General chatter - Pity Party, really love my new body but hate




ReillyJ
02-20-2014, 09:29 PM
The way it made my face so gaunt. The cheekbones look great but everything else looks like crap. I think i'd have to gain at least 15 lbs to fill out a bit and just don't think i want to do that.

Funny, i was SO looking forward to a new face once this weight was off, it's been over a year and i'm still not really used to it :(


TooWicky
02-20-2014, 11:46 PM
I empathize; I'm not particularly happy with my face either : / My face looks cheery when I smile because it makes my cheeks round out, but when I'm not smiling, I look a bit gaunt/hollow under the cheekbones which I find crazy since I weigh almost 190 lbs! I am almost 50 years old and it's clear that I don't have the collagen of my youth. I'm still 15 lbs away from my goal weight - wonder what my face will look like then : / I don't know how old you are, but at more mature ages, it can definitely take a looooong time to glean whatever skin tightness you can get. In my case, I'm hoping for some improvement in tightness around my jawline, but I do not think my face will de-gaunt itself at all :(

I am doing a few things to help me cope with my new face:

One is, I compare my driver's license photo taken over a year ago to my current face. Sometimes in my head I pine for the days when I was morbidly obese and, as a result, had a wrinkle-free face. However, when I force myself to look at an actual photo of when I was at my max weight, yes, I didn't have wrinkles or facial sagging, but my oh my, I looked so much worse! So unhealthy, so much obesity in my face, cheeks, and neck. I didn't have a jawline! Objectively speaking, I look ten times better now, even with wrinkles, gauntness, and a bit of sagging.

The other thing I am doing is changing how I wear my makeup. You can probably tell from my avatar that I wear a lot of makeup (I love to.) When I was very obese, I would use blush to contour a faux cheekbone because I didn't have any. If I do that now, it totally accentuates my gauntness, gah! I changed it up and now I use blush to highlight the front of my cheeks on either side of my nose - like apple cheeks. It helps to give the illusion of a rounded face. Even if you personally prefer a natural look, there are subtle blush colors out there that might work for you :)

Also, I'm wearing my hair slightly wavy as opposed to my usual flat iron look. In my case, I feel it softens my overall look and looks less severe.

ReillyJ
02-21-2014, 12:40 AM
TooWicky if that avatar is you right now i have to say and not lying, i think you look great, better than i do. I am around 51 and yea, weight loss has not been kind to my face at all. i LOVE the upper contours of my face but below the cheekbones there's, like...no fat at all and now i have super NL folds :(
Under harsh flourescent or store lighting i look GAUNT.

i too ADORE makeup and am doing the EXACT SAME thing that you are, LOL, no need to contour anymore, that is for sure!!

20 lbs unfortunately can make a huge difference but you should do what you want to do. Apologies in advance to 3FC's i'm sure they're sick of me crying about this.


BEFORE:http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/php03DpUIPM.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/php03DpUIPM.jpg.html)

20LBS TO GOAL:
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/phpKQl7R3PM.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/phpKQl7R3PM.jpg.html)
NOW
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/ff55129b-08b0-4d2a-88ce-3b5f180bc315.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/ff55129b-08b0-4d2a-88ce-3b5f180bc315.jpg.html)
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/phpywaamGPM.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/phpywaamGPM.jpg.html)

And a GOTH look for you :) EPIC FAIL, i know. it was just for fun
http://i1195.photobucket.com/albums/aa388/ReillyJ/phpH3UYaNPM.jpg (http://s1195.photobucket.com/user/ReillyJ/media/phpH3UYaNPM.jpg.html)


You don't have to say anything complimentary, please! it's a drastic change and it didn't help the fact that others have told me i look sick, stop losing weight, etc.! i suppose after a year i should have stopped lamenting about it


Just Dance Girl
02-21-2014, 12:53 AM
Sweetie, my first reaction to your photos was "is she a real person?" Because you're so gorgeous! You look different, but great. You have sharp cheekbones in a good way and your NL folds are barely noticeable.

Repeat to yourself "I look great. I look great. I look great!"

ReillyJ
02-21-2014, 12:58 AM
Sweetie, my first reaction to your photos was "is she a real person?" Because you're so gorgeous! You look different, but great. You have sharp cheekbones in a good way and your NL folds are barely noticeable.

Repeat to yourself "I look great. I look great. I look great!"

Wow thank you Just Dance Girl, that's such a nice thing to say. I think it didn't help at all that people that i know have commented and one burst out saying right in front of others that i look sick. Also under lighting, i really do look shockingly gaunt but yes, you're right, i need to just forget about myself and tell myself i'm pretty no matter what. i've managed but every once in awhile i start up the lament, aging doesn't help either. It does help though to hear from others that FEEL the same way i do :D

alaskanlaughter
02-21-2014, 01:47 AM
Your photos are gorgeous!! You have this amazing jawline and don't look anywhere near as old as you say you are! And you don't look gaunt either, I'm just not seeing it

TooWicky
02-21-2014, 01:56 AM
ReillyJ, I think I have seen your progress photos on a previous thread and you look amazing, congratulations!!

Hilarious that you are doing the blush thing as well :D Something else I'm doing is that I normally wear strong lip colors but I'm switching to more nude shades to draw less attention to the lower half of my face, lol, desperate times! In my avatar I had to dress up as a fortune teller for a work party - my (female) boss said for me to "put on a lot of makeup" and we both burst out laughing, I mean, I'm already at maximum makeup anyway, there is nowhere else to go. Psht your goth look rocks, lol, I use eyeliner for days every day. I'm a one woman army trying to bring back the 80s, except for the mall bangs.

Now, on the note of face changes, girl, we aren't twins or anything, but I am dealing with similar issues. I, too, have a strong jawline that is being accentuated with the weight loss. My chin is really pointy and sticks out so much farther than yours, gah! My face leaning out really isn't helping camo my chin situation, lol. My face when I'm not smiling looks square-jawed and lean in the cheeks. It's a harsher look than what I want. I have the nasal-labial folds going on, except I have glorious wrinkle lines in the middle of them that extend past the corners of my mouth -.- I do look so much better than when I was morbidly obese, but the thing is, I have a really different face now. I would prefer a softer and rounder shaped face, which, to me, harkens back to youth and youthfulness. I kinda liked my face when I was 15-20 lbs heavier than I am now, but that was when I was Obese BMI so for health reasons, it's out of the question for me to contemplate regaining weight. I had heard the saying, "After 40, a woman has to choose between her arse and her face" before, but for the first time, I understand it! It blows. All along my weight journey I have alternated whatever is really bothering me, and right now, it's some looseness in my neck skin that makes me want to barf, lol. I am so envious of the ladies on here that don't worry about such things - I def draw support from their great attitudes!

Thank you for the compliment about my current look (the avatar was from a couple of weeks ago.) I'm waaaay heavier than you at the moment, though. My goal weight is in the overweight BMI range. I'm not going for a normal weight - trying to look decently-sized and healthy and not too lean in the face. That's my plan anyway. I have about 15 more pounds to lose. I've intentionally slowed down my weight loss so I can assess this final bit of weight loss as I go, and adjust accordingly. I only just now got into a size 14 jean. It would be nice to be solidly in 12s at least when all this is said and done. Utlimately, per my goal weight, I am settling for being overweight and slightly chunky around the middle, which is certainly not for everyone.

You look incredibly striking, easily 15 years younger than your age. Your face looks very different from 20 lbs heavier, wow! You look so healthy and fit, I hope you start loving your "new" face! It's best to look for your physical reflection in people that didn't know you when you were obese... that will tell you if you truly look "sick." The new people at my work think I look totally normal, but a few of my long time co-workers feel that I look bad and too thin (at 190 lbs wut!!) It's painful to hear people blurt out concerns like that, but I try to remember that even I have trouble adjusting to myself (like my worries about my face changes.)

ReillyJ
02-21-2014, 02:07 AM
Thank you Alaskanlaughter! It really is there especially under harsh lights, i am shocked even NOW when i see myself, shocked!

Too Wicky, you really are elegant in your words, i love them. You know, i would gain 10lbs or so if it didn't GO TO MY STOMACH! i still have a bit of a tummy left and most definitely have saggy loose skin on my stomach which only makes me look like i have a stomach--most of it is loose skin and not fat but it definitely shows. If it wasn't for that i'd probably gain but i do love my new body, just the changes in my face STILL surprise and shock me and yes i'd prefer a bit more roundness and softness around the NL folds and in the hollows of the cheekbones but i guess that's the way it's going to be :(

I HAVE thought of what people might think of me that never saw me overweight..nobody says anything, it's people who saw me on the journey who say bad things :(

This should be the last time i make a post on this because i really just NEED to fully accept it or .... ignore it.

Pattience
02-21-2014, 02:18 AM
Well I think you looked pretty when overweight and beautiful now but i can see what you mean and its due to your skin losing elasticity.

Did you say you are 51 yo. Then that is part of it.

I think you've got two solutions.
1. a "mini" facelift which is for the lower face but maybe even they can just do around your eyes. I don't know but if you like this idea, see a plastic surgeon not a cosmetic surgeon.
2. collagen treatment.

Personally i'd rather go for the former because i think in the long run its cheaper. But things have changed, I understand with collagen and i'm told that instead of a booster needed 3 months, you can go as long as 9 months. But you'd need quite a lot in your upper cheek area i think.

PS. I used to work in a cosmetic clinic but it was a long time ago.

So if you really want do some thing about this, then its going to cost you money. I think you look really beautiful now and personally if i had your problems, i wouldn't mind at all.

Also most lighting is not as bad as the lighting you are checking yourself out in. Direct overhead bright lighting does put shadows in the wrong places. Bathrooms are the worst.

mars735
02-21-2014, 03:31 AM
I'm with Pattience on this--if I had your problems, I wouldn't mind at all.

Munchy
02-21-2014, 08:56 AM
You are gorgeous - you really resemble Michelle Pfeiffer!

LilDazed
02-21-2014, 09:27 AM
Girl you look fantastic in every picture. =D And as Pattience said- a mini facelift could help out.

Mozzy
02-21-2014, 11:51 AM
Hugs

Be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

JohnP
02-21-2014, 12:15 PM
A bunch of women 10 years younger than you want to hit you right now. :D

If you want to get your puffy face back (not sure why but it's your face) you might want to try creatine. Some women take it specifically to bloat their gaunt face. It will cause you to gain water weight but it is very safe and when you stop using it the effects go away.

patns
02-21-2014, 12:15 PM
You look wonderful. But because you obviously always been attractive you are likely less accepting of minor issues.

I am in my mid 60s and one thing every woman becomes aware of is as you get older is that you will eventually have to make a choice between your face and a lean body.

If I knew at 50 what I know now I would use collagen and likely coconut oil directly on the skin.

Mazzy
02-21-2014, 03:00 PM
Isn't it amazing how we trade one image issue for another?

I can certainly relate. I am only 39 yo, and after I had my son, I lost weight (yea me!), but at the expense of developing the jowl look...yea me, NOT. I look 10 years older.

Oh well, at least I look "wise." LOL

Young and perky is over-rated.

Bellamack
02-21-2014, 03:31 PM
susie & toowicky, you are both beautiful women :)

ReillyJ
02-21-2014, 05:17 PM
Thank you all, i won't post about this again (except to commiserate in someone else's post :D and i know i just need to accept it and get over it. I thought i had been successful until i catch a glimpse of myself in a different mirror or in a store or something because i've been avoiding looking at them. A lot of it is just dealing with aging.

There was an article about Sharon Stone and when she turned 40 she went into her bathroom with a bottle of wine and cried as soon as she realized she was aging and then dealt with it and got over it, it's what i need to do, sans wine :)
I appreciate all the kind and thoughtful words and advice. Pattience i have thought about saving for at least fillers but until that happens i need to just really work on acceptance and not being so self focused :)

thisisart
02-21-2014, 08:45 PM
Wow! Seriously you look amazing!
I found the last time I lost a lot of weight that people were so used to me being the chunky friend that getting to a normal weight lead so many people to say I was starting to look unhealthy or sick. I really think people just say that because they are so accustomed to seeing you heavy, that you don't 'look right' to them. But the reality is that you look healthy and beautiful. Ignore the negative comments, especially your own internal ones, and love the new shell you worked so hard to achieve!

ReillyJ
02-21-2014, 08:46 PM
A bunch of women 10 years younger than you want to hit you right now. :D

If you want to get your puffy face back (not sure why but it's your face) you might want to try creatine. Some women take it specifically to bloat their gaunt face. It will cause you to gain water weight but it is very safe and when you stop using it the effects go away.


Haha JohnP

I figured out what i'm going to do about this situation.

EMBRACE THE SUCK
:D

Vex
02-22-2014, 01:30 PM
I actually gained 20 lbs back which really eased up on the skinny face. I think that seems to really show up in the 160s for me. Trust me though, I'd rather have skinny face back then the 20lbs around my belly again right now, so I've already played out that option for you :p

It's really not "gaunt" face to everyone else though. It's just people being hard on themselves and noticing and zooming in on what they perceive as flaws on their face - things that other people don't see.

novangel
02-22-2014, 02:08 PM
It's a big change from before and after but your face looks great, especially for 51. If we're talking pure vanity here I'd say neck lift otherwise seriously your face doesn't look old, but I can see why the drastic change freaks you out because it's sudden. I definitely see that I look older too. I'm vain as heck though so I will be doing fillers and such.

I hope I look as good as you in 11 years. :)

IdealProteinNewbie
02-22-2014, 02:45 PM
You look amazing! I don't think you look your age at all.

Kelli21
02-23-2014, 11:06 PM
A doctor I worked with always joke that he never looked as old as he was because his fat filled out his wrinkles haha. So yes, now that you're healthy (congrats!) you will have some wrinkles from aging. But honey, you look gorgeous! I'm 24 and I wish I looked as good as you do. I would say go get your makeup done by a professional artist and learn how to play up/down certain features. It should help you feel better. But really, you are beautiful and have nothing to worry about.

pixelllate
02-24-2014, 04:43 PM
I don't know how much this contributes to the discussion, ok it doesn't really at ALL but OP you look like you could be a star on General Hospital or something - what a classic beauty! You "age" VERY well and look far younger than people your age that I know who haven't had drastic weight loss!

Pattience
02-24-2014, 05:20 PM
Acceptance is the best option. There's a concept called letting go. Its like you just drop something that' you've been clinging too. The clinging is what causes the tension and pain. Its really quite literal. When you let go a whole weight of worry falls off you instantly - though sometimes it feel more dramatic than others. I've experienced this many times. I've done it with men, with a big part of my garden, with having kids, with jobs, with anything that its not reasonable to do something about or impossible, then i do letting go. Sometiems it takes a little while to get to the point of remembering to let go.

When you know that letting go releases tension and pain, then its quite easy to make the decision. All you have to do once you've made the decision if you see yourself in a mirror and have a twinge of pain, is drop the thought. Say stop being ridiculous you look fine. You can say that knowing you are miles ahead in terms of health and your appearance when look back at the past. And you can say that when you consider the bigger issues going on in your life and in the lives of other people.

ReillyJ
02-24-2014, 06:32 PM
Thank you everyone for the kind words, i think aging plays into it more than i imagined..

Pattience, funny that you should say that because i'm dealing w/something far more serious and devastating than my looks and i last night just dropped it and said "God...YOUR Will, i'm done". Since i'm a believer in the Creator, that's my way of letting it go because the situation is out of my hands.
Unfortunately telling myself i look great is going to be much easier than the situation i'm dealing with now because even though i've dropped it, so to speak, i still have to live in it but yes, you're correct in your advice, it's how i've dealt with my face thus far and it once in awhile resurfaces for me to deal with again.

Now.. if only that was my ONLY problem right now!

krampus
02-24-2014, 08:52 PM
Age is only a number but you look fantastically youthful...and about 35. And also not gaunt.

Hope you are able to carry whatever is happening now in stride. You can do it.

Pattience
02-25-2014, 07:03 AM
Its great you know what it is because then its easier to trust going with that again.

I hope the other problems become easier to manage too.

MamaChelsey
03-04-2014, 03:56 PM
I think you look absolutely gorgeous hun!

Waterbunny77
03-04-2014, 07:19 PM
I have the same problem with my face. But since I have gained that weight back after 10 years I don't even care right now that my face may become gaunt again. I just want to get this weight off. Also, if I do decide to lose as much as I did the last time (don't think I want to though) I will accept my gaunt face because I don't want a larger body and larger THIGHS!

ReillyJ
03-04-2014, 10:33 PM
I have the same problem with my face. But since I have gained that weight back after 10 years I don't even care right now that my face may become gaunt again. I just want to get this weight off. Also, if I do decide to lose as much as I did the last time (don't think I want to though) I will accept my gaunt face because I don't want a larger body and larger THIGHS!

Yeah i'm not going to gain 15-20 lbs to fill my face out because i like my body the way it is and a lot of it will go to my stomach, anyway, so yea, gonna have to just accept things the way they are!! :)