And I know that sounds so selfish. I understand that, lol...
Backstory: I lost, with the help of this wonderful place, about 100lbs in '11-'12. (Note: I'm the kind of person, that if I don't work out, no matter my calorie intake, I will gain.) I was at 172ish all through the holidays, and at the start of 2013. In April, we found out we were pregnant... Yey! In May, on Mothers Day no less, we miscarried. I was mentally almost okay - the mental part wasnt my 'hard to deal with' part, it took a huge toll on my body. I was off for a week from work, I was told by my OBGYN to stop working out, and I felt completely awful... I'm guessing from blood loss? Anywho, in about 10 days, I think I gained 15lbs, lol. I ate anything that I could keep down. I was... horrid.
I was told I had to take it 'easy' for a while. That's fine, I get it. I went from doing my ellipical for a 1/2 hour a day, doing a Leslie Sansone walking DVD and running on my treadmill, doing zumba 4 times a week to.... nothing. It was... it sucked. So bad.
Here I am, taking it easy, feeling awful for about a month... Slowly, I started eating better again, walking on my t-mill... and then, early August, we got pregnant again. The first 15weeks, I felt like death. I didn't throw up a lot, I was just nauseted 24/7. Car rides sucked, walking too fast sucked, standing sucked... it just sucked. I'm much better now, but I've put on about 20lbs... 35 total. And I'M FREAKING OUT.
Like, I know its for a great, awesome reason, yes. I know.
I was in weight loss mode for 26 months. It's all I did. Every food/body decision I made revolved around it. I'm finding that the most difficult part of being pregnant isnt the change to my body - I was fat almost all my life, stretch marks don't scar me, having a belly is nothing.... its getting to my 'oh no, i've gotten too big, oh no!' place/weight and I'm freaking out, lol.
Any advice? Any thoughts? Anyone been there and have a hard time mentally watching that number tick back up while you tried to get it to go down for SO LONG?
I'm going to the grocery store tonight, getting all my salad supplies, so can have those as snacks, and I'm planning all my meals for the next two weeks.
(ps, sorry if there are letters/spaces missing. My keyboard doesn't like making new messages!)
THANKS in advance, everyone!!