What do you tell that negative voice in your head?
My biggest problem with losing weight is the constant voice in my head that says over and over again, "You can't do this. It's impossible. You're going to be fat forever." This negative self-talk defeats me before I even get started. Does anyone else do this? How do you tell that voice to stop?
Here is what I have learned so far in life about that negative voice:
It got to be here for a reason (or reasons.) Sometimes good reasons -- self-protection. But it has a tendency to kick into overdrive...often.
I thank the voice for the message and assure it that I will take what it has to say into consideration. Then if it keeps talking, I thank it again, remind myself 'i've heard the information, now you can be quiet.'
If it doesn't stop talking, I picture it as a big wide open mouth with 'blah, blah, blah' coming out of it. I imaging stuffing that big white mouth full of huge thick white sports socks until it's voice starts being muffled and then until it can't talk anymore. And then I say, 'the socks can start coming out once you will agree to be quiet.'
I've also done some therapeutic work around self-sabotage which I found helpful and which I realise I need to do more of.
That negative voice can be a bugger. It can be defeatist. It's one of those inner demons I have had to work to overcome ... or at least learn how to keep it in its corner.
For the most part I can simply mute it out. I choose to focus on the positives in my life. I choose to see the good in things and to look for ways to make things work. I used to drown in "nevers" and "what ifs" but I eventually realized they only dragged me down.
I don't have a negative voice in my head, but I have negative voices around me, in particular my husband. He never has anything positive to say, if I say I'm going to lose weight he'll say, "Ha,you can't lose weight" or something similar and it makes me more determined to do it to prove him wrong.
Happybug- That's so sad I don't think I could have done any of this without my husband. Maybe you all need to have a talk? That's not very uplifting, I'm so sorry!
I know that's easier said than done. Growing up for me was hard because I had an over-critical parent who used to tell me and my brothers we were useless, so I learned to think I was. It wasn't until I moved away from home that I was able to really start changing how I think by replacing those 'I'm useless, give up now' thoughts with more positive ones.
The thing is, if you believe "You can't do this. It's impossible. You're going to be fat forever" then you are more likely to give up. I still have my moments where I think the same as you do and I want to give up (like recently when I was stuck in the 66s for a couple months), but I remember that losing weight takes time. Once the weight comes off, it will get easier to start thinking positive things. You'll be fine. Just remember to stop yourself and change that negative thought to a positive one.
Wow that voice sure is a bummer for me too. Except what's worse is that I don't think of it as a negative voice, I think of it as "my true self" which is horrible! When I'm losing weight, eating right, exercising and feeling good, I have a sense that this is not my true self, that I'm a fake. My true self eats secretly and is a big fat loser. I don't know how to defeat that.
^ I can identify. I keep wondering when the bubble will burst. I wonder how long will it take to regain and get back to my " true self" . These are lying thoughts and I dismiss them as such. I remind my self that I am remade. As long as I keep at it, I can maintain!!!! I think the key is to focus on positives and dismiss the negative.
I am happy to learn that I am not the only one with a voice in my head saying negative things (I was starting to think I was crazy, well....maybe I am). Anyway, I have to talk back (yes, sometimes out loud) to the negative voice and turn the message from "I can't" to "If I believe and IF I try hard, I will succeed".
I have also learned that having positive sayings around me, like as wall paper on my phone or computer, helps me feel better.
When the voice gets to loud, jump on here and we will all tell you that YES YOU CAN lose the weight and that you ARE a wonderful person!!
For me, the negative voice is just another side of myself. When it starts up, I do my darndest to remember that I would NEVER, ever talk that way to a friend who was trying to accomplish something - so why would I talk to myself that way? I have to be my own cheerleader and my own best friend. Favorite quote: "Whether you believe you can or you can't -- you're right." No time to look up who said it, but that makes a lightbulb come on for me every time.
I question its credibility. After all, what has listening to negative self-talk done but trap me in a place I'm working hard to get out of. If listening to those voices worked, I wouldn't be on this message board. So instead of feeling hopeless, I tell myself that I tried it that way and now I'm going to try something else, and my self-doubt can audit the experiment and see how it goes. It's getting quieter lately.
For me, the negative voice is just another side of myself. When it starts up, I do my darndest to remember that I would NEVER, ever talk that way to a friend who was trying to accomplish something - so why would I talk to myself that way? I have to be my own cheerleader and my own best friend.
This is why I had to learn to talk back to myself in the same way I'd support a friend--and eventually stopped talking that way to myself--because I'd never say hurtful things to ANYBODY so I definitely wasn't going to do it to myself.
So, I'd consider talking back to yourself the way you'd talk to a friend--or to a child you needed to teach not to be mean. "That's not the way we talk to people. People can do all sorts of things when they try." "We don't discourage people--that's not what we do."
It's all cognitive behavior therapy--I think it really work--and after a while, a lot of it is automatic.
What do you tell that negative voice in your head?
I don't think I could have done any of this without my husband. Maybe you all need to have a talk? That's not very uplifting, I'm so sorry!
