Mini-Goals - Shedding weight and lots of baggage




Chardonnay
01-15-2014, 04:28 PM
Hi everyone,

I'm sharing my achievements here, I think it's a great way to feel pride in what I've done so that I'm motivated to keep going. I had a very troubled family life and suffer/suffered a slew of mental health issues throughout my life. In 2002 I finally admitted lots of symptoms to a doctor who put me on 4 different meds for depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. The meds basically turned me into a zombie, and for the first 2 years, I gained just under 100 pounds. I lived like that for 7 years, I'd gained the weight so quickly that I had to walk with a cane because my ankles kept buckling. I'd basically given up, I vowed to be alone for the rest of my life because I was convinced I couldn't survive without my meds. And if I was still on the meds, I'd never get healthy. (ps, this is just my story, I'm not knocking meds, I believe they do help people :))

I don't remember what happened, but one day I woke up and decided this wasn't a life. I had 2 choices, live like an obese zombie, isolated, apathetic and shortening my life with disease...or get healthy again without the meds and deal with the disorders in another way - and hopefully allow some people in my life.

It was a scary decision, comfortable rut syndrome set in... but I decided I wanted to live a healthy life. My doctor was against it, so I did my own research and weened off the meds over a period of 6 months. During this time I did research on nutrition and exercise. I also discovered the meds left me with many gastro and metabolic problems too. So many hurdles!

I started by walking half a block each day - which totally winded me each time. When I'd lost about 20 pounds, I could walk easier, and I joined a gym. I kept track of each calorie I ate, as well as each calorie I burned off, I made a spreadsheet to estimate my weight loss, and it was usually under my calculations (due to the metabolism problem). It was a motivation killer for sure.

When I added yoga each morning, and weight training 3x a week, my calculations were always correct and I lost very steadily!

During this time, I let go of my family and made a legal name change, moved to another province in Canada and basically started over. I did all this alone and it was very painful. Even losing a dysfunctional family feels like a huge loss, but all of this was the best combined decision I'd ever made and I have zero regrets. I gained happiness and self-esteem. 77 pounds lost, I started about 2 years ago.

So now I'm in a happy relationship, the depression and anxiety are controlled through exercise, vitamins, healthy eating and supplements, the borderline rears her ugly head now and then...but I know how to handle it. I have 15 pounds to go, but I know I'll get there by the spring before fishing season!! :)

I just wanted to say that even if you're alone doing this, with no support from anyone but you, and living with disorders and illness, it is still something you can do and be proud of it! :)

Thanks for listening :)


coolacrity
01-15-2014, 05:25 PM
That is an amazing story! You have so much to be proud of. I'm so glad you're happier.

Chardonnay
01-15-2014, 08:48 PM
Thank you :)


dragonstar85
01-15-2014, 09:39 PM
Wow, your inner strength is amazing. I'm happy to see life is so much better for you now. :D

diamondgeog
01-16-2014, 07:08 PM
Yeah! I was on a med once. One day I said basically I'd rather die than stay on this med. And yes that was my story others may benefit.

You've shown amazing strength. The one huge silver lining in all this is there is a special kind of happiness and contement that only be achieved by overcoming things like this. Same with 'just' weight loss. Healthy feels so amazing.

Enjoy.

Chardonnay
01-16-2014, 07:33 PM
Thank you for your kind comments! :)

jayavery
01-17-2014, 02:33 PM
Wow! It's an understatement to say you have come so far. You have come multiple lifetimes far! You completely, single-handedly changed your life, personality, outlook, future you name it! Your story is inspiring to say the least. Congratulations and best of luck to you moving forward :)

Mrs Snark
01-17-2014, 04:34 PM
You've overcome so much, I'm so glad you've found health and happiness! Everyone deserve to have both!

Chardonnay
01-17-2014, 08:22 PM
You all are so sweet, makes me feel all warm inside :)

Dakini
01-17-2014, 08:54 PM
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy for you that you achieved your physical *and* emotional/mental goals. Good for you!! Keep up the great work, hun! :)

Chardonnay
01-17-2014, 08:58 PM
Thanks Dakini :)

OhThePlaces
01-18-2014, 08:55 AM
It's amazing how much you've accomplished dispite so many hurdles. Congrats on your success!!

Chardonnay
01-18-2014, 05:22 PM
Thank you :)
I think my BIGGEST hurdle was my mind...inner-psychological warfare almost....I really believe that the worst battle is always psychological, once we conquer that, we're unstoppable. I'm so happy I chose life over a slow death....I met my bf last March and we've been velcroed ever since, he was the first bf in almost 20 years, I missed out on so much...it's hard not to regret, but I have to move forward and be thankful that I finally made the right decision for myself.

KYgirlinSC
01-20-2014, 07:31 PM
Thank you for your story. It's very inspiring to me as I am still holding onto some anger issues with a previous job that I need to let go. CONGRATS on your journey! That is awesome!

Chardonnay
01-20-2014, 08:01 PM
Thank you for your story. It's very inspiring to me as I am still holding onto some anger issues with a previous job that I need to let go. CONGRATS on your journey! That is awesome!

Thanks :) Anger is a terrible thing...I know! I held on to so much anger from childhood, then adulthood towards the ex-fam, then towards bosses, then towards ME!!! It eats you up inside and makes the world a negative place where motivation and discipline doesn't necessarily exist, at least that was my experience! Not that I'm a peaceful loving hippy now ;), but I know how to deal with my anger rather than let the stress eat away at my body!!

Pattience
01-20-2014, 08:16 PM
Chardonnay many congratulations on your achievements which are not mini by any stretch of the imagination. I am glad also that you went off the antipsychotic type medications because these indeed do make people fat. And i think the anti anxiety meds create more problems than they solve. But i myself find the antidepressants essential and they do not make me fat.

But you have been so strong to keep on your mission for so long. I have never been able to maintain my program for any great length of time.

I did take up buddhist meditation seriously a few years ago and i presume you have found a similar source of strength with your yoga. I am so pleased for you that you have found this. I wish more people with mental health issues and weight issues would try yoga and meditation or tai chi but those forms of exercise that address our way of thinking and not just how many calories we put into us.

I don't meditate much these days but i did learn many deep lessons which i still draw on all the time. I find it hard to to be disciplined.

Mad Donnelly
01-20-2014, 08:19 PM
Very cool. That's an amazing story of changing your life.

Gigglesquirt
01-21-2014, 12:18 AM
Thank you for sharing your story! You are an inspiration! Congratulations on all the happiness and success in your life!

Chardonnay
01-21-2014, 05:03 PM
Chardonnay many congratulations on your achievements which are not mini by any stretch of the imagination. I am glad also that you went off the antipsychotic type medications because these indeed do make people fat. And i think the anti anxiety meds create more problems than they solve. But i myself find the antidepressants essential and they do not make me fat.

But you have been so strong to keep on your mission for so long. I have never been able to maintain my program for any great length of time.

I did take up buddhist meditation seriously a few years ago and i presume you have found a similar source of strength with your yoga. I am so pleased for you that you have found this. I wish more people with mental health issues and weight issues would try yoga and meditation or tai chi but those forms of exercise that address our way of thinking and not just how many calories we put into us.

I don't meditate much these days but i did learn many deep lessons which i still draw on all the time. I find it hard to to be disciplined.

Thank you :)

I am very proud of my achievement, my daily affirmation was something like "this weight does NOT belong on my body"...this kind of gave me some strength and logic to keep going. Losing weight is a difficult undertaking because it's too easy to get discouraged if we don't see improvements after all the work we do. I think one of my biggest motivators was that I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted a relationship so I definitely kept at it. That's what made me disciplined, and I guess now what keeps me disciplined is the notion that I want to keep looking sexy for my bf, you know me being 46 and him being 26!! Also, I know how it feels to get lazy, depression comes back and I put on the pounds. I got very lazy the last 6 months, but restarted in January and I"m so glad I did. We all have our lazy days, but as long as we get back to the program, all is good right?

I can only speak for myself, anti-d's did nothing for me. Anti-anxieties caused panic attacks more often. The other 2 I was on made my body obese and weak, and made my mind paranoid and angry. If meds work for some people, more power to them! But I do prefer my natural approach and I'm happy it continues to work for me. Yoga is very relaxing for me. And my body feels so supple after. My mind is always at peace too. I did do some meditation for a long time, there is a website called Meditation Oasis, in the "listen to our podcasts" section, there are over 40 guided meditations. The woman's voice is very calming, I do her meditations a few times a week. This does wonders for my self-esteem and discipline as well.

Chardonnay
01-21-2014, 05:05 PM
Thank you Mad Donnelly and Gigglesquirt :)

davina
01-22-2014, 02:43 AM
I teared up a bit reading this because I feel like your before self.
A truly inspiring transformation, Congratulations on all you've overcome.

Chardonnay
01-22-2014, 03:42 PM
I teared up a bit reading this because I feel like your before self.
A truly inspiring transformation, Congratulations on all you've overcome.

Sorry you teared up! But you know, I think a lot of people are in the same boat and kind of lost on how to get through the hurdles. Especially when depression is involved, it just seems way too difficult. But the best thing to do is just start and keep going no matter how hard our minds convince us it is. And we certainly don't need to have all the support in the world to accomplish big changes, we just have to commit to ourselves and support our own decisions, although I'm sure some people would benefit from support of family and friends, I didn't have that and I still succeeded :)

Mozzy
02-06-2014, 02:51 PM
Good for you! Hugs

Terra1984
02-12-2014, 11:20 PM
Congrats on the 77 pound weight loss and changing yourself