20-Somethings - Anybody else Feeling the late 20s time crunch?




Scarlett
11-03-2013, 08:17 PM
I just relocated to a new city last August. I moved to complete a supervised practice program which will allow me to earn a credential sometime next September/October. At this point I will finally be DONE with everything and be employable with a real salary in the real world (job prospects are good). I also turned 27 last August. I spent the last year and a half in a frenzy finishing graduate school while working and living at home. During this time I felt stressed beyond belief and my weight crept up to 250. Iím currently down around 225-230.

I envisioned my time in this new city spent working on my weight and excelling in my program. I wanted to be down a bunch by the time I start interviewing for jobs in October 2014. Unfortunately my financial situation is much much worse than I originally envisioned. I spend 40-60 hours per week on my program and need to work 24 hours per week on top of that to pay the bills. Family support (emotional and financial) has been minimal and I feel like there is no safety net. Even with working, I cut things way closer than I want to. Iím in full blown survival mode. Long story short, my weight loss ambitions have fallen by the wayside. Iím trying to loose a little bit slowly but Iíve mostly just maintained.

I want to get married and have children. I really havenít dated AT ALL in the last 3 years (sans a few make out sessions). This is mostly because Iíve been so busy straightening out my career. I do not feel comfortable dating at my current size. I worry that I will finish my program next year at age 28 then need to spend a year getting in shape to start dating. Then try to get back in the dating pool at age 29. I will also owe massive student loans. In short I look at everything I want to accomplish by my early 30s and it feels like there is just not enough time. Iím not exactly 35 and ticking but I can feel my 30s quickly approaching.


goldengirlamy
11-04-2013, 03:31 AM
I think you should keep doing what you are doing. If a man is intimidated by your success then he isnt worth you because you are successful and wonderful! And your size should not be a barrier to anything in your life but sometimes it is unfortunately. Keep up your healthy habits and let love come to you!

cormandy62442
11-04-2013, 08:54 PM
Yes, yes, and yes!! I'm a late bloomer... I didn't finish college until I was 26 and just recently (6 months ago) started a job in my career field. I'll be 29 at the end of this month. I had a lot of fun in my 20s but I definitely didn't get half the things accomplished that I wanted to get accomplished. But I think my 30s will be better. We're still young! And I agree with goldengirlamy, you shouldn't let your size determine anything you do! I need to tell myself that often and I still don't believe it sometimes. You've accomplished a lot, if you keep up with your healthy habits and find more ways to squeeze another healthy habit in here and there you'll get there. And your forum family is always here to help!


blackinkstyle
11-04-2013, 09:34 PM
My life is nowhere near where I thought it would be 5 or 10 years ago. I'm only 25, but I feel like I'm so far behind when it comes to my career, education... basically everything. What you have to remember is that you are one of many in this situation. Between working moms, students who work full time to afford school part time, and all the other not-so-traditional path walkers, you'd be hard pressed to find many people at all who get things done right on schedule.

And as for dating, don't let your size hold you back! I was just shy of 300lbs when I met my boyfriend.... He's tall, slim, handsome as can be, smart, talented, goes to the gym a few times a week... And never once has he made any insinuation that my size is an issue. Sure, dating can be a lot harder when you're heavy, but there are good, decent men out there who will love you as is. Don't think for a second that you have to lower your standards just because you're not a size 4. Besides, I think it's better to find a man who likes you at your worst, who finds you attractive even at your heaviest, because it shows that he's not shallow and can see you for who you really are.

Scarlett
11-04-2013, 11:07 PM
Thanks for the support guys :hug:

Seeing my thoughts typed out on the screen provided something of an aha moment. My current situation is not working. I researched additional student loan options and decided to apply for federal grad plus loans for next semester to get me though to October. These loans are designed for grad students with a credit history who need more than Stafford Loans to pay the bills. It seems to fit my situation. I have near panic attacks about money and feel stressed all the time. My work/money concerns negatively affect my program progress. I feel afraid to spend money on anything. I plan to keep my current job but work less hours. I don't want to take out additional loans but believe it is necessary. I thought I would need to take out private loans to get more money. It was a relief to find a viable federal option. I hope to buy some nicer clothes for rotations and make stressing less a focus. I also plan to get serious about loosing at least a little weight over the next few months.

As for dating. Iím not going to seriously put myself out there until I finish my program (or at least get within 2-3 months of the end). My program keeps me super busy and consumes most of my energy. If someone comes along before then, great. I do need to work on my perfectionist thinking. I cant wait for everything in my life to be perfect before I get back in the game.

SMSDREAMER2007
11-05-2013, 12:53 AM
Thanks for the support guys :hug:

Seeing my thoughts typed out on the screen provided something of an aha moment. My current situation is not working. I researched additional student loan options and decided to apply for federal grad plus loans for next semester to get me though to October. These loans are designed for grad students with a credit history who need more than Stafford Loans to pay the bills. It seems to fit my situation. I have near panic attacks about money and feel stressed all the time. My work/money concerns negatively affect my program progress. I feel afraid to spend money on anything. I plan to keep my current job but work less hours. I don't want to take out additional loans but believe it is necessary. I thought I would need to take out private loans to get more money. It was a relief to find a viable federal option. I hope to buy some nicer clothes for rotations and make stressing less a focus. I also plan to get serious about loosing at least a little weight over the next few months.

As for dating. Iím not going to seriously put myself out there until I finish my program (or at least get within 2-3 months of the end). My program keeps me super busy and consumes most of my energy. If someone comes along before then, great. I do need to work on my perfectionist thinking. I cant wait for everything in my life to be perfect before I get back in the game.

Wish we had like buttons on here....

merilung
11-05-2013, 11:54 AM
Totally feeling it, but in the exact opposite way that you are! I've been married for six years and with my husband for 10, and I always assumed I'd be a young mom and do all the school/career things later when the kids were a wee bit older - I thought I'd have four or more kids and be done by now! Then infertility got in the way of that plan and now at 26 I've decided that I just can't wait any longer to pursue some of my own non-family goals. I won't graduate with my bachelor's degree until I'm at least 31, so now I'm looking at (possibly, hopefully) having kids and being a working student at the same time.

Scarlett
11-05-2013, 06:23 PM
SMSDREAMER2007 Thank You. I've really felt a lot of relief since I made this decision.

merilung I find your perspective interesting. Even though you're married it's a very similar situation. Both sides have their pitfalls.


I think it's just generally tough to be in this age group. We were the first round of Millennials to have to deal with the current economy. It just felt like the rules got changed in the middle of things. We have older friends who started their careers right before the economy turned, and it's tough to compare yourself to them. It just leaves you a bit behind where you thought you would be at this point in time. At least the current generation going into school knows that careers may not be be rosy when they get out and can plan accordingly.

SMSDREAMER2007
11-06-2013, 12:22 AM
I totally agree scarlett. Im close to getting my bachelors but im seriously worried about employment after that. Student loans suck!!

fillupthesky
11-06-2013, 12:55 AM
I just turned thirty, so I might have no business being here ;), but thought I would share my thoughts.

When I was in grad school, I went part time for 2 years, then my last year was full time. I quit my job (had to work at least 24hours/week and I had classes and internship), and did some tutoring on the side. I also took out more loans for "survival" money. I need it, and I wasn't going to kill myself trying to do it all. And yes, student loans SUCK SO BAD, but I don't regret it.

Also, I find that things just fell into place after a while for me. I had my share of struggles (laid off my first job in a new city, bad relationship, moved to California with no money) though I eventually stabilized. I have a job in my field, in a solid relationship, and have made some great friends in California. I've heard this from friends who are well into their 30's that your 20's are crazy and frantic, uncertain, about getting to a goal, and that things stabilize more in your 30's. This may be a gross generalization, but I can relate to it.

As far as dating, I never really "looked", though if I met someone who seemed cool, I'd go out with them. I get shy and awkward when dating, due to my own insecurities. Then I thing to myself, that they wouldn't have asked me to go out if they didn't find my attractive.

And you are definitely right- this is not the generation where we were all able to move out at 18, get jobs, and never look back...it's a different world.

souvenirdarling
11-09-2013, 12:20 PM
Part of me is terrified to bring these bad habits into my 30s. I feel you completely.

DrivenByAmbition
11-09-2013, 12:29 PM
I am feeling the crunch... I got married at 23 and was divorced at 26. I'm 27 and engaged (yeah, I know, but he is the love of my life). So I had all the hopes of children and settling in my career, starting at 23, but this year has been the defining year. I am now settled in the area where my fiance and I will build our life. I may be 30 before starting to have a child.

What I am getting at, is there is still time.

Scarlett
11-10-2013, 12:36 PM
I enjoyed reading the perspective of someone in their early thirties. When thinking of how much progress I made in the last 2 years, it is difficult to feel all that down about the future. On my 25th birthday, dateless, unemployed for several months, and living at home, I attended a wedding with many friends from college. Needless to say, I felt humbled and behind in life. Since then, I got a job (not a “real” job but one related to my career goals), I earned my MS, gained acceptance to a competitive credentialing program, and relocated to a new city. My circumstances appeared hopeless at 25 but where I am now is pretty close to best case scenario from 2 years ago (careerwise at least). It’s really nice to hear that the hard work pays off and that things will likely fall into place in my thirties. Sometimes it feels like the finish line keeps getting pushed back and I will never actually make a real salary. It is comforting to know that it will get better.

shantroy
11-10-2013, 02:25 PM
I just turned 30 2 weeks ago. You're not far behind.

At 27, I quit my job, broke up with my long term bf, and applied to grad school. I can't lie I was terrified of being 27, single, and a student. But it was so worth it.

I finished my masters in May, took the summer off to travel, and started my dream job in August. Life couldn't be better. I may not be in a relationship, and my life isn't what I thought it would be at 30, but you know what? My life is better than I ever could of have dreamed of.


I probably won't have kids until I'm 35 or 36, but all I think of it as more time to spend focused on me and sucking every last wonderful moment out of my 30s. Between 29 & 30, my life just kinda fell into place. I wake up every morning happier than I ever thought possible. I'm surrounded by great friends, I've travelled, I'm have job in my field that challenges me everyday. I wouldn't change a second of the last 3 years for a long term relationship or a significant other. I'm thrilled with my life and am exactly where I need to be.

makebelieve
11-10-2013, 07:19 PM
Glad I'm not the only one. I'm only 25 but I feel so overwhelmed and behind all the time. The majority of people I went to HS and college with are married and/or have children. My mom had me when she was 25, I couldn't have a kid at this point, I can hardly handle taking care of myself! I don't know how people do it.

I want to be a mom badly and I'm scared of waiting too long and not being able to have any. :(

I also want to go back to grad school but I just can't do it financially right now. I'm still living at home, I don't pay rent but pay for my own food & for all other things that are actually mine (my car, phone, food, etc.) & my student loans and I basically break even every month. I don't know how I'll ever move out or save up for anything. :(

I'd really like to at least get my schooling/career straightened out by the time I turn 30 but I don't know. :(

PageLynn
11-11-2013, 10:57 AM
I feel you, only my situation is a little different. I'm 26 and just had my third child. I am not married nor even with my children's father (they have different dads, not what I planned at all but such is life). I finished my undergrad last December, and my future is uncertain on if I'll go to law school or grad school. I'm living at home (with grandmother) due to cost of children and student loans. I do have an amazing job in the legal field, but doesn't pay enough to live on our own. A year ago I was living in a different city, had a better paying job in my field, with my own house (rented), but I am happier back home with a better work environment. I'm hoping to get my life sorted out and be healthier, slimmer, married and in a career that is better suited to support my family by early 30's. I feel the crunch though since it's only 3.5 years away.

Paisleymama
11-22-2013, 08:49 AM
I'm married and have two children but it's definitely crunch time.

I want to ENJOY my youth. I want to wear cute clothes that I actually like, not ones that just hide my butt or bat wings. I want to swim with my kids without fear of being seen in a bathing suit. I want to make the most of my still youthful body before it's too late.

PUPMOM5
11-22-2013, 09:46 AM
I want to make the most of my still youthful body before it's too late.

This.

I'm turning 29 in a few weeks. I'm in Grad school, will finish at 30 and am trying not to think too hard about the job prospects (scraping as an adjunct in multiple institutions with no benefits). I'm married, but finances are awful and who knows when they will improve so we can start trying to have a child (which, of course, may not be easy because of the PCOS). Mostly, I want to get my body to a place where I can FEEL young and enjoy it before "it's too late."

But when I put all that aside and actually start living my life, I'm pretty happy where I am. :)

Dollfaise
11-23-2013, 01:42 PM
I didn't think my life would be so difficult at 25 and I've found it difficult to cope at times. I thought I would be married to my now ex and living on the west coast. I thought I'd have a decent job, nothing stellar, but that I'd be happy.

Instead, my ex cheated on me twice and I'm dating someone new who treats me 100 times better than my ex ever did so that's a step in the right direction. But I've struggled to hold a job for various reasons, none of which are my fault (which is probably the most frustrating part, being at the mercy of dishonest employers), and I'm paying a high monthly rent to live in a small apartment owned by a crappy landlord. My car still sucks but at least it runs. My weight is slowly creeping back up and I live check to check.

I'm really hoping that my life starts to look up at the start of the new year. I'm hoping I'll have a job and we'll be living somewhere better.

I definitely feel something of a "crunch". I sometimes think to myself, "Where did I go wrong?"

Mimi21
11-25-2013, 10:13 AM
I'm 25 and I'm definitely a late bloomer. I have learned a lot about myself during the first half of my 20s and I am so glad it's over. One of those things is that I am not in a race with anyone else. I'm living life for me, at my pace. I'm going to film school next year in the UK and I'll be beginning again with a new bachelor's degree. I can't live not doing what makes me happy and school before wasn't the right fit for my chemistry. I definitely felt pressure before to construct my life according to others' wishes but it was debilitating.

noelle8310
12-08-2013, 07:41 AM
Wish we had like buttons on here....

As I was reading EVERY SINGLE COMMENT above yours I thought the same thing!!

Radiojane
12-08-2013, 01:59 PM
I WASTED my 20's. 28 hit me like a ton of bricks. I want so bad to have kids and a good marriage, but I need to get it together before I can be there for anyone else. It's something I think about a lot.

Rashomon
12-11-2013, 09:59 PM
I just turned 28 exactly 2 months ago. I finished culinary school and working on finding a viable job. I have a B.A. in Psychology as well, so whether I'm working a desk or a kitchen, I just need a job that will allow me to move out, pay bills, have insurance, pay off my debts, and start a retirement. Then really pursue what I want to do. Unlike everybody else here, I do NOT want children and I'm ambivalent about marriage. I like being alone, but wouldn't mind a significant other. Probably just not cohabitating.

I want to be maintaining by my 30th birthday (October 2015). I'll have hopefully moved out by then as well and really beginning my adult life.

Daimere
12-15-2013, 03:28 AM
A few weeks before my 26th birthday, I had a tantrum and demanded a divorce. For the last few years I have felt like a failure weight and school wise. All my school friends are graduating and I couldn't finish going (barely a semester down). I feel like I was supposed to do more. It's so frustrating! I've started seeing a special someone but it's super complicated. And I know my friends will not appreciate me jumping to a serious relationship straight from the divorce. I wanted a kids and a career by 25! Ugh.

modifyeddoll87
12-18-2013, 08:56 PM
... idk what to add to this but im just checking in, im 26 i have one failed marriage no college degree and no career under my belt and idk what to do with myself for the most part ,

but i think things are looking up for me , im remarried and my new husband is much better to me im happier in general (besides certain unavoidable life events) and i think that my current husband and i together can see how to put my life on the right path , for now ... i dont have alot of the things i do need together but im glad i have him , hes older and much more stable and reliable , it seems to be what the doctor ordered, rome wasnt built in a day so i assume im a late bloomer and i wont have my life together until my mid thirties and thats okay too i guess , not what we planned im sure but its going to be okay .