General chatter - Jealousy is the best motivator!




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3LMCM
01-20-2014, 11:15 PM
So I've recently gained a ton of weight in a short period of time. I went from a size 12 to a size 16 (180 to 200) in less than four months. I was going through a ton of issues with work, friends, and my husband. My food and carbs made me forget about the pain. Now, it's all that I can think of...how food has ruined me. Food doesn't help in any way. Food doesn't make the worry or the stress go away.

Well...my best friend just told me that she's going on a juice diet and is planning on losing weight. She plans on being a size 10 by July. She's currently a 14. If I try to fit in a 14 now, I will bust. I told her that I would take on the challenge of losing that much weight by that date with her but I'm afraid that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons: jealousy. Jealous or scared that I will be the "fat one" in the group. Trying to avoid any jealousy later. I would be happy for her weight loss but I have to be honest with myself and admit that I would also be bummed that I couldn't achieve the same goal that she reached.

I don't know if I'm setting myself up for failure or giving myself the extra push that I need. :?:


Paulitens
01-20-2014, 11:44 PM
That is something that will require some introspection. :) My husband got a weight loss surgery a few months ago and he looks FRIGGIN' AMAZING! Needless to say, now he's getting all the compliments, and I'm the fat one of the couple. I'm not jealous about him or his weight loss; I love him too much to be jealous. But I do wish something as drastic happened to me so I could look amazing like he does in such a short period of time. Now I'm working really hard to lose 77 lbs and look hot standing next to him (lol) but while I love him and I know I'm not jealous, I wonder if I have the right motivation. In any case, I think he deserves better so I want to be better for him. I have tried being skinny in the past to measure up to my friends who were skinnier and cuter than me. It didn't work. :S

noshoes
01-20-2014, 11:53 PM
I am realistic and realise I will never be tiny or skinny but admit seeing my husband lose weight has been somewhat of a motivator. So many people have commented on his weight loss. I am not jealous but I do think I rather not be the fat one of the couple.


Pattience
01-21-2014, 12:07 AM
So let me get this straight because i find it hard to get my head around american numbers, not being one myself. You want to lose 3 sizes in the same time she loses 2 sizes. Yes i think you are setting yourself up for failure. But then i think she is too.

its good if her resolve can kick start yours but i think the program she is going on is not sustainable. and losing this much weight may be a bit faster than is ideal and there will be a rebound effect. If you want to get your weight down, choose a healthy weight loss program. Don't be in a panic or a rush. Choose something that you can maintain for a long period of time. Ideally try to think in terms of finding a way of eating and exercise than you do for the rest of your life.

Firstly juices are not it because they are comparatively high in calories for satiety. Yes they give you vitamins but you are better off getting your vitamins from the whole fruit or vegetable. It will fill you up more. Bulk up your diet with fruit and vegetables, and drink water instead of juice. If you figure out how much you can eat with out losing weight, then just lower your calorie intake a bit below that. This means that if you work on your resolve to get it in place, hunger will not very often get the better of you. In my opinion, avoiding and managing hunger is key to long term weight loss.

Also a juice diet is expensive. Your money will go further if you buy proper nutritious food and eat it in a balanced way.

When i started my diet at the beginning of this year, it was because i was disgusted with myself and my bad eating habits. In an instant i promised myself not to go buying lollies anymore. When i'm on a diet i don't include treats or sweet things in it. I would have them if i was in a public place where i couldn't binge and if someone offered them to me. But i don't trust myself. I try to avoid all my problem foods. Cook delicious meals and make it bulky enough to fill me up and satisfy me. I also avoid take aways as much as possible because they offer low satiety. Their strong flavours just make you want to eat more. I use a cappuccino if i'm out, or a low cal type of sandwich if i get caught short and need to eat something. The idea is to kill the hunger before i become ravenous and lose my resolve to eat well.

Keep a food diary. consider using myfitnesspal to get a sense of calorie content. I find it a bit hard to do accurately. Don't get tricked into counting calories you burn through exercise. They are notoriously inaccurate. Don't be fixated on the scales. Just use them to keep an eye on progress but don't pay too much attention to radical fluctuations on a day by day basis. IT can go up and down by massive numbers overnight. Its not fat but water.

I don't think envy is a healthy motivator. Try to be happy for your friends successes, not envious. Jealousy and envy are poisons. Lose weight for the right reasons.

Good luck

Paulitens
01-21-2014, 12:09 AM
Oh, totally, noshoes! I will never be skinny either. I was never skinny and I know I never will, but I do want to look good for my husband and my family; he got his surgery for his health because he says we (our daughters and I) deserve it. I feel the same way about my own weight loss. He and our daughters deserve a better me, someone who will enjoy life more fully, won't be afraid of summer, beaches, pools, and activities they enjoy because they are kids and because we live in a hot place. Being fat does hurt my self esteem, when we take family pictures I don't care to see me being "the" far one of the family.

Moving Forward
01-21-2014, 12:13 AM
You'll have to be the one to study your motives and if you are wanting to lose weight for the right reasons. I will, however, say that you can lose a decent amount of weight before July IF you do it in a healthy, sensible and sustainable way. You should consider changing habits that will help with a new lifestyle, rather than resort to quick loss gimmicks. A juice diet may give you a quick start, but most people cannot live solely on juice forever. Good luck!

Sasha29
01-21-2014, 12:34 AM
Instead of competing with each other, why don't you become weight loss buddies? You can set rewards for every five or ten pounds you both lose - like going out for a drink, getting a pedicure together, or shopping together. You have similar goals, so why not motivate each other through positivity?

With regards to your jealousy, I understand it, but remember that the person who wins is not the person who loses weight the quickest. A juice diet isn't sustainable long-term, and she may have difficulty keeping it off later on.

shcirerf
01-21-2014, 01:01 AM
What I found worked for me, was when, I decided, I wanted to have a healthy and functional body.

I decided, I did not care how long it took to lose the weight and develop reasonable workout habits.

I wanted to find a path, that I could sustain for life, and also enjoy life.

Weight Watchers got me headed down the right path. Still a member. Still attend meetings. I do love the program, but have also incorporated other things I've learned here and other places.

Along the way, I've discovered lots of ways to incorporate, healthier versions, of my favorite foods, that are also yummy, and I've learned that I like to workout!

Most of the time, I'm good, and mindful. But, if I have the now and then graduation or wedding or holiday, I do enjoy a few not so good for you foods, and a few drinks, I just keep in mind that when this is over, it's back to being mindful.

Another thought, we all have to come to terms with our body composition. I will never look like Jillian Micheals or Cindy Crawford.

In the first instance, Jillian has never been pregnant with twins that were over 6 pounds each, for Cindy, I'm to dang short. I have a big bosom, oh well, and I also have big ole manly arms. :carrot: And I got my grammies pot gut! Whatever, is what it is.

What we really need is to find a balance with food and exercise, and love the body we have. :hug: Make the best of it!

Roo2
01-21-2014, 08:26 AM
Unless your life is driven by jealousy I don't see it being enough to motivate you to lose all of that weight in a short amount of time.

I think seeing people around you losing weight can inspire you....
Lightiing the fire is easy....keeping it burning is harder! IMO
I can definitely understand not wanting to be the designated Fat friend but I also don't want to be the designated Skinny friend or the designated jealous friend.
I like the idea of being up front with your friend and maybe saying ...wow I am really impressed by all the weight you were able to lose and it has caused be to reevaluate my eating habits, any tips you could offer me would be appreciated that could get me started.

Good luck,
Roo2

Dollfaise
01-21-2014, 10:27 AM
I think healthy competition can be helpful sometimes. I try to keep up with my boyfriend on the treadmill sometimes but it can also sting so I limit my competitive nature as best as possible because ol long legs runs like a gazelle and he's not even really active... *grumble*

But I would suggest you find other motivations if you can. You shouldn't feel okay with having gained 20 pounds in 4 months, you should find a reason to get back on track that isn't jealousy based.

pixelllate
01-21-2014, 11:12 AM
Depends! I think that jealousy can be effective, and I'm all about "whatever works." I think that if someone starting something motivates you, that is great as long as it doesn't get the point where you get mad if they reach success. If you can be happy for them or least "supportive on the outside" and don't let it cause you to try and sabotage their efforts, then its fine. Also, as long as it doesn't get to a point where if you see them being successful and it gets you so mad at yourself that you want to quit because you aren't losing at the same pace, then its not very effective. So I think that it really depends on you use the jealousy.

3LMCM
01-21-2014, 03:09 PM
Also, as long as it doesn't get to a point where if you see them being successful and it gets you so mad at yourself that you want to quit because you aren't losing at the same pace, then its not very effective.





I support her 100%! I think that pixellate is getting to the main point here: I don't want to quit in the long run because I see her reaching her goal before me. We shop a lot together, and we borrow each other's clothes. I don't want to end up feeling like crap later when I'm not achieving my goals like her.

Wannabeskinny
01-22-2014, 09:33 AM
Jealousy is a very human emotion, and an important one at that. It can be a great motivator. But you have to ask yourself one important question: What kind of jealousy are you feeling?

1. Motivating Jealousy - this is the type of jealousy that makes you look inward. You are happy for the person who is losing weight or getting a promotion or achieving their goals. You can logically separate your life from theirs and are able to soak up some of their good vibes and use them for your own gain. You're willing to listen to their advice or confide in them easily. You're able to share their joy and feel motivation bubbling inside you when you're around them. This is the type of jealousy that motivates you and gets you thinking "I can do it too!"

2. Destructive jealousy - this is the kind of jealousy that has you feeling very low self esteem. It makes you wallow in self pity. It makes you roll your eyes every time your friends announce something positive in their lives. It makes you wish bad things to happen to them. It makes you happy if you hear that they had a set back. This kind of jealousy keeps you focused on the competition rather than the joy of reaching a goal.

So you have to think, which is it? If it's the first then you'll be fine. If it's the 2nd then I'd say you're doing things for the wrong reason and you'll need to re-evaluate your intentions.

LilDazed
01-22-2014, 10:41 AM
Yeeeah, jealousy could be a recipe for disaster in this case.
If anything, talk it over with your buddy and make sure she knows what she herself is getting into with this juice cleanse diet.

Set reasonable goals for yourself and support one another. The friendly competitions could come from racing to see who can run further at the gym, or who can do more situps in a given minute. In these circumstances, you're motivating each other to take that extra step, and it's less about the numbers on the scale/who loses weight faster.

alaskanlaughter
01-22-2014, 06:17 PM
Instead of competing with each other, why don't you become weight loss buddies? You can set rewards for every five or ten pounds you both lose - like going out for a drink, getting a pedicure together, or shopping together. You have similar goals, so why not motivate each other through positivity?

With regards to your jealousy, I understand it, but remember that the person who wins is not the person who loses weight the quickest. A juice diet isn't sustainable long-term, and she may have difficulty keeping it off later on.

i have GOT to remember this!!

Radiojane
01-22-2014, 06:31 PM
Jealousy and vanity was a huge part of what kick started me. I admit that.

BUT

Quite early in the process I learned a lot about myself and now the journey is all about me. Compete, by all means. But don't let it destroy yourself or your friendship.