Depression and Weight Issues - Holiday Support!




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seabiscuit
11-20-2013, 08:58 PM
Hi,

I thought maybe a holiday support thread would be good for people, I know for me personally, I get stressed around the holidays. Fortunately, I won't be doing the cooking but I am a bit nervous because there is tension in my family and I will be with them, although I love seeing them. I feel self conscious about my weight and I get nervous that I will get comments on my weight, or someone will ask how my 'diet' or weight loss is going, that can be triggering.

Well, let's share some support, maybe suggestions here too if you like.

Hugs and Happy Holidays!

Amy


PUPMOM5
11-20-2013, 09:07 PM
We'll be spending the holidays with my husband's family. I love his mother to death, I really do, but she sort of praises my weight loss and then (seemingly) tries to undermine it through lots of pressure to eat fattening foods - and not just tastes, large servings - and drink lots of cocktails. At the last family birthday, she point-blanked called my husband to tell him that there would be no "healthy food." When I bring a healthy side (like a simple salad, or roasted veggies) for everyone, I feel like she judges me. (Her own daughter has said she feels like she can't succeed on a diet because as soon as she visits home, as she often does for week-long stays, her mother pushes food on her).

So I am getting pretty anxious about it. :(

seabiscuit
11-20-2013, 10:05 PM
Hi PupMom-

I hear you on the holiday stress. :hug: I don't always struggle with the food as much as the family dynamics. I am dependent on my family for money because of a disability and I feel that I have to please them, it is a frustrating battle. I am in my thirties and I want to live a life that is good for me but I feel like I always need their approval because of the financial aspect, it is quite stressful. I feel like my father judges me because of my disability and that I have to always have my guard up. It is frustrating, there is a lot of tension there.

I hear you on the family stress, I know all too well how that can be stressful and upsetting.

Hugs, take care.

Amy


SMSDREAMER2007
11-21-2013, 01:42 AM
Im very much a depressed eater and a " well its a holiday, it cant hurt" eater...problem is the hokiday turns into months. Im still battling stress and depression and working on not stress eating/binging.

Pup- I hear you on the undermining part....my mom is so jealous that I can lose the weight so she pokes and prods me over it.....then all my family push the fast food etc...meh...

Sea...been there, done that. Im the pleaser too.

seabiscuit
11-21-2013, 10:39 AM
Hey Dreamer-

I hear you on the issues around weight. I don't care to discuss my weight with my family most of the time but often they still think that it is their business, argh! I try to remember that they do love me and care about me, it's just the way that they show it can be painful. Hugs.

I hope that this is an enjoyable not stressful holiday season!

Amy

SMSDREAMER2007
11-21-2013, 02:02 PM
Sea...I keep mine secret too but they still push. Obviously when you SEE ive lost weight dont appraise me then push mcdonalds on me is my thought LOL

Munchy
11-21-2013, 03:12 PM
We'll be spending the holidays with my husband's family. I love his mother to death, I really do, but she sort of praises my weight loss and then (seemingly) tries to undermine it through lots of pressure to eat fattening foods - and not just tastes, large servings - and drink lots of cocktails. At the last family birthday, she point-blanked called my husband to tell him that there would be no "healthy food." When I bring a healthy side (like a simple salad, or roasted veggies) for everyone, I feel like she judges me. (Her own daughter has said she feels like she can't succeed on a diet because as soon as she visits home, as she often does for week-long stays, her mother pushes food on her).

So I am getting pretty anxious about it. :(

I'm so sorry! I have almost no experience with food-pushers, but I read so much on this site about them. I have people who give me a plate no matter what I say, but nobody has really bullied me into eating. Just remember, whatever is on the plate does not need to be eaten.

Drink a large glass of water before eating dinner and eat slowly. If you can visualize the amount or food items you're going to eat and ignore the rest of the food (if you can't do this, physically separate the food), then pop a mint or some gum until after cleanup. It helps tremendously.

Good luck!! :)

emilym
11-21-2013, 03:27 PM
I don't know, I've been lucky. If I were you, I'd address the issue point-blank. I'd say something like "I'm really committed to my health and my weight goals, please have compassion for me! Please try to be understanding of my wants and needs!" I think most people don't even realize that their behavior is upsetting, and I think they'll probably stop once you tell them point-blank that it bothers you.

But yeah, some people are mean and insecure about other peoples' weight loss and they might deliberately try to undermine you. I'm not sure how to even deal with something like that. It seems like your mother-in-law is pretty insecure about the fact that you're taking charge of your health, and she's probably insecure about her own weight and her own weight-loss failures, and she's taking her insecurity out on you. That's just sucky behavior. If I wanted to be mean, I'd probably call her on her insecurity in a very direct manner, but you probably don't want to cause that kind of drama. It's hard to balance standing up for yourself with causing drama.

If she has an attitude about the fact that you've brought a healthy dish to her home, gently remind her that there's nothing actually wrong with eating healthy food.

If I were you, I'd eat a full dinner before going to her house to eat.

VermontMom
11-21-2013, 07:38 PM
Hi Seabiscuit :wave: and others!

I guess I'm lucky, we don't go anywhere or have anyone over :D well that;s not completely right, our son and his fiance will be over for Thanksgiving Day and sometime at Christmas.

My holiday stress is fear of eating too many of my own goodies!! I know I could stop the tradition, but each year I make hundreds of different kinds of cookies and small pastries, for gifts. I can keep most of them in the freezer which is on a back porch, so they are at least out of sight. It's during the making process :D and having one or lots more afterwards.

lilturtle
11-21-2013, 07:52 PM
I am worried about the holidays too. We are going out to eat and it will probably be a buffet and it will be crowded. Crowds make me anxious. Family makes me anxious. I'm tempted to skip the whole thing. I am so scared of overeating too.

SMSDREAMER2007
11-22-2013, 01:07 AM
Vermont - My problem isnt when Im making them...I can resist when baking..My problem is when they come out of the freezer 2 weeks later...

Lilturtle- Go around the buffet and look at everything first then only kill each plate in the center; Leave about an inch of space between your food and the edge of the plate instead of piling the plates to the edges.

Been munchy today DANG IT! thankfully stayed under calories (Barely) and carbs (Barely)

seabiscuit
11-22-2013, 06:25 PM
Hi again :)

I'm glad that this thread is supportive to others! ;)

Here's wishing everyone a very safe, happy and healthy Thanksgiving!!!

Take care!

Amy

Veloria
12-02-2013, 01:21 AM
Hi all. While it's not good to see others struggling, it's nice to know that I'm not alone in having a tough time with the holidays. I ended a long relationship this summer, moved across the country to start over and am not really close to my family, so I feel truly alone this holiday season. I've been keeping busy and working on making new friends, but I can't help but feel sad right now. Focusing on my weight loss and getting to goal has been great for me, and with no family dinners or celebrations to attend it's been easy to stay on track. But it's lonely.

Sending positive vibes and encouragement to you all.

MyThreeTots
12-18-2013, 06:51 PM
Even though it means more work for me (including major housecleaning), I'm glad to say I'm "doing" Christmas this year for the family! That means I have control of the food. I eat Paleo right now so nobody will really notice. Turkey, veggies, etc. I will be making cookies for the rest of the family and am thinking about doing almond meal cookies for me.

seagirl
12-24-2013, 04:49 PM
This year my depression is in remission thanks to Wellbutrin, which has been really nice because I can actually feel excited about Christmas and the holidays in general. But, because I can feel emotions again I'm also really sad today about an ex (I think I dulled the emotions for a while and they are coming back.) I know feeling things is good, but it still is hard.

I'm home alone today (I was thinking of going to church for a service, but then seeing all the families makes me feel more alone) so I've exercised, I'm cleaning and purging (stuff not food) and making space for new things in my life.

I'll see family tomorrow for the day.

Good wishes to everyone.

Ija
12-24-2013, 09:13 PM
Seagirl, being home alone around the holidays is tough. I find that I need to have something on, the TV, or itunes, anything... because the silence becomes too much. This year it's even harder because I can't go home to be with my family (I'm finishing a research study that wouldn't be done in time unless I worked every day through January), and most of my friends have left the area for the holidays, so the alone-ness is even more than I'm used to.

The house is empty, but I'm hanging in there with lots of yoga and funny TV shows, maybe a bit more wine than I should, but things are okay so far. There's also 3FC!

Merry Christmas, have a great time with your family!

NYFLAgirl
12-25-2013, 07:01 PM
I'm glad I found this thread because this Christmas has been the hardest of my life. This is my first Christmas with depression and it was really bad. Aside from being single which is always tough during the holidays, my family is pretty dysfunctional and not supportive at all. I don't have a relationship with my mother and the rest of my family couldn't care less about me. It all became too much as I sat there and watched everyone open presents around (apparently this year no one thought to buy me a Christmas present) so I left. It's really not about receiving presents-it just would have been nice to have felt cared about on the Christmas. I have never felt more alone in my life than I do right now.

Fiona W
12-26-2013, 06:03 PM
Hang in there, NYFLAgirl... That's awful what your family does to you with the presents for everyone else and not you. Man, I really feel for you.

Maybe you'd like to join us on the December Ups & Downs Support thread: it will be ongoing, with a new thread each month. There are some very supportive people in the group. Come on in and introduce yourself!