I just had a discussion with someone who "is tired of hearing about eating disorders" and thinks that fat people want to be fat and that if they didn't want to be fat they would do something about it. It has gotten me so angry! I know people that are naturally thin think this way but I'm sure they don't say it out loud most of the time. According to her, eating disorders (specifically BED) is a made up thing that people use as an excuse to overeat. She claims that it is really hard for her to maintain her 115lb weight and that she has to give up on a lot of treats, but that fat people don't want to be bothered with the hard work she does to maintain her weight. She also thinks that calorie counts showing up on menus is really stupid because she "doesn't need someone to tell her that a 16oz steak is enough food to feed 4 people!"
It just goes to show: people who don't have weight problems simply don't understand, and they never will. You'll never make people like her be compassionate towards your situation. You really just have to ignore those people.
Last edited by mimsyborogoves; 10-09-2013 at 10:24 AM.
I struggled so bad from an eating disorder, and I stayed really thin. I was in the same mindset as her- I saw people eating, and it put me in this mindset that I was somehow superior, and people who were fat had no excuse. Eat little to no calories, exercise for 3 hours a day, and they would be golden. But then my recovery came... I started eating more, exercising less, and somehow found myself at 230. I now see how difficult it truly is, and I feel sorry for people who think that way.
On a side note, I kind of agree with the menu thing. Before I get flamed for it:
Going to a restaurant while dieting isn't hard. Diets and weight loss instill a certain sense of knowledge. Yeah, diets know a 16 oz steak can feed a village, so we don't get it. Either by intuition or set diet regulations we know to get the small 6 or 8 oz steak with a side of steamed broccoli and a small baked potato with onions, bacon bits, and no cheese. I don't think that seeing the 800 calorie and 25 g fat count next to the chicken alfredo will make much of a difference. If you're on a diet and REALLY want the alfredo, you know it's unhealthy and a cheat meal, so it won't make a bit of a difference. Restaurants are evil and unhealthy, so if it's really a big deal, avoid them!
That's why I don't normally don't sweat too much when I go out to eat, because I know what my body needs for nourishment and how I am going to get that... unless it's an epic eff up,I don't worry.
Back to the friend... yeah I'm sure that 115 is REALLY hard to maintain. If I was talking to said person I probably would have slapped her even though I'm farrrrr from a violent or outspoken person.
Some people are really lacking in empathy, sheesh.
I consider myself an empathetic person, but, it's true, there have been some things I don't fully understand unless I or someone close to me experienced them. Some examples are: before I had children, and when I saw a parent really struggling to try and manage a difficult child, I would wonder why the heck couldn't they control their child! Now that I am a mother, let's just say, man, I really know what that's like... now, I'm like, how can I help! Another example is sympathy for chronic pain sufferers, and everything that goes with that - I watched my sister deal with 10 years of intractable pain and multiple back surgeries. I also have a lot of sympathy for smokers trying to quit, having watched both my parents smoke for decades, then try to quit, and then finally successfully quit.
And then, obviously, I straight up know what it's like to be obese The complexities of one's relationship with food in this and instances of eating disorders are vast. I think your friend said outloud what a lot of people actually think. It REALLY pains me to know that obese people are thought of as gluttonous lumps : / I have read a few studies on prejudices toward obese persons and, frankly, it's beyond upsetting. The worst for me was reading what nurses and also teachers thought of the obese. I found it demoralizing to read. These opinions are pervasive, and I wouldn't waste time or energy on the disturbing comments your friend made.
It really sucks that people are not more empathetic....however that being said, there are times I agree.
This is why I agree and this is maybe where your friend is coming from.
It seems to me, that people in general...not just us fatties LOL. but in general people like to look for an "excuse" as to why something is not their fault. You know, the Twinkie Defense. That is where it seems to have started.
So now, we have people that make a living putting blame on other people. It is McDonald's fault that we burn ourselves on coffee because we cannot possibly know on our own that it is hot. McDonald's makes us fat, not the fact that we eat it twice a day and sit around for 18 hours at work, in the car or in front of the TV, soda is at fault for our obesity, not the fact that we only drink soda. It is the fault of the food companies because they do not label things clear enough that the jumbo size Kit Kat may not be a good idea and contains fat. It is the hair dryer companies fault that someone electrocuted themselves while using it in the shower. It is the video game and entertainment industries fault that our kids have ADHD and are prone to violence.
Somehow, all of these things are just kind of "duh". Yet, we have an entire industry suing, bringing laws into effect, and basically taking any personal responsiblity from us, and depending on other people to make sure we are not so stupid as to not stick a qtip all the way into our ear canal.
So I do get it, as a fellow fattie who has struggled for 20 years with a weight problem, people are insensitive jerks and not everyone falls into the "not my fault" category. However, some people do. I personally am a combination of the two. I am fat because I like to eat and don't like to move. It is really (for me) that simple. So. In my case your friend is correct.
Where your friend is completely wrong however, is putting everyone in my same category. On the flip side, I think that people need to be a bit less sensitive about other peoples insensitivites and maybe not assume that every skinny fit person is being judgemental, or does not understand, because maybe, they do.
To me it is kind of like being mean nasty and intolerant of people who are mean nasty and intolerant. They are equally the same.
I realize that my opinion is probably not very popular, all I can do is speak for myself.
My suggestion, is just either blow her comments off, which may be difficult because she obviously has negetive feelings regarding your weight. OR, try talking to her. Maybe she has her own weight issues that she is dealing with, and her extreme view and attitude are because she has to fight everyday her own urges.
I am fat because I like to eat and don't like to move. It is really (for me) that simple. So. In my case your friend is correct.
LazyLioness, I have to say, for me it's the same. Except for the "I am fat," which for me would read "I have been fat..." Yeah, there have been extenuating circumstances, stress, health issues, etc but at the end of the day, I know what I am doing each day and know where it is taking me in the gain / maintain / lose continuum. I alone am to blame when I tilt towards the gain.
Wanna, I'm sorry your acquaintance (friend??) made you angry. I can't imagine why she would have thought it was okay to say those things to you.
Last edited by newleaf123; 10-09-2013 at 12:34 PM.
I think most people are insensitive and unjustly prejudicial on at least a few topics (and I think it's usually a lot more than a few.)
I have mixed feelings about the general idea that there are thoughts that are ok to think, but not to say.
I think often the "ok to think, but not to say" prejudices actually end up being the most damaging, because if they're never spoken, they're also never challenged.
It's always easiest to blame and judge harshest the people who are least like ourselves (or most like the worst elements of ourselves).
I don't usually get angry when someone's prejudices are showing, but I'm also very likely to point it out, including my theory that it's easiest to point out those flaws in others that we do not see in ourselves (even if others do).
I agree with some points made here. Honestly I hate the idea of lumping people all into one group. It only further reinforces the idea that as long as you're not a part of that group having the problem, you can throw in your two cents about why someone can't overcome their issues (happens with all kinds of groups drug addicts, parents with unruly children, etc etc). Sure some people are their own worst enemy and can only blame themselves for their health issues, but at the same time it's not my place to judge and determine how easy it could be to 'fix' their problem. You have to fully walk in someone else's shoes to understand what their life is like. I saw a documentary (or a show) a loooong time ago (might have been on Lifetime)... anyway it was about this thin teenage girl who was conventionally pretty and would definitely be considered a popular student, who basically had to go undercover in a high school wearing a fat suit/makeup to make her look just like she was 100lbs heavier. This girl, behaved like she normally would, outgoing, charismatic quickly discovered how cold and cruel other kids were to her just because she was fat. She had to sit alone at lunch, kids would constantly make fun of her. Boys were cruel and dare each other to ask her out while she was in ear shot. When she did private interviews she would cry, (and lets be honest at the end of the day she could just take off that fat suit), but she would still cry because she was genuinely hurt that no matter how nice you are people take one look at you and make the conclusion that "You are this, you are that, you don't deserve my respect or sympathy."
Of course your friend obviously isn't as cruel as those kids in the school, but it's no different. She has this idea that all fat people are "lazy, because we can't be bothered with hard work of losing weight", "we are ignorant, because if we don't want to be fat we would be smart enough to figure out how not to be", worst of all that "We could be just like her, if we cut the treats and made the choices she makes we wouldn't be were we are." All of this is the same crap we hear from people who have never had to walk a day in our bodies. I'm not saying there aren't people out there (fatties included) that will do anything to preserve a delusion that nothing is wrong when something truly is. No matter what you tell them, they'll make their excuses and find ways to trick themselves into thinking it's not their fault. We've all met people like that. I have a friend who is thin, but is in poor health and she tells me constantly how she has no energy. On the outside, she hasn't made drastic changes to her diet, but she does what the doctor recommends, she's forgetful so sometimes days are worse if she forgot to take her medication etc etc. Yes it grates on my nerves sometimes because in my mind I might think if she changed her diet and was more strict about being consistent with her meds she'd be better, but instead of riding her and telling her it's her own fault I try to encourage her to take care of herself. Why? I'm blessed that aside from my weight I'm not sick. I don't have a lifelong chronic disease that zaps my energy. I don't know what her body is like so can I really stand there and say: "It's you're own fault!" The difference between myself and your friend is I don't look at every sick person who is unemployed at home and think: Gosh, what a leech on our society! If they just took their medication, and do what the doctor told them to do they'd be fit enough to work like the rest of us.
Sound familiar? "Gosh, what a drag on society! If they just exercised, and ate better they'd be fit and thin like the rest of us."
I think it's obvious your friend has found her personal comfort in controlling what she eats, and given the fact that it's considered hard work gives her an elitist attitude with a complete lack of empathy for those that struggle elsewhere. It apparently makes it difficult for her to understand why others may have found their own personal comfort in, say, eating in excess. But we all have different demons and different ways of coping with our issues.
As for nutrition information in restaurants, I think they're needed. Assumptions on calorie counts have no common sense in them, regardless of whether you're aiming for healthy or not. I don't recall off the top of my head, but there's a chain in California that serves a grilled chicken breast sandwich that's over 1000 calories, not including a side!
Well, if she has to work really hard to maintain 115 pounds – she’s not naturally thin – and probably is in a constant state of hunger, which makes her miserable and causes her to lash out against people that (she thinks) are not working as hard as her – overweight people. I’d be pretty miserable too if I had to cut out treats or not have a 16oz steak every now and then.
I am EQUALLY tired of people just blaming individuals. Society and businesses and government share A LOT of the blame. From overplaying fat to downplaying carbs IMHO.
To allowing happy meals and mass advertising at kids. For increasing the price of sugar and decreasing the price of corn. For NOT having calorie information on menus until recently.
For having food islands where (and believe it or not everyone has a car, money etc,) there are NO good food choices for the reality of what people face there and their resources.
To making foods, intentionally, many times sweeter than anything before to hook people. To introducing super sizes and pricing them so aggressively. And it goes on and on.
Yes you can take control IF you have resources which not everyone does. But our environment and society are GEARED to making us fat not healthy. And that is huge. And I think it is absurd to just point to individuals.
So if you want to be healthy you have to constantly fight against all these forces. Doable of course. But it should not be set up this way to begin.
Last edited by diamondgeog; 10-09-2013 at 01:46 PM.
I have an example that just occurred recently. We were at a camp out event at our local park. Food and drink were provided. There was a grape juice marketed to kids. It boldly proclaimed on the front NO ADDED SUGAR!
It was so concentrated though it contained 45, 45 grams of sugar in a 10 ounce serving which this was. We didn't let our daughter have any and I sure as heck didn't taste it. But it must have been overwhelmingly sweet to hook young ones.
Yes you could read it in the back. But you know what this stuff happens the whole world over. People are stressed and time loaded. Britain suggested a red, yellow, green system for foods. If a food product met all of some guidelines it would be a green.
They did studies. The system was SUPER effective. SUPER. Consumers LOVED it. But the food companies got it stopped precisely because it was so effective. Instead of trying to make more and more products that would get a green label they just stopped it.
I am bulimic and a binge-eater, at times full-on and at times "in remission". Yet, I understand where he comes from. Because A) he has absolutely no idea what it feels like and B) there are some people who successfully overcome it.
The thing is, if your friend is really so tired of hearing about eating disorders, then it has to do with him instead of you or us. Know what I mean? Something about eating disorders is rubbing him the wrong way, and affecting him on some level. I feel sorry for him, for what he feels that makes him tired of hearing about us.
Really angry
The complexities of one's relationship with food in this and instances of eating disorders are vast. I think your friend said outloud what a lot of people actually think. It REALLY pains me to know that obese people are thought of as gluttonous lumps : / I have read a few studies on prejudices toward obese persons and, frankly, it's beyond upsetting. The worst for me was reading what nurses and also teachers thought of the obese. I found it demoralizing to read. These opinions are pervasive, and I wouldn't waste time or energy on the disturbing comments your friend made.
