Chicks in Control - In a dark place




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trinamariah
09-12-2013, 09:53 PM
I have a bad relationship with food. and that's putting it mildly. I can get through the morning and early afternoon fine, but my self-control starts to waver around suppertime and I always binge. Once I get a single bite of food in that period of time, I lose all control and go crazy. I don't feel bad during the feeding frenzy, in fact, if my sister points out (like she did tonight) that maybe I shouldn't be eating so much, I stuff more food into my face to show her that I'm in control of my own eating habits (but obviously I'm NOT doing a stellar job of that). once I'm done, I feel absolutely awful. I feel stuffed and bloated and weak and horrible. I've considered purging, but never attempted it until tonight. I tried to make myself get rid of the food, but luckily I got scared and then ashamed and broke down crying in the bathroom. I don't know what to do anymore. every day is a constant battle with food, and I can't do it anymore. I need help.


LisaTcan
09-12-2013, 11:04 PM
Hugs :) Binging is horrible and (from personal experience) purging is even worse. It doesn't really solve anything or make you feel better. Good for you for resisting the urge. Have you tried intuitive eating - maybe if you weren't trying to get through the day and just listened to your body it would be easier? It didn't work well for me but I know a lot of people have success with it. Also, have you thought about seeing a therapist about your relationship with food. I found that too be helpful as well.

More practically exercising and eating lots of protein and fiber help me to control my appetite.

Take care!

tefrey
09-13-2013, 12:23 AM
I understand trinamariah! I used to have trouble binging in the evening too. I have a couple suggestions:

What works for me is to have a snack around 3:30, something with fiber and protein. A quarter cup of Fiber One mixed with a cup of non-fat greek yogurt works great. So does an apple and a piece of string cheese. This curbs my hunger all evening.

Other people fill up their stomachs by drinking a large glass of water before meals.

Definitely don't purge though, that can cause a lot of damage to your teeth and throat. And I agree with LisaTcan that therapy can be a big help: Overeating tends to have a psychological component.

Good luck trinamariah! I got my eating under control and I know you can too.


trinamariah
09-13-2013, 12:40 AM
Thank you so much for your kind words and advice! I'll definitely take it all into consideration :)
I did a video workout and feel much better now (albeit, still a little guilty), but tomorrow is a new day, I suppose.

Mazzy
09-13-2013, 10:29 PM
I can get through the morning and early afternoon fine, but my self-control starts to waver around suppertime and I always binge. Once I get a single bite of food in that period of time, I lose all control and go crazy. I don't feel bad during the feeding frenzy, in fact, if my sister points out (like she did tonight) that maybe I shouldn't be eating so much, I stuff more food into my face to show her that I'm in control of my own eating habits (but obviously I'm NOT doing a stellar job of that).

"Get through" - Implies that you are suffering, and not facing it.
"Self-control" - Implies that you are controlling food because you are out of control.
"Lose all control" - Implies that your inner self is rebelling, and your outer self cannot seem to stop it.
"Go crazy" - Implies that your outer self is making a judgement against your inner self, essentially calling it bad. Your inner self is rebelling for a reason. It's a real part of you. Your inner self is feeling intense emotions, which are driving you to food (sounds like food and emotion have become entangled for you).

You're also rebelling against your sister, when it would be helpful to learn boundaries and assertiveness techniques to create a necessary distance. The passive-aggressive behavior of bingeing to punish someone else is only hurting you. Find another way to assert yourself that is healthy and honest. Be honest with yourself. Learn to face your emotions, separate them from food, and you will be successful. You can feel. You just can't eat when you're not physically hungry (stomach growling).

Rebellion happens because your emotions are tied to food, and by saying you can't eat, you are essentially saying you can't feel. Keep saying that enough, and the feelings that are held back build and build until you explode, and that's why you went crazy and ate too much. But, if you can learn to feel your emotions in the absence of food, you can bend and shift naturally without it, and food itself goes back to what it ought to be: something to fill the emptiness in your stomach, not the emptiness in your heart.

Wannabeskinny
09-14-2013, 08:19 AM
If you've never seen a therapist, now may be the time to do so. Therapy has not helped me control my binging, but it has helped me understand why I do it. And guess what, it turns out that I'm not a bad person or weak or anything like that. I learned that by binging it was a way for ME to take care of ME in the only way my immature self knew how to, because I didn't want to burden other people in my life that I cared about. Once I realized that I was binging for that, it made me feel less like a failure and more like a fighter.

Like I said, it therapy did nothing to stop my binging. My binging didn't take a real hit until I finally understood that the foods I was eating (carbs, sugar, fat, salt, processed food) was altering the chemistry in my body. I had created some bad habits, some chemical dependencies on food that were powerful.

I recognize the "I've been good all day long until late afternoon" song and dance, I invented that dance. You're splitting your day into good and evil, morning is good, afternoon the demons take over. There are ways to address that. I hate my 4pm hunger more than anything. It's the time of day that I can easily derail. I address that by making sure I have a proper breakfast/lunch (I only have one or the other, not both) with plenty of calories/fiber/fat to keep me full. That at least ensures that I won't be hungry enough to eat junk food at 4pm.

Secondly, I face the hunger. Even a little hunger can be difficult with those of us who have BED, but by sitting with it, and facing the emotions that come with hunger (for me that has been anxiety, rage, paranoia) those emotions do get worked out it gets easier and easier.

Lastly, I too have ignored pleas from family members to stop eating and it's the worst feeling in the world, and I too have eaten in defiance. May I suggest that when you eat alone to eat in front of a mirror? We tend to block out the reality of what we're doing when we're binging and if you have a mirror there you can't, it's right there and it's the ugliest thing I've ever seen.

NoNoNOJ
09-16-2013, 01:41 PM
I am consistently struggling with the feelings that come up for me when I am hungry. I find myself afraid to feel hungry. But, I am also fearful of eating because I am constantly afraid that I will loose control. I don't eat any processed foods on a regular basis. Often, my biggest problem is that I binge on things like roasted vegetables, etc. I may not gain a lot of weight, but it makes me feel really terrible (I can't think, my stomach gets distended and I feel disgusting).

I have struggled with bulimia but have found that planning has helped me not act on those urges. I have been in and out of therapy for more than a decade and it has been so incredibly helpful. I recently went back because I started to really struggle with body image and bulimia again.

Outside of figuring out my "trigger foods" and learning how to nourish my body, the best thing I have done is put a wedge of time between the moment that I want to binge and the moment that I pick up that first bite. It has required time and self-awareness but it really works in terms of stopping the compulsiveness. It is a long journey. None of us are alone in this.

happybug
09-17-2013, 02:58 AM
I'm just wondering if you're eating enough through the day to satisfy you. Perhaps try upping breakfast and lunch and having a mid afternoon snack. I used to eat and eat at night too, but realised it was because I wasn't eating enough through the day or skimping through the day so that at night I'd be ravenous. Have a drink before suppertime too, diet drink or water, or even maybe exercise for 15 minutes ( I know exercise curbs my hunger) and try not to beat yourself up about it, we've all overeaten at some time. Good luck on your weight loss journey!

doingmybest
09-21-2013, 11:42 PM
Everyone has great things to say. I am sending you hugs :hugs: and lots of support. I know what a battle food can be.

KittyKatFan
09-22-2013, 02:03 PM
I tend to agree with the posters who suggest eating more in the morning and afternoon so you feel more satisfied and full later in the day. Getting away from the all-or-nothing thinking, and eating somewhere in the middle - regular meals and snacks of reasonable size - is (for me anyway) the best way to get out of the binge cycle.

And I echo the therapy recommendations. You will probably still have binge thoughts, but you can get some coping skills to help you deal with those thoughts without giving in. And I have found that moving to three regular meals and two regular snacks, eating every 3-4 hours, and eating what I want (including starches and grains!) in appropriate portion sizes has really helped me reduce the binge thoughts.

Good luck.