like soda. We do not buy soda. My kids have never even tried it. But occasionally I will treat myself to a soda if we eat out, and sometimes I'll opt for water.



The whole purpose of doing this is quite different than what you're doing. I'm not trying to control my hunger, I'm trying to observe it, let it happen and ultimately satisfy it. I'm not saying that what you're doing is wrong, it's just not IE.

This is good if you can do this. I tried, but I could not accomplish this. For what ever reason, maybe because I was raised to stuff my face, maybe because I have spent over 15 years starving and binging, I don't know ,but it was like my internal regulator could not regulate certain foods. I cannot IE with processed foods, sweets, junk food, even pastas, potatoes etc.
At the same time, I don't understand why you would not want to control your hunger. The control I'm talking about has to do with health, not dieting.

If I get hungry and eat a candy bar because I really want it, it will do nothing for me nutritionally. It will cause my blood sugar to go up up up, then fall, leaving me hungry in an hour or so. Rather if I choose to eat maybe some cheese and nuts, plain greek yogurt and an apple, a piece of chicken and some carrots....my internal self would rather eat the candy bar, but I know if I choose one of the other options, I will stay satisfied longer and control my hunger. They also offer more nutritionally. Try not to think of controlling hunger like dieting tips, you know, how they tell you to drink water before eating, or to put down your fork between each bite...I'm talking about controlling hunger by feeding your body healthy, whole, nutritious foods, in a combo of protein , fat (and carbs if you include them).



The biggest aspect at the moment is learning to absolve myself of the sin of eating. I have moments where I overeat but I'm not letting myself feel guilty about it. It's just the way it has to be for the moment, it may result in some weight gain and although I'm not happy about it I'm also not going to hate myself for it. More and more as I do this I'm finding that those "trigger foods" that I thought made me crazy are actually not that enjoyable. In time I will reduce those foods but not because I want to be thin but because I don't really like them as much as I thought I did.

It important to know what is motivating you and what you want to "gain" from this. For some people, it seems weight loss is literally just about losing weight. However it seems for more people there is something else to work through.
Letting go of the guilt is hard. I struggle with it everyday. I feel guilt attached to certain foods, certain food combinations,I feel guild sometimes for just eating. I do not want to be thin either. I did, but when I started running, I no longer wanted to be thin, but I wanted to be strong and fit. I don't want to have extra weight or any of the problems that come with it. Focusing on being fit, helps me to view food as fuel rather than my enemy. I'm eating to reach a goal, rather than NOT eating to reach a goal (dieting) which was a destructive mentality for me. This mind set means, if I'm hungry, I can eat whenever I want, but I only want to put healthy whole foods in my body. I don't want to eat junk, I don't want to eat processed food. But I don't make it off limits, but something I can have as a treat.

Its hard to explain, but it works for me.

SouthernMaven
03-11-2014, 09:14 AM
I just stumbled across this and thought I'd share it in this thread, since it's about letting go of diets.

The Anti-Diet Project
http://www.refinery29.com/the-anti-diet-project

Looks like she started this project in November of last year (scroll to the bottom of the page to find her first post).

I can relate to so much of what this young woman is writing. I suspect others can as well.

I will also share it on the IE thread but wanted to post it here since it seems appropriate for the thread.

Wannabeskinny
03-11-2014, 10:48 AM
I don't understand why you would not want to control your hunger. The control I'm talking about has to do with health, not dieting.

If I get hungry and eat a candy bar because I really want it, it will do nothing for me nutritionally. It will cause my blood sugar to go up up up, then fall, leaving me hungry in an hour or so. Rather if I choose to eat maybe some cheese and nuts, plain greek yogurt and an apple, a piece of chicken and some carrots....my internal self would rather eat the candy bar, but I know if I choose one of the other options, I will stay satisfied longer and control my hunger. They also offer more nutritionally. Try not to think of controlling hunger like dieting tips, you know, how they tell you to drink water before eating, or to put down your fork between each bite...I'm talking about controlling hunger by feeding your body healthy, whole, nutritious foods, in a combo of protein , fat (and carbs if you include them).

It important to know what is motivating you and what you want to "gain" from this.

Thanks for participating in this discussion, it's important for me to clarify that I only wish to change myself and no one else in particular so the things I write about pertain to me and don't mean to sway, judge or criticize anyone else, especially when you found something that works for you. But the question about hunger is particularly interesting to me, I've been thinking about hunger a lot for a long time. As a life long dieter I know a lot about how food affects one's body. I did low carb, no carb, calorie counting, restrictive eating, etc for a long time and I researched. It. To. Death. I've learned about how combining this food with this food and spacing meals kept my hunger under control. Control is the key aspect to this, I treated my hunger as if it was a wild caged animal that needed to be carefully guarded when released for its short exercise around the grounds. Don't give it too much of this or it will demand more, feed it at regular intervals so that it doesn't snarl at you, or keep it waiting longer for punishment, put it to bed hungry so that it sleeps it off etc. It's just been a constant battle, being afraid of my own hunger is like be being afraid of my own shadow. It's there, we all know it's there, let's embrace it I say.

I've spent too long trying to control this hunger, treating it like a beast when in truth it exists to HELP ME. It's there for me, it wants to take care of me, to alert me to my body's needs! And here I went throwing it into a pile of negative emotions like anxiety and sadness... come to think of it all those exist for a reason too and it's about time I've learned how to deal with all of these things in an adult manner.

I enjoy very good food, I am very well aware of what foods made me feel energetic and what foods make me feel lethargic. But the foods I eat must nourish me not only physically, but mentally as well. I need to be satisfied. And as long as I keep that candy bar out of reach, in a jail cell marked as "BAD FOOD" then it has a power over me that it does not deserve. Eat it, it's a candy bar, it's a combination of peanuts and chocolate and caramel. Once it's gone, it's gone and the next thing I'll want is probably some avocado.

You're right, everyone has their own goals here, weight loss is definitely a goal. But more than anything I want to have a good relationship with food, I want to be around food and not feel like a deprived maniac. I want to eat it when I want it and release its power over me. And most of all I want to be rid of food guilt, I have nothing to be ashamed of for wanting to eat a bagel, nothing at all.

GlamourGirl827
03-11-2014, 02:56 PM
Its important no matter what you do, that you have peace in your life and choices. Personally, I do not feel good or at peace about giving in to that candy bar daily, or even weekly. It leaves me feeling like a spoiled child that must have what it wants and now. The same way I don't allow myself to stay up late every night watching tv, or how I force myself to workout on days I'd rather not, or how I have to clean when I've rather be playing online or reading a book! lol I'm not perfect, and I don't always do what I'm supposed to, and sometimes I do let myself stay up late to watch a good show...but I wouldn't feel good, strong, disciplined, and responsible if I just allowed myself to do as I feel all the time.
I guess I see IE as a sense of internal anarchy. I did try it, but it felt like the way a child would feed themselves if there were no mother. Sometimes my kids will choose an apple, but more often they want to candy bar. I think most adults, even thin, fit, healthy ones will tell you, that candy bar tastes great! All that sugar is wonderful and evolutionarily speaking, we crave sugar and fat. Those valuable calories, when we needed to hunt our food and might not eat daily. But food is everywhere now, and I believe the IE is still being driven by those evolutionary adaptations. For me, I will never be at peace fat. I've been fit and healthy, before this pregnancy. It was the most amazing feeling. I loved my body. I think eating a candy bar when I want it, is not worth staying fat for me. However, never having candy again might make me crazy, so never putting junk in my body again is not worth feeling crazy...I suppose its a gentle balance, and you have to decide what is the right point between being able to eat what you want when you want it and being ok with your weight.

I will weigh in on fear of hunger on the other thread that was started.

Wannabeskinny
03-18-2014, 11:10 AM
Personally, I do not feel good or at peace about giving in to that candy bar daily, or even weekly. It leaves me feeling like a spoiled child that must have what it wants and now. The same way I don't allow myself to stay up late every night watching tv, or how I force myself to workout on days I'd rather not, or how I have to clean when I've rather be playing online or reading a book! lol I'm not perfect, and I don't always do what I'm supposed to, and sometimes I do let myself stay up late to watch a good show...but I wouldn't feel good, strong, disciplined, and responsible if I just allowed myself to do as I feel all the time.
I guess I see IE as a sense of internal anarchy. I did try it, but it felt like the way a child would feed themselves if there were no mother. Sometimes my kids will choose an apple, but more often they want to candy bar. I think most adults, even thin, fit, healthy ones will tell you, that candy bar tastes great! All that sugar is wonderful and evolutionarily speaking, we crave sugar and fat. Those valuable calories, when we needed to hunt our food and might not eat daily. But food is everywhere now, and I believe the IE is still being driven by those evolutionary adaptations. For me, I will never be at peace fat. I've been fit and healthy, before this pregnancy. It was the most amazing feeling. I loved my body. I think eating a candy bar when I want it, is not worth staying fat for me. However, never having candy again might make me crazy, so never putting junk in my body again is not worth feeling crazy...I suppose its a gentle balance, and you have to decide what is the right point between being able to eat what you want when you want it and being ok with your weight.

I will weigh in on fear of hunger on the other thread that was started.

It's interesting how one method can make someone feel so good and make another person feel so horrible all at the same time. It has the complete opposite effect on me, I finally feel like I'm treating myself like an adult and allowing myself to choose the foods that I want to eat. DIETS make me feel like a child, and a failure. They make me give up all control and instruct me on when to eat, how to eat, and what to eat. They also banish foods I like. Some people can function with this sort of abuse, I cannot and here I thought I was the failure. Statistics show that diets don't work (don't ask me for proof of that, I don't care to research it). Even here it's easy to, how many posts do we see daily from people who lost weight on a restrictive diet and then something happened and they gained it back? "I used to be so good, and now I'm so bad!" Going up and down in weight over the years is the proof that diets don't work.

This total anarchy you mentioned, I finally realize now that I'm much more mentally and emotionally at peace. I don't need to be controlled by some societal criteria on how to lose weight, I don't need to be judged by myself or others on what i eat. I need food for only 2 things. And everything I eat must meet these 2 criteria:

- nourishment
- pleasure

When both of these needs are met I feel great. I do not need to eat salads and steamed veggies to feel self righteous, responsible, adult, or in control. I need to eat them before they are delicious and they make me feel energized. By the same token, eating pancakes does not have to make me feel weak, lethargic, irresponsible, childish, or out of control. Pancakes are just food, they have no power to lessen my character or make me a bad person.

The topic of this thread is on a turnaround for me. I'm not feeling that sense of sadness anymore. And I don't miss that Sunday night rush of guilt for my weekly sins that needs to be punished and put right on Monday morning.

Locke
03-18-2014, 01:36 PM
I think it's important to remember that in the book Intuitive Eating the authors considered the "let yourself eat whatever you want" to be a necessary but temporary phase. It serves to reinforce the idea that those former foods that you didn't allow yourself are now always available. I've been in that phase for the past 10 days- I've been eating candy, cookies, bagels, bread, cheese- whatever I want.

I've found that I've eaten a lot less than I actually thought I would- I haven't binged at all since I've been eating these foods and only overeaten a few times. I've also found myself losing interest in them. I know they are there if I want them. Foods have begun to lose their emotional power over me- I eat for the feeling foods give my body rather than the emotional feelings they give me. In this way fruit will beat chocolate every time- my body feels light and alive when I eat healthy.

The authors state again and again in the book that they are nutritionists- ultimately they don't want you to eat bacon, chocolate, and cookies as dietary staples. Remember that IE is a process that has multiple phases. In order to make peace with food completely you have to allow yourself to eat whatever you want. The goal, however, is for you to respect your body's needs by feeding it healthy food.

The addiction model can be a helpful one when you're trying to stay away from binge eating but I've found that it's not particularly helpful for me and my ED. Labeling things as "triggers" just imbues them with special powers. The more that I push them away the more that I am magnetically drawn back to them. Addiction treatment, imho, is still in the dark ages. Alcoholics and addicts have TERRIBLE recovery rates. The addiction model doesn't seem to work for addictions, why should I believe that it will work for eating disorders?

EatingIsOK
03-18-2014, 03:42 PM
I'm new to this site, and want you to know that Intuitive Eating DOES WORK! I made it all the way to size 2/4 and if I can do it, starting from deeply depressed and wildly scattered, I know you can too! One thing to remember is that a feeling won't last by itself if you don't keep adding to the story line, repeating a negative thought to yourself, or avoiding it with food, etc. Instead of fighting it, just let it be. It will fade, and then maybe arise again, but if you can just let it flow through you, it will lose its power.

Wannabeskinny
03-18-2014, 04:17 PM
Eatingisok (great name!) welcome and thanks for your input it's great to see someone who has succeeded with this! Please tell us more about what you mean about feelings