Looking Good, Feeling Great - Oh no, I need help..!




View Full Version : Oh no, I need help..!


MauiKai
09-22-2013, 12:11 PM
So, I hate skinny jeans. I have never in my life seen anyone wear them and look good. That goes from the VS models right on to a plus sized person. They are horrible and make everyone look like a sno-cone, giant butt, tiny ankles. Bleh! (Not to mention the health issues attributed to wearing them)
Anyway, because of this I have always avoided them.

Now, I got a pair as a gift. :( :o

Unfortunately because of the giver, it's not something I can return or exchange, and my husband has already made it clear that I will hurt feelings if I don't wear them at least once or twice, and he would like me to NOT hurt feelings. (His family) I admit that the giver tried hard, and wanted (with good intentions) to get me something "fashionable" and in current style.

So...what do I do? I'm mortified at the idea of wearing these in public, and frankly I have NO idea how I'm going to pull it off. This is NOT my style. I live in nice bootcut or even the occasional wide leg jean. What is the least offensive way to wear these things and get it over with so they can be banned to the back of my closet until it's acceptable to make a Goodwill run? Thanks!


MauiKai
09-22-2013, 12:11 PM
Oh, I forgot to add, in case it helps: They are either black or super dark blue. I am unsure.

belovedspirit
09-22-2013, 12:45 PM
If you've decided to wear them, there are a couple of things that can be done:

1) Wear them somewhere you're likely to be amid complete strangers. This way, you will probably never see these people again, and on the off-chance you meet one of them later in life, what are the odds they will have remembered what you were wearing that day?

2) Wear them on a short outing with the family member -- going to the zoo for an entire day? Wear something else. Going to dinner for a few hours? Wear the jeans.

3) Wear the jeans when there is likely to be a lot of sitting, like dinner. That way, people will see you walk in and walk out, but you'll be sitting most of the time which will hide your appearance on the bottom half.

4) Accessorize and wear a smashing top + hair with them. Draw attention to your upper half.

5) Own them. You might think they look bad, but some people think they rock. If you own them, dress them up, and exude confidence, you will look a hundred times better and probably indeed look awesome, especially because you've got the height to rock it! (wear heels with them, if possible).

6) I'm not sure how to say this because I don't want to minimize your worries or hurt your feelings... but they're just jeans. It's just an outfit. Anyone who knows you probably has based their opinions of you based on WHO you are, not how you dress. Anyone who doesn't know you might do the same. Those who don't may be superficial and/or ignorant persons and is it really worth spending so much energy and time worrying about other people's hypothetical ideas? Let it go, take some breaths, and enjoy a fashion experiment... Make it into something you can be proud of and feel you handled with poise, confidence, and a sense of self-humour, if you wish. This doesn't have to be worrisome. Let it be about enjoying yourself, and being the confident woman you are/can be. (I hope that's not too much)

Good luck!


Rated
09-22-2013, 01:42 PM
belovedspirit had some awesome suggestions. I can only think of two to add

1) Invite the giver to your house for dinner and wear them then. The giver will see you in them but you won't actually have to leave the house wearing something you are uncomfortable in.

2) Do you have any tall boots? If so tuck them in and you won't have the extreme skinny ankle that you don't like.

AwShucks
09-22-2013, 03:09 PM
Since you're so tall, my suggestion is to wear them with a longer loose top so they look more like leggings -- and you can't see your bottom (the part you think would look larger in skinny jeans).

I also second wearing them at home and inviting the giver over -- that way you minimize your "exposure." ha!

nationalparker
09-22-2013, 04:20 PM
And, as a thank you, give the giver a speedo and expect to see them enjoy wearing it.

Just kidding :)

But if someone will be hurt by one not wearing a gift such as this, that person is clearly thinking MUCH more of themselves than anyone else.

MauiKai
09-22-2013, 05:53 PM
And, as a thank you, give the giver a speedo and expect to see them enjoy wearing it.

Just kidding :)

But if someone will be hurt by one not wearing a gift such as this, that person is clearly thinking MUCH more of themselves than anyone else.

That is the way this person is. The sort that will be very angry with you, AND make sure they tell everyone they know if you fail to show proper gratitude for a gift. She also demands "thank you" notes for gifts, or you're in the dog house. I've heard her rehash things from 20 years ago. "I got him his first job 20 years ago, and do you think he stops by to visit me? No." (He does, but apparently she expects the guy to come see her weekly or something.)

Anyway, it puts me in a pickle, to keep the family peace and wear this horrible fashion disaster known as "skinny jeans." This is almost (but not quite) as bad as the time she bought me a horrible green plaid ruffled granny shirt that I had to wear too.

vintagecat
09-22-2013, 07:18 PM
Wear them like leggings. Wear a knee length sweater, tunic or mini dress over them. Add tall boots and they look like tights or denim leggings.

Wear them in the winter to an outing where you won't be removing your coat. With chunky boots, thick socks and no one will notice a thing but the lady with nice legs.

Last but not least: After a few wearings pick the stitching out of the seat so it is very weak, be sure to have a squatting incident where you can make a quick exit or have back-up. Best if gift giver witnesses. Say, "Oops. I was worried that this might happen." End of pants.

Good luck.

luckymommy
09-22-2013, 07:26 PM
I know this isn't what you asked, but it really annoys me that you have to be uncomfortable (style-wise) in order to please this ungrateful person who you've helped in the past. I know you're trying to keep the peace but I think you have the right not to wear these jeans....ever. You can send them thank you cards and maybe give them a gift that you know they wouldn't like (to send the message in a subtle way)...but the best strategy would be to say that in the future, you'd prefer gift cards or no gifts or a donation to your favorite charity in your name. Gifts are supposed to be fun and make you feel special...not cause you anguish.

Sorry...please don't be mad at my unsolicited advice. I have experience with people like this in my life and it's really annoying. Hugs to u!

newleaf123
09-22-2013, 07:26 PM
Is it really not possible to tell the giver that you loved them but they didn't fit right? I can't imagine being forced to wear skinny jeans. Frankly, it would never happen. Sure, an ugly necklace or earrings once? What's the harm. But skinny jeans??

Sorry you are caught in this bind...

MauiKai
09-22-2013, 08:08 PM
Is it really not possible to tell the giver that you loved them but they didn't fit right? I can't imagine being forced to wear skinny jeans. Frankly, it would never happen. Sure, an ugly necklace or earrings once? What's the harm. But skinny jeans??

Sorry you are caught in this bind...

I could, but I (and my poor hubby) would hear about it for.ever. Hubby asked me to "just wear the d*** things once or twice and she'll forget about them." Sigh...so that's the deal.

Wannabeskinny
09-23-2013, 09:56 AM
No no no no no. Who gives jeans as a gift? What an inappropriate gift!!! I'm sorry but something that goes on my body as intimate as pants is not an appropriate gift.

Your husband is wrong, I'm sorry to tell you. Let me ask you this, of all the stupid things that she's bought for you before, even though you have worn them, displayed them etc, has she ceased to be annoying? NO. So what makes you think that by wearing these jeans is going to result to anything other than ensure that you receive a stupid gift in the future? Giving a gift means giving the power to someone else to enjoy it. Once it's out of your hands it's really none of your business what that person does with it. I'm not saying you have to be ungrateful. All I'm saying is that you have ZERO obligation to wear a pair of pants that you do not want to wear. Giving someone pants is like giving them a costume, here wear this.

If it were me I would return them right away, get the money back and buy something you like. Then I would write the following thank you note. "Dear _______, thank you for the lovely gift! It is so nice to always be thought of and remembered by you. The jeans didn't fit me and I returned them to the store where I exchanged them for a lovely necklace. Thanks for introducing me to that store, it turns out they have so many things in my style, let's go there together sometime! I look forward to seeing you at Christmas time, Love _____"

So now let me ask you this, what if she says how dare you return the gift and blah blah blah. What happens then? What is the catastrophe in saying "thank you, but those pants didn't fit me/are not my style/I'm too uncomfortable to wear skinny jeans." If she gets huffy puffy that shows poor character on her part and if I were being bullied like that I would come right out and say "I'm uncomfortable with you giving me pants, that's all, I like to choose my own pants." and leave it at that. If she does go on and on and on about it forever it has nothing to do with you, she's the one who sounds crazy and it will be obvious to everyone.

I don't mean to go on about this but I've always felt that it's important to feel in control of my own style. I cannot display ugly knick nacks, wear jewelry that is not my taste, or use a gift that is not my style. When I give a gift, I give it and let it go. I give the gift receipt as well because let's face it, I can't expect that what I choose for someone else is going to tickle their fancy and if I care about them I prefer that they use the money to get what something they want. This person sounds like she just wants to control you and see things on you that she buys for you. Selfish.

Ok ok, skinny jeans - was it you that started a thread like this before about the danger of skinny jeans? You don't have to like them, but they are a fashion trend and can be worn beautifully be all kinds of women. I'm a pear shape and I probably fit the bill of looking like a snow cone but unfortunately I love to wear them. I only wear them with tunics and a great shoe the same way I'd wear leggings. I haven't found them to be dangerous and they can be worn easily as long as you know what to wear on top and accessorize them.

Munchy
09-23-2013, 10:40 AM
No no no no no. Who gives jeans as a gift? What an inappropriate gift!!! I'm sorry but something that goes on my body as intimate as pants is not an appropriate gift.

Your husband is wrong, I'm sorry to tell you. Let me ask you this, of all the stupid things that she's bought for you before, even though you have worn them, displayed them etc, has she ceased to be annoying? NO. So what makes you think that by wearing these jeans is going to result to anything other than ensure that you receive a stupid gift in the future? Giving a gift means giving the power to someone else to enjoy it. Once it's out of your hands it's really none of your business what that person does with it. I'm not saying you have to be ungrateful. All I'm saying is that you have ZERO obligation to wear a pair of pants that you do not want to wear. Giving someone pants is like giving them a costume, here wear this.

If it were me I would return them right away, get the money back and buy something you like. Then I would write the following thank you note. "Dear _______, thank you for the lovely gift! It is so nice to always be thought of and remembered by you. The jeans didn't fit me and I returned them to the store where I exchanged them for a lovely necklace. Thanks for introducing me to that store, it turns out they have so many things in my style, let's go there together sometime! I look forward to seeing you at Christmas time, Love _____"

So now let me ask you this, what if she says how dare you return the gift and blah blah blah. What happens then? What is the catastrophe in saying "thank you, but those pants didn't fit me/are not my style/I'm too uncomfortable to wear skinny jeans." If she gets huffy puffy that shows poor character on her part and if I were being bullied like that I would come right out and say "I'm uncomfortable with you giving me pants, that's all, I like to choose my own pants." and leave it at that. If she does go on and on and on about it forever it has nothing to do with you, she's the one who sounds crazy and it will be obvious to everyone.

I don't mean to go on about this but I've always felt that it's important to feel in control of my own style. I cannot display ugly knick nacks, wear jewelry that is not my taste, or use a gift that is not my style. When I give a gift, I give it and let it go. I give the gift receipt as well because let's face it, I can't expect that what I choose for someone else is going to tickle their fancy and if I care about them I prefer that they use the money to get what something they want. This person sounds like she just wants to control you and see things on you that she buys for you. Selfish.

Ok ok, skinny jeans - was it you that started a thread like this before about the danger of skinny jeans? You don't have to like them, but they are a fashion trend and can be worn beautifully be all kinds of women. I'm a pear shape and I probably fit the bill of looking like a snow cone but unfortunately I love to wear them. I only wear them with tunics and a great shoe the same way I'd wear leggings. I haven't found them to be dangerous and they can be worn easily as long as you know what to wear on top and accessorize them.

ALL of this. You can just say that they don't fit right, which is not entirely a lie. Just because you can button something doesn't mean it fits well, and if the look isn't appealing to you, it doesn't "fit."

Tell your husband to wear the jeans and see how he feels in them :)

Before I bought my first pair of skinny jeans about 4 years ago, I was against them just because I wasn't comfortable in my own body. I bought them and wore them after I received many, many compliments on how they looked after trying them on for my friends and family "just to be sure."

I still buy items that I'm not entirely comfortable in, because I can see the beauty in the items and I can see how flattering they are. Most recently, I bought a striped maxi tank dress that is form fitting and looks hot. I tried to wear it, but chickened out last minute because I wasn't super comfortable with the sexy-factor. It still hangs in my closet, and one of these days, it will be worn!

vintagecat
09-23-2013, 01:11 PM
I agree with the two above. I'm the same way. No one can buy me clothes but me.

It won't end with the pants because it is about control, but if you can't generally discuss this rationally with her because this woman is not a rational being, and if having the showdown will upset DH (sounds like mother to me) I'd vandalize the pants as described. If every one of her gifts goes missing, breaks, rips, gets run over by a bus, even an irrational person will eventually get the message and quit sending gifts

Good luck with the relative from ****.

tefrey
09-23-2013, 01:23 PM
Wow, what a terrible gift! I can imagine though, that the giver thinks she's being really sweet and clever to celebrate your weight loss in this way. She's paying you a huge complement, just in a really terrible way!

Thank goodness it's getting to be winter. I agree that treating them like leggings is the way to go, and an oversized sweater or long tunic would be super cute. Maybe borrow one of your husband's jackets and wear them with a nice blouse?

I too dislike skinny jeans but they tend to only get problematic in the rear end ... so if you keep that covered, you should look pretty sharp.

And, as your weight loss continues, they'll go from being skinny jeans to regular ones. Heck, you might even be able to swap them for a size or two larger ... unless this person plans to reach into your pants to check the tag they will never know you made the switch!

MauiKai
09-23-2013, 01:27 PM
Ok ok, skinny jeans - was it you that started a thread like this before about the danger of skinny jeans? You don't have to like them, but they are a fashion trend and can be worn beautifully be all kinds of women. I'm a pear shape and I probably fit the bill of looking like a snow cone but unfortunately I love to wear them. I only wear them with tunics and a great shoe the same way I'd wear leggings. I haven't found them to be dangerous and they can be worn easily as long as you know what to wear on top and accessorize them.

No I haven't started any threads on jeans in the past though it's possible I've wandered by and commented on one. While I agree with you that under normal circumstances I would absolutely take these back, as I said in this case it's not possible without creating a lot of fuss that would create tension and drama. Rather than post a big long ramble about our family dynamics etc just take my word for it that if possible I would burn these jeans in the yard rather than wear them in public. I would never wear leggings either, that's the same as going in public in your pajamas or winter underwear as far as I'm concerned. (And creates the same peg leg, sno-cone look as the jeans do :( ) This particular family member often gives clothing as a gift, I've gotten tons of it from her over the years. Occasionally it's not too bad, other times, like the green plaid monstrosity I mentioned above and these jeans, it's really bad. She means well I think, being an older lady she has limited shopping options and I think it's the easiest thing for her to get her hands on, so we all take it with a smile as best we can. She's also known for giving the hideous Christmas type sweaters to people, usually the men of the family, which has caused some discomfort on their part, and laughter for the ladies.

I guess the least painful solution to this is to wear the jeans to her house some time, hopefully when we're not taking her out somewhere, so that I can get it over with. Then some one who likes these things can pick them up at my local Goodwill!

ETA: We've tried many times to convince her that gift cards are the best way to go, but she insists that it is not a gift then, because there is no personalization to it.

MauiKai
09-23-2013, 01:34 PM
Wow, what a terrible gift! I can imagine though, that the giver thinks she's being really sweet and clever to celebrate your weight loss in this way. She's paying you a huge complement, just in a really terrible way!

Thank goodness it's getting to be winter. I agree that treating them like leggings is the way to go, and an oversized sweater or long tunic would be super cute. Maybe borrow one of your husband's jackets and wear them with a nice blouse?

I too dislike skinny jeans but they tend to only get problematic in the rear end ... so if you keep that covered, you should look pretty sharp.

And, as your weight loss continues, they'll go from being skinny jeans to regular ones. Heck, you might even be able to swap them for a size or two larger ... unless this person plans to reach into your pants to check the tag they will never know you made the switch!

Larger won't help, the legs will still be tapered. Besides, they do fit in the waist, so larger would mean I'd be pulling the hideous things up all night which wouldn't make it any more fun.

And I still can't even tell if the things are black, or dark blue. I took them outside in the sun yesterday, and in the sun they seem to have a very deep blue color. Inside they look black. So, I'm unsure. A poster above suggested that I wear tall boots with them, which seems to be a good idea because that might hide some of the tapered look. But the only pair of tall boots I own are a medium brown color. Does it matter if the jeans are dark blue or black, with the brown boots? It seems odd to me, I don't usually wear brown shoes with black pants.

Wannabeskinny
09-23-2013, 04:53 PM
I think it's possible to not like a gift without having to put the gift down completely or the people who like skinny jeans. I like (love) leggings too, you must be wearing then wrong or in some small town where people don't know how to wear them right.

Absolutely possible to wear dark pants with light shoes as long as they contrast. U wouldn't wear black pants with dark brown boots for example because it looks like you're trying to match but missed the mark. If your wear light colored boots it looks deliberately and very fashionable. Pair it with a creamy white tunic and some chunky blue jewelry.

Skinny pants were made for someone your height. I bet you look killer on them.

Munchy
09-23-2013, 06:16 PM
A poster above suggested that I wear tall boots with them, which seems to be a good idea because that might hide some of the tapered look. But the only pair of tall boots I own are a medium brown color. Does it matter if the jeans are dark blue or black, with the brown boots? It seems odd to me, I don't usually wear brown shoes with black pants.

I ONLY wear leggings or skinny jeans with knee high high heeled boots (I'm short)!

Here is an image for the super dark jean with brown boots. It looks good. The contrast is important (like wannabeskinny said).
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dNixzjphkYA/UQ_EayWNaXI/AAAAAAAAUvk/bC0y8kOJ3OA/s1600/chambray.jpg

MauiKai
09-23-2013, 06:30 PM
I think it's possible to not like a gift without having to put the gift down completely or the people who like skinny jeans. I like (love) leggings too, you must be wearing then wrong or in some small town where people don't know how to wear them right.



I don't think it's rocket science to wear pants, of any sort. But I don't personally consider leggings to be pants. It's like walking around in just pantyhose or something, they are too clingy. Even when people pair them with the tunic sweaters I don't like it. Its just not for me. Just because I think they are hideous doesn't mean I don't know how to wear them. In my case, my only interest is in hiding them as much as possible, wearing them to appease her, and then being done with the whole thing. ;)

MauiKai
09-23-2013, 06:32 PM
I ONLY wear leggings or skinny jeans with knee high high heeled boots (I'm short)!

Here is an image for the super dark jean with brown boots. It looks good. The contrast is important (like wannabeskinny said).
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dNixzjphkYA/UQ_EayWNaXI/AAAAAAAAUvk/bC0y8kOJ3OA/s1600/chambray.jpg

My boots are a bit darker than that, but I think they are obvious enough that no one would think I meant them to match.

vintagecat
09-23-2013, 07:11 PM
I like leggings too. Skinny jeans though not so much. If they make them in a size 16-18 I'm not aware of them and they probably shouldn't if they do.

When I wear leggings I wear knee length things: tunics, mini dresses or super long sweaters. I found some awesome knee high boots that are going to work great with my cable knit leggings (and tights).

OP, since you already know how to wear those things and have made up your mind as to what you are going to do about it, how can we help you any further as requested in your topic line? Lots of folks have dutifully and helpfully tried....

KellinaKatrina
09-23-2013, 10:05 PM
I like leggings too. Skinny jeans though not so much. If they make them in a size 16-18 I'm not aware of them and they probably shouldn't if they do..
Going off topic

Old Navy carries them and I suggest trying on the "Rockstar" skinny jeans. I absolutely love them and rarely wear them with longer tops either (usually tanks with cardigans). They make my butt look amazing and make me feel fabulous.

Wannabeskinny
09-24-2013, 10:08 AM
I don't think it's rocket science to wear pants, of any sort. But I don't personally consider leggings to be pants. It's like walking around in just pantyhose or something, they are too clingy. Even when people pair them with the tunic sweaters I don't like it. Its just not for me. Just because I think they are hideous doesn't mean I don't know how to wear them. In my case, my only interest is in hiding them as much as possible, wearing them to appease her, and then being done with the whole thing. ;)

Leggings are not pants, correct. It might not be rocket science, but to those of us who have fashion sense and love to explore trends there is a definite know-how, especially being overweight (me) and wanting to pull off some trends that are geared towards thinner people. There's nothing wrong with walking around in pantyhose either as long as you know how to wear them. I just find it strange to use such strong language as "hate" and "hideous" because that's a little insulting quite frankly, and very judgemental. It's so odd to look at what a woman is wearing and direct those kinds of thoughts to her. I can't relate to it because I reserve "hate" for very few and important issues, not clothing or other people's taste in clothes lol. Personally I don't like ballet flats, I can't get passed the feeling like I'm 12yrs old when I wear them, but other women seem to pull them off and love them and wear them and it's fine. They don't assault me.

I can probably wear anything for a couple of hours, you'll be ok because your whole sense of self does not reside in one outfit I hope. Just own it and I bet you'll get some compliments too.

Wannabeskinny
09-24-2013, 10:09 AM
I ONLY wear leggings or skinny jeans with knee high high heeled boots (I'm short)!

Here is an image for the super dark jean with brown boots. It looks good. The contrast is important (like wannabeskinny said).
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dNixzjphkYA/UQ_EayWNaXI/AAAAAAAAUvk/bC0y8kOJ3OA/s1600/chambray.jpg

Picture perfect, that's exactly how to pull it off. Perfect outfit for brunch and then shopping lol!

MauiKai
09-24-2013, 10:23 AM
WBS, It's clothing, not world peace. If I hate a look, I hate a look. Why is that problematic for you? I didn't say that I hate people who WEAR the look. I think these things ARE hideous. Perhaps you don't, that's fine, but what you wear or how you feel about it isn't my decision and vice versa. I merely asked for some ideas here of how to get through having to wear these things. I took it under advisement, and as I said before I have a plan for getting it over with now, so thanks to those who were helpful.

Wannabeskinny
09-24-2013, 11:09 AM
For curvaceous beauties like me I highly recommend checking out the skinnies at Coldwater Creek. They're super comfy and well made and fit large sizes.