20-Somethings - Bedroom body issues




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blackinkstyle
10-19-2013, 06:40 PM
Hey ladies. I've got a bit of a conundrum and I'd like to pick your brains.

I hate pants. In fact, I have not owned a pair of pants in over 2 years. I'm a dress kinda gal and i like it that way. So does my boyfriend of 7 months, although he has a small contention with my dress enthusiasm; I wear them all the time. Summer, winter, day, night, to work, out to dinner, to bed, and yes, during bedroom time. He generally doesn't have a problem with this, except for the last situation.

Over the course of our relationship, he has made several attempts to leave the dress.on the floor, all to no avail. There was one drunken night when he managed to remove it, but I got very angry and there was an abrupt stop to our nighttime activities. He usually tends to deal with it, but every once in a while it gets brought up again. He makes these wild claims about beauty and trust and wanting me to be comfortable with him. I've told him that it's an issue that involves only me and has nothing to do with his opinions, only my own.

This man has seen every inch of my body, just never all at once. He's brought up co-ed showers and sometimes pushes just a little too hard to get that dress off, and it tends to kill the mood completely. I am just not comfortable with myself. Although I have no doubt in my mind that it would not shock, disgust, or push him away, i just can't quite do it. I won't even leave my bathroom in the morning until I'm fully dressed, whethe he is here or not. It leaves us both frustrated... Me because its a very touchy subject and he knows this, and him because he doesn't understand why I'm not comfortable with him.

So, has anyone else dealt with an issue akin to mine? How did you handle it? How do I either make him understand that it is purely an internal issue, or better yet, how do i convince myself to just take the plunge and let the dress fall where it may?


alaskanlaughter
10-19-2013, 07:55 PM
if I was in that situation I would try to ease myself into it....like maybe going all-naked with the lights off without the expectation of having sex...maybe just showing yourself that way, in the dark, without the pressure of anything having to happen...and gradually increase the light ...I would do something like that myself and I've done similar to that in terms of other fears not related to my body

CanadianCutie
10-19-2013, 08:32 PM
How about making the change from the dress in bed to a sexy chemise, or babydoll, or other sexy lingerie. That way you're not completely exposed, and he gets to see a little something (men tend to be visual).


alicrimson88
10-19-2013, 11:47 PM
How about making the change from the dress in bed to a sexy chemise, or babydoll, or other sexy lingerie. That way you're not completely exposed, and he gets to see a little something (men tend to be visual).

This. It doesn't even have to be super sexy. I'm a nightgown queen. I adore them. I have several that I rotate that are from several different stores, but I know Victoria's Secret carries them in super soft cotton. They tend to be longer and have some lace and spaghetti straps to make them cute and non-mumu ish.

blackinkstyle
10-20-2013, 03:26 PM
Thanks for the suggestions, ladies. All of our activities happen with the lights off, which doesn't make much sense when you consider that we sometimes have a little daytime fun... I've toyed with the idea of lingerie. I've even had him look at it with me and pick out what he likes. I just haven't reached the point to actually buy it yet. He does have his favorites from my wardrobe, and all the 'important' bits tend to make a regular appearance... He just wants it off completely. I think at this point, it's beyond a sexual request - he really just wants me to be comfortable with him and with myself, and he gets frustrated when I can't make myself do it.

Riestrella
10-21-2013, 05:48 AM
I think you need to put yourself in your boyfriends shoes here. He clearly cares about you and is attracted to you, he wants you to be comfortable enough around him so you will not feel panicked when he tries to undress you. Being naked is terrifying and exhilarating all at once, he wants to experience something special with you. But you push him away and put up a wall when he tries to tell you how he feels. He wants you to let him in so he can make you feel beautiful and you're not letting him. If I'm honest I feel sorry for him, I would be frustrated and hurt if I was in his shoes.

I know that confidence issues can do a lot of things, but sometimes you've just got to be brave and face your fears. YOU have to be the one to take the dress off. Him making his move to take it off obviously leaves you panicked, so you need to step up and just do it yourself. It'll be hard and you might not like it at first, but I bet you will wonder what stopped you when you do it. He'll probably be so happy that you did it, it will communicate to him that you trust him and care for him. It will also liberate you from your safety blanket.

You are who you are, I feel like you're using the dress to hide. Accept your body for what it is and don't worry about anything else. If you're on this forum then you're here to lose weight, so even if you're not happy with how you look now then so what? You know you'll look different soon enough. I know that's how I think when I have a day where I feel like I look fat.

helwa588
10-21-2013, 11:04 AM
You should be grateful to have a guy who wants to see you naked. Not all of us plus size ladies are so fortunate. Some of us can't even get a guy.

you should do what makes you comfortable but at the same time you pushing your guy away is the most unattractive thing to a guy. It's a turn off for guys when women lack confidence in their own bodies.

I think we all have insecurities about our bodies. But if you have someone who loves loves your body. Then you owe first to yourself and the other person to face your fears

Ptefabulous
10-21-2013, 05:07 PM
Every woman has their own insecurities. I know it's scary to let someone else in and be vulnerable, but honestly no guy is as judgmental as we are on ourselves. Guys see boobs, butt, beautiful. Guys don't see the cellulite and bulges because they are to busy actually enjoying whats happening!!

You can work your way up to it if you want, but I recommend just jumping in! After you see how happy he is and non judgey it should give you a nice boost of confidence. :)

kisskiss
10-21-2013, 05:24 PM
I feel for you, we all have insecurities. I have them now that I've lost weight.
For me, I hate the stretchmarks all over my stomach, but when it came down to fun times with my current boyfriend, all the clothes came off and it made it easier than had I worked my way to that. For you, it might be the opposite. You can jump in and take the dress off, but if you don't feel comfortable with that then don't pressure yourself. If you're that uncomfortable, start slowly, do the lingerie thing. Then when you feel comfortable, go for it. It's really all up to you :D

IsobelRose22
10-22-2013, 03:19 AM
Every woman has their own insecurities. I know it's scary to let someone else in and be vulnerable, but honestly no guy is as judgmental as we are on ourselves. Guys see boobs, butt, beautiful. Guys don't see the cellulite and bulges because they are to busy actually enjoying whats happening!!

You can work your way up to it if you want, but I recommend just jumping in! After you see how happy he is and non judgey it should give you a nice boost of confidence. :)

This. Personally I just bit the bullet and did it, lights on and just laid it all bare (no pun intended) his reaction put paid to all my insecurities at once. A friend once told me that a mans favourite body shape is naked, plain and simple. He's just grateful someone wants to get up to bedroom activities with him! Besides he probably has insecurities about his own body as well.

blackinkstyle
10-22-2013, 06:58 PM
So the consensus seems to be that I should just go for it, huh? I cant believe I'm saying this, but you all may be right. I already know that he finds me attractive. He has his own insecurites for sure, but he has been able to share them with me and not hide himself. And sense mine is a journey of not only weight loss, but also self acceptance and general improvement, maybe its time to just jump in. As I mentioned, he got the dress off once for a bit, so he's seen it all... I'm not afraid of his reaction. I just need to move outside of my comfort zone and realize that nudity is not.the end of the world.

Ptefabulous
10-22-2013, 11:36 PM
So the consensus seems to be that I should just go for it, huh? I cant believe I'm saying this, but you all may be right. I already know that he finds me attractive. He has his own insecurites for sure, but he has been able to share them with me and not hide himself. And sense mine is a journey of not only weight loss, but also self acceptance and general improvement, maybe its time to just jump in. As I mentioned, he got the dress off once for a bit, so he's seen it all... I'm not afraid of his reaction. I just need to move outside of my comfort zone and realize that nudity is not.the end of the world.

You got this!!

Iphy
10-23-2013, 09:40 AM
Do you have any time when you're alone in the house during the day? This might sound ridiculous, but it works for me: spend some time completely naked by yourself. You don't have to look in the mirror, just get comfortable with the way your body feels and moves without clothes on. You don't have to fall in love with your appearance, but don't let yourself focus on negative thoughts. After just a few hours of this, I felt so much less nervous in front of others.

blackinkstyle
11-04-2013, 08:15 AM
It finally happened!

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. I went the route of sexy lingerie... A cute babydoll, stilettos, dramatic makeup, loose curls... The whole nine yards. Bf went crazy, and before I knew it, my clothes were across the room. He was so happy and supportive and just like you all said, my insecurity disappeared. I still dont think I'll be trotting around in the nude, but I am definitely more okay with activity-appropriate undress.

Riestrella
11-05-2013, 03:29 AM
It finally happened!

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. I went the route of sexy lingerie... A cute babydoll, stilettos, dramatic makeup, loose curls... The whole nine yards. Bf went crazy, and before I knew it, my clothes were across the room. He was so happy and supportive and just like you all said, my insecurity disappeared. I still dont think I'll be trotting around in the nude, but I am definitely more okay with activity-appropriate undress.

YOU GO GIRL! Awesome news!! Well done on letting go and letting him see a special side of yourself! I'm sure this will lead to a wonderful new part of your relationship with your boyfriend, and yourself!

Pink Hurricane
11-06-2013, 08:23 AM
Definitely do it!! I know what you mean, my husband is slim, muscular, fit to the extreme and I am, well, quite larger! :lol: I used to be insecure when we first started dating, but this man loves me for ME, and he loves my body the way it is too! Just like your man, my man wanted me fully, not partially. One thing that helped me was to just let myself GO, just be me. I have never looked back, and he let's me know all the time how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am, and I believe him now! Your man is not going to judge you based on ANY of the things you see wrong with yourself, TRUST ME!

Let go, it's hard at first, but like riding a bike it gets easier and easier and one day you will look back and giggle a little on why it took you so long to just be you no matter what! :hug:

I will also say, that some flattering lingerie and some candles can do wonders for your self esteem! :D

mainecyn
11-06-2013, 03:13 PM
Your post hit home with me. I'm 40 years old, have had 2 kids, and multiple surgeries. My husband and I have been together 6 years. In the beginning I was almost 250 pounds, extremely over weight and he was extremely in shape. My size never ever bothered him, but did me. I wouldn't have sex unless it was dark, unless I got undressed in bed, unless the blankets were on, and if he touched certain places I'd stop right away.

Also, I wouldn't get dressed in the room with him there, he wasn't allowed to be in the bathroom while I was in the shower or anything else. I had never stop naked in front of him, ever. Like you, the man had seen all parts of me. He even told me that several times, "Its not like I don't know what your body looks like" I couldn't do it.

After all the weight loss I was left with tons of skin, but also still a great deal of fat. My husband couldnt touch my stomach, go nowhere near it. I couldn't handle it. This not being naked around him, get undressed, all of that continued. Infact, I was going in for surgery and my husband was in the room during prep. The dr went to pull my gown up while I was standing up and said can your husband hold this and let me take a look at that area again. I wanted to be sick, turned red, and wouldn't move. I told her that in no uncertain terms would my husband be in the room while I was standing there naked. I told her he had never ever seen me naked standing up before. He left the room.

My husband understood, and still does understand my issues. But, after surgery that left me completely cut open I had drains inserted etc, and my husband was the one who had to drain these, clean them, and also give me a sponge bath that eventually made its way to getting me into the tub after undressing me, and even having to help me us the restroom the first week. It was horrible for me, I wanted to cry and hide. But, after it was over, lasted several months, I was no longer as self conscious around my husband. We started taking baths together, in the dark at first, and have even taken a shower or two together.

I am still not comfortable enough to just get out and walk around undressed in front of him, but you can get used to it and get over phobias.

shannylove
11-11-2013, 02:07 AM
Such an inspiring post to read!! I think everyone who has issues with weight loss, self esteem and body issues totally know where you're coming from. I've had similar problems in the past, mine are more about worrying about judgement from guys. I think its awesome that you were brave enough to do it and I'm so glad you found someone so supportive and great! Congrats :D