Depression and Weight Issues - Steps to start getting help, Anxiety, Depression, Intimacy issues




Smiling_Sara
01-01-2014, 02:12 PM
2014, I'm determined to get help for my anxiety and depression. I have terrible social anxiety, dating, and intimacy anxiety. I sometimes feel like I'm losing my mind. When I do have someone ask me out, or show interest, I suddenly feel like I am coming down with the flu, I feel sick, feverish, and downright awful. All because a guy shows interest. SOMETHING is terribly wrong with that.

I suffer from really bad self esteem, and I'm not overly sure why. I know I'm a good person. Sometimes maybe too good of a person......always putting others wants and needs in front of my own.

Intimacy anxiety. I've kissed a couple of guys, and it was always really awkward, and I haven't kissed anyone in 5 years, and I've never been intimate with someone. I just don't know how I can ever be comfortable enough to be. Has anyone ever talked with a therapist about issues revolving feeling like a sexual being?

I don't know. It's time to take this seriously though, so I don't end up more sad and more depressed. I need to find someplace that isn't going to break my bank. My insurance doesn't cover mental health, and that alone is already over $300. I also have issues over asking for discounted services, but I don't see any other way around it. I simply cannot afford $100+ a session. I don't make that much.


EasySpirit
01-01-2014, 02:53 PM
I suggest you make an appointment with your primary care physician or gyno for a heart-to-heart. They have heard it all and would be a great source to lead you to the help you need at a reasonable cost.

Smiling_Sara
01-01-2014, 06:19 PM
Thank you for the reply. I did, actually, have an appointment back in nov and talked briefly with my GP. I told her I was having anxiety and depression symptoms, and she said that she could just give me medication, but thinks that counseling or hypnosis might be better for me, since I can get out of bed, function, and don't feel like hurting myself or others.

I'm just feeling really stuck, lost, and alone. I wish more than anything to be able to change this. I just need to take that step and make some calls. Figure out pricing, and just go and be open and honest, I guess.

I left not really wanting what I needed. She did give me a book on how to maximize my self esteem, which I have started to read. But what I really would of liked was a direct line to a counselor that takes people with not a lot of money at discounted prices.

I also feel like I would be more comfortable talking with another female about my intimacy issues, and if I go to or call a human resources place within my community they may just place me with someone. ( which may not be terrible either )


seagirl
01-01-2014, 07:07 PM
Insurance has to cover mental health as of 1/1/14. Yay Affordable Care Act!

Also, if you feel like you were brushed off by your GP, find another doctor. I went to my Primary Care Dr. for medication a few months ago. She was fantastic about it. I told her how I felt (nothingness, for months maybe even years) and we talked about the different medications and she put me on Wellbutrin. It is like someone pulled up the shades and turned the lights on.

The fact that your GP thinks you need to be a danger to yourself or others, or unable to function in order to need medication is not a good sign. If you get to that point, you have waited too long.

And giving you a book on maximizing self esteem? Is that her idea of mental health treatment?

Keep looking until you find the right doctor who will listen to you, and do your own research, too. If you google "crazy meds" you'll find a good website forum about the different medications and things.

Also, call your health insurance tomorrow and find out about your mental health coverage.

Smiling_Sara
01-01-2014, 07:48 PM
Insurance has to cover mental health as of 1/1/14. Yay Affordable Care Act!

Also, if you feel like you were brushed off by your GP, find another doctor. I went to my Primary Care Dr. for medication a few months ago. She was fantastic about it. I told her how I felt (nothingness, for months maybe even years) and we talked about the different medications and she put me on Wellbutrin. It is like someone pulled up the shades and turned the lights on.

The fact that your GP thinks you need to be a danger to yourself or others, or unable to function in order to need medication is not a good sign. If you get to that point, you have waited too long.

And giving you a book on maximizing self esteem? Is that her idea of mental health treatment?

Keep looking until you find the right doctor who will listen to you, and do your own research, too. If you google "crazy meds" you'll find a good website forum about the different medications and things.

Also, call your health insurance tomorrow and find out about your mental health coverage.

Thank you for the post. So, you think a grandfathered plan would need to have mental health coverage added to it? That would be a godsend.

I'm giving the book a go. It has some good things to it. I do with she could of pointed me in a direction, like an actual name of a doctor, for therapy. I admitted that the idea of meds was kind of scary to me, but that was when she asked me questions about being able to get out of bed, work, and not wanting to hurt myself. I was almost in tears while talking to her, cause it's not something I open up about easily, and she said that maybe I was having some anxiety troubles, and because of the anxiety I was feeling down and unhappy because of the anxiety.

I dunno. I am glad to hear that medication has been a good turn for you. I wonder if I went to a therapist if they would tell me if I needed meds before going to a Psychiatrists or another medical doctor. If I can handle it with therapy, I'd probably rather go that route......I'm just not sure I can with how I'm feeling.

seagirl
01-01-2014, 08:06 PM
I tried therapy a bunch, but I think my depression was so bad that I didn't care about anything, so I didn't care about therapy either. After I started the meds, I went to a few therapy sessions because suddenly I *did* care, and then he was like "you don't need me anymore, it was chemical."

But your idea to start with therapy is a good one. You can ask your insurance company for people they cover, or do a search for people in your area and see if they accept your insurance.

The main thing is to keep looking, even when you run into someone like your GP. There are people out there who will be very understanding and accepting and be able to help you.

Smiling_Sara
01-01-2014, 08:14 PM
I tried therapy a bunch, but I think my depression was so bad that I didn't care about anything, so I didn't care about therapy either. After I started the meds, I went to a few therapy sessions because suddenly I *did* care, and then he was like "you don't need me anymore, it was chemical."

But your idea to start with therapy is a good one. You can ask your insurance company for people they cover, or do a search for people in your area and see if they accept your insurance.

The main thing is to keep looking, even when you run into someone like your GP. There are people out there who will be very understanding and accepting and be able to help you.

Wow, interesting that yours was strictly chemical. I don't know what mine is. I just know I have terrible social anxiety, dating, and intimacy anxiety and it's pretty much ruining my life. :(

I have done many searches for therapists that cover my insurance, and many do, but when I look up my individual plan on the insurance website, that is where it says mental health is not covered. I even called to confirm back in november. I'll be so angry if all this time they would of covered I was mislead due to the wording of saying mental health is not covered. But on many therapists websites, it does have my insurance company listed. My insurance sucks though. I just received a $220 bills for blood tests I had done back in Nov.

levoguette
01-02-2014, 05:13 AM
I'm in my early 20s and have never gone out on a date with a guy ever, or even had my first kiss. I've never been asked out in my life anyway, but if a guy shows even a slight hint of interest in talking to me in that way, I avoid being asked out like the plague. I won't look at him in the face, I'll be extremely short with my responses, I'll act too busy, I'll basically do anything to send signals that I'm not interested in talking to him, so he won't be encouraged to talk to me.
I'm not really sure if I would call it anxiety in myself, because I don't feel anxious about it or suffer from the same symptoms you have mentioned. But, the point I'm trying to make is this: Have you thought about why you get anxious and really get to the root of it? Can you explain why you get anxious or have anxieties over this, or do you have no explanation for it?

I know that I'm unhappy with my body, and because of it, I would never feel comfortable taking my clothes off in front of a guy. And I know this is ultimately the reason I avoid dating. I don't want to start a relationship and then when the time comes to get intimate shy away or upright say no. I would just call these fears for myself, and I feel like once I resolve the issue, like get in shape and ultimately be at a place where I'm happy and love my body which will come with time, then this whole issue will fix itself.

On the other hand, I used to have severe anxiety over work/school. I would always feel severely overwhelmed and would get panic attacks where I would feel like I was having a heart attack or would get sick to my stomach. I could never explain why I felt this way. I often attributed it to being scared of failing, but at the same time, the only reason I was scared of failing was because I could not get myself out of that slump in order to take care of my work responsibilities. It was a vicious cycle with no end. This was all fixed with medication.

I would try to look introspectively and try to figure out what the root of your anxieties is. If you are able to identify it on your own, you may not need a therapist and be able to work on fixing those fears and then ultimately be happy. If you have no answer though, then I would continue seeking help and see if medication helps you. I wish you the best of luck!

LawGirl88
01-03-2014, 07:11 AM
Your plan will have changed as of 1/1. You'd have to find a therapist that takes your insurance and I don't know what % they have to cover but they do have to offer mental health coverage, look into now that it's the new ObamaCare guidelines!

Also your GP can help with the meds but seeing a therapist may be enough for you! I recommend a therapist if at all possible even with meds!

SparklyBunny
01-03-2014, 07:42 AM
I'll respond even though I don't have any clear thoughts on the matter, as I'm kind of battling with the same issue myself. So I'll be following this thread for any insights!

I don't suffer from social anxiety, but I've unfortunately put myself through so many bad relationships that fear can be triggered if someone gets too close in a romantic sense. If I'm just friends with a man, no problem, but if he shows interest, I may very well freak out, because it's a sign of danger to my brain. I think "amygdala hijack" might be an appropriate term for what I experience, as it's really difficult to override with any rational thought.

A friend of mine had good results with Rosen therapy. It's a massage therapy, where the therapist asks you to tell about your problems/fears/anxieties, and focuses on the part of the body that is (according to the therapy) associated with that particular problem. So you talk about your fears in the same time as the therapist works on the tension in your body. My friend was in the therapy to get over some sexual anxiety after her marriage ended and it really did help her. I'm very interested in that as well, since I feel like that's what my body would definitely need: a healing touch from a person who's compassionate and doesn't pose a threat. I want to teach my body that intimacy and physical contact doesn't have to be painful or cruel. At least over here the therapy is not terribly expensive, around 50 euros per session, though it's not exactly cheap either.

Chardonnay
01-15-2014, 07:59 PM
Due to depression, anxiety, burnout then eventually social anxiety and self-esteem issues (what a list!)....I was alone for nearly 18 years. I'm 45 now and my last bf was in my mid-20's, I not only avoided friends, I avoided men. Trust me, it's not easy getting back to dating, and I can honestly say I was only ready to date again when I reached 140. When I was 217, I refused to date. When I finally started again, I was FRIGHTENED. But I forced myself and after a terrible 4 months of dating a bunch of guys who were not suited for me, I found my guy, and I was quick to lose the intimacy issues. I didn't need therapy for it, I needed to just dive in and do it. Not everyone can do what I have done, but I encourage you to be brave, don't miss out on love and sex, I missed 18 years of it and I do regret it.

davina
01-20-2014, 12:26 AM
chardonnay thank you for that, it is encouraging that you can miss out on socializing/dating and still jump in no matter how long time has passed.

I am in similar situation and have not even talked to a guy in a romantic capacity in 6 years. I feel that I barely have enough conversation for my very best friend let alone a stranger who wants to get to know me.. The body issue of course is the biggest thing, I wouldn't even let anyone see me at this size. I've dealt with panic disorder the past few years so there is also another huge hurdle to deal with and will make getting to know someone difficult. But there is hope and Chardonnay's post really rings true with me, I think when we have even a little more confidence(and/or get the help/guidance needed) we will have the courage to jump in slowly and with practice things will fall into place naturally. I will also follow this thread. :)

Chardonnay
01-20-2014, 11:02 AM
It's funny, I thought the intimacy would be my worst enemy once I started dating again, but it wasn't at all. It really was all in my head, although losing the 77 pounds was essential for my confidence. I've been with a man 20 years younger than me for just less than a year now and at first I was aware of the age difference when it came to my body, but now it makes no difference. I think another big issue is trust when we've been alone for a long time, we have to allow ourselves to trust people again. And we have to allow ourselves to feel happiness.

davina
01-20-2014, 08:50 PM
I definitely agree with trust...I also worry about how to explain lack of relationship experience or being uncomfortable to getting physical and touching but I guess this is stuff you don't have to really talk about in the beginning and when you are more comfortable it will be easier to open up?

I've been worrying lately that i've been alone for most my life and wonder if I am getting used to it and would I even be able to live with another person..its sad.

Jaymie77
01-20-2014, 09:08 PM
I haven't suffered with the intimacy issues, but I have suffered from severe anxiety attacks and depression since my late teens (I'm 36 now).
I will tell you that to get through these types of issues takes a supportive doctor and will likely include medication, therapy and lifestyle changes. Your doctor's suggestion that you don't need medication because you can get out of bed is scary. I would find a new doctor ASAP.

For me, therapy, meds and meditation have done wonders!
Good luck!!

Chardonnay
01-21-2014, 02:08 AM
I definitely agree with trust...I also worry about how to explain lack of relationship experience or being uncomfortable to getting physical and touching but I guess this is stuff you don't have to really talk about in the beginning and when you are more comfortable it will be easier to open up?

I've been worrying lately that i've been alone for most my life and wonder if I am getting used to it and would I even be able to live with another person..its sad.

I had ALL those worries too! I started dating again in December of 2012, so just over a year ago. I went on an online dating site and met about a dozen guys in my area. I had a LOT of coffee dates and online chatting sessions. I didn't click with any of them so I never told them my history. When I met my current bf, it was like we were made for each other, we had so much in common, and even though he's 20 years younger than me, he's an "old soul" and we quickly realized we were very compatible. I told him on day 1 that I hadn't been with another man for about 18 years. I told him (briefly) why and took a chance. He was very understanding, and later on he told me that he liked that I had no current "baggage" (meaning exes). Our sex life is great and I forget all about my saggy boobs and abs lol...

I was determined to be alone for the rest of my life due to comfortable rut, lack of self-esteem, obesity and depression. But I just woke up one day and realized that I didn't want to live that way anymore and nobody could fix me but myself. I didn't think I could live with anyone either, but it was very easy once we moved in together.

It's scary for sure, but I don't think you should condemn yourself to loneliness because of depression and anxiety...we only live once and if we choose to live, we need to experience love and happiness! I took way too long to realize it, and I've said I do regret it...but I've moved on and am making the most of it now. :)

davina
01-21-2014, 11:13 PM
That is great to hear..I think I can really relate to your experience a comfortable rut is exactly what I am in, I am just simply stuck as if I cannot move forward in the ways everyone else around me seems to...This is hard to talk about, even when I had a session with a therapist I lied about the intimacy problems..But if I go back I will bring up this issue cause it is a big one.
When you first started dating again, did you find it difficult to make conversation,not be nervous, etc after being isolated for so long?

Chardonnay
01-22-2014, 02:27 PM
That is great to hear..I think I can really relate to your experience a comfortable rut is exactly what I am in, I am just simply stuck as if I cannot move forward in the ways everyone else around me seems to...This is hard to talk about, even when I had a session with a therapist I lied about the intimacy problems..But if I go back I will bring up this issue cause it is a big one.
When you first started dating again, did you find it difficult to make conversation,not be nervous, etc after being isolated for so long?

I've totally lied to my therapist many years ago when I was in therapy, I just couldn't admit to the intimacy problem. I'd had it for so long that I was actually ashamed, which is silly, it's nothing to feel shame for, I just needed some kind of help to get out of it. For me, therapy didn't help, I had to get out of it myself. If you do talk to your therapist, I'm sure he/she can help you out.

At first yes, I did find it difficult to talk to guys...but I started out on an online dating site. This way I was able to chat online and email before starting the verbal and in person talking. I did the usual...thought about subjects before meeting them lol...gosh I felt like a teenager...but usually you talk about work, family, sports, music, tv/movies, hobbies etc...you kind of fake it until you make it I think. Once I got rolling, I was okay though. I completely avoided talking about my history of mental health issues though, I think that bores people when you first meet them. My big anxiety was what to say if asked about past relationships...it happened of course, so I would say things like, I've been single a little while and thought it would be fun to start dating again...or something like that to take the focus off. Another thing we have to make sure not to do is move too fast or act too desperate! I made that mistake with the first two guys I was getting to know. I didn't quite grasp the meaning of "dating", I wanted exclusivity right away lol...doesn't work that way!

davina
01-23-2014, 02:37 PM
Thank you Chardonnay for your replies, I'm inspired by how you've changed things around so much. I will remember your story when I feel like I have too much to "fix" to get to where I want to be.

You are so right about just having to move on despite maybe feeling regret about the time that has gone by. I'm going to try and read some of the books on living in the present and not focusing too much on past or future, I think this will also be a help with anxiety in general.

:)