So today was awful and I'm emotional and need to vent.
First, work was super-stressful but that's no big deal. I can handle that. While talking to a friend on break, he asked if I was at my goal weight yet. So I answered that Im not. I also answered honestly when he asked how much more I want to lose. Around 20 lbs, I want to maintain below 160. He told me not to loose that much, I will be too skinny.
So this is the source of my frustration. I cannot be honest with my closest friends, because they are either criticising my goals or encouraging me to "go ahead and eat it, once won't hurt." That coupled with the fact that my husband seems to not have noticed that I've lost weight at all has me very upset (I also partially blame TOM). I am not on speaking terms with my parents or sisters. I'm just feeling really alone. Why is it so hard for friends and my spouse to simply say "good job"
11-14-2013, 12:15 AM
Oof, tough day. I'm sorry that the normally (I hope!) cool people in your life are being noodges when it comes to your weight loss. :(
My prescription for terrible awful no good very bad days like that are a cup of tea, a hot bath, and a good book before bed. Mostly so I don't kill anyone. :D At any rate, I hope things look a bit brighter tomorrow for you, Angie. Don't let 'em get you down!
11-14-2013, 10:47 AM
I know it's hard to hear discouragement from friends/family but they really don't view it as discouraging. When you ask for someone's opinion be prepared to hear it. When you ask for someone's approval be prepared that they won't give it. You have to let go of expactations of other people and focus only on you. Easier said than done, I know it. But don't get hung up on someone poopooing your weight loss goals, especially when they are so REASONABLE lol!
11-14-2013, 12:35 PM
Angie, I hate to say it but you absolutely must not listen to those people.
A long time ago, I had lost about 20 pounds from my, at the time, regular "set weight". I was still not skinny (well, had I been toned, maybe I could have been but was still "jiggly") but people told me things like "Don't turn into Karen Carpenter" and "you'll never have to worry about your weight". Well, I believed them and started eating with abandon again. I didn't balloon up right away; but, clearly, yes, I am a "worry about your weight" person, unfortunately, and nowhere near being anorexic.
People are people and say things meaning well. God knows I've said stupid things in awkward moments when dumb things spill out. How I wish I hadn't heard those things and been able to get them out of my mind. Here, years later, I still remember them.
The men in your life are equally dumb. BUT I know my own husband won't say something unless I truly give him "permission" -- and mean it -- to say anything. Like when I changed my haircolor a couple weeks ago. I could tell from his face but he didn't say anything til I told him it was okay and he admitted, he didn't like it.
Friends that say, Oh, just one won't hurt, are the worst. Esp. when you're trying the intuitive eating and can't even tell when you're overeating (that's my struggle right now). But right now I know me and, yes, 1 WILL hurt because 1 begets many, many more.
So know yourself. After all, you really only have yourself. Yes, you have this MB for advice and support; but we're not following you around all day, so really it just comes down to you! Now, I haven't had a "sweet" in almost 5 weeks which doesn't really sound like a long time, but I think it's the longest I've ever gone and I did that. Nobody else.
11-14-2013, 01:27 PM
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support. :)
Still kinda down today, but I think that's mostly the TOM hormones. lol. I'm stubborn enough that I never stay down for long.
11-23-2013, 03:18 PM
I understand your frustration. My parents believe it is entirely okay to be 140/150 pounds at my height so when I say I want to be 120 or that I want to lose 20 more pounds, they act as though I just told them I want to hack off an entire body part.
I've learned to ignore such reactions. I told my trainer my goal back when it was to lose 60 pounds and he was fine with it (and if he thought I was doing something unhealthy, I believe he had the right to cancel on me). I told my newest doctor the same thing and she was fine with it. I told my boyfriend and he's okay with it, too. It seems to me that the only people who have issues with it don't understand weight loss to begin with. It also feels like Americans, in general, have this issue with weight loss...like "we" consider "normal" to be borderline overweight these days so if you strive to go lower, you freak people out.
That and some people don't really know what you mean. The number you tell them probably sounds so tiny in their mind but what you're really saying is, "I'm carrying around an extra X pounds of fat that I want gone".
11-23-2013, 03:33 PM
So ironic, it gets harder to lose weight the older you get BUT it's so hard for those of you still so young but who also have to deal with still being under your parents' "control". And, like I say, to be successful, you really can't listen to other people who are at odds with what you're trying to do ... whether well meaning or not. But you can't just ignore your parents altogether, of course, so you have to be careful there. It takes a special extra effort that I don't have to deal with. I just have to deal with my internal voice. And then, yeah, there's TOM. Good times. uggg
It's not easy. But I so wish I would have ignored a lot more of those comments way back when. I let them resonate with me so much because I wanted to believe, yeah, I didn't have to worry but I do. If I just had admitted that, things probably would have been different for me because I wouldn't have just assumed my body would keep the weight off. I hope you can avoid that mistake.
11-23-2013, 04:02 PM
aw :( I'm sorry you are not getting the support you clearly deserve. GREAT JOB on the significant weight loss so far!!
You and I are the same height, and I am finally down to a weight that is slightly less than your starting weight. Believe it or not, I am actually starting to receive comments from friends to "not lose any more weight" and "you look perfect, don't lose another pound." At 207 lbs., I still weigh more than most men, lol, so of course their advice is a bit insane! I have already decided that after I get down to 191 lbs (just inside the overweight bmi,) I am going to start telling my friends that I am working on "fitness goals" from there on out... I am going to avoid telling them numbers so they don't become alarmed.
Of course, some people might have a little jealousy and perhaps they don't want to see someone lose a significant amount of weight, but I also think some people have a hard time seeing the person that they loved and cherished as a friend metaphorically disappear... the person standing in front of them no longer resembles their good friend... where did their good friend go? Even if they support a pursuit of good health, they can be emotionally disconcerted by a big change in appearance. Hold firm to your goals despite this.
I also think people have almost lost sight of what is/was a normal size for a person, and this will come into play when you get feedback about your weight goals. Obesity to a degree, and certainly a chubby figure, seems visually normal these days. I am in my late 40s, so I am old enough to remember when adults were, as a rule, slim across the board! Being obese was an outlier. Obese children were a rarity. It's difficult to describe how much has changed in a little over a generation. Even I have succumbed to this new blindness! For example, my original weight goal was 190 lbs., but after joining 3FC, I quickly changed that to a new goal of 175 lbs. That is still overweight for our height, lol, I mean, I think we need to be 159 lbs. max to be in the normal range. I can't bring myself to change my goal weight to that, because it seems like it would be impossible for me to maintain that. Perhaps I will change my mind again if I ever get down to 175 lbs.
Good luck. You will always have support here, so please stop by whenever feedback may be a bit lacking in the real world. I really admire your tenacity to get down to a normal bmi, which is so good for your health as a person.