Depression and Weight Issues - wedding dress woes
09-03-2013, 01:59 PM
I'm getting married next October and while it should be the most exciting time in my life, all I keep thinking about is, of course, how I'm dreading putting on a dress and everyone looking at my body. I know I have over a year to get into shape but my family keep asking when we're going to try on dresses. I keep saying "oh, soon, a few months, I'm not ready yet, still planning other things.." but the excuses won't hold up forever and I will have to actually put on a dress at some point. I'm dreading it. Just needed to vent :(
09-03-2013, 02:38 PM
Hey CityGirl I completely understand! I was that way too. Except I went the other route and tried dresses on after dieting for a while and then gained before my wedding so they ended up having to take the dress out some :( My suggestion is to go dress shopping now since you will have to get alterations anyway and then when alterations come around, they will just take it in more!
09-03-2013, 03:11 PM
Aw, hon, I feel for you. I've felt that way my entire life, and I know wedding dress shopping is traditionally a significant event. Does it help any if I tell you that you will look beautiful at any weight? Brides look beautiful. :) All of that happiness, celebration, beautiful dress, hair and make-up done and the biggest smile and joy radiating from your eyes... you won't be able to help but look gorgeous! ;) To add to that, I stole a peek at your ticker and it looks like you really don't have that much to lose... Those voices inside our heads can be so critical. Honestly, at your weight and height I suspect you look great! I hope you feel better and get a chance to see yourself in a beautiful light! And remember, dresses can always be taken in. Don't rob yourself of a wonderful experience you can have; it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience and enjoying this process will be much more meaningful than a little bit of weight. Above all, you deserve to enjoy this! :)
09-03-2013, 03:29 PM
I had the same issue and went about 6 months before the wedding because I said to people that I wanted to see the new collection for my dress to be in fashion. Big lie because I took the most classic dress ; ) even going 6 monts before, I still had to do some major alterations because I had lost close to 15 pounds.
I don't know if you know of it but I bought a w.o. DVD the wedding work-out and I loved it.
09-03-2013, 04:08 PM
Why not tell family and friends you want to drop some pounds first? Most to-be brides want to! The wedding is over a year away and you only have 21 lbs to lose to hit your goal weight, so I think it's perfectly reasonable to tell them why you're waiting. Best wishes and much happiness!
09-03-2013, 04:23 PM
thank you ladies :) I really appreciate the support. Like a lot of you I have wicked bad body image issues and I feel like even if I do end up losing weight I still won't be happy with what I see in the mirror.
@Jacqui_D I'd rather not mention to people that I am trying to lose weight because I feel people around me aren't the most supportive.. they're sort of snarky. My good friends are supportive but a lot of other people are not, sadly, and plus I don't want to draw attention to myself if I can help it. I have lost weight already prior to this, almost 25 lbs, and people are noticing and it feels good, but I like to keep it more to myself.
09-03-2013, 05:16 PM
If I may speak as a male member of the population you will look wonderful in your wedding dress. I have never seen anything but beautiful brides in all my friends and family members. And you will be as well!
09-03-2013, 10:39 PM
Hi! Just wanted to say I understand - I'm getting married in December (3 months) and I'm feeling pretty terrible about my body. I've been trying to lose weight all year without success.
If it helps I was dreading going wedding dress shopping but when I went I had a great time and found a dress that was really flattering. Yeah the size was bigger than I wanted it to be but I think I'll still make a beautiful bride and so will you!!
09-04-2013, 03:00 AM
I went to a wedding where the bride was 50 years old, weighed 300+lbs., and wore a strapless wedding dress with a very full skirt. And you know what? She was a beautiful bride! It was such a happy day for both the bride and groom and it really showed in how they looked.
I hope that you can enjoy this important time in your life and not stress over the dress.
09-04-2013, 11:26 AM
Take the plunge and start trying them on now. You are not significantly overweight and as others said alterations are always necessary no matter what your size.
As for everyone, some dresses will look awful but you will be pleasantly surprised that some will look wonderful. But it usually takes trying on many dresses to find the one. Do it now and you don't have this worry over your head while you sort out the many details you will need to take care of between now and your wedding.
09-04-2013, 11:30 AM
thank you all, you are all so sweet. it's true that brides are always beautiful on that day, **** I'm the first one to say that, but I'm my own harshest critic I guess.
09-04-2013, 12:02 PM
I can see where you are coming from. I was at my heaviest weight (280) when I got married :( it bugs me to this day I can't can't look at the photos. I would have killed to be your size. Hopefully that can offer a little perspective. Enjoy your day and if for some reason you regret there is always the option of renewing your vows in style. That is my game plan. Next year is our 5th anniversary so I plan on being in shape and having my old wedding dress altered so I can look like the bride I wanted to back in the day. Either way enjoy yourself and love yourself, you may never forgive yourself for bringing down such a wonderful time by worrying over a tiny bit of weight.
09-04-2013, 12:35 PM
When I got married over a decade ago, I was at my lowest adult weight. I worked hard to be there. I was 145lbs, and I am over 6' tall. I STILL felt fat. My dress was a size 10. I look back now and think, what the * was wrong with me? I was SO not fat. I let that disturb me though. I let myself believe I was fat. My wedding day was wonderful and we're still married happily. The only thing I wish I had known back then was that I wasn't fat, and even if I were, it didn't matter anyway!
Moral of the story, DO NOT spoil ANY part of your wedding by thinking about things like this. Just DON'T do it. You will look back, ten years from now, and realize you were crazy to think you looked bad. Don't add any dark memory to that day.
Just for reference, here she is, the "fat" bride.
09-05-2013, 11:30 AM
thanks, everyone. you're all really great and so right. I know on the actual day I will care very little about my body but this whole dress thing triggers all kinds of insecurities :( thank you for all of the support. this is such a nice place to come to, I feel like people in my real life wouldn't understand.
09-05-2013, 06:48 PM
I feel your pain! My partner and I are having our wedding next September and I am at my heaviest weight. I'm trying hard to use that as inspiration to lose the weight and take better care of myself. I am also getting a lot of pressure to start trying on dresses but I know I will be upset so I've avoided it so far.
09-07-2013, 01:30 PM
Baltimora is soooo right, you'll be amazingly beautiful, watherver your weight. I'll agree, some dresses do wonders ! Be open to try different style, also. I always had a belly, even when I was dangerously slim, so I was reaaly not looking for a dress that was fitted around the belly, but you know what, the one that really was the more flattering was, with a full skirt.
I understand where you're coming from, I have sooo many body image issues, even at my lowest weigh, I tought I was huge. I look at my wedding pictures now and I think my face is a little too thin for my features. Boy, I thought I was HUGE at that time.
Try to enjoy the moment (I know it's hard). Have a glass of wine with a loving and supportive friend and then GO, go look at dresses.
09-10-2013, 02:31 PM
thanks everyone :)