Looking Good, Feeling Great - I dress like a hypocrite!




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HelloNurse
10-16-2013, 09:14 PM
What I mean is, what I wear and how I present myself has absolutely no relation to my interests, tastes or how I see myself.

From years of being very, very overweight and depressed about it, I never bothered to cultivate much style at this size. You know the drill. Walk into Kohl's, Fashion Bug, or Lane Bryant. Look around. Bypass the Tinkerbell stuff and the brown t-shirts emblazoned with gold lamé dragons. Find the least worst thing that sort of fits, and get out of there as soon as possible.
So I end up dressing a lot like this:
http://cdn-s3-0.wanelo.com/product/image/6764349/full_size.jpg
When I would rather look more like this:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5b/Epica_simone_simons.jpg

Now, there is nothing wrong with the outfit on the top; I know that a lot of people dress conservatively on purpose or out of necessity. And I also know that a shirt is not the only thing keeping me from looking like the lovely Simone Simons there.

When I first got big, I didn't really know how to shop for things that were my taste that would fit well. And truth be told, I had a lot of denial and I used to grab things in a hurry because I never truly believed I would be staying that size for long. Now I'm looking forward to buying stuff I actually like. I have almost no clothing left except for workout clothes, because I wear scrubs at work that are provided by the hospital. I have a certain goal weight in mind to start buying clothes again because I know that the things I like will be available in my size.

So, do any other chicks or dudes feel this way. Has your size caused a disconnect in how you see yourself and how you present yourself? What is your style inspiration going forward, and how do you plan to switch your mode of dress from what you have now to what you want?


AwShucks
10-16-2013, 09:41 PM
I've always been a traditional, fairly conservative dresser, and don't intend to go "wild" as I get closer to goal. I've been able to find great classic clothes at thrift shops along the way, and I'm looking forward to creating a more "permanent" wardrobe eventually. My favorite clothes eventually get too big (which is a good thing, but hard on the wardrobe!).

I know what you mean about just going into a store and buying whatever fits. I think some of my conservative tendency stems from not wanting to draw attention to myself, so I shied away from bright colors, big patterns and sparkles - which are all over in Lane Bryant type stores! I went through a period where I would only wear solid colors (influenced from seeing Martha Stewart on TV - think about it... have you ever seen her in a print?).

I currently have a lot of black in my closet because I could find things at thrift shops that would mix and match with black. However, I'm drawn more to color and pattern as I'm becoming more comfortable at my current size.

I've developed much more consciousness in what I wear, now, too -- spending way too much time trying things on because the fit is always changing! And, I've brought out accessories I've had for years and seldom worn. I really want to look my best, now. I'm not just covering my body so I can be presentable. Honestly, it's lots of fun! :)

MauiKai
10-16-2013, 10:27 PM
I'm not saying that this is YOUR (the OP) intentions, but it might relate to the topic a bit. Several friends of mine have had WLS. They've lost significant amounts of weight, and feel good about themselves. (Which is great) Except they started dressing like street walkers. It's like they reached a goal weight, then instead of being proud and respectful of themselves, they just want to dress in revealing clothes and have men look at them. It horrifies me frankly. I've tried telling them that dressing like that for attention is like rolling in manure. They'll get attention, but mostly from pigs.

So, moral of the story is, feel good about your weight loss, but use care in clothing choices.


lazylioness
10-16-2013, 10:43 PM
I think that there are very sexy and conservative wardrobes.

Sure I want to dress sexy, and there will be a time and a place for "hooker gear" lol. But once I get to goal I will have a wardrobe like Cam's (from The TV show Bones)

TooWicky
10-16-2013, 11:45 PM
Interesting post!

I was thinking about your response, Mauikai. I'm not sure this is the situation with the people you know who had weight loss surgery, but maybe they want to look sexy and aren't sure how to go about it in a more subtle way, lol. Not that they have to dress conservatively, but maybe they are somewhat oblivious. I wasn't always obese. I spent about half of my adult life a normal size, able to shop in the misses department which of course has many options. Then shift-work, then babies in my late 30s, and finally the deaths of several people very close to me happened. I just became obese, and eventually got morbidly obese! I have to admit, I had no idea how to dress for an obese figure. I went through a long oversized button-up shirt and leggings phase. I was pretty much at a loss. I would grab any top that fit and then random pants, lol. It was only after I started working part-time in a clothing store on a lark that I started to expand my horizons, mimic the clothing styles of plus-size customers whose dress I admired, and experiment with some of the looks in our Women's department. Also I had great suggestions from my managers who had (have) worked retail for years and years and were very stylish and comfortable dressing women of all shapes and sizes.

I have known two acquaintances who have had weight loss surgery, and one totally did dress like a streetwalker afterward, lol, but the other dresses the exact same way she did before, but just in smaller sizes. There is a third person I don't know all that well who I think did have some sort of weight loss surgery - she stayed the same style throughout, but that changed when she got plastics and had her batwings addressed as well as breast augmentation. Now she wears the tightest shirts known to man, haha.

I am a firm believer in beauty at any/every size, and have always carried myself in such a manner, despite my oversized shirt and leggings ad nauseum phase, lol. My personal style has a hint of the provocative, which is not always available in the plus-size selections in stores. I think my friends and co-workers will think I am sexing it up a bit with my thinner style when I get down to that weight, lol. I will report back and would love to hear y'all's experiences when we get down to (and we will :) ) our goal weights. They have only known me as obese since I have lived here; they have no recollection of my former "life" if you will. Hopefully none will assume I'm having a midlife crisis!

Wannabeskinny
10-17-2013, 09:45 AM
I have that same feeling of walking in a store and just pulling whatever fits. Sometimes I pull a bigger size just so I can have that rare feeling of "oh this is too big, let me go get the next size down." It's pathetic I know. I'm also at a crossroads because I'm in inbetween sizes 14-16 which is usually the biggest size in a normal store or the smallest size in a plus-size store. Often it's the size that's missing from most racks :(

Very rarely do I feel that I'm dressing my true self and staying true to my style. I wear what fits and looks the least offensive to my eye. I try to do my most work with styling (cool shoes, purses, scarves, hats, jewelery, hair and makeup) to indulge my longing to be stylish. But my outfits are basic, leggings, tunics, jeans, billowy top. I wear mostly prints or accessorize with prints. If I don't accessorize I might be mistaken for running errands. I always hesitate to buy clothes because I just keep holding out until I lose weight. I wish that I can express in style how I see myself in my mind. My true style is a sporty urban warrior meets a rocker ballerina, I love combining lace and leather, tulle and denim, and I love flowy clothes like a printed maxi worn with a structured jacket. My style icons are Nicole Richie, Rose Byrne, and Sarah Jessica Parker's casual wear.

I really hate it when people remark on a woman's dress as it alludes to her sexuality. You neither have to be conservative nor a hooker. Why anyone would throw those words out to describe women is beyond misogynistic. A woman should be able to dress in whatever way makes her feel good without having to worry about offending people. Women are beautiful and should celebrate their beauty, I don't want to look like a politician's wife! I do not like to dress "conservatively" whatever that means but in no way shape or form do I dress like a hooker!

PUPMOM5
10-17-2013, 11:02 AM
Here's my problem: I am a very casual dresser. Jeans and a t-shirt all the way. I need to be comfortable. But when I like to dress up, it's a little more punk-y. Torrid has been my go-to store since I discovered them. Before that, we lived on base and I remember my mom would special order my clothes from a catalog and I wore leggings and sweaters; it was awful. When I went to Torrid about 10-15 lbs ago, I was in the smallest size of their incredible skinny jeans and now, I literally don't know where to shop for that look.

I go to Old Navy for sweaters and jeans, but Torrid's stuff is so nice and I don't know what to do if I can't shop there.

skittlesfirehawk
10-17-2013, 04:51 PM
Here's my problem: I am a very casual dresser. Jeans and a t-shirt all the way. I need to be comfortable. But when I like to dress up, it's a little more punk-y. Torrid has been my go-to store since I discovered them. Before that, we lived on base and I remember my mom would special order my clothes from a catalog and I wore leggings and sweaters; it was awful. When I went to Torrid about 10-15 lbs ago, I was in the smallest size of their incredible skinny jeans and now, I literally don't know where to shop for that look.

I go to Old Navy for sweaters and jeans, but Torrid's stuff is so nice and I don't know what to do if I can't shop there.

if you want punky go to hot topic.yes there is my little pony power rangers and pokemon galore but if you to the online store they have my ultamite fave tripp pants.and more punk like stuff

skittlesfirehawk
10-17-2013, 05:00 PM
i would like to point there is nothing wrong with either of the 2 pictures.both outfits are fine to wear. when i get down to goal weight i will be dressing sexy and showing off skin. It does not mean i dress like a hooker either.

Psychic
10-17-2013, 08:25 PM
Growing up, I always was a bit of a tomboy. I love band t-shirts and fandom shirts with jeans. However, I work at a school now, so I must dress in a casual professional way (blouse and slacks). I'm trying to develop a bit of fashion sense...

Honestly, I would totally wear the outfit on top. :P I goodwill and bargain hunt.

alaskanlaughter
10-18-2013, 09:40 PM
I am a casual dresser and always have been....none of my jobs required any more dress code beyond jeans and a presentable shirt/blouse/sweatshirt anyhow....that's all that exists in my closet and I have so little desire to go anywhere that would require a sexier outfit, that I literally own NOTHING except a rotation of yoga pants and hoodies with different colored tees underneath that I layer....i'm always cold and being that it rains here 13 months out of the year ;) I have no need to wear anything else no matter what season....I have one pair of sneakers that I wear every day....I own one pair of snowboots and one pair of sandals...

I do think that my "style" tends towards the casual, practical, comfortable and athletic styles because I never feel like i'm dressing in a way that's not being myself....and even though I dress casually, I am VERY PICKY about what I buy....even if i'm only buying another hoodie, it has to be the right price, right fabric, right length, right color etc or I simply wont buy it...and I never go to a clothing store, those don't exist here anyhow....it's walmart or fred Meyers clothing for me lol

HelloNurse
10-19-2013, 04:38 AM
Honestly, I would totally wear the outfit on top. :P I goodwill and bargain hunt.

I *have* the outfit on top. I wasn't trying to badmouth anybody's fashion sense; I was trying to illustrate that there is a large disparity between how I present myself and how I see myself, and I was curious whether anybody else was in a similiar situation.

dstalksalot
10-19-2013, 11:53 AM
My style has changed since I lost weight. I bought what fit. Usually a floral somethig before....what ever was available. Now I am still conservative but have discovered I enjoy retro eclectic styles. (Mod Cloth, Anthropology ) something I did not realize until recently......

I think there is still a bit of disconnect between how I see my self and how I actually dress. I tend to go more to my style on Sundays and date nights but casual days ( most days) are jeans and tees....can't really infuse retro style much into ultra casual.....at least I have not figured it out yet. ( help?)

Personal style is always evolving.

TheSecondHalf
10-19-2013, 12:53 PM
I *have* the outfit on top. I wasn't trying to badmouth anybody's fashion sense; I was trying to illustrate that there is a large disparity between how I present myself and how I see myself, and I was curious whether anybody else was in a similiar situation.

I totally get it. I have great taste. I really really like a very specific style. Fashion-forward friends seek my advice...yet I wear mom capris and tee shirts and flip flops on most days because that's pretty much what they make in my size. The clothes I wear do not at all speak to who I am or how I'd LIKE to dress.

Wannabeskinny
10-19-2013, 02:46 PM
I totally get it. I have great taste. I really really like a very specific style. Fashion-forward friends seek my advice...yet I wear mom capris and tee shirts and flip flops on most days because that's pretty much what they make in my size. The clothes I wear do not at all speak to who I am or how I'd LIKE to dress.

Haha I know how this feels. I have great style... I just can't find it in my size lol.

Mrs Snark
10-22-2013, 01:00 PM
I think I would look best if I had a wind machine following me around. And someone to do my makeup (since I rarely bother). And someone to shop for the right clothes and then dress me like Trinity in the Matrix. And someone to make sure I only go to the kinds of places where dressing like Trinity would be appropriate and super cool. I just can't see myself picking out lettuce in Publix dressed like Trinity. Or waiting in line for stamps.

My life is way too boring to dress in the style I'd like to wear. And I'm waaaay too lazy.

time2lose
10-22-2013, 06:00 PM
I have enjoyed this thread. Being morbidly obese for most of my adult life, I know nothing about style. For work I always wore black pants, black shell, and whatever jackets I could find that halfway fit. As I am getting smaller, I am learning about clothes and various styles an am really enjoying it. There is a blog that I am reading, The Vivienne Files (http://theviviennefiles.blogspot.com/), learning so much. I am also reading various blog posts about Project 333. I love seeing what pieces of clothing that people put together.

toastedsmoke
10-25-2013, 10:42 AM
I think I would look best if I had a wind machine following me around. And someone to do my makeup (since I rarely bother). And someone to shop for the right clothes and then dress me like Trinity in the Matrix. And someone to make sure I only go to the kinds of places where dressing like Trinity would be appropriate and super cool. I just can't see myself picking out lettuce in Publix dressed like Trinity. Or waiting in line for stamps.

My life is way too boring to dress in the style I'd like to wear. And I'm waaaay too lazy.

HAHAHAHA! There should be a Like button on 3FC because there's truth in this.


@OP I don't think you're being a hypocrite by dressing in a way that is available to you right now both in terms of style and what you think looks good. I think most adults have to compromise in some sense and present themselves clothing-wise in a manner that they feel looks appropriate for them and their lifestyles.

For me, I'm lucky I have always had a bright but preppy late 50s, early 60s aesthetic that was easy to work with even in the plus sizes. AND I can dress more or less the same way now even though it's easier now because I have cooler options. I also work in a professional but funky setting (media) and my aesthetic kind of works there so again, I'm lucky.

If truely you have a bustier fetish ;) you can make it work, if you're willing to invest the time to hunt down pieces. I had a couple of bustier-type camisoles from Torrid which I wore under blazers or cardigans or button downs for an adjustable flash of the wild side and Torrid also had leather-looking pants/leggings etc on sale then as well. Ebay was also a really good place to look AND don't be afraid to order from outside the US, there's a lot of cool plus-sized stuff available from Europe that is unique and says I care about my look.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if leather and lace is your look and you feel like you're not being true to that, try to incorporate as much of that as you can into your current look. It may not be a full-on "i'm-a-sexy-beast" uniform of vacuum bustier and skintight leather pants, but you can have some leather and some sexy in your wardrobe if you want. Everyone deserves to feel like themselves in their clothes at least sometimes.

tefrey
10-26-2013, 02:11 PM
I've always wanted to be the kid of person who can put on a plain white t shirt and a ratty pair of jeans and still look like a million bucks.

Not sure all the weight loss in the world is going to help with that, but I keep trying.

polymertastic
11-03-2013, 01:13 AM
Yesss! In a magical ideal world I would wear pretty blouses and pea coats and structured jackets and scarves and stylishly cut pants with color and cool patterns. But I actually dress very sloppy and my color palette is pretty washed out because I don't think clothing fits properly on me, or I would feel extremely self conscious wearing certain things.

Wannabeskinny
11-03-2013, 08:33 AM
Yesss! In a magical ideal world I would wear pretty blouses and pea coats and structured jackets and scarves and stylishly cut pants with color and cool patterns. But I actually dress very sloppy and my color palette is pretty washed out because I don't think clothing fits properly on me, or I would feel extremely self conscious wearing certain things.

Me too, I relegate myself to mostly black or patterns because I feel like they hide bulges.

AAB123
11-03-2013, 02:29 PM
Ohhh I so so so relate to this! My "solution" has always been to dress in black. I typically wear all black all the time...or at least very very dark colors. I'd love to wear more color but I don't feel comfortable. We've always been taught that black hides everything and is slimming...so now it's become subconscious. Whenever I go to any store, I just unknowingly gravitate toward black. My friends always joke about black being my favorite color and my friends who don't live in NYC will always make comments like...ohhhh the fancy New Yorker is so sheik in her black dress or black suit, etc. etc.

Black is not my favorite color! It's yellow! I just don't want to look like Big Bird!

Wannabeskinny
11-03-2013, 02:43 PM
Black is not my favorite color! It's yellow! I just don't want to look like Big Bird!

Haha! At least here in NYC you blend in nicely in all black. Don't know how that would work out in suburbia.

mimsyborogoves
11-03-2013, 03:47 PM
My fashion sense has grown tremendously since I lost weight. I'm way more daring with my fashion choices than I was before. However, up until the show went off the air, I always had a dream of starting to dress sloppily on purpose so that someone would put me on What Not to Wear and I'd get 5000 bucks to go buy awesome clothes in NYC with Stacy and Clinton. Too bad the show's over. :(

tefrey
11-21-2013, 08:59 PM
I just bought a long, sheer, sleeveless charcoal tunic to celebrate 50 pounds down. I look so bohemian and sophisticated in it.

Of course, I will be wearing it with a camisole (or leotard), leggings and a jacket. But still, it's the kind of thing I never thought I could wear and yet it looks awesome.