Chicks in Control - Binge Free And Over Eating in February




mainecyn
02-02-2014, 12:08 PM
I have been doing well, last binge or over eating was January 18th, 13 days. Its been tough but ive done it. I'm still fighting, and trying to handle my binge eating. I got the book brain over binge, yet haven't read beyond the first page. I at times think I just don't want to face my issue or learn more about myself..make sense?


pixelllate
02-04-2014, 09:27 AM
Makes a lot of sense to me! Sometimes I get tired of looking "into myself." I think that it is great to explore why we do the things that we do and reflect, but at the same time, I like the balance that by just living the day to day and not thinking too hard about it.

orangesmartie
02-04-2014, 03:40 PM
Hi. I've not been around for a few days. I've had a very emotional week, quite negative. I have thankfully refrained from binging, but have strayed dangerously close to it on occasion with over eating. The difference (aside fromt he calorie consumption and speed) has been the thought process. The binge mentality just doesn't seem to be there any more.

I'm still working with my counsellor. He said to me today he's not sure what i need his help for. I seem to have good coping strategies and and open approach. I think i explained myself to him, so we'll see what happens next week.

I have to say, this forum is a great place for checking in and it does keep me focussed. I need to try and use it when i'm feeling emotionally negative.


HuggerBunny
02-05-2014, 07:07 AM
Just checking in! I've done pretty darned well over the past week or two, no cravings that I've given into :) I'm glad to hear that the other people who have posted in this (so far tiny) thread are having success as well.

MeganTheMushroom
02-05-2014, 06:49 PM
I've been binging almost every day for the past week
Today has been going well though. I had a big dinner, but I'm determined to get through today binge-free.

mainecyn
02-06-2014, 02:50 PM
I'm still working with my counselor. He said to me today he's not sure what i need his help for. I seem to have good coping strategies and and open approach. I think i explained myself to him, so we'll see what happens next week.

It sounds like your counselor is trying to build your confidence and believes in you. I bet it is still nice to have that reassurance that you are doing well, and using your skills to over come the binge eating.

I've been binging almost every day for the past week

Congratulations! Its an accomplishment. I've been telling myself that every HOUR I don't binge is at least positive. Are you doing anything different?

I am still doing well. I am on day 20 binge free. I had to count twice because it just didn't seem possible. I can't believe I have made it this long again. The longest I have gone this winter binge free has been 21 days. I have to really start focusing and tell myself I can do this. I don't quite remember what it was specifically that made me break the last binge except for the stress of all the kids home during the holidays etc. I wanna make it to day 22 and beat my old record.!!

I am doing well considering the amount of stress that has gone on these past two weeks. I had been getting up at 4 every day to get into work extra early and train on the job I will be taking over when the lady takes maternity leave. I got better and more confident with what I was learning, not second guessing myself, except maybe still occasionally messing up the phone. However, I noticed I really felt guilty.

I would get to work before 6, stay until 10:30 or 11. Then I would either do my grocery shopping, go to the post office, library, or any of the other zillons errands I had. After all of that I would be home for lunch and then do loads of laundry, load the dishwasher, sweep or mop the floor, clean our bathroom, get dinner prepped or put in the crockpot, then go back to work. I felt like I was running on full tilt. I'd work again until 5. After work it was home again to prepare the rest of dinner, fold laundry, etc. Then by 7 or 8 a.m. I was having all I could do to keep my eyes open. I kept falling asleep very very early. I was not available for anyone it seemed after 8. I tried making it up by watching a movie with the kids one night at dinner, by the time it was over I was ready for bed. I didn't get much time with my husband and being so tired I was already asleep when he wanted to do something else.

I decided to ask for help, which I never ever do. I now have someone helping me after dinner, they are rotating..someone will help put leftovers away and "clean up" from dinner so I'm not doing it all and I can actually eat at decent time instead of 2 hours after everyone else. It might seem like very little but I notice its less stressful and I feel like less of a maid. I mean I would go non-stop all day and then when I came home at night sometimes I still had my coat on when I got the rest of dinner going or other stuff done and I was like wait a minute..this just isn't right I go from one job to another with no break whatsoever.

I remember before mentioning this and I listened when you guys suggested ASKING for help. Thank you. Because those are the times I would start getting so upset and then angry I'd bottle it up and it would build and build, then the next thing I knew I would explode into a binge.
I did managed to whip up muffins a couple mornings before I went to work I was trying to let my husband and kids know I hadn't forgotten them just because I was seeing them less or only when I was sleeping:^:

I also checked this morning and was happy to find that I am in ketosis. I also noticed that I had dropped back down to 181-182, which is a start since earlier in the week the scale had read 185. I am reminding myself to avoid the nuts because of all the salt and the fact that I just can't seem to control myself when it comes to eating them. I have tried taking out just one serving but before I know it I go back and eventually I just say heck and eat the bag.

LilDazed
02-07-2014, 08:24 AM
Last night I had a bit of a mini binge on some peanuts and rice cakes (low in calories at least). I did some working out afterwards so I felt a bit better. I think I binged because dinner just really wasn't satisfying. I thought I had eaten enough....maybe not. =P Gah.

ILoveVegetables
02-08-2014, 01:42 PM
Hi, I'm joining in here. I haven't been on the forums too much in the past one or two weeks, because I've been so tired of coming here with failure posts all the time. I really feel like that's all I've been posting because I haven't been able to keep my eating under control. Couple that with the stress of being unemployed and not being able to find a job despite countless applications, I've been eating and eating with no restraint.

But I'm back. I'm still unemployed and living with parents, but I want to have some control in at least one area of my life, and that's going to be my weight loss. Thankfully I haven't gained too much and even managed to lose 2 lbs in the past week. I'm getting back on this journey and I'm trying to stay positive.

MeganTheMushroom
02-09-2014, 07:26 AM
I still haven't been doing great.
I had was good up until after dinner yesterday, when I had half a loaf of banana bread (I ate the other half the day before...) and a bowl of pasta with stale bread (a second dinner with way too much salt)
I did get in a good workout yesterday though. I made myself stay on the elliptical even after people began filling in our tiny gym (I like it to myself).

I have work today from 8 to 1:30, then am spending the rest of the day in the library getting homework done. I have no food left in my home, so not binging should be easy.

So today will be Day 1.
I want to stop binging so badly. I'm so sick of waking up every morning feeling bloated and heavy from all the salt and refined foods :\

worththeeffort2
02-09-2014, 10:00 AM
I have not binged since Nov. 1, 2013 and am feeling pretty good about that. I've been sticking to my diet program and staying on track with my exercise. I've lost over 40 pounds and can climb stairs again without huffing and puffing. I have a long way to go, yet, but I'm on track to get to goal.

I spent far too many years afraid to face or address my binging habit. Without sugar, without binges, who was I? I am the same exact person, just without feeling crappy all the time from the toxic effects sugar had on my system. I have no desire to binge again. Do I miss certain foods? Absolutely! I am learning that there is a major difference between craving a food and wanting to binge, however. Just because I might crave a donut doesn't mean I want, need, or desire to sit down and eat an entire box of donuts. I'm also learning that cravings do pass. I don't have to act on them.

I am a happier person since reading Brain over Binge and deciding that my obsession with food didn't define who I am as a person. I was finally ready to throw away the crutch. We each come to the point that binging doesn't give us the emotional "fix" we need anymore.

As twisted as it may sound, I'm still able to reach that vacuous point of mindlessness that binging provided, only today, I reach that point through exercise. I know only too well, the emotional peace of eating an entire layer cake without thinking about anything or or tasting a single bite. All thought of any kind just slipped away in a massive, thoughtless sugar rush. It takes more physical effort to reach the point of mental oblivion through exercise but when you're doing rep after rep, just focusing on form and counting, there's no room for other thoughts. When I'm in the midst of a workout, I experience that period of mental oblivion without the accompanying regret that binging causes.

mainecyn
02-10-2014, 02:09 PM
I want to have some control in at least one area of my life, and that's going to be my weight loss. Thankfully I haven't gained too much and even managed to lose 2 lbs in the past week. I'm getting back on this journey and I'm trying to stay positive.

Sounds like you have a plan and it is good to put your physical health and needs at the top of the list.

Do I miss certain foods? Absolutely! I am learning that there is a major difference between craving a food and wanting to binge, however. Just because I might crave a donut doesn't mean I want, need, or desire to sit down and eat an entire box of donuts. I'm also learning that cravings do pass. I don't have to act on them.

I have really been paying attention to the same thing..I have learned that I am doing a very good job at paying attention to what my body is saying. I haven't had any binge feelings, for me they are different than just a "craving". But, so far I haven't had enough cravings, or stress, to boil over into a binge cycle. I have able to eat normally. I have been around "binge" foods, and have not been inclined to binge.

I am now 23 DAYS BINGE FREE, the longest I have been in years. I beat the 22 days I had done before. I reached a goal and am so happy with myself.

IdealProteinNewbie
02-10-2014, 08:37 PM
I am now 23 DAYS BINGE FREE, the longest I have been in years. I beat the 22 days I had done before. I reached a goal and am so happy with myself.

I've been following along, on and off, and am SOOOOO happy for you!

MeganTheMushroom
02-10-2014, 09:18 PM
Ugh, I messed up again today :\
It was going well until after dinner (as always), lots of cereal, maple sugar, bread. There's not a lot of food in the house of mine, but of course I still managed a binge (and not a very good one in terms of taste of the food :p )
And now I'm super nauseous.
It was a busy day, 2 meetings and four classes...
But food shouldn't be my way to de-stress and relax.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Gotta stay positive!

LilDazed
02-11-2014, 08:23 AM
Peanut butter toast this morning for breakfast....then I went on a crunchy spree. (a few Nilla wafers, Newton thins, and some BBQ Fritos) =P Good thing lunch will be healthy. But I gotta plan something supah low cal for dinner. Gah!

mainecyn
02-12-2014, 10:53 AM
I've been following along, on and off, and am SOOOOO happy for you!

Thank you so much for the support. It has been very difficult but I am still binge free today, no over eating either.:hug: I am trying to be "good" to myself and keep going. I am extremely busy with work, which might be helping, and at home.

I also stepped on the scale this morning, I am back DOWN to 179 as of this morning. Not binging is helping since I had been past 185.

Newton

I bought Fig newtons in January-tons of them. I was craving them and I ate two entire packages during a binge. They bring back a warm and fuzzy feeling from childhood-my grandfather always ate them. I wondered at the time if I was binging trying to comfort myself? Who knows. I know that emotions add to my binge feeling, but it isn't the "cause" of it. Also know that when I am stressed and feeling out of control I also binge a great deal. Which is odd to me because I feel out of control during a binge as well buy maybe its a way to get that "energy" out?

So, overall 25 days binge free. I keep reminding myself that. I haven't had "the urge" to binge which is how I have gone this long.

Valkyrie1
02-12-2014, 12:12 PM
Mainecyn, congrats on being 25 days binge free!

Yesterday, I tried an experiment. I have two "celebration meals" a week, at which I can consume more carbs than I usually do. Sometimes these "celebration meals" trigger me to binge on more carbs afterwards. A friend had told me that there are studies showing that consuming a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar along with your carbs can slow the release of the sugar into your bloodstream, and the dumping of insulin to deal with your sugar. I had my celebration meal, and a big cupcake, for lunch. I drank some apple cider vinegar in water afterwards. It was gross, but it worked. I felt no cravings afterwards. I didn't even feel hungry at dinner! I'm going to try it again today. I'll let you know if it works.

Here's a link to one of the articles on apple cider vinegar
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes-food-and-fitness/diabetes-superfoods/special_nutrients/spoonful_of_vinegar

orangesmartie
02-12-2014, 03:15 PM
Well I'm afraid I have fallen off the wagon big style. Lots of stress going on, overly tired, all the usual excuses blah blah blah. Actually i just stopped being conscious and aware of what I was doing. I went on autopilot and have been binging daily (sometimes twice a day) over the last week.

Big f****** failure and i can't seem to get back on track :(

Pippa154
02-12-2014, 03:38 PM
Hi, I'm new to this forum, the last one I contributed to seems to have disappeared and I found it helpful, so here I am.

I realise I've had an eating problem for probably just over a year. At the moment I can't seem to go a day without overeating, or even half a day for that matter. It's usually okay until lunchtime but once I start eating, I can't seem to stop. I've tried lots of things and have lost weight, only to put it back on... and some.

My will power seems to have all but disappeared, I can't even get through day without blowing it. I've often said to myself, if you want it enough, you'll do it - do I not want it enough? I feel like I do. I want to be healthy for my children and for myself. I think there's nothing worse than looking back on your life with regret, I don't want to be doing that.

I am 40 and mum of two boys. I ran the London marathon in 2008 but it's been all down hill since then.

Any help appreciated.

Autumnjana
02-12-2014, 07:44 PM
Hugs to everyone :) I feel that this thread is so invaluable and insightful. I have recently lost 110 pounds through Weight Watchers. Last Saturday I reached my goal weight. It is at the higher end of my weight range for my height but I'm perfectly ok with that. I work out a lot and lift weights and am a size eight. I'm very happy with my chosen goal weight, which was a recent decision. That said, over the past few weeks my desire to binge eat has returned. I haven't had that desire in about a year, so the continuous desire to binge as of late is a little disappointing. After I reached my goal weight I went grocery shopping (part of my routine) and for the first time in a year felt this like crazy, crazy inclination to load up my cart with the Valentine cakes and cookies that were displayed in the entry. It kind of took me aback. Just an hour earlier I had reached my goal weight and all of a sudden I was hit with all new desires to binge. Very weird.

As well, I went shopping today for a few things I was out of. I was going to pick up baking supplies to make treats for Valentine's Day for people. As soon as I got into the door I as greeted again (different store tho) by cakes and chocolates and all kinds of desserts. Within seconds I got overwhelmed and extremely upset. Where are these feelings me sensations coming from all of a sudden?

I thought to myself that I could not be trusted today with baking supplies in my home. I thought to get my friends and coworkers candies instead so I wouldn't have to face baking supplies in my home. Then I realized that today was a day where I couldn't trust myself even to have candies in my house.

Ultimately I decided to opt out of treats for Valentine's Day this year. I just can't face it. I'm proud of myself however that I can see that about myself. I feel badly because I would like to acknowledge people on Valentine's Day. But for my own sake, I can't be handling desserts and sweets. Anyway, in both cases mentioned what I ended up doing is countering the urge to binge with a mini shoppig spree of healthy foods. Raw vegetables. Fiber 1 bars. Tortilla wraps for my lunches. New spices to try. Greek yogurt. Things like that. So, today I am proud of myself.

I thought I would share a Vic

mainecyn
02-13-2014, 09:31 AM
After I reached my goal weight I went grocery shopping (part of my routine) and for the first time in a year felt this like crazy, crazy inclination to load up my cart with the Valentine cakes and cookies that were displayed in the entry. It kind of took me aback. Just an hour earlier I had reached my goal weight and all of a sudden I was hit with all new desires to binge. Very weird.


It is a very odd sensation because you would think that once reaching such a goal, all the hard work, sacrifice, and working on your personal health, that binge eating would be the last thing on your mind. However, I am living that as well and have for over a year. I reached goal weight of 147 a year ago..within months I binged myself all the way back up into the 160's, then the 170's, and after that the 180's. I had been proud and disciplined, and worked so hard..I think the "high" of losing and succeeding replaced the binge feelings for a long long time, then it was back. I also noticed that the binge eating is so much worse than ever before, it was constant, every day all day for most of the year. I am only now almost a month binge free..its the most I've done in a year. I can understand what you are going thru. I think you did the right thing by opting out of the treats. I have done what you said, I'll just buy one..well before I know it I'm eating what I bought and then going back to the store and stocking up, taking it all home and binge eating it all. :?:

think I'm on day 27, didn't count I might be off a day or so. But I know the month mark is coming up fast.

I'm busy as always at work and with family. It will be a real test this weekend with all my step kids at home as well. I keep saying, I can do this..don't listen to that voice that's says its been so long and you will feel so much better if you binge-release, happy, accceptance

mars735
02-13-2014, 10:47 AM
I have been doing well, last binge or over eating was January 18th, 13 days. Its been tough but ive done it. I'm still fighting, and trying to handle my binge eating. I got the book brain over binge, yet haven't read beyond the first page. I at times think I just don't want to face my issue or learn more about myself..make sense?

Hi, Hope it;s ok to chime in here. Your posts really resonate! Prior to dieting, I'd describe myself as a compulsive overeater with occasional bingeing. Come to think of it, that still fits, lol. I went on IdealProtein for 7 mo and for the first time in my post-puberty life, I've been at a healthy weight (I'm now 60). I've been more or less maintaining for almost 6 mo.

One day after having a really nice & satisfying meal with a friend, I stopped at the store to pick up TP and the next thing I knew I was eating donuts, Cheetohs, and too many other things to list, things I normally don't even crave. It mystified me until I read Brain over Binge. It's a good read and when she finally ties it all together--wow! You will have a very convincing explanation for what's going on and how to deal with it. According to the book (and my experience), dieting makes us all more vulnerable to binges--it's hard wired into our brains. But not impossible to overcome or at least manage. I hope you'll find it as helpful as I did. Sending you good wishes for the weekend.

mars735
02-13-2014, 10:52 AM
Mainecyn, congrats on being 25 days binge free!

Yesterday, I tried an experiment. I have two "celebration meals" a week, at which I can consume more carbs than I usually do. Sometimes these "celebration meals" trigger me to binge on more carbs afterwards. A friend had told me that there are studies showing that consuming a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar along with your carbs can slow the release of the sugar into your bloodstream, and the dumping of insulin to deal with your sugar. I had my celebration meal, and a big cupcake, for lunch. I drank some apple cider vinegar in water afterwards. It was gross, but it worked. I felt no cravings afterwards. I didn't even feel hungry at dinner! I'm going to try it again today. I'll let you know if it works.

Here's a link to one of the articles on apple cider vinegar
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes-food-and-fitness/diabetes-superfoods/special_nutrients/spoonful_of_vinegar

Can't WAIT to try this--thank-you!!! I've heard that eating a few pickles also helps--maybe due to the vinegar. A new concept for dessert :D

362to262
02-13-2014, 10:58 AM
I was on a horrible daily binge for weeks until last Thursday. So today marks my 7th day without bingeing.

pixelllate
02-13-2014, 04:04 PM
Hey all, thinking about you all!!

Winter is hard, so I think that its great that we are having some better days despite the stress. I have my times of feeling down, so I am trying to balance that by reminding myself that sometimes things happen in life that make the little problems seem way worse and goals feel a lot of daunting.

I am also trying to remind myself of the progress and growth that I have achieved - I used to think that I would always inevitably screw up on everything. Well, now on days when there is extreme bad weather and I am very ill and I can't make it to the gym or do this or that perfectly, I am getting better at trusting myself and knowing that that no, pixellate, you know that you will do what you want to do - you won't fall apart in a mess because you aren't 100% when things get rather impossible. I employed any and EVERY weight loss technique because I thought I need to do so much to make up for my crappy failure self. Accommodate for my inevitable inefficiency.

Sure I don't do nearly as much activity or proactive dieting as some, but I do at least the bare minimum and I don't beat myself up when I don't - for me, that is eons less self-punishing than how I felt in the past (separating myself from my toxic family has made a big difference in this too)

pixelllate
02-13-2014, 04:13 PM
People congratulate me on maintaining but i’m a fake. I do well and control my urges all week but Friday night comes around and a switch goes off.

Binging or not you are NOT a fake. You are still inspiring and you accomplished a lot - you kept up habits 100% for a long time, even if you don't maintain them fully now. Even if the whole binge-purge cycle to maintain isn't what you want to do in the long term (and I don't blame you) the fact that you can maintain is still admirable. Please feel free to post here! Or lurk of course =]

mainecyn
02-13-2014, 06:05 PM
I have said this exact same thing-I have people still tell me congratulations on losing so much weight, maintaining it, being healthy etc. Yet, I tell myself I am fake, I am not healthy, I am not maintaining my weight, and if they only really knew what I do-they wouldn't be so quick to congratulate me.

362to262
02-14-2014, 01:59 PM
Binging or not you are NOT a fake. You are still inspiring and you accomplished a lot - you kept up habits 100% for a long time

I agree with Pixellate

The fact that you can come on here and admit that you have binged is HUGE... you are way ahead of being in that place where you denied it.

mrslosingit
02-15-2014, 10:34 PM
I've been binge free since jan 1st even though it's been a stuggle at times

mars735
02-16-2014, 12:12 PM
:cp:mrslosingit: Congratulations! How have you accomplished this success? :cp:

mainecyn
02-16-2014, 06:38 PM
I've been binge free since jan 1st even though it's been a stuggle at times

Congratulations! That is a major accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself.

I haven't binged, that feeling, that over takes me, it hasn't happened. I am not sure just what is going on but I don't miss the feeling. I did eat more than normal yesterday, snacking on veggie "chips" craving salt. But, it ended there. I didn't start on those and then eventually more or move onto something else, that panic and frantic feeling of eating one thing and moving to the next and next. It didn't happen. So far, its no where to be seen, that binge binge monster or the physical change I feel when it does come up on me.

No weight loss, and not feeling great about how I am looking, but it hasn't made me decide that I should throw myself in front of the pantry. Eating because I feel ugly or fat has always been a response, it isn't happening. While I am not happy with myself, I'm hanging in there.

I attempted exercises today on my stability ball, yet I feel goofy and stupid when I attempted them. Don't know what I am doing.

Its been a long weekend. We have had everything and everyone here all weekend. With all the kids I normally would eat and eat. Not so far. I had a rough time Friday at the Drs office with multiple tests. I have a mammogram Monday morning. I'm a little young for it, never had one before. Also some blood tests Monday and some other issues health wise that are stressful, but I haven't turned to food.

I hope everyone is doing well over the weekend and congratulating themselves for all the hard work. It seems to be a min by min thing, but I guess its the same for us all.

mars735
02-16-2014, 07:45 PM
Congratulations! That is a major accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself.

I haven't binged, that feeling, that over takes me, it hasn't happened. I am not sure just what is going on but I don't miss the feeling. I did eat more than normal yesterday, snacking on veggie "chips" craving salt. But, it ended there. I didn't start on those and then eventually more or move onto something else, that panic and frantic feeling of eating one thing and moving to the next and next. It didn't happen. So far, its no where to be seen, that binge binge monster or the physical change I feel when it does come up on me.

No weight loss, and not feeling great about how I am looking, but it hasn't made me decide that I should throw myself in front of the pantry. Eating because I feel ugly or fat has always been a response, it isn't happening. While I am not happy with myself, I'm hanging in there.

I attempted exercises today on my stability ball, yet I feel goofy and stupid when I attempted them. Don't know what I am doing.

Its been a long weekend. We have had everything and everyone here all weekend. With all the kids I normally would eat and eat. Not so far. I had a rough time Friday at the Drs office with multiple tests. I have a mammogram Monday morning. I'm a little young for it, never had one before. Also some blood tests Monday and some other issues health wise that are stressful, but I haven't turned to food.

I hope everyone is doing well over the weekend and congratulating themselves for all the hard work. It seems to be a min by min thing, but I guess its the same for us all.

Wow congratulations go to you too!

orangesmartie
02-18-2014, 06:04 PM
Great going Cyn, thats wonderful progress. Keep it up.

Sadly I am failing to get a grip on my eating. I'm going to try reading Brain over Binge again, to reconnect with the ideas that seemed to work. Also my counsellor gave me some good tips today. I need to get a grip. This binging is really getting me down.

IdealProteinNewbie
02-18-2014, 08:42 PM
mainecyn: In case I miss it tomorrow, 2/19, congrats on one month of being binge free!!!

jendiet
02-19-2014, 07:39 AM
i honestly don't remember the last time I did a 3000 calorie binge. But a couple of days ago I ate more than a healthy serving of chocolates--I'm going to call that a binge for me for now.

I am prone to emotional eating right now. I am having stress in my relationship, stress in my finances, I am 2 months postpartum, and I am determined to work out and lose weight.

yesterday was the first day for me, because I joined 3 fat chicks again.

So this is day 2.

Congrats everyone on being binge free for ever how long.

MeganTheMushroom
02-19-2014, 08:24 AM
Yesterday would have been Day 6, but I messed up. I was sick so I stayed at home all day, and I guess the boredom got the best of me.
Before that I had been doing really well though. Binging just seemed so unappealing.
I think I'm making a lot of progress. I think today will be good, and it seems that every time I do binge, I tell myself that it's going to lead to a stomach ache and nausea right after, gut issues and acne the next day.
Here's to another Day 1, a banana for breakfast, classes, lunch, then going into town with friends. I've got this :)

jendiet
02-19-2014, 10:34 AM
megan, yes the binging does make you feel sick. You have the rest of the day to be binge free. congrats!

orange, focus on the negative of binging. the money, the icky feeling, one thing that REALLY helped with my binging, is the sick feeling would always be so overwhelming--either from very high blood sugar or just plain pain--I would always purge. Well, the vessels in my face would break badly..and I would have dots everywhere...it was a good reminded why I shouldn't binge because eventually I would purge, and my face would be a mess. Plus I just got through months of morning sickness my last pregnancy...who wants to do that on purpose now?

mainecyn
02-19-2014, 03:20 PM
Great going Cyn, thats wonderful progress. Keep it up.

Sadly I am failing to get a grip on my eating. I'm going to try reading Brain over Binge again, to reconnect with the ideas that seemed to work. Also my counsellor gave me some good tips today. I need to get a grip. This binging is really getting me down.

Thank you so much. I have made it 30 days. This is the longest I have been binge free in years. I am not sure how or why, just thankful that I have been able to stay on top of things. I haven't had "that feeling" the one that creeps up on you and turns that binge switch on. I try to really listen to myself, what is going on physically. I don't know, I really don't feel I am doing anything different that before.

I have been binge free this long. Has it resulted in weight loss? NO, however, it has resulted in me feeling better about myself and more "in control". I have also noticed that my "everyday" eating has slowed way way down. I am not eating much as I used to. I don't know if it is tied together or not. I am keeping as busy as possible and trying not to even think about food.

Note on emotions. Well, I generally seem to binge a great deal, happy or sad, but I also had noticed that during times of stress or anger I also binge. Its like instead of letting out that anger or energy I internalized it, and at. Cramming that food in faster and faster and talking to that person in my mind about how upset or angry I was. I have had several stressful events over this month, got angry, and just felt out of control at times, BUT I DIDN'T BINGE, which was usually my reaction.

Im still reading brain over binge, its taking a long time because I have only been able to really read it while I am at the chiropractor or other dr office.

************************************************** ***
Just a polite warning it may be too much info or gross some out


I am right now, currently, dealing with health (medical) issues related to years of binge eating..this past year being the worse I ever binged. I am taking medication for gi tract, I am dealing with acid reflux and gag reflex (almost vomited this morning when I coughed), and then there is the issue of digestion-um no polite way to say it but when you binge on all that food it has to come out.

I had an appointment this week due to issues (blood) and problems trying to pass all that food has caused, and constipation. I didn't go into detail with the dr as to why I should be having such issues since I am "thin" generally eat healthy, but I had to explain to her why I could no longer physically "go to the bathroom" without a lot of effort, or that it could be up to 6 days until I could. "Digestive problems such as bloating, stomach cramps, constipation or diarrhea " is a polite way to list it all.

Add the fact that for two weeks I am having to use a suppository, take stool softeners morning and night, and go thru a totally embarrassing rectal exam and poo test (sample due to blood)
well, if you thought having your annual pap test etc. is bad-this experience had it beat. Not to mention, I was in the doctor office FOR MY PAP test and exam. The dr asked me if I had any other concerns..I hesitated for a min. and then decided to tell her that whenever I "go to the bathroom" I bleed ALOT, like having to clean yourself and the toilet. She immediately said "we will be looking into that" and then scheduled a bunch of tests.
************************************************** ******
You know, when I look back over the years of all the binge eating, the gaining weight and losing weight, I can never once say that I ever thought or knew that binge eating would or could lead to physical problems or diseases.

I knew that bulimia could cause issues due to vomiting, also affect your teeth. I also knew that anorexia could cause many issues such as no period, loss of bone growth, tons of other things, but never once did I ever read in all the books I read, the self help ones, or the therapist I saw, that binge eating could "tear your digestive system up" and cause future health problems. I know that rationally it makes sense, but that voice in my head kept saying, "well all i was doing was eating a bunch of food fast, it all went in ok, it should be fine" I didn't know I really was causing any trauma except to myself emotionally.

orangesmartie, I understand completely.I keep trying, like you. Get up and try again, thats what I always end up telling myself. I don't know if the book is doing anything "life changing" but it does explain things in a way I can relate to and I also learned that it was normal to feel that therapy doesn't always help. I didn't do well with therapy, they just always returned to childhood events that MIGHT have shaped how I am today, well sure they did..but it wasn't helping me now. I also, like the writer, took topomax, while on it my binge systems were gone for several months and I mentally felt different-which is why I always felt it was a "mental" issue involving a section of my brain.

I skim the book on my kindle when I can if it just doesn't seem to "apply" I move onto something that does apply to me. I didn't relate to much of the bulimia info, or the excessive exercise, but I did relate to the entire weight loss issue. My binge eating got worse after being successful losing weight-I lost 80+ pounds two times. I always used to have periods of over eating and indulging" pre-diet time, but I noticed that this past year after reaching my goal weight suddenly the binge eating reappeared with a vengeance and took hold. It was unlike anything it ever had been before-a monster, out of control. So, yes, I can see some parts of that theory as well. But, I always seemed to have some type of eating disorder as long as I can remember (early childhood etc). There is just so much to shift thru. I don't discount that there are some emotional issues added to my binge eating, I admit it. I have low low self esteem and a poor self image. Do to those things I have resorted to turning to food for comfort and the "high or good" feeling the binge gives. So, I haven't really had my understanding of why I binge eat change at all while reading the book. I just do like that I can relate to what is being said.

I'm thinking of all of you, I haven't been on much because I haven't' been home much except for late at night after work. By then I'm too tired to do anything and I also like privacy when I'm posting here. I don't get that with everyone at home.

mars735
02-19-2014, 03:38 PM
mainecyn, thank-you very much for sharing your experience. It takes a lot of courage to do that and especially to tell your doc. Sounds like you have learned to truly take care of yourself. Many times in my life, I've done used my body as a pawn in trying to care for my psyche. I suspect many, many people do in one form or another. Some are much less stigmatized than the ones related to eating. Gender bias, lol?

I hope your doc acted it a way to merit your authenticity & trust--the good ones feel privileged to have a patient as honest as you. And hoping for a full recovery, too. Hope you'll keep us posted.

orangesmartie
02-19-2014, 04:30 PM
Cyn, thank you for sharing. I know its hard but its always comforting to know i'm not alone.

Today has been terrible for food. I've just been like a pacman all day, eating and eating and eating. And when i'm not eating, I'm thinking about eating, what I've got in the fridge/freezer/cupboards, what i could get from the supermarket (i had to go to get milk and bread, bought chocolate mousses and greek yoghurt - have already eaten most of that). So i'm about 3000 calories for the day. And i haven't even yet hit the point where my stomach hurts.

I'm onto litre 3 of water and i've had about 5 mugs (big mugs) of redbush tea, no milk or sugar.

I just want to cry (except i don't cry). It upsets me so much that I've put on so much of the weight i lost and am steadily gaining. I hate that I now flinch and cringe when my partner touches me. And most of all, i hate that those feelings are not enought o motivate me to stop doing it.

Working with my counsellor is ok. We've been all the way through my life and he agrees that there is no event from childhood that causes this. He thinks I'm a very open and experiencing person, who just has this one blip, and i agree. So now we're down to trying CBT And transactional analysis techniques. Clearly they are failing so far.

I just don't know what else to do. I'm sorry to bring everyone down. I just need to vent and feel safe doing so here.

Every morning i wake up and swear it will be different today, today will be the start. Sometimes, like yesterday, i make it through to dinner time before the demons get me. This morning, it was less than an hour after breakfast that it started.

I'm so tired of this.

jendiet
02-19-2014, 07:34 PM
cyn,, thanks for sharing...I too have digestive problems...

orange, you are safe, go ahead and vent. I pray you are able to overcome the urge to eat some more...

LittleMissNiki
02-20-2014, 04:19 AM
thanks to everyone for sharing ur experiences-i thouyht inwas alone with a binge problem until i joined 3fc-i been binge free for 10days now so im optimistic!usually if i get low blood sugars-type1 diabetes-i end up bingeing as im not in control in that state but i been handling blood sugars by havin energy drink with fruit or rice cakes and im sorted without gorging on food!it dont really help me that my boyf always eas junk food in front of me as he dont understand thT i have a problem with food,he says its all made up in my head and a binge prob dont really exist-i just ignore his comments now and justuse mind over matter and carry on-worst thing is he always tries to get me to eat junk food as he says i should just eat wat i want and i used to gige in,resulting in a binge and afterwards it makes me feel like he enjoys wattching me fail-does that make sense..?anyway in he past 10 days iv been losin pounds and inches so that has helped me stick to it so im determined now-reading ppls stories on here has helped so thanks everyone-good luck and keep goin!:-)

jendiet
02-20-2014, 07:12 AM
Little miss, I know a lot of women whose NSF are feeders. With my man, I just take one bite to make him happy. I see you are at a good weight. Don't let anything derail you.

devadiva
02-21-2014, 10:33 AM
Cyn - thanks for sharing.

I'm dealing with stomach issues too and never thought it could be related to binging. I'm actually on the verge of having to go to the hospital as i've been dealing with severe constipation and i've done everything possible. I have everything imaginable in my cupboard as this isn't something new...when i find something that work, it works for 2 weeks top and then stops working.....i did citromag on tuesday (which is used for purging before colon test) which did nothing but give me horrible stomach pain. I'm now taking Lactulose which is what the hospital had given me last time i went it from being so backed up (i even did the Golytely which is preparation for colonoscopy which didn't work). I normally take 2 xtrastrenght exlax on friday and can go mid-day saturday but last week it didn't work If i didn't take that, i would never go on my own. Diet wise, beside the binging/purging on week-ends, my diet is very good. I drink 3-4l water a day, have probiotics, eat 4-5cups veggies and lots of lettuce and protein and that's it. But even when i was heavy, i was still dealing with severe constipation.... beside the little bit i went this past saturday, i haven't gone since the saturday before.... getting very uncomfortable but mostly extremelly frustrated!

At least i'm using this as an excuse as to why my weight hasn't gone down this week, lol.

Hi new here I have been reading BOB for the last couple days.Nailed it to a tea for me. I am 61,I have struggled with my weight my whole life,discovered exercise at around 55,lost 50 lbs and over 2 yrs put 25 back on,this lays year I lost 30 hit below goal.My currant issue is I had back surgrey mid Dec. Instantly gain 5 lbs,which depressed me along with the " nothing but walking" for like 8 weeks.I started binging,and I am the type that does not do total purge just the severe beating myself up and restricting calories which snowballs. I binge healthier now and keep calories lower but still in the thousands and it adds up, and weight gain is rapid.anyways...2 days Free and mentally feeling better.

As for Busymoms post,I have been there and totally understand,have you seen a gastronoligist (sp) I finally saw one a few years back the colonoskapy the whole nine yards,on top of the binging you may have IBS-C and extra long intestines....
I to rarely go but take a medicine called Amitiza and miralax everyday..I at least don't feel sick and stuffed all the time. I still don't go often but feel much better when eating without the binges.

orangesmartie
02-21-2014, 11:17 AM
I'm still binging, but the quantities are reducing a bit. Trying to opt for 'healthier' foods. Its still a lot of calories, but maybe less overall damage.

Not wanting to place blame, but things are very stressful at the moment. I didn't get the job i interviewed for the other week, so now i have no income coming and am having to turn to the state for help. I doubt there is a more humiliating experience than that.

My permanent move is now on hold and that is gutting, but, I am going to stay with my partner over the weekend for a couple of weeks, while i have some job interviews up there. Will be quite a test to see how we can manage to live together while also dealing with work etc. So perhaps i just feel overwhelmed and out of control with all of that going on.

This weekend I will be reading BOB with a hope to get back on track.

I am really gratefully to you all for sharing your stories and being supportive.

ETA: My partner is also one who likes to have snacks and biscuits and cakes and will always offer me some, but doesn't push the issue if i say no. I lack willpower to say no. He lacks willpower not to offer it.

mainecyn
02-21-2014, 03:29 PM
Cyn, thank you for sharing. I know its hard but its always comforting to know i'm not alone.

I just want to cry (except i don't cry). It upsets me so much that I've put on so much of the weight i lost and am steadily gaining. I hate that I now flinch and cringe when my partner touches me. And most of all, i hate that those feelings are not enought o motivate me to stop doing it

I feel for you and relate to what you are saying, "flinch and cringe when my partner touches me" I have posted about this many many times and have used the same description for myself. I flinched and swear I died a little inside every time my husbands hand brushed towards my waist, if he could even find it, or didn't realize that he really was caressing a spare tire and not a breast. :o I had never ever let my husband see me naked causally-I didn't (and still dont) undress or dress in front of him. I would be paranoid when we were first together that he would come into the bathroom while I was showering, or worse yet get in with me. I took a bath with him a few times after I started dropping weight but only if I could get in the tub first, there were tons of bubbles, only candles, and he had to get out of the tub and leave the room first.:dizzy: My husband knew to keep my body covered when we were intimate, lights off, etc. I never could relax and "enjoy" being intimate because with every single touch I had that voice running thru my head wondering what he was thinking and if he was repulsed by my body as much as I was.

Orange, I am usually very open about what is going on (here on the board) with me due to my binge eating. I have been a binge eater for over 25 years. I never knew anyone else that suffered with this eating disorder. I look back and think that somewhere during my life I had to of known someone else that suffered from binge eating because it was something I never shared with anyone. I remember having friends that were over weight like I was during teenage years, and after having my kids. But, all we ever talked about was the "dieting" part and being over weight.

I knew no one that ever said they were a binge eater. Yet, I think there really has to be more of us out of there because it would be alot easier to drop weight IF we were not secretly gorging ourselves in private. I have dieted what seems like my entire life, trying to change my body into something I am not ashamed of and changing myself into a better person. Instead, I've just screwed up myself physically and emotionally.

I am on day 31 or 32? of not binge eating. Longest time in years. I don't know how it happened, why it happened, because mentally nothing has changed. I still have the negative image and the lack of willpower. I have just been trying to watch what I eat, portion size, and listen to my stomach and eat when I am hungry so I am not starving.

I have had to limit what I eat-no sugar or flour, and really control the amount of fruit. I know that some people say it is not appropriate to limit any food groups, but I just can not do this any other way. If I eat one cookie I will eat a dozen-that's just it, one piece of cake and I'd eat the entire thing. The fruit, the sweetness, at times can cause an issue because I will eat it and praise myself over making a "good choice" then my sweet tooth is awake and I begin looking thru cupboards etc. I am eating even more vegetables than I did (and I already ate more than normal) leafy greens, salad, baby carrots and sugar peas, spinach (chopped finely) in my homemade turkey soup...I still know I can't eat a potato I don't have the willpower for that yet. This works for me. I have had greek yogurt with fruit but I really noticed this morning I have to watch it because I began thinking about eating something else sweeter after I had some for breakfast this morning.

I know somewhere on here a couple posts ago someone else was talking about bathroom issues, constipation. My Dr told me not to use "harsh" quick acting laxatives. Instead, she recommend taking an over the counter stool softener, one in the am and one in the pm every day. I have been. She also told me to begin taking a fiber supplement daily. I am using benifiber clear powder. I add two teaspoons (actually measuring teaspoons) of benifiber to a tall glass of water each morning and night. I stir it in, and drink it down with my vitamins. Its working. No more pain no more heaviness feeling constantly etc. I am wondering if the extra fiber is also helping me not feel hungry as often?

I haven't read anymore of Brain over Binge, or the other 3 binge eating books I picked up at the library. I am confused really over what is working, since Im not doing anything differently this time compared to the other times I tried to control my binge eating. I am trying not to overwhelm myself right now with info and obsess over things. I will see the dr again in 3 weeks. My goal is to be able to go that long with out binge eating.

pixelllate
02-22-2014, 08:42 AM
I knew no one that ever said they were a binge eater. Yet, I think there really has to be more of us out of there because it would be alot easier to drop weight IF we were not secretly gorging ourselves in private. I have dieted what seems like my entire life, trying to change my body into something I am not ashamed of and changing myself into a better person. Instead, I've just screwed up myself physically and emotionally.

I am on day 21 or 22? of not binge eating. Longest time in years. I don't know how it happened, why it happened, because mentally nothing has changed. I still have the negative image and the lack of willpower. I have just been trying to watch what I eat, portion size, and listen to my stomach and eat when I am hungry so I am not starving.

I am eating even more vegetables than I did (and I already ate more than normal) leafy greens, salad, baby carrots and sugar peas, spinach (chopped finely) in my homemade turkey soup...I still know I can't eat a potato I don't have the willpower for that yet.
I know somewhere on here a couple posts ago someone else was talking about bathroom issues, constipation. My Dr told me not to use "harsh" quick acting laxatives. Instead, she recommend taking an over the counter stool softener, one in the am and one in the pm every day. I have been. She also told me to begin taking a fiber supplement daily. I am using benifiber clear powder. I add two teaspoons (actually measuring teaspoons) of benifiber to a tall glass of water each morning and night. I stir it in, and drink it down with my vitamins. Its working. No more pain no more heaviness feeling constantly etc. I am wondering if the extra fiber is also helping me not feel hungry as often?


Mainecyn, I am thinking about putting back potatoes in my diet because I haven't had those in awhile, but I too am not sure how my body will handle them. As far as other people binging goes, I too do not know any "serious bingers" like me - I do know people who might run to food when they feel distressed (i'm more of a binge the day away type), but I also sorta remind myself that we all have our own individual experiences, and my own growing up/life experiences were really strange and abusive in a strange way, so I couldn't relate to anyone else around me anyways - it makes sense that compared to others, I have an unusual attitude towards food...and everything else. LOL

As far as the pooing goes, I am very very very much into that. I have never had good experience with ANY conventional tips - I could recommend going on
this site
http://www.gutsense.org/constipation/faq.html
especially the question
"What is the best diet for constipation relief?"
Following all the tips and reading into really finally helped me with my constipation - I've been a fiber-believer for years and years!

Also, I just wanted to add, that from an outside perspective, even though it may feel like to you that nothing much has changed, when I read your posts it DOES seem like you've made a lot of awesome changes - meaningful, introspective ones and that will carry people farther than those who mindlessly follow X, Y and Z techniques - making what big or small changes we can mindfully.

mainecyn
02-22-2014, 11:20 AM
Thank you for the info Pixie, it is good to have the input from others to kind of gauge how I am doing. Often, others notice the changes in you before you do. The only thing I could see in myself after reading your reply is I would consider my approach to dealing with my binge eating more organized than previous approaches I have had in the past.

I am no longer trying to solve all the problems at once, such as control my binge eating, tackle all my self esteem issues, and lose weight, all at once. I have tried that approach and trying to do so I finally learned that I spread myself and efforts to THIN. I can not solve each problem applying maybe 10% of my effort and focus.

So, I'm trying to address the MAIN issue for me, the binge eating. It seems to be working as I am getting stronger avoiding it and working thru it. Ive been weight obsessed for years, and its a cycle..the binge makes you gain and the gain makes you binge. So, if I break that piece of my cycle I should be able to work on the others later. It seems to make sense to me when I think about it. But, who knows.

Ive been feeling physically better, maybe not totally emotionally positive, but improving. The finer is helping, the meals are also still smaller I noticed. Last night I had eaten dinner and half way thru I felt fullness and discomfort. Keep in mind the meal was already half of what I would normally eat. I added in a veggies snack the past couple of days this week, real food. Ive also had a few strawberries and raspberries with plain Greek yogurt.

Ive continued the water intake. I stepped on the scale this morning out of curiosity and down couple times. I figure if I continue eating right and not binge eating I should slowly get back to where I was. So scale reads 178-177.5 ish :o

************************************************** **********Tonight
Husband surprised me by saying we were going out to dinner. He had seen a commercial during the afternoon about a local restaurant, buffet. My first impulse was I don't wanna go, I don't dare go. Lets just say that a buffet is the last place I wanted to test myself with, not to mention its one of our favorite places to go. I always eat more than I plan on, and I try to keep control over what I am eating. When what I really want to do is dive face first into everything and wish I was alone.

I decided to go with the plate approach. I took three different plates, one at a time. I only put what I knew I really wanted to try on the plate, and only enough to fill the center of the plate-along with salad. I ate some of everything on the plates, all of it veggies, protien, low carb not breaded. I had a piece of steak that was the size of a deck of cards (a real serving size). For dessert I had 3 large strawberries that were incredible. I remember sitting there thinking, I'm full. I really don't need anything else-I said "Im done, done" my husband looked at me and said, totally done or just with what you have" I told him nope, I'm totally done, I can't eat anything else, I'm good-I wasn't full, but I wasn't hungry. I had tried everything that I wanted, and was all acceptable. I didn't feel deprived at all. My husband looked at me and said "are you sure, you usually eat more here than I do" and you've only eaten maybe a plate full." Told him yup. I was surprised that he commented on what I ate or didn't eat. I think it is not just in my head when I said I think I am eating less than I normally do.

I was satisfied. I also made sure I took my "dose" of fiber before we left (benifiber) thinking it would also probably help me feel fuller, faster. Whatever the reasons, I was successfully able to eat out and not over eat. I also am home and not searching for more to eat because after seeing all the desserts etc. laid out I wanted it and couldn't have it. Nothing, not at all. No desire to binge or even eat anything. I still don't know what is going on, but I'm happy it is and that I am still feeling in control. Its been at least 32 0r 33 days since I binged last.

LittleMissNiki
02-23-2014, 03:52 AM
im so upset with myself-id managed 11days with no binge but its like i just gave up on friday night and i ate so much junk for no reason-then i decided right back to it on saturday but then gave up again by the nightime and spent last night binge eatin again-its now sunday morning and im trying to be positive and just start afresh-all the weight i lost over the 11 binge free days has now been gained again and more :-( why on earth do i do it to myself?!it really doesnt help that my partner consantly eats junk in front of me and always says do u want some of this and that etc...i wish i could just stay healthy and reach my goal-i have done it lots of times before but im findin it so hard this time-i need to get my determination back and its just seems lost at the moment-i think it helped me wen i had a diet buddy that i messaged everyday with progress as the support spurred me on-anyone else lookin for a support buddy?hope everyone is well this wknd :-)

pixelllate
02-23-2014, 08:34 AM
Mainecyn - if the benefiber doesn't work for you (that stuff in the long run wrecked havoc on me!) I would REALLY look into that Gutsense site - and try incorporating more fat, less fibrous veggies, things that won't stress out your system and more leisurely type exercise. I know that it seems to go against every pooing/diet rule out there, but he really laid it out as to why, and when I tried all of his tips FINALLY my pooing improved. That really helped me out!

mainecyn
02-23-2014, 04:26 PM
Mainecyn - if the benefiber doesn't work for you (that stuff in the long run wrecked havoc on me!) I would REALLY look into that Gutsense site - and try incorporating more fat, less fibrous veggies, things that won't stress out your system and more leisurely type exercise. I know that it seems to go against every pooing/diet rule out there, but he really laid it out as to why, and when I tried all of his tips FINALLY my pooing improved. That really helped me out!

I was wondering about the benefiber myself. The dr seems to really, really, push fiber. She had wanted to have me eat benefiber bars, which are full of sugar, carbs, and yes some fiber, and take pill form fiber. I had taken pill form fiber tablets years ago and they always caught in my throat, swelling as I drank water, making me sore and uncomfortable. This dr swears that fiber is the answer to everything, including firm but passable stool? Diet wise, when not binge eating, I have always followed a lc way of eating, proteins (eggs, meat and poultry etc), salads with multiple types of lettuces and spinach, berries, some dairy etc. I told the dr I was concerned at the idea of taking the fiber and the stool softener, thinking don't they defeat the purpose of each other>? She did say to lay off the softener as time went by and I had to stop taking it this past week. I have seen some changes, but my system is still messed up. I ended up having to take Imodium yesterday and day before for just the opposite reason.

I will take a look online and check into what your suggesting, thank you.

with myself-id managed 11days with no binge but its like i just gave up on friday night and i ate so much junk for no reason-then i decided right back to it on saturday but then gave up again by the nightime and spent last night binge eatin again-its now sunday morning and im trying to be positive and just start afresh-all the weight i lost over the 11 binge free days has now been gained again and more :-( why on earth do i do it to myself?


Little Miss, I can relate to what you are saying. I have had 4 or 5 months where I would swear I would "do it this time" and not binge. I could go a few days and then for no reason I would start with one thing, then move on to something else-usly starting with just a small taste at first. I'd tell myself this time I could eat whatever it was I was craving and control my binge feeling. Sort of the idea that a little would make it better. Well, I'd do that, generally starting with eating something not so bad, berries, etc. Then I would move onto to something else, and it just continued and spiraled out of control. After I'd start the binge I didn't care about anything else. Until it was over, then the lowest emotions would come out. I wont do it again, I will have more control this time, I wont be controlled by food, I am not helpless. I'd go to sleep that night swearing the next day I would start fresh. Well the next day (usually a weekend) I tell myself well I've already messed up, or I will just be good later in the week and try to keep from over eating tomorrow.

There is always a tomorrow for me, I will do better then. I have gained 10 pounds over a weekend and then spent 4-6 weeks trying to drop that binge weight, only to gain a couple more because I am frustrated that the weight isn't coming off. It is a horrible cycle a hurtful cycle. I agree also that it isn't helpful or fair to have someone else in the house that can eat whatever they want, and also not binge. My husband is that for me, naturally thin, and no food issues, he is right this minute in the bedroom at the computer eating a slice of cake, chocolate frosting, crumbled oreos, and sliced strawberries. I'm sitting in the living room. No one else in my household faces what I face.

I noticed at times, night usually, that I would eat because my spouse was eating. Every single night my husband opens his "drawer" where he stashes his candy. He will sit in bed watching tv and peel peanut butter cups, or eat little debbie snacks etc. I would feel the frustrating building, my mouth watering, and the binge wanting to start. I would start by grabbing whatever I had that I could eat, nuts, cheese, etc. I would sit in bed and eat an entire bag of almonds.

If I was in binge mode while my husband was eating all this stuff I would wait for him to use the restroom, open his drawer and pick out what i think he wouldn't notice..and I would stuff my face as soon as he left the room. I would often tell him maybe he would like to take his bath (my husband has an obsession with baths, loves to read in the tube). While my husband safely in the tub I would reach for the multiple items I have hidden, under the bed, behind the mattresses, in my drawer, in the bottom of the pantry, behind the laundry detergent...you name it. I would eat at unbelievable speed. At the time it was better than any other feeling in the world and all I wanted was to be alone with my food, and my binge. I would watch the door, go as far as looking under it to see if I could tell he was still in the tub.

It is embarrassing but at times I do honestly remember saying that I could do with without anyone or anything else, that I would give anything just to eat whatever i want, how much I want, and nothing else mattered. I know I have had the thoughts, and I have worked to be alone at times to be alone and binge, excuses etc. I have thought about it over and over and while I felt guilty, its true. As my binge eating got even faster and was going every day I also remember when it started to feel bad, the high wasn't coming and I remember thinking then that I WOULD BE ALONE IF I COULDN'T STOP BINGE EATING. The binge eating makes me isolate myself, affects my relationship because after binging and gaining I don't want to be intimate with my husband. I become hostile, secretive, and depressed. Then, I binge again trying to make it go away.

You are not alone, everyone here is suffering from this and we understand. I am still going hour by hour trying not to let the binge eating over come me. I am right now listening to my head tell me, a snack sounds good go check out the fridge, while the rest of me is saying I'm not even hungry, why do it? That voice is there, like someone poking me, nudging me, telling me to go to the fridge and just get a snack..I know if I do right now I will then eat something else and probably start grazing until I'm in frantic mode and binge.

I am trying so hard to break the reaction..that voice or feeling pops up, i listen, I follow the command to go in search of food. I am trying to stop that signal and teach myself to "stop and think". Is my body actually hungry, is my stomach really wanting food, or is it just that voice saying your alone, no one would know, it would feel great.

I hate hearing that voice. Its my "prebinge" voice. I know it well. I am at a crossroads right now. This is when I will normally try to negotiate with that voice and go find a "healthy" snack. Well, that's a trap because I have never ever not gone back for something else after I listen to that voice.

jendiet
02-23-2014, 08:05 PM
5 days binge free..I did do some mindless munching on popcorn but that was out of hunger and not knowing what to eat. It was healthy popcorn.

LittleMissNiki
02-24-2014, 05:34 AM
thanks for the reply mainecyn..:-) its crazy to think u jus described me!my partner has his goodies drawer too and weirdly enough i ended up bingeing again last night and i had a whole bag of almonds!once again im starting afresh from today-i really need to do it this time or i will get nowhere amd i want to get out of this cycle-i need to try and distract myself wen i want junk food by doing puzzles or something and then try and go for a health alternative if i have a snack-uv done so well on ur weight loss already so well done on ur progress so far-today is the beginning of the new me-we can do it!!!!:-D

mainecyn
02-24-2014, 11:00 AM
thanks for the reply mainecyn..:-) its crazy to think u jus described me!my partner has his goodies drawer too and weirdly enough i ended up bingeing again last night and i had a whole bag of almonds!once again im starting afresh from today-i really need to do it this time or i will get nowhere amd i want to get out of this cycle-i need to try and distract myself wen i want junk food by doing puzzles or something and then try and go for a health alternative if i have a snack-uv done so well on ur weight loss already so well done on ur progress so far-today is the beginning of the new me-we can do it!!!!:-D

You can definitely do this! Just keep checking in, it helps

Granola
02-24-2014, 09:23 PM
Hey all, I haven't posted in a while but I have checked in now and then in the monthly over eating thread mainly as I find it helpful. I've been doing okay, and in the past month have made physical and what felt like emotional progress with binge eating but since 7am this morning I've contributed to what is one of my worst binges ever and I feel horrible. My family is probably suspicious as to where the rest of a club sized box of cereal and gallon of whole milk is and my debit card statement for today I'm afraid to even look at. I skipped class and left a take home exam in a professor's mailbox(without asking) as I felt too sick and embarrassed to go to my night class. I probably won't get credit for it, but I couldn't bare show my face or stop eating for long enough to sit still in class. I feel terrible and I'm terrified to sleep as I don't want to wake up to a stomach coated in pounds of new fat and clothes that don't fit tomorrow. I hope I'll look presentable by Wednesday when I have to go to work. Despite all this, I have identified and will no longer make excuses for what is a major self-imposed trigger for me(hopefully the last one I have to tackle), and I'm confident that this binge won't go in vein and that I will be alright in the long run starting right now. I wish you all the best of luck going forward and can't wait to hit the ground running in March.

LittleMissNiki
02-25-2014, 04:11 AM
You can definitely do this! Just keep checking in, it helps

thanks for the support its much appreciated!i managed my 1st day yesterday so its a start!i gained 5.8lbs over the wknd so im more or less back to the beginning but i swear this time im goin to do it-i had a docs appt yday for my eyes-im type 1 diabetic-and wat he said scared me so thats given me a big kick up the butt to b serious and reach my goal!heres to day 2-thanks again and hope u had a good wknd :-)

orangesmartie
02-25-2014, 02:14 PM
Hi All,

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days. I am currently staying with my partner while i have a week's work up here and so far (4 days) binge free. Its not even because i haven't had the opportunity, I really haven't thought about it or wanted to. I don't know whats caused it, but long may it continue.

Cyn: with regards to intimate time, I've noticed my behaviour change towards him as I've put the weight back on (he's known me 10 years. at my biggest and smallest). But now I think i am projecting my insecurities on to him, feeling slighted at the stupidest things and picking fights. Poor sod probably doesn't know whats hit him, he can't do right for doing wrong. But I am really struggling and i don't think its his fault at all.

We aren't 'lights off' people, or even 'wear pajamas often' type people, so staying hidden means a change in routine, or covering up would invite more questions that I'm just not ready to answer. And don't even start me with paranoia around 'being on top' (sorry :$)

Sorry, venting again :(

LittleMissNiki
02-26-2014, 04:29 AM
Seems we're quite a few dealing with the big C. I actually went for colon hydrotherapy on saturday, as I was at a lost as to what else i could do. She could feel that i was blocked up to my ribs. She did the best she could but was not able to empty me..she said it will take at least 3 times cause i have such hard, dry stool that its just no loosening up. She was able to get a bit but not even enough to make a difference in my weigh lol.

I'm still taking the lactulose (this is what the hospital gave me last time i went in for that and it worked after 3 doses)..i've been taking it for a week now so that's 14 doses (its to soften the stools, not a stimulant). I worry about taking exlax now cause if i have a blockage somewhere, taking a stimulant might make things worse... I'm open to ideas (i drink 3+ liter of water a day, lots of lettuce and 4-5cups veggies a day (so i get lots of fiber from that), i've increased my fats a little but still low carb.

I'm not sure at which point i need to go back to the hospital or try the colon hydrotherapy again (not very pleasant).

hi-u might have already tried it but i have senna herbal tea and its great stuff if ur having trouble goin to the toilet and in my experience cantaloupe melon is good and iv found its the the lowest sugar/carb/cal melon that i have found...or my mum made her own candied orange peel last week by just boiling them and then coating them in a water and sweetener "syrup" orange peel is full of fibre and according to the web is about 100 cals and 25g carbs per 100g but is nice for a treat and tastes yummy and good for u :-) only problem is that they were so yummy i ate the whole lot over 2days-oops!iv asked her not to make them for a while..!:-)

mainecyn
02-26-2014, 03:45 PM
I couldn't bare show my face

I get this way all the time after have a binge. I can't go anywhere for fear that someone "knows" I get embarassed stopping at the gas station where I often have "picked up supplies" and think to myself that the cashier knows. Everyone that sees me there has to know, I always come alone, I'm always in a rush, and the only time I go in the store is to buy garbage. I can't bear to see my husband, thinking that its as plain to him that I binge as standing naked in front of him. He never ever says anything about my regaining weight but he has to wonder how. I mean if you don't see someone eat much of anything you would wonder how they put 30 lbs on? Right?

But now I think i am projecting my insecurities on to him

Oh yes, I agree. Things are a little bit different now that I have gained some of my weight back. I have noticed that he pays attention and is always pulling the blanket up around me so I am covered..this is something he hasn't done since I was over 200lbs. I was less self conscious this time last year when I was at my lowest, before the binge eating began again. I was 147 lbs. We showered for the first time together-ever, I wasn't always concerned about being covered, and for the first time since we have been together I would occasionally get up and walk into the restroom in my underwear. Never ever before, and never ever again. I now have everything "under lock and key" I am terrified he will walk in at any time. I notice he has begun the habit over covering me up and I know its because I also project my insecurities and he notices. Earlier this week he came bounding in excited over something he had picked up at an auction. He was jumping all around and then ran over to me and put his hands on my waist then rubbed his hands up an down over and over..I flinched and pulled a way alittle, embarrassed at the love handles that now hang over my pants again. I had started wearing shirts that were a little less snug so it wasn't noticeable, but him touching me I couldn't hide the fat. :?:

[QUOTE]We aren't 'lights off' people, or even 'wear pajamas often' type people, so staying hidden means a change in routine, or covering up would invite more questions that I'm just not ready to answer. And don't even start me with paranoia around 'being on top' (sorry :$)[QUOTE]

Oh geesh-I get the paranoia. I was comfortable smaller-now I am back to the train of thought that laying down gravity is my friend lol, everything smooths out.

Ok today is Feb 26th. I am now on day 37 binge free. I don't know how, still. But, I am not questioning myself. I do think about being binge free, it may be putting that pressure in my head, setting me up to fail, to binge again? But, I found myself the other day saying as I drove that it had been over a month since I hid food, ran to the gas station, or had to lie about my eating. I haven't lost weight, still. I think my body is defiantly confused.

I was concerned about possibly binge eating yesterday when I had a salty addition to my lunch yesterday=salted plantain chips. They are sinfully good. I used to open a bag, eat a few, go back for more, finish that bag, then say heck with it and eat three bags in one sitting. Yesterday, I was able to eat a small dish full with yogurt dip...then put them away and I never once thought about moving on to something else to eat, to look for something..I was satisfied.

I don't know what is happening, I really don't. Its odd. I also have been eating fruit, berries. I used to sit down and eat the entire container of raspberries or strawberries. Yesterday, I grabbed a handful of raspberries, put the rest away. I ate them slowly. I didn't have the reaction I usually get with a lot of foods. I used to just think of a certain thing that I liked to binge on, and my mouth literally would water. I would get confused and flustered..couldn't stop thinking of that food til I ate it. None of that. I have been able to just say "that is enough, there will be some left for later if I want it" or I eat a small amount and then I can hear that newer voice in my head say, "ok, I'm full, or not really that hungry" and put it away. Has anyone else been thru this after awhile or not binge eating? I've never had it, even years ago when I was able to not binge eat for a couple years. I always thought of food then and wanted to binge, just didn't or I would over eat on Atkins friendly foods.

I haven't read anymore of the Brain over binge book. I keep meaning to, but with work, the kids, errands, house, etc. I haven't had time. Everyone owns a second or two of my day no matter what time it is. Again, I know that nothing in my real life has changed at all, its all the same, all the same stress, all the kids, the home, work, etc. but nothing is happening..I am not binge eating. For me after facing 25 years of this, incredible amounts of foods (5-10,000 calories at a time) it makes no sense.:dizzy: I can't figure it out.