Dieting with Obstacles - Staying MOTIVATED around a DEMOTIVATOR

01-03-2014, 08:52 PM
I have recently lost 40 pounds and have been feeling like the old me again. Just one issue.. I just got engaged to someone who loves me very much but makes daily comments about my weight. He says he is kidding and he is proud of my progress, but I believe until I get back to the weight I was when we met he will not be happy with me fully. Does anybody else have this problem?? :?:

Mrs Snark
01-09-2014, 11:29 AM
I hesitate to offer advice based on my own experience with a man like that, because everyone is different.

But yes, I dated a man like that for 11 years, and it was rough to maintain my self esteem because I always felt judged very harshly for my imperfections. He said he loved me, but he really only loved me thin. He was very... hmmmm... how to say it... outside appearance oriented.

If your man loves you, you should be able to tell him to stop making those comments, that they hurt you, and then he should stop. If he doesn't stop, that would be a red flag for me personally.

I'm sorry you are going through this, it is hard.

Also, CONGRATS on the 40 pound loss, that's fantastic!!!

01-18-2014, 09:25 PM
I agree with MrsSnark... let him know his jokes aren't funny, they're hurtful!
Especially when you're making such great progress! 40lbs is a big deal! So congrats on that!!& whatever you're doing keep up the good work!

01-18-2014, 09:38 PM
I agree with Mrs Snark, too. I was married to a very abusive man, and at my thinnest he would constantly make fun of me and put me down and act as if I was hideous looking. It really damaged my already low self-esteem. When I started to tell him to stop, he'd do his usual passive-aggressive "I'm only kidding-- stop getting so angry!" retort which would drive me insane. The real salt in the wound is last year he commented to me in a text of how good I used to look back then. ????

As you can see I have a bias regarding this type of behavior, so I won't go any further with my advice on the matter. However, you already have a couple of examples from people who share a similar story to you. Take it for what it's worth.