Do you have a friend that things they know everything there is to know about fitness/nutrition? I have a friend like that and she's driving me crazy. I'm doing what works for me, counting calories, staying low carb, lots of veggies, an occassional treat within my calorie budget, a fun exercise routine and I'm losing weight to boot.
Eventhough she's thin and fit and has never had a weight problem she obsesses over a 1lb gain and celebrates a 1lb loss. That's so not me, I do not make announcements of every little pound lost, probably because I'm too afraid I'm going to gain it back with my next meal lol but still, it's tacky and a little insensitive to cry and whine about a pound to ME who is so overweight.
So I was excitedly telling her that I got a bike (she has a bike of course, and is an expert speed rider of course and rides through midtown Manhattan like she owns it of course). I was telling her how I ride only on the weekend mornings because I'm still a little nervous about riding around in my neighborhood because of the traffic, and that I go in the morning when it's a little quieter. I was saying how I end up sweating buckets when I bike ride, I huff and puff and feel like I'm getting a great workout and she was like "oh but that doesn't burn many calories it just FEELS like you're burning calories. power walking is the ONLY way to really burn calories without injuring yourself and not sweating profusely." And then she went on about how she laughs at people who jog and run because all they're doing is messing up their joints and hardly burning any calories more than just walking would do. I didn't mention anything about wanting to eventually start a C25K program of my own.
Anyway just a rant, she made me feel like I was stupid and not really burning any calories. Of course it's impossible to argue about something like this with someone who is thin and fit because what possible ground do I have to stand on?
Last edited by Palestrina; 09-12-2013 at 02:32 PM.
I can understand your frustration with this woman. Next time she says something, have a standard reply and just repeat it over and over until she gets the message. I'd say something like, "to each their own." You don't need to prove anything to her or anyone else. This is your life and you're in charge. Someone who imposes their beliefs on someone else is either insecure or just plain rude. You're doing great and don't give her the power to make you feel otherwise. Btw, biking is a great workout!
I have no problem arguing with thin, fit friends over health, fitness, and weight loss topics, because I'm confident in my knowledge. I've been studying health, fitness, and weight loss for as long as I can remember, at least since 3rd grade.
Many of these same friends come to ME for advice, because I've proven myself knowledgeable and nonjudgmental.
Confidence and tact are key, but both are difficult, especially with know-it-all types.
"That's not entirely true," or "That may be how your body works." Tends to work much better than "You don't know what the heck you're talking about."
Knowledge, experience, and achievement are distinctly different skill sets. Just because her achievements are ahead of yours doesn't mean her knowledge or experience is.
We all have prejudices and misperceptions and topics we think we know more about than we actually do, so keeping that in mind can help.
If your friend isn't willing to respectfully listen to your opinions on the subject, you may have to set boundaries on such topics of conversation, even if that means telling her, (as kindly as you are able to) that you are not willing to discuss the topic with her at all. You may have to remind her many times that the topic is off-limits before she "gets it."
There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with a friend or telling him/her when you find a topic is making you uncomfortable.
She laughs at people that run? They hardly burn calories? Running burns a ton of calories even hours after you stop. She sounds like a catty female (and shallow) that likes to make every conversation about her. NO THANKS.
She is doing her thing, you are doing your thing. If it works - great. There are many ways to get to the same destination.
If it bugs you - just tell her that you do not want to discuss this, or try to turn a conversation into the different topic.
I have a guy at work that's a kind of know-it-all, not about fitness, just about everything else, lol, he's great but very vocal about some things that he thinks. I just don't engage on topics that I know we don't agree on, like some political and social issues.
Sometimes I think you have to realize neither one of you is going to convince the other to change their mind and enjoy the topics that you can discuss. That's what works for me, find the good in your relationship and enjoy that. Like some others have mentioned, it may take some effort to steer away from some topics, but it's for your emotional health and well being so it's worth it.
Thanks for reminding me to see the good in my friend at work!
Oh, and give c25k a try, I'm loving it, only done with week two, but it's already asking me feel like I can get back to my old jogger self!
This is a tough one and comes up with people of ALL shapes and sizes. At my high weight I was 100 lbs overweight, but my friend who was about 300 lbs overweight would get angry with me if I said anything about my weight because she would have loved to be my weight. So to me, being 100 lbs overweight was a big deal, to her I had no right to complain. It's probably THE reason why I only discuss my weight loss efforts here and with my doctor. I don't discuss it with friends anymore.
I have this issue with family ALL the time. Especially when I'm back in the motherland, they tell me I "sit too much" and eat too much, otherwise I would be thin, and it should only take me 3-4 months to get this weight off. The worst part is when they tell me "I must not want it bad enough because otherwise I would have lost it by now" and this was all in high school when I used to play sports all the time. Some people just really like to voice their opinion and aren't sensitive at all.
I try my best to avoid the topic of fitness or just keep dieting in general off the table so it doesn't come up, makes for less awkward conversations. This is also why I never tell people I'm losing weight. You just keep doing what works for you
At one point, a few years back, I had lost almost 40 lbs. The majority of my workouts consisted of jogging and running along trails where I use to live. I would try to just be patient and focus on working toward the best you that you can be. Some people think they know it all--let her do her.
I think know-it-alls might be suffering from low self-esteem. Or maybe by doing all the talking that means they don't have to do any of the listening. Listening is a lost art. It's the people who don't talk too much that are probably the most interesting of all.
She laughs at people that run? They hardly burn calories? Running burns a ton of calories even hours after you stop. She sounds like a catty female (and shallow) that likes to make every conversation about her. NO THANKS.
I was actually going to say I burn quite a few more calories running then I do walking. It's one of the many reasons I do it.
The fact that she says she laughs at people who run is disrespectful or maybe she "can't" run herself so it makes her feel better to laugh at those who can.
I do not have any no it all friends that get on me about weight loss buy my father in law is like that. I just don't respond and talk about something else.
I think you should change the subject or just let her know you are not wanting to discuss it.
She said she laughs, I don't know if she laughs out loud but I get the feeling that she looks at running as fad or a craze, the "in thing" to do and she feels that running causes a lot of injuries while walking helps burn calories without that. I mean I get the point and there are a lot of arguments about walking vs. running and she means that what's the point of running if you can get the same calorie burn with walking and not cause injuries.
Discouraging conversation with a friend
Running burns a ton of calories even hours after you stop. She sounds like a catty female (and shallow) that likes to make every conversation about her. NO THANKS.
