Chicks in Control - People calling me skinny triggered a binge
11-03-2013, 04:15 PM
Long story short, I had an eating disorder when I was 14 which lead to MANY years of EDNOS. Not fun. I lost my whole teen years to it. So recently I have gotten my head food free and as a result of being in a very physical job, no car and not purging. I have lost a lot of weight.
This is all fine and good, but now EVERYONE, coworkers, family members, friends are talking about it. In fact its a main topic of conversation around me now is "How much weight Cheryl has lost". I find it really unnerving especially as I am a people pleaser.
My mother recently spoke to my brother, friend and aunt about my weight loss. I will admit. It got to me.:(
I am very happy with my weight. Yet I am in a very stressful period of my life right now. This weight thing is the straw that broke the camels back. I wound up binging ( I turned it into my once a month cheat day) last night and today. I just don't know what to do.
I am thinking maybe if I gain a bit of weight, people will get off my back then?
All advice appreciated
11-03-2013, 04:54 PM
I'm sorry you are stressing over it. The question really is, are you happy? If so then I think the only option is to confront your friends and, as nicely as you can, ask them to stop mentioning it. Let them know you are healthy and happy and appreciate them but that it makes you uncomfortable.
Maybe that would help?
11-03-2013, 05:07 PM
That is a very good idea :). Thanks I will stand up for myself more.
11-03-2013, 05:15 PM
There is a useful expression: "What other people think of me is none of my business" Here is a link that explains it. http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/what-others-think-you-none-your-business You are responsible for yourself, and not to please others :)
11-12-2013, 07:35 PM
I agree, you should tell these people that their comments, even if they think is positive, is actually having an opposite reaction on you. They can't know how you feel unless you tell them.
11-26-2013, 08:12 PM
I also agree with tommy.You can't control what people think about you so don't even try,Even if its family.And family is the toughest to let them think what they want.As long as you are happy, do not sacrifice your happiness to appease them.In the long run you will feel bad about it because you are the only one who can only make your inner person happy! hope this helps :D :goodluck: and i throw plenty of :dust: at you!
11-28-2013, 12:24 PM
I just posted about this very issue on another thread, so I'm going to repeat what I said, because this compliments-lead-to-binge pattern is one I know all too well. I'm a longtime yo-yo dieter, and I've had real problems with the way people respond to me when I lose a lot of weight. I get freaked out when they're staring at my body and saying, "Wow, you look great!" I remember one time during a weigh-in at a diet clinic that happened, and I burst into tears and essentially had a panic attack.
Do any of you have any understanding yet about why that happens—why it can be hard to cope with what other people say when we lose weight? I've heard some people say they don't like the compliments because they imply that you were somehow unacceptable when you were heavier. I don't think that's the issue for me. It's almost like a sexual trauma thing for me, even though I've never been actually molested or raped. But I feel it as though the other people are getting in my face, getting in my space, so I start binging to regain the weight and push them away.
This is an important issue for me to get a handle on, because I'm 58 years old, and I intend for this weight loss from a high of 351 down into the mid-100's to be the last time I get rid of the flab. I want to be my old slim self, before all my emotional eating behavior began, and I want to be comfortable in my own skin, when I get there.
Do you think there's something a bit scary about being normal-sized? What do you think this issue is about? I'm open to comments from anyone...
12-01-2013, 03:54 PM
I think mostly I just want to fit in and be like everyone else. Hence, the weight loss, and when people say I am too skinny then I feel like an odd outsider. I originally started loosing weight when I was 14 so people would like me and be my friend.
12-02-2013, 09:03 AM
OP, you can't give up control of what you're doing to other people. Other people don't cause us to binge, you know that. It's how we receive their words, and what WE do that causes us to binge. Owning that is the first step to addressing the problem. Saying that someone else caused you to binge puts you in victim mode, a terribly scary place to be for someone like us.
I would seriously think about speaking to those closest to you about these sorts of discussions that derail you. But first you have to think long and hard about what you want to say. You can't censor those around you because that makes them afraid to talk to you altogether. You have to come up with suggestions of what they can say to you to encourage you. I think they think they're being positive and complimentary to you. You need to have a strategy to get those comments to bounce off of you rather than internalize them and allow them to derail you.
12-02-2013, 04:09 PM
Personally, I feel stressed out from moments like this. Please don't be hard on yourself for feeling bad about compliments OP! I think that they are stressful for many people.
I find it stressful because I get this gut feeling of "What makes you think that you can comment on my body like a piece of nice furniture? Or a work of art on display? I am just a person just standing here - not posing at some event, I am not displaying myself for your outward judgement - approval or disapproval" Somehow it makes me feel powerless, and that induces a lot of stress for me.
Another reason why it causes stress for me is that it seems like suddenly I also feel like I have to keep up my physical state, not just for me, but for other people. Sort of like the pressure a valedictorian might get to consistently get A's. This is further exacerbated by the first thing I just mentioned (the powerlessness) so it feels like a combination of being on display and working for other people's approval, leading to a cycle of self-anger for feeling that way in the first place and insecurity. I desperately claw to act against that and that MIGHT be reaching for a jar of Nutella!
I am not saying that these thoughts are logical or correct, but these are my gut feelings and perhaps some people can relate.