Living Maintenance - Do people still talk about the "new you"?




mimsyborogoves
11-14-2013, 09:27 PM
I've been hovering in the 140s for quite some time now, and have been maintaining at least a 90lb loss since like April or May. And people are STILL talking about how tiny I am and are still asking me about my diet and exercise habits and everything that goes with weight loss.

And honestly? I'm kind of tired of it now. Yes, I've lost a bunch of weight. Yes, I'm way smaller than I used to be. But the thing is, I feel like even at this point I'm STILL being defined by my weight. It's like all anyone talks about when they see me, and I would much rather them pay attention to me, personally, or even if they wanted to compliment/talk about something physical -- talk about my outfit, or my hair or makeup. It's none of people's business how I go about my daily life and I just want to be seen as a person now. Not the fat girl, not the former fat girl, just Lauren. Because that's who I am, Lauren, and that's what's most important.

How do y'all deal with this stuff?


tommy
11-14-2013, 09:35 PM
I redirect it into health. I say things like "Just adopted a healthier eating plan and cut out the processed crud". Or I say "Oh thanks - just happy to be healthier". If they persist I tell them that there is no magic bullet, everyone is different, and it was not a diet just a healthier lifestyle. We are always going to be defined by our looks. My ex told me he met my god-daughter for lunch recently and his opening comment was that she was drop-dead-gorgeous. The fact that she is a medical resident with prized residency placement across the country was down the list. Just life.

mainecyn
11-14-2013, 10:00 PM
I don't have advice for this. I still haven't completed my weightloss but it defines me at work. Every new person hired hears the "you wouldn't believe but she used to be huge" story. I get the no way, how did you do it, how heavy were you, did you have surgery, etc etc. It makes me uncomfortable. I tried addressing it at work as I was losing weight, became the focus of gossip. I kept a great deal of my old clothes and wore them till they fell off, don't like anything tight. I still wear shirts a size to large or with a jacket or something over them because someone always comments about me and how I'm looking not the clothes I'm wearing.


saef
11-15-2013, 07:05 AM
I've been down by over 100 pounds for several years now. Sometimes I get the comment that people forgot that I was ever fat. That happens now mostly if someone unearths an old photograph, and they're confronted with the different version of me. In the meantime a whole group of people have come into my life at work and where I live, and they've never known me to be fat, so they have trouble believing that I was once 100 pounds heavier.

So just wait ... if enough time passes, that will take care of the comments. People just move on. At least they do if you don't get really fat again. I used to think they were waiting for that to happen, and that I'd "shown them" when I didn't regain. So they just forgot about me. Which is fine with me.

elvislover324
11-15-2013, 09:30 AM
A person I know at our local tavern recently (in my presence) told another person about my weightloss (he previously congratulated me over and over and said how proud he was of me). He was gushing and gushing and gushing about how much I lost to the point that it was embarrassing me but I just watched/listened. Then...he said "I mean, she was HUGE" and put his arms out to motion how round I was. I immediately burst into tears and told him and my husband that I will always be fat to certain people and I'm so much more of person despite what size I am or was.

I haven't gone back there since as it broke my heart. One of my friends told me I over-reacted and he was honestly giving me credit for my life changes. Maybe I did but I physically felt my heart break over this jerk's comments. My weight doesn't define me, my values, my heart. I'm the same person I was back then but people treat me like I increased my value by getting to a lower weight. And that's rude.

paperclippy
11-15-2013, 09:55 AM
It will pass in time, but it might take a couple years. I moved after getting to my goal so most of the people I interact with every day didn't know me when I was fat, but at this point it's been long enough that family members and friends from before my weight loss don't really say anything about it anymore.

traveling michele
11-15-2013, 11:22 AM
A person I know at our local tavern recently (in my presence) told another person about my weightloss (he previously congratulated me over and over and said how proud he was of me). He was gushing and gushing and gushing about how much I lost to the point that it was embarrassing me but I just watched/listened. Then...he said "I mean, she was HUGE" and put his arms out to motion how round I was. I immediately burst into tears and told him and my husband that I will always be fat to certain people and I'm so much more of person despite what size I am or was.

I haven't gone back there since as it broke my heart. One of my friends told me I over-reacted and he was honestly giving me credit for my life changes. Maybe I did but I physically felt my heart break over this jerk's comments. My weight doesn't define me, my values, my heart. I'm the same person I was back then but people treat me like I increased my value by getting to a lower weight. And that's rude.

This is so sad to me. I'm sorry it hurt you so badly. I'm sure the guy truly was trying to compliment you but I understand why it was so hurtful.

As for me... the comments lasted a long time. I got tired of them. However, I feel like I helped many that asked for advice. Now I don't get the comments anymore and it makes me somewhat sad because I've gained some weight back (about 10-15 pounds from my low weight) and I wonder if they are talking behind my back about my weight gain. I'm sure they probably aren't, but I still wonder.

kittycat40
11-15-2013, 02:48 PM
One of my neighbors, who rarely recognizes me (I attributed this to bad eyesight), recently told me the reason why.
"I always think of you as the fat girl."

Michele, since my maintenance in 08, I have been up and down by about 10-12 pounds. People don't seem to notice.

JayEll
11-15-2013, 02:58 PM
I have regained, but I had moved when I was at my low weight. If people where I now live notice that I've gained, they don't say anything. They didn't know me when I was at my highest weight.

The people from before who did know me before I lost weight, then when I had lost weight, and now that I've regained weight, are kind enough not to talk about it in front of me. I don't care what they say in private or beyond my hearing.

There does come a time when one has to take these well-meaning people aside and kindly tell them it's time to stop with the cheering and to start treating one like a human being instead of a miraculous story from a tabloid.

fitmom
11-15-2013, 05:15 PM
My 25th high school reunion is in a few months, and in a way I am dreading it. I look WAY different than I did back then, much more fit. I am mentally preparing myself for people to focus on my physical transformation. I guess I would be flattered but I have done other things in the past 25 years besides get into better shape! Lol.

Tai
11-15-2013, 08:13 PM
For me the comments ended as time went on. I've been maintaining 6.5 years and I never hear anything about my weight. I like this because it's as if everyone's forgotten that I was obese.

mars735
12-06-2013, 10:13 AM
It's an interesting issue. On one hand, I'm of tired of the endless cheerleading and requests for very detailed info about the diet (IP). On the other hand, it's almost all well-intentioned and so I appreciate that. Sometimes I feel as if there is a subliminal pecking order of body size & it upsets things when someone changes position, ie loses their "fat girl" place. Also,some people who have put on a lot of weight recently are avoiding me, while others with weight issues make little sarcastic comments about IP. I try to take it all in stride because overall, I'm ecstatically happy about getting the weight off & cautiously optimistic about keeping off. Everything else will sort itself out.

kisskiss
12-06-2013, 11:50 AM
I get people telling me I look great and they can't believe I was able to lose so much weight. The first time someone told me that it felt really good. But, you're right, it becomes a pain to hear. I definitely don't think people say it to be mean-spirited. I think a few years down the line, people will forget. I've had people say they can't believe "everything went back into place". Multiple people have actually said that. That one was hard to take, but I have to remember they are just trying to give me a compliment.

levoguette
12-06-2013, 12:46 PM
I have a long way to make it to goal, so I cannot fully understand what you are all going through, although I can imagine what it must be like. I'm so sorry to hear that you have had to go through things like this!
Especially elvislover, my heart was breaking with yours as I read that story. I would have been in tears as well.

People I know are currently starting to notice my weight loss, which I guess is great, but I feel has been a bit awkward to deal with nonetheless. So far the comments have been positive and it has mostly been people saying that they are happy for me or asking for advice which I am happy to offer, but one comment really bothered me and that was "Oh, I didn't even recognize you."
I know a lot of the weight I have lost has been from my face (don't really have much of a double chin anymore, less chubby cheeks), but it hurt me to be told that I was barely recognizable. I still look fat, I wear a lot of the same clothes still, my hair is the same. I lost 40 lbs, I didn't receive a face transplant. It's not like my face magically morphed into someone else's.
I can definitely see how it would be so frustrating if comments like that were to continue for a long time past having reached goal.

I would second what JayEll said, and I hope that none of you have to wait until you are in a completely new environment to escape comments like these like some have posted. If someone continues to make comments like that, I would just softly take them aside and ask them to please stop or at least cut back on them.

saef
12-06-2013, 02:31 PM
Sometimes I feel as if there is a subliminal pecking order of body size & it upsets things when someone changes position, i.e., loses their "fat girl" place.

There is. You aren't imagining things. The pecking order has to do with personal power -- and unfortunately, in many social circles, for women, a good part of it is appearance-based.

Sometimes it feels as though we're condemned to high school, forever & ever.

Lunula
01-08-2014, 01:52 PM
I know this is an older thread, but wanted to chime in. I started my new lifestyle in Jan 2011 and lost the majority of the weight in the first 6 months.

3 years later, I still have people talking about my weight loss. Even my family, though always very supportive, still make comments of how proud they are of me, how great I must feel, etc. New friends are amazed when they see old photos of me, or they hear someone else speak of my weight loss/maintenance.

For me, it was encouraging to hear the comments and I never really experienced anyone who was mean-spirited about it. I feel almost completely "settled in" with who I am now, so I don't need the encouragement as much. But, the acknowledgements have never really bugged me and they are fading as people get used to the "now" me. :)

IanG
01-08-2014, 03:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mars735
Sometimes I feel as if there is a subliminal pecking order of body size & it upsets things when someone changes position, i.e., loses their "fat girl" place.

There is. You aren't imagining things. The pecking order has to do with personal power -- and unfortunately, in many social circles, for women, a good part of it is appearance-based.

Sometimes it feels as though we're condemned to high school, forever & ever.


For guys as well. I find it hilarious.

Lori Bell
01-09-2014, 11:52 PM
As time passes the comments have died down. I find that I obsess over weight way more than any of the locals do (now ). :)

Roo2
01-10-2014, 08:14 AM
I think commenting on your weight loss and saying you look nice fine.
What I find suspect when someone feels the need to say how enormous you were and continues to go on and on about it, and Every time you. Run into them they feel compelled to bring up your weight and whether your up or down.
Before I lost weight and was FAT no one but immediate family expressed concern about my health related to the weight.... Now everybody and his Brother thinks they have the green light to dish about my weight .... You've lost too much you've
Gained weight in your face.
It is like I have loss my right to personal space along with the weight, and trying to politely redirect the conversation does not always work because there is agenda at hand.
So yes unless you completely change your environment and go where no one knows you ....I feel like your weight will be talked about to you or behind your back !IMO.
I think it is like the Big phenomenal Earthquake,Flood ,Snowstorm,Drought, people are always going to remember it!
I think the one time it will never be mentioned at is at my Eulogy ....cuz either they have a little sense of manners and sense of decorum or because I won't be able to here them!!! Just kidding ....but I think you gotta see the absurdly of it all! And I chuckle to myself about how people have lost common manners and boundaries we once had.... But at the same time our society has become very PC...just makes you shake your head and say " I am glad we can focus on my shortcomings so everyone can feel better about themselves.
So in short I feel when people Gush about your weight ...it really is not about you ...just a way to serve the juicy dish of the day!
At my age me gaining or losing weight does not change my Life dramatically......will still have the same husband ,family job and home, won't be wearing low cut tops are skirts soo short you can see my panties when I bend over.:D

Roo2:carrot::carrot:

Silverfire
01-14-2014, 04:57 PM
Just yesterday I got a comment asking if I was annoyed yet at all of the compliments on my weight loss (from 6 months ago!) Fortunately it was a good friend so it wasn't an uncomfortable question really. I laughed and told him I hadn't lost any in a while and had actually put a few back. He smiled and told me I looked great anyway. Those sorts of comments, I like. Genuine compliments can be very nice.

I have another really close friend who for the longest time, every time he drank, and we would see someone new, or someone we hadn't seen in a while, he would just go on and on and on and on and on and on! Saying nice things, no ugly hand gestures like Elvis had to endure (Go back and give him a little smack upside the head I think ;) ) and while I always appreciate the sentiment, I just don't feel the need to tell every single Tom, Dick, and Harry about 40 lbs. At 100+ lbs, maybe. (;)jk) I finally manged to get him off that kick, buy ruining it for him. I could tell when he was about to start regaling the story to some poor sap, and I'd jump in and be like, this guys just about to tell you a long and boring story about how we all had a challenge to lose some weight. I won... LOL

shcirerf
01-15-2014, 01:35 AM
About two years ago, I quit listening to the "noise" of those around me.

I am healthy! My weight is fine. My nutrition is fine. My exercise plan is fine.

It's ironic, when people ask me how I did it, and I say, healthy eating and exercise, the "eyes" glaze over, and, well never mind.

I'm not talking to you anymore!

Yes, I used to get they "fat" comments. Now I get the anorexic ones!

Really? 5'5" and 138! I'm far from anorexic.

I made a choice, to do what I needed to do for me, that makes me a healthy and happy person, and the rest of the people in my life, can kiss my cute, high and tight backside!:carrot:

It's amazing how life can change, when you take the bull by the horns!

mars735
01-20-2014, 01:00 AM
For guys as well. I find it hilarious.

Who knew? lol!