Why do people criticize me for wanting to lose more weight?!
Hello!
I'm a newbie to this site. I started my weight loss journey in Oct. 2010.
My starting weight was 184 when I stepped onto that scale at my first weight watchers meeting. Currently I weigh 135. I have been very depressed and a couch potato lately not wanting to leave the house unless its absolutely a must. I've been separated from my husband since August. I'm now trying to get out of this funk and sadness. I want to get out and exercise and meet new people and start enjoying life again.
Recently I've mentioned to people (just acquaintances) that I would like to lose more weight with a target weight of 110. Why's that wrong? Why am I being judged for wanting to work towards a goal again, something to motivate me and help get me out of the house and around other people?
I need support and caring people in my life, not more hurt and judgment.
Without knowing your height and build, I can't comment on whether or not you should lose any more weight.
If the people giving you negative feedback knew you at your high weight, they could be reacting based on how different you look from then. Or they might be worried that you're going to "starve yourself" because you're depressed. There are so many reasons people can be unsupportive - jealousy, their own weight insecurity, etc. It may have nothing to do with you, or it could be out of a poorly aimed concern for your well-being.
If your goal is a healthy weight, maybe just leave out the number when you talk about it with people. Just say "I'd like to lose a couple pounds" or "I want to start exercising to get healthy/fit" or "I'm going to a class at the gym to relieve stress".
I know when I tell folks I want to lose another 25 pounds, they tell me I don't have it to lose. Yeah I do - I'm just trying to get to the very top of the range of normal BMI for my height. But compared to when I weighed 300 pounds, I look fantastic.
Maybe they are concerned that you're new goal weight might be too low? As long as it's in the normal range for your height and build and not underweight, you should be ok. Plus, you can just mention it being a stress reducer and trying to be more sociable with like-minded people.
Well I saw you wrote 5'6 on your intro so you realize 110 is fairly underweight especially for someone who is not a teenager... truthfully, you can't be surprised people are shocked.
Just IMO as a maintainer for many years, if you aren't happy at 5'6 and 135lbs, then your issue is likely a problem with muscle mass/fitness rather than the number on the scale. Particularly as we get a wee bit older (5'6 and 110 looks great at 17), those of us in our 30's with kids, tend to look gaunt/emaciated at lower numbers. I would personally suggest taking up strength training rather than trying to lower your goal weight unnaturally.
I was that height/weight at 21 and it was difficult to maintain and my hips were quite boney. Being 15lbs heavier, over 10 years later, with 10 years of strength training behind me? I look way better than I did at 21. Not many can say that!
Usually what people mean when they tell you not to lose weight is "If I weighed what you weigh I wouldn't want to lose any weight at all." I can recall recently a friend of mine who is pretty thin already wanted to lose weight for wedding. Even though she looked very pretty in her dress I will admit to you that I thought she looked a little gaunt in her face and I recall her plenty of times feeling faint from following such a low calorie plan. all in all she was happy but in my honest perception she looked much better before. But people have their own opinions about how they look and she achieved what she wanted to and so should you.
Personally I never talk numbers with anyone, even now when my number to lose is obviously high. I just talk about wanting to be healthier, more mobile and active etc. It's nobody's business how many pounds I want to lose.
When I was 120 lbs. as a 5'8" teenager, my mom, ever a size snob, nevertheless took me to the doctor. He assured her that despite being "too" thin, I was healthy, and would most likely gain weight. (And here I am! LOL)
One of my friends is in the 140s/130s and is average height. She goes on and on about weight loss. I told her that I think she is perfect and losing weight would be like "polishing diamonds". Was I right? Was I wrong?
Everyone has *their* number though. As long as the doc says your stats. are good, all is well.
I think it's also a possibility that people could be particularly judgmental with you right now because of your situation. Having just separated with your husband, they could be thinking you're wanting to lose weight for the wrong reasons (no idea whatsoever if it's true--does not sound like it) but they could be thinking it's sort of a "revenge" thing against him or that you're trying to get him back or that you're doing it because you are craving male attention--that sort of thing--rather than doing it to be healthy and to help you love yourself and get out of your funk.
When I found out my ex boyfriend had gotten married, it was a kick in the pants for me to want to lose weight. It was simply just a wake up call that I need to be healthy and I want to be happier, etc. However, many of my friends had some crazy notion that I was doing this to try to get him back or something like that, which was absolutely not the case at all, so they weren't super supportive and that was frustrating.
I think sometimes the simplest solution is probably the correct one.
At almost 40, OP wants to be medically underweight at 5'6 and 110lbs. It's likely people are just concerned for her health. That is a lot of added pressure to an already stressful circumstance.
All thigns considered, our friends usually just want the best for us.
From your introduction thread you are 5'6". If you achieve a goal weight of 110 your BMI will put you quite a bit underweight for your height (17.8, a BMI of 18.5 is underweight). While achievable, it would be very difficult to maintain an underweight BMI.
A normal weight range for your height would be a low of 115 and a high of 154 depending on the size of your frame. You are right in the middle of that range, a normal weight for your height, and that's why people are telling you that you don't need to lose any more weight.
If you are 5ft 6 in, like someone else mentioned, than 110lbs IS to low for you and puts you in the underweight bmi range. Even Dr. Fuhrman, who's an advocate of lower weights for optimal health puts me (also 5ft 6in), at 119lbs and no lower. People are not being critical of you, they're offering you smart advice and I'd really listen to them
Last edited by justjaynee; 11-05-2013 at 02:12 PM.
I saw in your intro that you've lost a lot of weight. You may not realize how much impact each 5-lb loss -- heck, each 3-lb loss -- will have on your body from this point onward. I have read that at higher weights, you can lose 25 lbs and only go down one size. If I lose 5, I go down a size.
Rather than set such a low goal (which, as others have pointed out, is underweight for an adult), why don't you take it in 5-lb increments? I bet you will find you are happy with your body well before you get down to 110.
but anecdotally, its not healthy for you, right now, but it has nothing to do with height/weight/bmi, etc......
This screams to me as a coping mechanism, in one of 2 ways.... (or both)
Given your current personal situation, the depression and separation from your spouse, losing weight gives you some control, out of few things you (percieve) are in control of, hence referring to the idea as it being a "good idea" to have a goal.
Or (more likely) focusing intently on losing weight is a way to numb out so you dont focus/feel the pain in your life as deeply right now. If you were a drug addict, you would be using your drug of choice to emotionally numb and not have to deal. Its a way that we reach outside of ourselves when we dont want to or cant deal with facing life on lifes terms.
It’s probably best not to tell people how much you want to weigh. They tend to go into omg-that’s-way-too-thin mode when someone wants to weigh less than 120 pounds
Also, you say you want to work towards a goal; maybe you could make that goal non-weight related?
At first I was going to call jealously but like others have said 110 at 5'6" is too thin. I'd say 125-130p is more ideal but it's your body, your decision. I find it best not to discuss my weight/exercise with anyone outside of this site. People give way too much unsolicited and very incorrect advice. I don't feel like arguing. I had one co-worker warn me that 5p hand weights will cause me to bulk up. Um...ok.
Why do people criticize me for wanting to lose more weight?!
